"You call yourself a doctor? You don't deserve to be one. You don't get to choose who will live and who won't. If you are so afraid of dying, you should have left me there. Why did you bring me along? WHYYYY? WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO DECIDE THINGS FOR ME???" Shetukala lifted her head from his chest and fisted his kurta in her hands and shook him, yelling hateful words while Batakrishna kept sitting knelt down on the ground , his head hung in defeat.

If she had lost her best friend, he too had lost his brother , his mentor. The person who taught him the real meaning of patriotism and duty, who taught him that the debt of our motherland is beyond any payment. The least we can do is to protect her and even if we die in the process , it's a win-win situation because only a few extremely fortunate ones get this chance to soak the lapel (aanchal) of their motherland in their own blood. It's more of pride than of sacrifice.

Like the obedient mentee he was, he obeyed the order today also, the only difference being this battle was not for the prestige of their motherland, but of a woman. And it was no less.

Batakrishna didn't know what was the vibe between Shetukala and Debashish, but he knew that Debashish would not have forgiven him had he not rescued her. Hell! He himself would have never forgiven himself had something happened to her.

But the burden of uncertainty of Debashish's life was becoming heavier moment by moment and shetukala's words were not helping either , rather aggravating it.

"It's all because of me. I'm the reason for his death. One more death on my head. I'm so unlucky for everyone. I----"

"Shetu! Listen to me." He tried to comfort her as she started ranting her usual self depreciation.

"No no no! I---"

Suddenly, a gun shot was heard at a distance startling her. Batakrishna instinctively grabbed her head and hugged her to his chest protectively. He looked towards the house from where the gun shot was heard and saw a thin streak of green smoke wafting in the air.

"Green code! Shetu! Green code!" His face showed utter elation.

"Huh?" She looked at him from his chest puzzled at his cryptic language.

"Can you see that green smoke?"

Shetukala looked where he pointed and nodded.

" Oh Dugga! Thank God! Thank God! Thank God! It means he's alive."

"Alive? Deb? How?" Her eyes widened.

"I.... I don't know. But he is. It's his sign." He breathed a relaxed sigh as he remembered the color codes he was taught. In times of a catastrophe, a failed mission or otherwise, this green code was a hope to alert the other companions , of the safety of the person who shot the smoke.

He remembered how Debashish had used this code after getting inspired from the stranded people who were left at isolated islands or whose ship crashed at inhumane beaches or when someone got lost in dense forests and so on, with just one purpose: to ask help for rescue.

Debashish had used this for different purposes , the green smoke being the sign of survival.

Although it was quite hard for him to believe that Debashish survived enough to shoot the flare gun after the fall. He was moreover injured, but he knew Debashish's capabilities were far from what people could see from outside and right now the assurance that he was safe was all he needed.

" Shotti? " She gasped, breaking his reverie and looked at him with glossy eyes and hugged him tightly now when he nodded pinching the front of his neck like Bondita does as his throat felt too raw with emotion to speak out loud.

"How will he go now?"

"He will find a way. Don't worry." He rubbed her back.

Shetukala joined her hands and murmured words of gratitude to Maa Durga and a silent prayer for his safety.

Batakrishna and Shetukala walked towards the bank of the river. Shetukala saw him looking everywhere but her. He had left her hand a while ago and didn't make any effort to hold it back. This made her a little upset. But today was too much for him too, she thought. Plus her words weren't kind enough to be reciprocated with smiles and tenderness.

When they walked for a distance, she couldn't brush the distressing feeling away.

"You are unusually quiet." Shetukala said, looking down at the ground as they walked slowly side by side. She cleared her throat louder when she didn't get any response and turned her face to look at him. "Are you mad at me? I'm sorry for whatever I said." She looked at him directly now .

" No." He replied curtly and looked away.
"Let's go now. We have to arrange a boat and then cross the river too." He walked ahead briskly taking the lead without looking back at her once.

She walked behind him and held his wrist. "What happened? I said I'm sorry. Why are you behaving like this? " She asked desperately.

Batakrishna tried hard to gently remove his wrist from her hand but she held it with another hand stopping him. "Like what, Shetukala?" He snapped, taking her aback.

"Why are you calling me Shetukala?" Her voice became soft and small as her lips quivered.

"Isn't that your name?"

"Yes, but.... but...." She bit her lip and blinked her eyelids fast to push back the newly formed tear droplets in her eyes.

He didn't wait for her to complete and again walked ahead with swift steps.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She asked, trying to catch his tempo while trying to keep her voice in check from breaking.

" What am I doing? "

" Behaving like this. If you are mad at me, tell me. I'll apologize. But don't behave like this as if you want anything but to be with me." She said as her eyes turned glossy.

" I'm not mad at you." Batakrishna reached the bank of the river trying not to be fazed by her breaking voice and moistened eyes.

There was an average built boat which looked good enough for them to cross the river. Shetukala wrung her hands in desperation as a pool of anxiousness filled her heart.

He never behaves like this. He has always been sweet and kind towards her, except for a few outbursts of anger. But today his indifference pricks like needles.

Say something! Anything! Scold me!

As Batakrishna started adjusting the mast and checked for any holes in the boat, Shetukala came and started cleaning the middle plank with a worn out cloth to sit on it.

The uneasy tension between them was making Shetukala restless. After the long night and almost half of the day wore her out and she wanted to confide in him , but Batakrishna hadn't shown any interest in talking for the past half an hour.

She stood up to come out of the boat and walked towards the river.

"Where are you going?" He asked in a gruff voice.

"So we are talking now?" She taunted as her eyes narrowed at his tone as she was getting agitated with his hot and cold demeanor ,but he looked away.

"I don't want you to get stuck in another problem. You have filled the quota enough to last a lifetime."

"Why are you saying as if I got kidnapped by my own will?"

"I never said that."

"But you mean it."

"Don't misinterpret my words." He rubbed a hand down his tired face and exhaled a tired breath.

She moved towards the river again when he followed her.
"Why are you following me now?"

" Then just tell me where the hell are you going and for what?" He rebuked.

" As if you care." She scoffed.

" What did you just say? " Batakrishna pulled her towards him and held her wrist in his, making her gasp loudly . " I don't care? I don't care? Kindly enlighten me what made you think that." He seethed.

" Leave my hand." Shetukala tried to remove her wrist from his grasp, but his grip tightened. "Leave me. It's hurting." She twisted her hand again in his hold.

"What about me , Shetu? What about me getting hurt?" He said as his eyes turned glossy which she didn't miss.

"What about you?" She said in a soft voice and gave up trying to remove her hand from his.

" Why didn't you trust me , Shetu? Is it because I left you yesterday? I said I'm sorry. I didn't know that they were planning an attack. But I had a hunch when you were drugged on the night of the party. I'm sorry I let them take you and was not there to save you. But I didn't know that you would lose your trust so soon in me."

" What are you saying?" When Batakrishna didn't answer, her mind jogged to dig out a few reasons. "Is it because of Deb?" Her eyes widened in worry of being misjudged. "Because I hugged him and not you? I .... I didn't mean to. It's just I saw him after so long and when I woke up , I could not understand anything. I felt disoriented to time , place and person. I know no man likes the woman he loves in the arms of another man. Or....or...is it because I pointed the gun at you and not him. But I swear , I didn't.... "

Batakrishna kept a finger on her lips, shutting her. " Damn Shetu! Why do you have to think of all the wrong reasons?" He yelled.

"Then you tell me." She said with a muffled voice as her lips moved against his finger. "Why do you think I don't trust you?"

Batakrishna removed his finger from her lips and cupped her face as he breathed heavily as his fingers entangled in her tresses.
"Shetu! Shetu! Shetu!" He repeated her name in a raspy voice, each syllable fanning hot breath on her face, as he touched his forehead with hers making her close her eyes and quicken her heartbeat. " You are my weakness , Shetu. You are my weakness."

After a few moments passed, he pulled back slightly to look into her shiny glossy orbs and spoke. " I have faced the risk of death many times in my life, but today you scared me. You literally scared the wits out of me. You mortified me. I've never felt this terrified in my whole lifetime , Shetu. Why? Why did you keep the gun on your temple? Why did you try to kill yourself ?"

Shetukala's knees buckled under the gravity of his voice and she circled her arms around his shoulders for the much needed support.

" I couldn't see you dying." She whispered.

"Why do you think I would have survived had you taken your life right in front of me, Shetu?" His voice had an obvious pain in it.

" I'm..... I..... I'm sorry.... But..... " She looked down as fresh tears sieved through her eyelashes.

" There is no but Shetu. " He gripped her chin with his thumb and index finger to make her look at him. " You made me question myself, my love. Didn't I assure you enough that how much I love you? How much I adore you? You just had to trust me. I told you I would take you out soon. Why didn't you listen to me? Till when will I have to live in the fear that someday something will happen and you would take your life away? Away from me, away from my heart ?When I see a knife in your hand, I fear you will slash your wrist. When I see you moving towards a water source, I fear you will drown yourself. Why do you have to be so cruel? To yourself? To me?"

His voice broke as he rubbed small circles on her cheeks and touched his forehead against hers again feeling defeated, worn out and tired.

" Why Shetu? Why? I.... I love you. I love you so much that it hurts. It hurts a lot. I don't know if I can handle this pain in my heart anymore. I can protect you from the demons of hell for once but how do I protect you from yourself? Tell me , please. It hurts. It hurts so much I can't tell. I can't breathe with this fear. I just....I just... don't know what to feel." He said as he broke into tears and audible sobs.

This was the second he was crying like a kid in front of her and she was the reason every time.

The pain and defeat in his voice twisted Shetukala's heart. She didn't realize how he must be feeling to love a toxic person like her who can give only pain and suffering to her loved ones. But being the selfish person she was, she didn't want him to leave her. She knew he wouldn't go himself, and she was too self centered to ask him to leave. Not for her sake, but for his own too.

"I....I have to wash my hands and face." She said almost inaudibly trying to keep her voice from breaking into sobs. Batakrishna hummed and nodded his head and freed her from her grasp.

She sat on a rock some steps ahead of the bank into the shallow water to wash her hands. As soon as she looked into the water, her reflection looked at her back startling her and her foot slipped from the slippery rock and she almost fell into the river but Batakrishna held her by her shoulder in a moment and steadied her. She should have known he won't leave her unguarded knowing her suicidal tendencies. She felt ashamed of being such an ungrateful mess.

When he saw her eyes closed and her breaths shallow, he exhaled a deep breath and stood behind her in the water with her back touching his chest. He brought his arms around her snaking her waist and took her hands in his and washed them up to the elbow. He rubbed softly at places where there were scratches and dried blood chips stuck to the cuts especially on her knuckles and palms due to hitting Sujoy bare handed.

He washed her face gently with the cool water making her exhale a content sigh as his hands softly rubbed the grim and blood specks from her face. He then cupped his palms to fill water in them and make her drink.

Shetukala greedily drank the cold water from his palms as it soothed the burning and scratchy feel of her dry throat and heaved a sigh of satisfaction. She hummed and shook her head to indicate that she is not thirsty anymore. He himself then drank some water.

Shetukala kept sitting on the rock between his legs with her head resting on his chest and both of their legs sinking in the water up to their knees, looking at a distance as the big orange sun was sinking part by part gradually and tenderly in the flowing water splashing it's orangish-yellow color into the blue of the river and creating an art on the water surface. The water shimmered so bright under the sun rays that it looked like a silver blanket with orangish-blue specks ruffling in rhythm.

"Krishna!" She called out rubbing comforting circles on the back of his hand which were resting on her belly.

"Hmm?" He hummed as
he touched the back of her head to his chest and his left cheek touched her right temple.

"I.... I remember everything." She blinked as she looked straight trying not to look at his face in fear of his reaction.

***

Batakrishna had rowed the boat to some distance in the water when his arms felt fatigued as he continuously propelled the boat forward using rowers as a lever.

" Will the boat sink if you stop rowing?" She asked innocently as she saw sweat droplets rolling down his temple as his arms flexed and extended in a rhythmic motion as he moved the oars with expert skill.

Somehow this action took her mind off of her perturbing thoughts. Batakrishna chuckled at her innocent question and shook his head. "No, it won't. But then it will move along with the water currents or maybe not move at all." She nodded. " By the way, why can't we see anyone around? I know Durga visarjan is tomorrow. But still nobody is in sight." He said as he looked around but not a single trace of human life was visible.

" The village was abandoned after my.... you know." She looked away. "Someone spread the rumor that the village has the shadow of some supernatural evil spirit which killed my parents and the villagers left the village soon and the whole village was abandoned by the time I came back. This was one of the reasons why we couldn't find any witnesses for the case from here."

He nodded grimly. Shetukala's confession about her memory shook him. He didn't know what to say and so he didn't. Nor did she ask him to say anything.

Shetukala was more than grateful for his silence for sometimes just knowing the pain is more soothing than acknowledging it with words.

But for Batakrishna, the words still hung in the air and made the tension between them thick enough to inhale.

After sometime, when his arms could no longer swing the oars, he stopped rowing and set the oars in the oarlock.

Shetukala was sitting on the floor of the boat which was covered by a dry fishnet. He came and sat down near her.
" Shetu! There is enough space. You should lie down. You must be tired." Batakrishna said as he spread the fishnet more on the floor of the boat to make space for her lying down. He held her shoulder and made her lie down. She didn't protest.

" Please, hold me." She said in a quivering voice.

Batakrishna nodded and laid down beside her, pulling her to himself and enveloping her body in a protective shell.

Shetukala tried to concentrate on the rhythm of his heartbeat on which she put her right ear and closed her eyes. " I feel like a coward." Her words were muffled with her face dug in his chest.

He pulled her head to look at her and asked.
"Why?"

"We let them go. We ran away. Now they would surely flee and we would never be able to catch them." Her chin wobbled.

" Shetu!" He put a soft kiss on her forehead. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You are anything but a coward. You are the most amazing and brave person I've ever seen. You are my small warrior."

" Small? " She pouted. He chuckled at her choice of words to focus upon.

" You didn't hear warrior? " He teased.

She nodded and hugged him tightly. " Thank you."

"Why? " He said as he hugged her back tightly.

" For being with me still. Even after knowing what a terrible mess I am. What a disaster I am. I almost ruin everything." Her voice became small.

" No doubt about that." He said making her hit his back with a soft punch and he laughed. " But you are a beautiful disaster." He pinched her nose softly. " I'm so proud of you, Shona. And remember only fighting is not the ultimate form of valor. A real warrior should know which battles to continue to fight. It's better to retreat and prepare for a harder hit with the sole purpose to win rather than fighting aimlessly only to be defeated at last. We'll find some way. As they say, where there is a will, there is a way."

Finally , a wide smile stretched the curvature of her lips as she took into his words and nodded. "I may be your weakness, but you are my strength." She grinned and her eyes crinkled.

"Shetu!" He cleared his throat and held her tighter. "Do you want to talk about something? Anything? I'll listen to whatever you have to say." He chose his words carefully as he looked into her eyes, although he was unsure whether he would be able to listen what she has to say and keep his reaction in control in front of her. He didn't want the expression of pity to cross his face as that was the feeling that displeased her the most.

" No." She shook her head. "They did very bad things to me. For the time being, I don't want to remember or relive anything." She snuggled into the crook of his neck. " I feel so weird. All these days I tried to remember and now when I remember everything, I want to forget. Am I making sense? " She looked at him with hopeful eyes, her face lifted to look at him and her eyes dripped transparent pearls of sadness on his neck making his skin scald with her pain.

"Yes, don't worry. It's natural to feel like that." He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and traced the back of her ear with his fingers, making her shiver at his touch.

He pulled her head back holding her hair in his fist gently but firmly. " Hey shhhh.... Don't cry. You have won over your biggest demons today. Your fears. It's the day of victory. Just like Maa Dugga's. And I bow to your victory." He said as he kissed her tears, wiping them away with his lips. She gripped her shoulders as the sensation of his lips gliding over her wet, smooth skin of cheeks drove her mad.

Her lips parted as his lips traced downwards to her jawline.
"Shetu!" He rasped.

"Hmm?"

"Stop me when you don't feel like it." He said as his hands roamed aimlessly on her back gripping the flimsy cloth.

"Hmm." She hummed, her mind hazed under his sensational touch as her own hands entangled in his soft silky hair at the back of his head.

Glossary - Naukavihaar = boatride.

Do tell me how it was.

Ps: Those who want to know size of boat ,I'll post in next chptr.

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