When she felt a few drops of water sprinkled on her face,  Shetukala opened her eyes and saw Batakrishna's concerned face  hovering over hers.
"Shetu? What happened? Are you fine?" 

Shetukala smiled seeing his face after so long, but then the bitter realisation dawned upon her and her face blanched. She looked around, they were near the river. She was lying on the ground , her head was in his lap.

She scrambled up from his lap and shrieked, " Don't touch me..... don't", covering herself by her arms hugging her. 

His expression was crestfallen when she said that and his hands froze in air which were raised to help her sit. He blinked frequently to force back his tears and nodded his head.

Then he remembered , how she was running towards the river. Scary images started flashing in front of his eyes and his jaw clenched and hands fisted.

"What were you doing here?" He asked calmly , breathing deeply.

"What has it to do with you? Whether I live or die, why does it matter to you? " She averted her gaze as she said. The feeling of disdain was obvious in her voice. His rejection was feeling like a painful thorn being forced to swallow down the throat.

Batakrishna frowned deeply at her tone and asked, "  What do you mean , what is it to do with me? Of course it has to do with me. You can't go running like this , this late at night , near a river. It .... It could be dangerous. You are under our responsibility afterall."

Yes that she is , only a responsibility for him, now. Because his dada had taken her case. He couldn't ask her to go away , so he himself stays out of home all the time.  Boudi was right. These both brothers have a thing for taking up special   responsibilities over their heads.  She thought bitterly.

"Go inside, shetu!" He said calmly again when she didn't respond.

"I won't." She looked away and said.

"What? I said go inside." He said sternly this time. He won't leave unless he knows she is completely safe in the house. What triggered her that she had thought again to do suicide? He will have to stop her.

"What will you do, if I don't?" She yelled looking into his eyes.

"What has gotten into you? How are you talking?"

"I will as per I wish."

" What is your problem , Shetu?"

"My problem? What is your problem?" She jabbed a finger at his chest yelling.

"You! You are my problem .What else!" He said pinching the bridge of his nose,  getting frustrated with all this baseless fight. He was already so tired and the day was not  productive a bit . And now she is testing his patience. Why everything is going wrong ?  He will have to warn Subha and Dada to keep her under scrutiny.

There! There he said it.
She knew it. Knew it.

Tears started swelling in her eyes as she heard his open rejection. A sob came out of her throat before she could supress it. She knelt down feeling defeated and lost , crying in loud wails. This was too much to bear now. If he doesn't want her , she also doesn't need him. Not at all. 

Batakrishna looked at her in panic as he realised that she had started crying bitterly, and moved towards her to touch her but stopped in between his track , his hands still lingering in the air in indecisiveness.

Shetukala looked at his suspended hands in air and her heart really broke now, if it wasn't before. She let out a laugh, which was half sob and half snort, making him frown.

"How foolish of me? I..... I had thought you are different from others. You won't look at me like that. But you.... You.... turn out to be the same as everyone." She cried .

"What? What are you saying? Are you out of your mind?" How dare she ? She thought he would look at her that way? What else remained to listen now?

" No, I have come into my senses now. Uptil now , I was out of my mind. I was blind to all the logics out there, living in my own fairyland. But I forgot...forgot that this is no fairytale, no knight in his shining armour would come and save this damsel in distress. It was all a ruse. All false speculations. But the...the mistake is not yours, but mine. Completely mine. I should have.... should have..... Before only
...." She sobbed and hiccupped unable to complete her sentence.

His heart crushed in pain seeing her crying like this. He was so busy in the past few days , that he completely overlooked her. He shouldn't have. He will have to explain her. 

He crouched in front of her. " Shetu!"

She kept looking down, unable to bear the coldness in his eyes she would see now.

"Shetu! Look at me . Please." She shook her head in negation. He took a deep breath and then sat down completely touching the wet muddy ground.
" I know you are angry at me. But—"

"Why would I be? Who am I to you? No one." She grumbled under her breath but he heard.

"What do you mean no-one? Don't say like this. There is a reason behind my absence since a few days. Please try to understand."

" What reason?" This time she looked at him, only to met by his averted gaze.

" I can't tell you that. It's better you don't know for now." He said calmly looking at the river in a distant gaze.

"I know..... You need not hide your eyes now. And I'm not angry at you. You have all the freedom to choose whatever you want , whoever you want in your life. Whoever you want to touch.... to be with....And not someone like me. Believe me , I'm not angry. I'm just.... Just.... " She trailed off as her throat choked in muffled cries and only raspy sobs reverberated from her voice box.

He frowned at her. What is she saying? Whom to touch? Whom to be with?

"Shetu! I'm not understanding anything. Please be specific."

" What is there to be specific? Everything is crystal clear. I know that you don't want me.  Wanting is a far-fetched dream, you don't even want to look at me, talk to me or even tou-touch me."

" What? Why would you think that? That's absolutely absurd?" He looked at her incredulously.

" Now don't deny. Okay. I know you think it's your duty to keep everyone happy , because it's just the way your heart is wired. But you don't need to give me false hopes."

" Why would I?" He touched her arm but she flinched away in anger making him hurt but he had to reach the root of this misunderstanding. " Shetu! What is this? I'm not understanding anything. Why would I not want to be with you. And why are you running away from my touch? Am I..... I..... making you uncomfortable?" His voice broke in the last.

She shook her head in negation vehemently . " Not that's why. But be-because you might feel that you would also get begrimed when you'll touch me. Your reputation will get besmirched when people would see you with me—"

" Wait! Wait! Wait a minute. Why would you think that?" He dreaded her answer. Does she know that he knows?

She didn't respond but kept looking at her feet.

"Shetu! Look at me."

When she didn't respond , he held her chin and tipped it up to make her look in his eyes.  "You know that I know right." He said finally.

Shetukala's lips quivered and her hands trembled and she nodded feebly.

"And you think , that's why I'm  keeping away from you? Not touching you? " She nodded. He closed his eyes in pain and let out a deep sigh.
"Damn Shetu!"

"But it's okay. I know why would you think that. Even I think that my touch will blemish  you.... Because I am an impure—" Her words were swallowed down his throat when he claimed her lips ferociously 
to prove his point. Shetu struggled  initially and tried to pull out from him but he held her by her waist with one hand and other hand clutched the nape of her neck keeping her head in place, arresting her in the spot.

His lips were on fire as
as if branding hers with his love and passion,  trying to make a permanent mark on them. The kiss was filled with determination, possessiveness and a sense of unadulterated desire . She could feel her lips searing with the flames of the heated union of their labials.

He finally pulled back when they became breathless, but not letting her move, and spoke against her lips , his scorching breath fanning her lips and his deep eyes piercing her moist ones. " Do you still feel I don't want to touch you? You can never dirty me. Did you listen? Nothing. Nothing about you is impure and to be ashamed. Did you get that? " He whispered dangerously.

Shetukala was too overwhelmed to speak anything, she kept looking into his eyes, looking for any hesitation or doubt but found none. All she could see was how truthful he was. His eyes were the window to his soul, in which she could see her broken reflection.

She hugged him tightly , loud sobs erupted from her throat , echoing in the open air. Batakrishna let her cry for all she wanted. Who knows for how much time she had this feeling buried in her heart. She kept crying and he kept listening to her sobs , each whimper stabbing his heart, and making him burn in the fire of vengeance. He would avenge each precious pearl that she had shed from her eyes with the last drop of their blood. Shetukala started hiccupping and pulled herself back and sat looking thoughtful at the ground, but still sobbing.

"What are you thinking Shetu? Hmmm?? Tell me." He said rubbing her tears with the pad of his thumb and rubbed her back with other hand. " Shh.... Shh... Calm down. Tell me what are you feeling right now. Let it out all you want, without any fear of judgement. Don't let this feeling be a master of you. A secret is nothing but a burden on our mind , which gets heavier everytime we hide it.  "

"It ....." He gave her an encouraging nod to speak out her mind. " It feels....feels ugly. It feels disgusting. My skin feels as if bugs are crawling on it. It.... it burns ..... It pricks ..... It itches like a painful rash. It feels  dirty like I..... I can't explain how much it makes me nauseous. I feel so much anger and frustration that I want to break something mercilessly and thrash everything in my way, until I feel okay. But it still doesn't work . What.... What do I do? What do I...... What do....." She hiccupped and started rubbing her arms and neck harshly with her nails.

"Shetu! No! Don't! " He held his hands in his and shook his head in negation. She dipped her head and started crying again.

" Do you.... Do you know I take bath so many times on somedays, but the horrible feeling doesn't go away. I can feel their touch till my bones, scratching and tearing my skin. It should have been gone uptil now. Right? It's been so ammu days. Why isn't it going away? You tell me na? How does it go away? How does it feel better? Will I keep feeling this gortesque forever? Isn't there any medicine which will make me feel numb. You study so many books. Isn't there any cute of it?" She rambled continuously hiccupping and sobbing.

Batakrishna couldn't explain how he was feeling. The pain was so unbearable as if someone has slashed his body and left it open to bleed indefinitely. His heart writhed and thrashed in pain at her agony. How could a feeling be so inhumane. He felt as if he was thrown into a hot crucible, and the scorching heat was blistering his skin. He wanted to take away all her pain and soothe her heart.

He had a thousand words to say to her that she was not impure or dirty , but contained the purest heart in this world, and so so much more. But the stubborn words got stuck in his throat , choking him not allowing to him to console her at her plight. So he did the only thing it seemed fit for soothing her aching skin. 

Shetukala felt his hand on her wet cheek and looked at him when she felt the cold wet clay being smeared on her warm , wet skin. His touch was soothing like a cold salve on a burn wound. She closed her eyes to relish the feel his healing touch gave blended with the refreshing soil.

She opened her eyes when his hand traced her jawline and reached her slender neck,  painting it with the dusky, soft mire.
"What are you doing, daktar babu?" She whispered, even though she had a feeling what he was doing.

"Making the bad touch 
go away. Is it working?" He said his voice sounding strangled.

" It is." She said as new tears brimmed in her eyes. " But why mud?"

"It's not just mud, Shetu. This is our mother Earth , one who has the healing power to heal the most insufferable afflictions. The power she gave to her daughter Sita in the form of special gift to read the healing properties of grasses and herbs just by touching them. She has given her alleviating tendency to the herbs  shrubs and forests,  that grow on her surface.  "

His hands coated her bare shoulders and arms like an ubtan alleviating the burning sensation on her body, tracing his fingers to her forearms. " She has been a mother even before the birth of mankind. She is the womb we have come from and she will be the tomb where we will finally sleep our last slumber peacefully in her lap, after getting tired of  all the mundane fights of the world."

His hands lifted from her forearm and his thumb stroked a single straight tilak  on her forehead. " She has been drenched with the blood of martyrs since years who fight with all their might against those who try to harm our mother. She resided on their foreheads as the Vijay tilak when their bodies finally slumped down on her surface, paying their tribute to her with the scarlet vermilion of their hearts pouring on its dusky surface."

"She has gained her sediments from the purest river Ganga   right from the lap of  father of Maa parvati , the Himalayas. This soil is used to make the sculpture of Maa Durga who is the  ultimate symbol of Shakti." He smudged her hands with soil and entwined her fingers in between his in a firm grip while she kept listening to him mesmerised. Her tears kept flowing making their paths through her brown painted cheeks and dropping in her lap.

He smeared the soil on her bare waist and abdomen making her breath catch in her throat. " She is our Maa Annapurna who feeds the empty stomachs of  all her children,  flora and fauna and humans, whoever has taken refuge in her sanctuary."

"She is the mother who took in Maa Sita in her embrace when the selfish world accused her character again and again, called her impure , and demanded the never ending agnipariksha to quench their bottomless thirst of patriarchal dominance." He took her in his embrace and rubbed her back with the loam of fertility in his hand.

He removed her saree from her chests and smeared the clay on her breasts, making her gasp. She looked here and there in fear , but he held her chin in his free hand and shook his head. "Don't worry. No one will see us."

He decorated her soft mounds with gravely soil with utmost tenderness. There was nothing sensual in his touch but a pristine tranquilizing effect which was calming her body and heart. She had never felt so immaculate since the time immemorial.

" You can never be impure Shona! You are as pure as river Ganga, as new as dew drops on the surface of a flower on a cold winter morning and as untouched as a pearl in the profound depths of the ocean."

"  Don't let the dirty hands of those monsters touch your soul. This body is a garment of our soul. It keeps on changing, but what remains and is indestructible is our soul , our conscience . Don't let them break it. Don't let them make you feel blemished. Dirt is in their minds , not on your body."

" Tomorrow is Mahalaya , Goddess' eyes will be drawn and she would see us. She would see all your pain and plight and give you the power and wisdom to fight the devils. You can fight in court with those demons by law , but what about the demons of your mind, Shetu. First defeat them, and then a new Durga will be born in you , slaying the rakshasas of Kalyug. A new Mahishasura- mardini."

Shetukala stood up wrapping her saree back and moved towards the river, without saying anything. She could feel
a new fire, a new enthusiasm and power running in her blood
like hot molten lava ready to burn anything that comes her way.

Batakrishna looked at her moving figure towards the river and asked, " Where are you going , Shetu?"

She turned at him and said,

Would you hold me and say
We can do it together
Come what may

For I was so afraid of
The future unfurling,
Trying too hard and failing

Have been holding my mast up so high,
That I was tired of sailing

There's been water in my boat
For quite some time

And I have been frantically downscaling

Now that I am prepared to sink
Deep at the bottom of this superficial chaos
In search of clams of calm

Scared of coming out alive
Would you hold my hand and say

Let's make it a dive?"

Batakrishna's eyes shone with happy tears and he ran towards her taking her in his embrace. Their eyes spoke all their feelings what their hearts wanted to convey.
He removed his coat and shirt in a swift notion and nodded with teary eyes, and said," Let's make it a dive."

With this last sentence they jumped into the freezing water of the river under the silvery moonlight with the big moon and  numerous stars hanging in the sky and came out with their heads resurfacing from the cold water.

"It's s-so c-cold." Shetukala's teeth clattered and she stammered as she neared him. Batakrishna returning back to his palyful self, pulled her to himself, making her hook her legs around his waist in an instinct, with her wet saree bunching around her things, and her arms circled around his neck to anchor herself to his body.

"Maybe I could help with that . " He said as he claimed her lips with his, kissing her hard and fast like he had been starved for eons, though he just tasted them a while back. His tongue prodded over her lips to demand entrance and she gave it in eagerly, the warmth of their moist mouths and tongues swivelling ran down their spines making up for the chilliness of the cold water.

His hands ran aimlessly on her bare back measuring and tracing every inch of her body. His fingers frantically removed the barrier of her wet saree from her upper body as his hands kneaded her soft globes from the space between them as she kept herself hooked to him, leaving all her weight on him. They pulled themselves back from the scorching kiss and he continued his torture on her softness.

"Ahhh! Batuk!" She moaned his name as soon as his fingers flicked her taut rosy bud of her perfect soft globe. Her cheeks tainted in shame as she realised her mistake and looked down.

"Say it again." He said his voice turning husky.
But she shook her head in negation.
"You said it all the time when you were drunk. That means you have my name in your mind but you don't say it out aloud. Right?" Shetukala's eyes widened and she shook her head again.
" If you won't say it , I'll drop you here and go inside. " He said cheekily.

Shetukala knew he was bluffing but still played along. He pretended to drop her into the cold water but she held him tightly hooking her legs around his waist more firmly, instantly realising her mistake, for his stiff manhood prodded her softness making her gasp. Her saree stuck to her body like a second skin and she could very well feel his hardness as an intense desire pooled in between her legs at the thought of themselves touching each other so intimately.

Her cheeks were on fire. She wanted to run away from him and melt herself in him at the same time. Her desire and her shame were playing a tug of war in her heart.

"If you---" His words died in his throat as she crashed her lips on his in a passionate kiss. Her hands roamed in his wet hairlocks and her diamond-hard nipples grazed his bare chest, meddling his senses and making him forget everything around him.

"Let's go back." He said breathlessly pulling himself away. She nodded still clinging onto him. He moved through the water in a swift stroke and they sat on the bank.

The night cool breeze against their bare skin rose a ripple of goosebumps on their arms and legs. As he stood to move, she held his wrist and said, " I don't want this night to end so soon."

"Neither do I." He said and walked a few steps away and brought his coat and sheathed it around her engulfing her in its warmth.

***

"They died saving me on that night. I feel I am the reason fo their death. " Shetukala said as she remembered her deceased parents, while lying in his arms with her head on his bare shoulder, and her hand playing with the holy janeuu on his chest , on the soft grass,  covered in his coat till her thighs. It wasn't much but the warmth of his body was making up for the deficit of clothing.

"My mother also died saving me. It eats me at lonely nights that our house lost its foundation because of me. Dada lost his mother , kaka lost his beloved sister. Baba lost his lifeline , all because of me. They all loved her a lot. It is visible in their moist eyes when they talk of her. But , I have nothing to talk about her. I was so young that I don't remember anything." He said as his voice broke in the last and a lone unchecked tear disappeared in his hair.
He pulled her closer squeezing her shoulder for the much needed comfort.

"It's so strange na, how we miss people we don't even remember."

"Hmmm....I don't know if it would hurt more to remember about them and then miss them. Boudi used to say her baba had become a star. "

" Do you think our mothers would have also become a star?"

" Maybe."

" It think that one is my mother. I feel that star is looking at me and signalling ." She said cheerfully pointing a hand towards the dark blue night sky at a twinkling bright star.

"And that one near it should be mine. She looks quiet just shining there in the sky, like Dada used to say that she was a very calm person."

" Hmmm."

"What they must be talking? "

"Mine would be telling your mother that her son should always take care of her daughter for she has no one except for him in this big world. " She said as hot tears dripped from her eyes on his neck and her voice trembled.

Batakrishna rubbed her cheeks without looking at her and said, " You know what my mother would be saying?"

"What?"

"That your mother has got the best jamai babu in the world." He said emphasising on his words.

Shetukala lifted her head and looked at him with widened eyes . Her mouth was agape and eyes wide. He   fought to hid his smile back but lost and burst out in loud giggles making her hit on his chest in mock anger.

"You na! Akdom Behaya ! Khub Khub beyadob !" She looked away trying to hide her widening smile and flooded cheeks.

Batakrishna in an instant pinned her on the ground grabbing her wrists besides her face and whispered against her lips, " Now since I've been alleged  of the said sin, I must do it now to make it the truth." He dipped her mouth in the crook of her neck proving himself guilty in her court as his hand roamed under her—his coat to grab the soft fruits of his crime, making her moan in the back of her throat.

My sweet readers, this chapter took in a lot of effort. Please do tell how it was.

Don't forget inline comments . I want to know which sentences touched your heart.

And vote also. Love you all ❤️❤️❤️❤️