God dammit, Dream

Thank you emo_child13 for this funny suggestion :) I hope you all enjoy and remember to brush your teeth before you cross the road

"Brother!" Dream cried out, running in circles around the coffee table and flailing his arms around. Nightmare stared at him from where he sat on the couch, bewildered by the guardian's sudden hyperactivity.

"What?" He asked, closing the book he was currently reading and placing it down beside him.

Dream giggled, immediately skidding to a stop in front of the other guardian.

"I want to play hide and seek!" He exclaimed. "Now!"

"Dear stars, no!" Nightmare huffed, folding his arms. He already knew where this was going; he was not prepared to let their windows and doors be one again destroyed by his brother.

Dream whined and stamped his foot, dissatisfied.  He'd just come back from one of his adventures with Ink and Blueberry and while with them they'd gone to Sugartale and, well, let's just say him and Blue had a sweet snack.

A very, very sweet, sugary snack.

Now Dream was giddy and excited, bouncing off of literally everything with wild, starry eyes.

"I think you need to be locked away in your bedroom so that I can defend the house." Nightmare stated, snapping Dream out of his thoughts. The guardian of positivity folded his arms and glared at the other, sticking his tongue out in retaliation.

"Well what about tag- let's play tag!" Dream suggested, jumping energetically and proceeding to once again circle the coffee table.

"No, you'll find a way to destroy the house even if we're outside." Nightmare grumbled, observing his brother.

Dream let out an angry noise, suddenly jumping onto the coffee table and peering down at his brother defiantly. He opened his mouth the say something however was rendered silent as he heard a strange creaking sound, almost as if something was about to give way-

Nightmare reached forward and grabbed Dream's arm, yanking him off of the table as it collapsed. He wasn't surprised, he knew something was going to break today- though he wished it wasn't the coffee table. He liked that.

"I'm sorry." Dream apologised, glancing at his saddened brother.

Nightmare closed his eyes, remembering all of the pleasant memories he had with that table. There weren't a lot. After a moment of silence, he reopened his eyes and glared slightly at Dream, releasing his arm from when he'd 'saved' him.

"I can't believe you've done this." He murmured, shaking his head in disapproval. 

"Ink can fix it!" Dream reassured, smiling nervously.

"It won't be the same." Nightmare replied, heaving himself up from off the couch and patting the ruined table. Dream blinked.

"Can we play tag now?"

Nightmare felt his eye twitch however instead of yelling 'no' and scolding his brother, he gave in and nodded.

"Fine."

Dream's whole face lit up and he cheered happily, doing a weird happy dance before tagging his brother on the shoulder and bolting towards the window, jumping through it and shattering the glass so he could get outside.

"Sorry!" Dream called out as he ran away.

"You're not sorry at all!" Nightmare cried out, stepping over the shards of glass and through the window, beginning to chase after the other.

Dream giggled to himself, turning around slightly to see how far behind his brother was. When he saw no one there, he stopped in confusion and squinted. Where's Nightmare?

"Boo!"

Dream jumped, startled. He turned around to face the other guardian who was trying to contain a grin. 

"You say you're sorry about destroying the table and then you go and take out the window." Nightmare accused, pointing a finger at his brother.

Dream wasn't listening though, he was devising a clever plan to get away. Nightmare still hadn't tagged him yet so technically he could escape. After agreeing with himself on what to do, he turned and dashed away from the guardian of negativity and headed straight for the house. Nightmare sputtered before yelling a "Hey!" and racing after the other.

Dream cackled at his victory however came to a stop when he noticed the back door was closed.

"Stupid door." He huffed. "You are nothing but a barrier in my way preventing me from escaping!" 

Instead of opening the door like any normal monster would do, Dream took a few steps back and charged at it. With all of his might, the guardian kicked the door and unhinged it, sending it toppling down. He laughed maniacally, stepping over it carefully before darting into the house.

Nightmare face-palmed from a distance. He didn't know what he expected.

Dream giggled as he ran into the kitchen and hid under the table, completely forgetting what game they were playing.

"He'll never find me here." He proclaimed, shuffling slightly.

"I will find you here because I just heard you say that." Nightmare mumbled, crouching down and peering under the table. "Also, why are you hiding- We're playing a very destructive variation of tag, not hide and seek."

Dream blinked, staring in silence at his brother as he thought about it. Why was he hiding? Realising his mistake, Dream crawled out from underneath the table and stood up, dusting himself down.

"I appear to have made an error. Please step aside while I go and run away from you."

Nightmare folded his arms, staring at the other before tagging his shoulder and clicking his fingers, teleporting outside in front of the kitchen window. Dream muttered something incoherent under his breath, stomping towards the window and glaring at his toothily grinning brother.

"Tag." Nightmare mouthed.

Dream jumped straight through the window, breaking the glass and tackling the confounded guardian of negativity to the ground. Nightmare yelped, scrambling away before Dream had time to tag his shoulder and sprinting in a random direction (though not before giving the window a look of sorrow.)

Dream hauled himself back up from off the ground and brushed off the dirt. Miraculously, he was completely unscathed from leaping through two windows. Without dwelling on it too much, he ran after his brother with determination to tag him.

Nightmare slowed down slightly, allowing the other guardian to catch up to him. Despite Dream wrecking everything he came into contact with, he couldn't deny he was having fun. He stopped suddenly when he thought he saw something in the distance, like a weird distorted shape however he didn't have much time to think about it as he was mercilessly once again tackled by his brother who this time was able to tag his shoulder.

"You're it!" Dream cackled, skilfully rolling away from his brother and bolting back towards the house presumably to cause more devastation. Nightmare didn't even care anymore. He chuckled quietly to himself, smiling as he stood up and began to trail after his brother- though not before giving one last wary glance to where he saw the glitchy thing.

Error peered through the glitched window, toothily grinning as he watched the beautiful destructive chaos unfold.

Nightmare had no idea whereabouts in the house Dream had run off to when he arrived, though the sound of something smashing instantly alerted him to Dream's own bedroom. He blinked, not expecting Dream to destroy something that was in his room. Following the sound, he treaded up the stairs and cautiously approached the ajar door that led to the guardian of positivity's bedroom. He pushed open the door and stepped inside, coming face to face with a smiling Dream.

"I destroyed my lamp."

Nightmare spared a glimpse down at the now broken lamp.

"Why have you done that?"

"I thought it would be a bright idea."

Nightmare snorted, bursting into a fit of laughter. Dream grinned wider, proud of himself.

"Did you destroy the lamp just to make that pun?" The guardian of negativity managed to ask between laughter. Dream chuckled and shrugged.

"I might have."

Nightmare continued to laugh, a light purple hue on his cheeks from happiness. Dream smiled softly, pleased to see his brother look so cheerful and relaxed.

"You're silly." Nightmare giggled, flicking Dream's head playfully.

Dream huffed, batting the hand away. With the successful distraction, Nightmare used his other hand to tag his unsuspecting brother on the shoulder

"You're it!"

Dream gasped in pure shock, watching with betrayal as Nightmare exited the bedroom and rushed down the stairs. He quickly followed after him however froze when he saw a large black thing skittering across the wall. He released a scream of terror, jumping away from the spider and cowering beside the stairs. Nightmare heard the scream and wasted no time in teleporting by his brother's side to see what was wrong. 

"Dream- what's the matter?" He asked frantically, grabbing his brother by the shoulders. Dream whimpered, pointing at the wall where the spider was. Confused, Nightmare turned around and made eye contact with the spider. A solid five seconds passed before he let out the loudest cry possible and grabbed Dream, teleporting outside of the house.

"Oh my stars burn it kill it destroy it." Nightmare rambled, even more terrified than Dream had been. 

Dream stared down at his brother in amazement. He didn't expect him to be fearful of spiders. He tried to suppress a laugh (even though he was also afraid of the spider) and instead bravely stood in front of Nightmare.

"Don't you fear, Nighty!" He exclaimed. "I'll kill it!"

Without any hesitation what so ever, Dream summoned a gaster blaster.

"Wait Dream, don't-" Nightmare started, realising what he was about to do.

Dream ignored him and fired the blaster, leaving a giant hole that went straight through the house and out the other side. Nightmare stared with wide eyes and his mouth open in astonishment.

"You've destroyed our house." He mumbled.

"I'm, uh, sorry?" Dream laughed nervously.

Nightmare sighed, falling backwards into the grass sprawled out in defeat.

"Are you okay?" Dream questioned, kneeling down beside his brother.

"Emotionally I am doing the laminated paper wobbling sound."

Dream snorted.

"Shall I call Ink?"

"Yes."

Dream chuckled, walking away to go and retrieve Ink. Nightmare sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before abruptly opening them at the sound of glitched laughter. He glanced up at Error who stood above him, laughing hysterically.

"That was even better than yesterday's Undernovela." He breathed out through laughter.

Nightmare huffed, rolling his eyes in amusement.

"Did you watch all of that?"

Error nodded, still laughing his head off. Nightmare simply sighed and closed his eyes, though he couldn't help but smile. 

--End--

Clearly I inhaled crack fumes while writing this.