Karl is off time traveling again, as usual. His memory has been so bad lately that there's been more bad days then good ones anymore. They thought it was bad when he was calling them the wrong names, but now he barely calls them anything at all. He lost his rings again, and Alex and Sapnap didn't have the fight left to make him wear a new pair.

     Sapnap had been spending more and more time in the Nether, burning down forests there and trying to let all his anger and frustration about Dream and Karl and the stupid egg out before he hurts someone, namely Alex. He's trying so hard to be strong for them both, for everyone.

     Alex has been having nightmares, ones where Karl doesn't remember him, and Sapnap leaves him. Where Karl just disappears one day and they never find him. Ones where Sapnap loses all of his lives protecting Alex and he loses him just like he did Schlatt. On the worst nights, Alex will lurch awake, screaming for Sapnap and Karl. Most night's Karl isn't there. But Sapnap usually is, pulling Alex close and kissing away his fears.

-_-_-_-_-

     It was a bad night. Karl was gone again. Sapnap had been gone most of the afternoon, and Alex had tried to stay awake to see him come home but he'd fallen asleep all alone in their big bed.

      He found himself standing in the crater of L' manburg. His fiances were both in front of him. Karl was standing and staring off into the smoke and rubble, as if he was in a whole different time. And Sapnap was on his knees, a bleeding hole through his chest. Alex screamed and rushed forward, pulling Sap into his arms and trying to stop the bleeding, but there was so much blood, too much blood. He shouted at Karl to help him, but the other just looked right through him, not an ounce of recognition in his eyes, which were a startling grey now. There was an explosion, dust and dirt flying everywhere as the ground shook. Alex couldn't see Karl through the haze and when it cleared, Karl was just gone without a trace. 

     "You're pathetic." Alex looked down, it was no a wounded Sapnap in his arms anymore, but Schlatt. Alex tried to push him off, to get away but Schlatt just laughed, repeating all the words Alex had heard him say a million times. His claws digging painfully into his arms and holding him close. The smell of alcohol threatened to choke Alex, and the painfully familiar ache begin to grow as Schlatt's grip started to bruise his arms. 

Pathetic. 

Unlovable. 

Ugly. 

     Alex thrashed and begged. Trying to break Schlatt's bone crushing, agonizing grip. As he turned his face away from the stench of alcohol he caught sight of Sapnap covered in blood and face down in the dirt, not even a full yard away from him. He seemed just out of reach. 

You can't save anyone. 

You're weak. 

What are you even good for? 

     Alex sobbed, as another explosion shook the ground, again, a cloud of dust spread across the crater. Alex was suddenly on his feet, not even Schlatt was left to torment him. He was painfully alone. He couldn't see through the cloud, but he screamed their names and got no answer. Sapnap and Karl were just as gone as Schlatt was. As the dust settled he fell to his knees, sobbing, as he was left all alone with the horrible voices, echoing behind his eyes.

They'll leave you. 

They don't love you. 

What's to love? 

They're already gone. 

-_-_-_-_-

     "Alex! Alex, wake up! It's okay!" Alex sat up, and immediately tried to fight his way out of whoever's grip he was in, arms and wings flailing. "Alex! It's me, it's Sapnap, it's okay! Calm down!" 

     The haze finally cleared, and his eyes locked onto his panicked and worried fiance's. Alex breathed for a moment, before his lip started to quiver and he broke down into sobs. He wanted to throw himself into Sapnap's arms, but he didn't know if he could. He went limp against the bed, burying his head in his hands, and trying to choke back sobs but they were almost painful as they ripped through his throat against his will. Sapnap was quick to sit up fully, and drag Alex up with him, pulling him to his chest and rubbing his back trying to sooth him without touching his wings too much, not wanting to trigger something since he didn't know what the problem was yet. 

     "Hey, it's okay. I've got you baby and I'm not letting go okay? Just let it out, and try to breath." Alex pressed his ear to Sapnap's chest, focusing on his beating heart. He brought his shaky hands up to tug and stroke the front of Sapnap's shirt, just making sure at least one of fiance's was breathing. 

     It took an awful lot of sweet nothings and patience on Sapnap's part for Alex to finally calm down. He didn't move his head away from Sapnap's chest, and he kept his eyes closed. He'd ended up in Sapnap lap, straddling him, with his head under his chin and arms and wings wrapped around him. He was trembling all over from fear, and Sapnap was doing his best to only touch in ways he knew wouldn't trigger him. Avoiding his wings, petting his hair, stroking the back of his hand over Alex's arms and face. 

     "Talk to me, Q. Please. I wanna make it all better, baby." Sapnap, whispered. He sounded close to tears himself, giving Alex a gentle squeeze. 

     "You- you're okay." Alex said, his voice was raspy, and he could barely push the words out. Sapnap's hands slowed their circles. 

     "I'm okay. Yeah, I'm right here, and I'm okay, baby." Sapnap said quietly, it slowly clicked into place what exactly Alex was dreaming about. "I'm not hurt, see?" Sapnap added, covering Alex's hand with his own. 

     "It's still beating, I'm still breathing. And I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." Sapnap continued. He tried to wipe Alex's tears away, but they were still falling. Sapnap pulled Alex closer again and started covering his face in kisses, making sure none of his tears made it far. Eventually Alex's sniffles turned into giggles and he tried to escape Sapnap's wet onslaught of kisses. 

     "Okay, okay! I'm okay now Sappy! Jeez, your getting me all wet!" Alex chuckled, and Sapnap pulled back to wiggle his eyebrows. 

     "Oh I you wet huh?" Sapnap grinned, Alex blushed furiously, his wings fluffing up in embarrassment. 

     "Oh my god, I hate you so much-" Alex muttered but Sapnap cut him off with a kiss. It was meant to be just a quick peck, but Alex let out a whimper and followed when Sap tried to pull away. He tilted his head, deepening it. He lifted his fingertips to Sapnap's jaw, hoping he'd get the hint and keep kissing him. Just make him forget all about the stupid nightmare. Sapnap got the message, but chose to ignore it. He pushed his forehead to Alex's. Desperate, pleading eyes, met concerned ones, as Sapnap gently rubbed his thumbs over Alex's cheekbones. Alex grabbed Sapnap's wrists pulling his hands down gently and burying his face back in Sapnap's chest. 

     "I don't wanna talk." Alex muttered as Sapnap carefully wrapped his arms around the others waist. He pulled his legs up and sank down so now Alex's face was pulled above his, and he was practically wrapped around his fiance. Alex's wings came up to balance him out, a feathery golden canopy blocking out the rest of the world. He sank down against Sapnap's warmth, tangling his hands in Sapnap mess of black curls. 

     "I know you don't wanna talk, and I won't make you. Just tell me how to make it better. Or easier. A more healthy way then just making you forget." Sapnap pleaded, pressing a kiss to Alex's shoulder. The avian hesitated, focusing on the rise of fall of Sapnap's chest. 

     "Don't leave me too. Promise I'm not gonna wake up one day to an even more empty bed? Please?" Alex begged quietly, closing his eyes. More tears slid down his face, but they weren't the panicked ones that fell fast and left icy trails on his cheeks. These were the slow fat ones, that bubbled up behind his eyes and burned their way over his skin. 

    Sapnap wiped away the tears again, his thumb moved across Alex's cheekbones with so much care and gentleness, replacing the burn of his tears with a wave of warmth. Sapnap always made feel Alex warm. With his other hand he grabbed Alex's hand and pressed it to back to his chest, his warm calloused fingers completely covering Alex's cold trembling ones. 

     "Alex baby look at me, please?" Sapnap waited until the wet scared eyes met his before he continued, pressing their foreheads together and keeping his voice quiet. All around them was silence, and darkness, and beyond that were mobs and a battleground. But curled as close together as they could get, and tucked underneath Alex's wings, it was like they were the only people in the world.

     "I'm right here, Q. You feel that?" Alex nodded. "Good, because it's all yours. Yours and Karl's, and it always will be. As long as my heart beats, it is all for you guys, and I wish so badly that I could promise I'll always be here. To just wipe away all your worries and fears. But, you know I hate making promises I don't know if I can keep."

     Alex let out a sob and pulled himself closer to Sapnap's warmth. All of his fears and insecurities began to bubble up again, and suffocate him, just like the dust from L' Manburg. But Sapnap's warm hands on his sides, and in his hair kept him grounded. Karl and Sapnap were like his oxygen, he needed them so badly it hurt. 

     "I'll be here as long as I can. I'll fight as hard as I can to make sure that's a very long time. I can promise that I will always love you. I know we're not married yet, darling, but I want you to know now, that am gonna mean it so much when I promise to love you forever." Sapnap said, holding back tears of his own, he cupped Alex's face, wiping away his tears, which he would continue to do until they stopped, no matter how long it took. "I love you, and Karl. And we both know he loves us too, and he'll come back soon, and even if he doesn't remember right now he will. Because he promised us that, and we both know Karl doesn't break promises."

     "I know. I do. It's just hard because I miss him so much. And I hate being such a mess about it, because I know you miss him, too." Alex said, wiping his own face and taking a deep breath, finally calming down enough to have an actual conversation. 

     "Look at me Alex, really look at me. I'm just as much of a mess without him as you are baby, and that's okay. We're gonna be okay. We'll get through this, all of it. We always find a way, right?" Sapnap grabbed Alex's chin and nodded the other boys head for him. Alex giggled and pushed Sapnap's hand away. 

     "Yeah, you know I'm right." Sapnap sang, smiling, so happy he could make his fiance feel better even if just for a second. Alex rolled his eyes but he didn't say anything, just sank back down, getting comfortable. He gently kicked Sapnap's legs out straight again, knowing that that had to be uncomfortable. 

     "I don't know what I'd do without you, mi amour." Alex muttered, as Sapnap moved his hands back to his sides. 

     "As long as I've got fire in me, I'll fight tooth and nail so you never have to find out." Sapnap smirked, his black eyes lit up in swirls of red and gold, like coals igniting. His skin felt just a little hotter where he was pressed against Alex, the warmth that was gently seeping from him before, now radiating off of him in waves, warming the air around them. The ice finally cleared from Alex's chest as he melted against Sapnap, humming happily at the warmth. 

     "God, you're so cute ducky." Sapnap whined, pressing his head into Alex's messy black hair. Alex huffed in protest, but Sapnap ignored him, rubbing his hands up Alex's arms and over his shoulders, enjoying the way Alex melted under the touch. "I can't wait to spend the rest of my lives waking up with you and Karl everyday. I can't believe I get to tell you how much I fucking adore you all I want. I get to call you beautiful whenever I feel like it. I promise to remind you of that everyday. I'll call you beautiful, and smart, and brave until you finally believe me."

     Alex's face was burning, his stomach was in knots, but the good kind. He felt warm and safe, all his fears had been burned away, and he felt his chest ache he was so fucking in love with this sappy idiot. 

     "And then what? What happens if I do believe you?" Alex asked, so quietly. 

     "Well then I'll still tell you everyday so you never forget." Sapnap giggled, squeezing Alex's shoulders. "Because you are. Your so beautiful Q, you're so amazing and smart. You're so much baby, I could tell you forever just how amazing you are and list all the things I love about you. And I will, when we get married, you better prepare for a performance! You and Karl are so fucking amazing, and I'm gonna make damn sure you feel it every single day."

     Alex cut him off with kiss. It was hard, but it wasn't bruising. It was desperate, but not for more, just for what it was. For the moment to stop, and time to freeze. For all the words and promises they said to make themselves physical. Sapnap would never hurt the loves of his life, but he still wanted to burn his way past all Alex's walls, right to his center so he could scoop him up and hold him tight. Keep him safe, make him warm and never ever let him go unless it was to pick up a sword or shield to protect him. 

     Eventually the two fell asleep, warm and okay, for the moment. There was still a gaping hole beside them, still mobs and wars and cold night air to fight off. But for now they were okay. They had each other, they loved each other, and they would find a way, to be okay. 

-_-_-_-_-