Steph, Maya, and Alex let us stay at their place for 2 nights, and I think I'll be singing their praises as long as I live. When complete strangers open their house to you, when they step up and literally save your life, then you remember them. In my mind, I was in their debt, and if they ever needed anything, then I would be there for them. But they also made me a bit envious. First of all, they had a relationship that anyone would be jealous of, and then their two little kids were just precious.

The first night went by in a blink. The shower took a lot out of me, and I was lucky to make it through dinner before crashing. But when I did crash, I found out that our hosts had already gone above and beyond. First, while we showered, Steph and Maya went shopping, even bringing Bella with them. Alex was taking her own shower, but our shoppers picked up a bunch of steaks, potatoes and corn on the cob. It was a perfect summertime feast, and they picked up a cherry cheesecake to go with it. I have a feeling that Maya had a different meal planned before we showed up, but they adapted well on the fly.

They were also smart enough to get a waterproof mattress pad for the guest bedroom.

No! Sheesh, we weren't going to get freaky in there, but there was a decent chance that some of my wounds would leak, and it was a safety net, so that I didn't bleed all over their mattress. You could tell that they'd been together for a while with how well they communicated, even nonverbally. Could I get to that level with the girls? Willow and Lexie had already been together for 8 years, all through high school and college. I'd be the new addition to the relationship, and while I knew they were serious about welcoming me into that dynamic, it meant that if anything went wrong, that I'd be blaming myself.

But maybe it was better that way, right? Worst case, they could still stay together, and I would just bow out and be on my own again. I just didn't want to have to do that. I'd already done that to them twice, once after Lessa died and once after the funeral when they realized I was alive. I know I hurt them when I did it, and honestly it hurt me too. Of course, with Bella a part of the equation now, it would be even harder to leave because she had gone through so much that I just couldn't be the next one to hurt her.

Luckily, Steph helped me a lot with that.

The following afternoon found me on the back deck, sitting in a lounge chair positioned so that I could lay on my uninjured side while overlooking the lake. It was a spectacular view, and I could see why they bought the house. The twins were inside watching movies as they'd both gotten a sunburn and weren't allowed back outside for a bit, so Steph was on the deck with me to keep an eye on them in case they needed anything, while all the other girls were in the lake, splashing happily. I had a sudden realization that this was the kind of life I wanted. No, not the giant house, though I'd never turn it down, but just seeing the happiness and joy of friends and family.

I didn't even realize I'd started to cry until Steph reached over and put her hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" Her voice was soft, and I knew that even though her internal lawyer was still leery of my previous actions, she'd been kind enough to let us stay here to help me recover. I wasn't going to push it by asking for a third night though!

"Yeah, I'm okay."

"Ahh. I guess the tears threw me off there," she said with a scoff. "I may not be a therapist, but my job does involve me giving a lot of advice to clients. So, if you want to talk through whatever is causing the tears, I can lend an ear."

I was silent for a moment before I nodded and tried to explain my messy emotions. "You know what I am. You even asked if I needed a lawyer. For all that I'm trying to only eliminate evil people, part of me thinks I've turned evil myself. Willow and Lexie are amazing women, and have been together for so long, that I'm terrified of fucking up their relationship. But at the same time, I see what you have, and I see what is happening right now with them at the lake, and I want that. I want to have kids with them. I already lost my first wife and child, and it broke me for a long time. Honestly, I'm probably still broken, or maybe just not put back together right. Lessa was everything to me, and to have her taken away from me killed every bit of humanity I had for a while. Lexie is the little sister of the wife I lost, and I know that Lessa would want me to give her sister the children and love that she deserves. But I'm scared. I haven't even tried to have a relationship since I lost Lessa. A part of me thinks I don't deserve one based on what I've done since then."

Steph was quiet as she looked out over the lake, and I hoped she had some good advice for me. "Maya, Alex and I all met on the same night, so things with us were different. We all realized what we wanted at the same time, where Willow and Lexie already have an existing relationship that they're inviting you into. I can understand you being scared, but that is the same in any relationship. I'm not saying you should discount it, but they're going to love you no matter what happens. You may see us and think we have everything perfect, but it isn't easy. We have late nights, and arguments, and raising the twins is a handful. But we're also a team, and we love each other, and we're there for each other. If you're honest with them, and you communicate with them, then I think you can do it. You said that Lessa would want you to give her sister the kids and the love she deserves, but I bet she would also want you to get the love and children that you deserve too. As a lawyer, I can't condone what you've done. But as a person, I can. You have saved so many others, and that should be commended. In my mind, you're not evil. But I do hope you can stop what you're doing, because I can tell it's obviously taking an emotional toll on you. You're not a bad person, you're just doing a hard job. All three of you obviously want the relationship to work, and while it won't be easy, I think you should try it. I would tell them what you're thinking too, they should know. The three of you have to be open and honest or it won't work. I'll say it again, you have to communicate with each other, because I think you've been bottling this up. Don't let one little setback ruin things. You've spent years fighting for others, maybe it's time for you to fight for yourself. Fight for what you want."

I just sat there for a while digesting that. She made a lot of good points, even though they weren't nice and easy ones. But when it came down to it, she was absolutely right. Lexie and Willow already loved me, and I loved them. No, it wasn't the typical kind of romantic love that you see in a relationship, but a lot of that was because I'd been holding myself back from allowing myself to feel that. What would happen if I let them in? What If we started dating, and kissing and doing that baby making thing?

Not much scared me. I'd faced death more times than I cared to remember, and yet the prospect of maybe fucking things up with two of the bright lights in my life was what truly terrified me. I couldn't afford to lose them. Bella too now. Having spent this time together with them, I couldn't give it up. I didn't want to go back to being on my own, I didn't want to leave them again. I wanted to try.

"Thanks. I think that helped a lot."

"Yeah, I'll send you my bill," she said with a chuckle.

By the time we left the following morning, I was pretty sure we'd made lifetime friends. There were a lot of shared hugs, and we all made sure we exchanged phone numbers as well. Their primary residence was in New York, and we were headed to Boston, but that was still a trip that we could probably make, because I knew that I'd want to see them again when I was better and thank them for all that they'd done.

Hell, I'd just want to visit them as friends for that matter.

The annoying part? I couldn't drive. I liked driving! Yes, I'd let Lexie and Willow drive when I needed to sleep or something, but in most cases I wanted to drive. We did end up getting one of those circular pillows, but I guess those are better for post pregnancy or hemorrhoids or something. I had to sit very oddly in order for it to work on my butt cheek, so I ended up laying in the back seat, my head on Bella's lap, and trusting Willow and Lexie to get us to my uncles' house.

"Bella, I know we talked about you being our sister, but would you be okay if I said I wanted to adopt you? Be your mom?" I asked her in a low voice. No, I hadn't talked to Lexie and Willow about that, but she hadn't had a mom in a long time, because I wasn't counting her bitch of a stepmom, and I thought it might mean more to her than to have a sibling. Either way, she'd be happily living with us, so it would be a good thing.

"Are you serious?" Her eyes flew open, and I was thrilled to see the giant smile on her face.

"Yeah, I am. I can be the cool mom at the parent teacher conferences, and when any girls wanna date you I can give them a mean mom talk."

"You'd scare the shit out of them!"

"If need be, yeah. But I think I could be a good mom to you. I'm a little scared of babies, but you and I are already pretty good."

"Can we really do it?"

"Yeah, we can. I'll make sure of it." I had little doubt that once I was able to talk to Joe again, that Petra would be able to make the necessary paperwork happen.

"Then I really like the idea of you being my mom."

"Good! I'll try not to fuck up too much!"