"I don't know what to say now..." Beth lowered her head. "Can I give you a hug?"

Bianca nodded. The two of them share a hug for a few seconds.

"Can I ask you a question?" Beth was going to mention the magical illustration that Bianca did. "Were your series Magical inspired by these experiences."

"Magical! You are right. They are. Magic is real; they are just not spoken by a lot of people. These days, a lot of teenagers were speaking about it online. The sense of community and solidarity helped me voice my experience as well. What I felt was not alone. I envisioned myself as my idealized self. A beautiful dress, a sword to protect me...all the schoolwork and expectations became monsters for me to defeat. It was the first time I felt so free."

"So, are you still magical now?"

"No. The magic eventually went away, before I started attending Lisette."

"Wait! How did you make your magic go away? I have seen a girl online claiming that she got rid of her magic as well. She said that one needs to understand the reason their magic happened in the first place."

"I discovered something--the magic feed on my emotional state by spawning from my anxiety. When I grew to become indulgent in the magic, I was losing myself simultaneously. For my whole life, I had been conditioned to achieve, to be caring, to score expectations. Then, I pushed myself to become this idealized person as well--this person who could be perfect at everything I do. Never did I have a chance to think about what else I could have been.

So...instead of battling my monsters, I chose to be at peace with them. We all have our destinies to fulfill. There were no right and wrong in life. Why confine me to one path, then? Why become so entangled with others' lives when nothing could be helped solely with my own power? When I let go of that perfect image I set for myself, everything suddenly becomes brighter. The dress, the sword...they all went away one day naturally.

I still applied to many colleges that allowed me to pursue something as my backup but chose illustration as my focus at Lisette eventually. However, to this day, the days that magic accompanied me mattered the most. Without it, I wouldn't become who I am today. Well, I think that these conclude all of my three-year journeys when I was at Laurel."

Beth stopped eating, leaving her pieces of cake laying around the edge of the plate.

"Is there something wrong, Beth?" Bianca looked concerned.

Beth didn't say anything. Instead, she reached out to the pocket of her jacket to see if her bracelet was there. It hadn't been moved places in the pocket for a while.

"I also have emotional monsters. My friends do too."

Bianca gasped.

"Owen and Nora said that you told them about your emotional monsters." Beth's voice suddenly became hushed. "You didn't tell them your whole story, right? They are great people, but why can't they can't understand that you've been through this lot?"

"It's fine. Everyone goes through a lot." Bianca reached out to Beth. "But I am so happy that you said this to me. It's really nice meeting you, my Laurel sister. Maybe it's my hunch feeling again...I believe we will meet sometime in the future."

"Can I ask for advice on getting rid of my magic? I've been thinking if it is related to me feeling less confident about my background since coming into Laurel City. But I don't know if getting into Lisette University would help me let my magic go. And what shall I do to get there? In comparison to those people at the dinner party, I am just..."

Bianca chuckled.

'Why worry about that? Don't make art for Lisette. Make art for yourself. '

'What? Why?'

'Laurel Prep admitted you based on your unique experiences. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.'

✨

Beth went straight to her room after coming back from her meetup with Bianca. She sat alone in front of the window, holding her golden bracelet in hand. However, her table lamp was not turned on. She just wanted to savor this particular moment in the dark, only with her thoughts accompanying her. The usual glimmer on the golden bracelet became dull since the last pecks of sunlight disappeared under the evening clouds. A long shadow dropped from her Lisette University banner hanging on the wall onto her hands.

Ever since she spoke to Bianca, Bianca's words had been resonating in her mind. The words about her turbulent social life. The words that mentioned the natural disappearance of the magic after she found her new direction. Bianca seemed very well-adjusted now. She had her ways with wise words. She smiled a lot. Yet Beth couldn't help but wonder if Bianca was really happy. There were still many things hiding behind Bianca's smile she may never know.

Beth looked into the golden bracelet as if it were a mirror that could see her reflection. On the surface of the golden bracelet, a stretched, distorted face of her with thin eyes and mouth emerged. She pulled the bracelet closer to her, and spinned it in various directions. As the bracelet rolled towards her, her appearance on the bracelet also changed—the curves and lines on her face were reconstructed, the facial features slided around the planes on the bracelet. Then, everything became various colored lines, dispersing across the bracelet like wide bands of moving stars.

Suddenly, the bracelet squeaked and jumped out of her hands. A crack began forming around the corners of the walls, exposing sharp lights leaking from the cracks. With the cracks opening wider and wider, a strong wind came from the cracks, absorbing Beth as if she was a thin piece of paper. Now, Beth was in her white dress again, with her pen in her hand. Nothing had changed for her from the last time she was in a battle.

Except one thing—she remembered where the design of the white dress came from. It was from the piece of paper she doodled on when she discovered her interest in fashion design. The one that was teared up by Madison during their arguments about school.

As the cracks closed up by themselves, a scene revealed itself. She was just standing exactly in front of her old room, just before Madison retrieved the school letter from the mailbox.

On the right side of herself, there were stairs up into her room. Walking up the stairs, Beth spotted the figure of her 14-year-old self pretending to do homework under her heavy books. However, neither Madison and the younger Beth could notice her existence. Madison entered the room with the mail. The argument happened. The drawing of the white dress was sitting silently on the desk, waiting for her to grab.

Instinctively, Beth reached out to the drawing by scratching the air. Yet her body started glitching. The white dress was melting as her arm reached nearer and nearer to the drawing as a warning to her. A invisible blast blew her hand back to her. 14-year-old Beth was still sitting by the desk, not noticing her older counterpart coming at it.

Maybe I should write a message to my "mom" with my pen. Ask her to stop.

It didn't work either. As planned, the sky started raining. The argument between Madison and younger Beth carried on with the drawing teared at the end. Younger Beth slammed her hand on the wall and ran out of home despite the pouring rain.

Wait! Wait! It's very dangerous running in the rain on your own! Beth felt the need to chase down her younger self. It was literally raining. How could I have been so stupid at that time, running out on my own? Madison was still standing on the side of the room; paralyzed, with a frozen and distorted face written with agony and frustration.

Mom! Go talk to her, that younger me!

Please!

The pen glitched more severely when Beth was writing down the sentence. Then the pen rebounded towards Beth as if it had been pushed inside by an invisible bond. Something was wrong. She could walk naturally around in the space, take the stairs, yet...there was no freedom for her to interfere with what had happened in the past. All she could do was to let the past naturally proceed, while she watches the event unveiled in front of her own eyes as a silent witness. A witness outgrown from her own body.

The rainy streets were very slippery. Nothing could be seen clearly. Beth walked and walked mindlessly in the dark to find her young self. Strolling in the damp water, she thought about Madison, about the night that actually happened when Madison searched alone for her all over the town in the midst of a rainy night. The frustration. The anxiety. The fear of separation. Most of all, the words of apology never vocalized after the night. Madison never said anything about Beth's drawings after the incident. Didn't that mean something?

Finally, younger Beth could be spotted around the corner of the town plaza.

Beth rushed towards her younger self, kicking the thick water ahead. On her way, more and more thoughts about Madison popped up in her head. These thoughts were not about Madison being a mom, but about her being a human.

Beth tried to put herself into Madison's shoes, imagining what she was like when she was young.

What was she like before she gave birth to me? What was she like when she was young? Did she grow up in an environment that prompted her to do everything perfectly, that focused on respecting authorities? What did she enjoy doing? Did she cry at night sometimes over the mistakes that she made?

Now I think of that, I never asked her these questions.

Over the years I thought she didn't care about me.

It was some selfish thought.

I never really cared about her that much...either.

Younger Beth was drowning in streams of water, mixed with her tears and rain. She looked somewhat frail by herself, almost catching a cold in the rain. Beth extended her hands forward as if she was embracing that younger self of her.

Suddenly, something unexpected happened. The cracks started appearing again, followed by more and more intense glitching in the environment. The raining sky was fading. The buildings were disappearing. Everything was fading away, leaving Beth and her younger self to be together.

A line of words appeared in the air.

The memories of Bethany A. Clementine.