"Happy birthday to you!"

        "Happy birthday to you!"

    "Happy birthday dear Taehyung!"

        "Happy birthday to you!"

The house and neighborhood are utterly silent while everyone sleeps soundly.  The kitchen is dark as I sit at the tiny dining table crammed in the corner with a store bought cupcake. The blue and white stripped candle on top so worn out and used over the years it's a mere stub of wax with the smallest yellow flame flickering above.

I've always celebrated my birthdays alone since my mom died. Alone here in this same kitchen at this same table with my chin resting on this same spot while I blew out the
candle and made the same wish.

That I wouldn't live to see another birthday.

Outside a car passes, sending a beam of warm yellow light flooding into the kitchen. I squint my eyes in minor pain before focusing on my wish again.

In the end nothing truly went as planned.

My first time actually trying to stop the outcome of a vision and I'd somehow managed to screw everything up.

Nobody was supposed to get hurt this time.

We had planned to tell the counselors about the fire arm and have camp shut down before doomsday arose, but on account of my lack of focus tragedy slipped right through my fingers.

If only I'd noticed sooner, if I had only been paying more attention to the signs. My surroundings.

BamBam wouldn't be so off the rails. He wouldn't be too afraid of the outside world, of people, to leave his house.

Yoongi wouldn't be in the hospital.

It's been almost four months and he was still barely making a dent of progress in physical therapy.

But most of all if I had paid more attention on that day instead of focusing on some stupid camp event.

Jackson wouldn't be dead.

A whimper comes from my left and for a second I thought it came from me, but it didn't. Something soft brushes against my bare leg, giving my toes a quick lick.

Bending down I peek under the table and come face to face with a ball of white fur curled up and resting on my foot.

"Holly?"

One of her ears lift up but she doesn't look at me. She's mad at me for getting Yoongi hurt. Mad at him for leaving her in my care. She could visit him in the hospital but she wasn't allowed to stay.

"Holly~" I try to coax her out again but she continues to ignore me. "Don't you want some cake?"

Cupcake. Whatever.

No response

I sigh and sit up. My candle had finally burned down to the nub. Hot wax has smeared itself all over the yellow icing. Only a flicker of flame remains.

Everyone who was involved in the accidents lives have changed in major ways. All except my own.

The promise to live with Yoongi and his family for a while after the summer fell through because ... well he got shot!

I dreaded coming home to my big brother. My imagination could barely contain my thoughts of what he would do to me, how he would punish me for having the police sniffing around our house. To my surprise though when I returned he had a new companion already moved into my room. A girl.

The old couple that used to live next door finally packed up and took off to a healthcare home. That didn't bother me very much. They were never very nice even when mom was alive and became basically unbearable when she died. Snarky crooked toothed old bats.

Overall nothing is any different. Minjae is still an aggressive jerk. Just one with a girlfriend. Soon enough new neighbors would move in and they'd probably be as mean as the last pair.

Laying my head down I huffed out the final embers of the candle in defeat.

This year I want things to be different. I'm finally free from visions for the first time in forever and I want to make the most of this time. I finally have friends. 'Had' friends and I would do my best to make this up to them. 

At the last second I changed my wish.

"I wish my mom was here to give me advice"