"No Nutt November? Destroy Dick December? Don't tell me you've never heard of either?!"

With a few more days left to our Christmas break before returning to school I decided I'd spend the day with BamBam.  As you could tell his sense of humor was all the same, his appearance however was not.

BamBam had allowed his once stark white hair to grow out to his chin. His deep brown roots taking over the silky strands till only the tips held the frosty colour. He was slightly taller than I'd last seen him, skinnier too, with his long arms covered from wrist to elbow in an abundance of bracelets. Baggy shorts. Plain T-shirt. Yes he was still an insecure pretty.

The clothes and the hair not the face were what made his appearance different though. It was his smile. And the fact that he didn't have one anymore.

Sure he may have believed that stretching his lips and squinting his eyes would give the same effect as a smile but it didn't. It wasn't his. There was no mischievous spark to it. His teeth didn't gleam with sinister intent. His ears didn't perk up listening for trouble.

His smile was so empty.

"Never heard of it." I confessed.

The others eyebrows shot up in shock. "Kim Taehyung! Where have you been living?! Under a rock? "

"Not really. It's just after my mom died I never really had access to the internet"

Minjae took away my phone and rarely allowed me on his laptop. Too afraid that I might find sanctuary in an online friend or even seek help. I was like a true Cinderella trapped in that house. Cooking and cleaning and tiptoeing around to avoid his attention.

The most promising surprise about returning home was the fact that most of us went to the same public school, I just wished we could have become friends through different circumstances.  Yoongi and the others were a year above me however. BamBam would have been as well if he'd continued to attend school.

We fell into a comfortable silence after that. Snacking out of the popcorn bowl between us and mulling about through our own thoughts.

I rather liked BamBams house. His parents were the friendliest people I'd ever met. They were also very obvious about the relationship BamBam had with Jackson before he passed. It was probably the only reason why they didn't push him to go back to school and wholeheartedly accepted his transition into online schooling.

"When was the last time you went to visit him?"

I froze. The popcorn in my mouth suddenly tasting dry and stale. I listened to the loud crunch of it against my teeth for a few second before swallowing.

There were a lot of things that flashed across my mind. Things I could bite back with to hurt him just as much as the mention of Yoongi wounded me. All those months as I cried alone in my cold bedroom while BamBam ignored me. He was here in the safe comfort of his parents affection.

The idea of intentionally wanting to insult him startled me even farther. I wanted to ask. It was such a simple question. 'Why did you stop talking to me when I needed you the most?' The words just refused to leave my mouth so instead I said "He's been really busy with therapy. The doctors already told him the reality of his injury but he's adamant."

BamBam nodded in thought. Using stiff fingers he picked at the stray fags on his socks. "I was thinking that I should pay a visit, but I wouldn't know what to say."

Maybe about how the scar on your chest still burnt at night when you woke up in a cold sweat.  A shard of metal mere centimeters from your heart. Then you'd have something to relate to one another.

I forced my lips into a smile when the silence ran on for a beat too long. "It doesn't really matter. He hasn't really been in the talking mood anyway."

The last time I visited him I did all the talking. Telling him about how things were slightly better for me at home, but nothing had fully come to a halt. He never looked me in the eye once. Just stared down at my fidgeting hands. Smudged with blue ink from an impossible to break habit.  Stared as I dragged on and on and on until I just packed up my things and left. The nurse on duty at that hour ruffling my hair because she knew despite my sullen state my heart still beat faster everytime I stepped through that door.

Glancing up I made eye contact with BamBam. Both of us needing comfort but too stubborn to ask for it.

"I'm going tomorrow. You can come if you want."