Ren was horrified beyond belief.

He didn't even realize that his shaking hand had stopped the camera footage, refusing to see any further after getting the answer he had been looking for. He slowly backed away from the control panel, his entire body shaking to the bones.

It was like cold water had been poured over his entire body and soul at the realization that the Grand Master Stellan Gios, who was highly celebrated by the entire Jedi Order for his bravery and heroism, was actually a murderer. And the fact that his fellow masters--and even his own master, Vernestra--actively participated in its cover up.

It felt like he had been woken up from an illusion. How much had they been hiding while teaching young Jedis to "follow the way of the force"? What had he been doing all these years, believing all those lies? What they did was nothing about the way of the force. It was pure selfishness.

Ren stumbled as he stood up, his head spinning as his world crumbled around him. He had identified as a Jedi all his life, but now he wasn't even sure if he still wanted to. In fact, he felt disgusted. He wanted to claw out of these Jedi clothes; out of his own skin. He wanted to detach himself from everything related to the Jedi Order, but how could he when it had been embedded so deep into his core?

At that moment, he could only think of one thing that could save him from completely breaking down--- Elysia.

Soon enough, he found himself mindlessly heading towards the city, his feet dragging on their own across the familiar path towards her shop. He didn't even mind the resentful gazes that darted towards him, as it was the first time he walked these Bleisian streets in Jedi clothing. In fact, he felt like he deserved it. He understood the hate because at that moment, he also hated himself.

As soon as he entered the apothecary shop, he found Elysia standing in between the aisles, caught in the middle of arranging vials on one of the shelves. She had been startled by how violent the wind chimes clinked due to the abrupt opening of the door.

As she realized it was Ren, her mouth opened to reprimand him, but was quick to notice his distressed state.

"What happened to you?"

Ren's lips pressed into a tight line, for a moment unable to answer as he couldn't decide whether to speak or embrace her. He ended up doing neither and instead stopped a few feet in front of her, his head hung low as he felt like he did not deserve to touch her nor even look her in the eyes.

"I... I need to talk to you..."

Sensing the gravity and urgency of the topic, Elysia used the force to flip the door sign to "closed" and grabbed Ren's arm to lead him towards the house at the back of the shop. She did not say a word until they were seated in front of each other at the small round table, and even then, Ren still refused to look straight at her.

"Ren, tell me what happened."

"I've seen what happened...thirteen years ago, to your father...." he drawled out, as if giving Elysia enough time to understand that he was pertaining to the day of her father's death. "I accessed the camera feed of Master Vernestra's ship, because it was the same ship they used when they went to your father here at Bleise. There were four of them. Master Elzar, Master Kriss, Master Vernestra, and Grand Master Gios."

Ren swallowed hard, his throat feeling unbelievably dry. He felt uncomfortable under Elysia's intense stare and the way her brows furrowed deeply into each other as she quietly listened.

 "They were indeed your father's former colleagues, and they did ask your father to rejoin the Order. But eventually your father found out that their main objective was to recruit you as a Padawan, which he refused. Grand Master Gios didn't take too kindly to his refusal."

"Who among them killed my father?" Elysia asked gravely, cutting to the chase.

"Grand Master Gios."

There was a stretch of silence as Elysia stared blankly at the table, her thoughts unreadable. "This Grand Master Gios..." she spoke slowly, as if speaking his name alone was too difficult for her. "Where is he? How can we bring justice against him?"

"We can't. He's already dead. He died a hero eleven years ago."

Elysia seemed very disappointed at this information, and she slumped in her seat with a huff, her eyebrows deeply knitted. Meanwhile, Ren could only stare at her in fear, as if he expected her to explode in fury, strike him, or declare her disgust for him. He was ready for her to sever all ties with him, because he was a Jedi. He was one of them.

However, Elysia did neither. She let out a long sigh and rubbed her eyebrows, as if forcing them to relax. "It can't be helped then. We'll think of  another way to make things right."

Ren stared back at her in confusion. "Aren't you angry?"

"Well, I can't be angry towards a dead man now, could I?"

"No, I mean... at me."

For a moment, she looked at him in confusion, but as his words processed into her mind, an unexpected laugh escaped her lips. "Why should I be? It wasn't your fault."

"But I'm part of the Jedi Order that betrayed your father. I'm one of them. I'm a Jedi you're supposed to hate."

A somber smile spread across her lips, her gaze softening significantly as she crossed her hands on the table to slightly lean towards him. "I think you already hate yourself more than enough."

Although spoken so softly, her words struck him deep. He couldn't do anything but just respond in silence, his lips tightly pursed together. He was both confused and ashamed that he was the one in distress instead of Elysia. Perhaps, because she had long accepted the reality of her father's death, and this information was just a confirmation of what she already knew. For Ren, however, he just recently realized the reality of the Jedi Order, and he didn't know yet how to accept it.

Meanwhile, Elysia couldn't help but look at Ren in worry. Although he didn't want to directly admit it,  his face and demeanor alone already told her that he was in his own existential crisis. He had always been so relaxed and confident and seemed like nothing in the world could faze him. Yet, there was none of that man in front of her right then. This man in front of her looked so lost and vulnerable. His head cowered, his eyes glassy and full of a disarray of thoughts.

She understood, because she had went through the same thing.

Confusion, anger, denial.

It was a dangerous combination, and often it was enough to break a person. And indeed, it was in the process of breaking Ren. Choosing to offer some kind of comfort, she laid a palm on top of his hand on the table, causing him to snap out of his deep trance. "Ren, you've proven to me that not all Jedi are the same. Their mistakes are not yours to bear. It was not your fault for believing them either."

Ren's mouth opened to respond, but was interrupted when the comlink in his pocket vibrated. As he pulled it out, his expression only darkened further as he realized it was Master Vernestra attempting to contact him.

However, his hand did not move further to answer it; he just stared at it with brows furrowed as if he was deeply contemplating whether to answer it or not. The vibration seemed to echo loudly in the quiet room for what felt like an eternity, until it just stopped on its own.

When it didn't vibrate a second time, a heavy sigh escaped Ren's lips. He had never ignored any of Master Vernestra's calls. He knew she was not going to take this action lightly.

"Do you have to go?"

"I..." Ren swallowed "...I don't know...."

Elysia pursed her lips for a moment as if deeply considering something. "If you have nowhere else to go, you can stay here in the meantime."

Ren's eyes widened. "What? I can't possibly--"

"I can't possibly turn you away in that state, can I?" She joked lightheartedly, purposefully cutting him off.

"But Elysia, you---"

"I still have some of my father's clothes which may fit you just fine." Before he could protest any further, she left to get something from a small room.  "Don't worry, I've worn these recently so they're freshly laundered."

She want back and placed a pair of clothes on top of the round table, leaving Ren no chance to refuse. Ren's mouth opened in his several attempts to refuse her proposal, but he couldn't form the words and she didn't seem like she was going to listen anyway.

"I'll leave you to have some time to yourself. Meanwhile, I have a meeting to attend to." She quickly went to the door, but briefly turned around to flash a small comforting smile. "See you later, Ren."

*****

[A/N]:

Sorry for the looooong delay. I had to deal with some pregnancy stuff so my headspace was not really in writing mode the past few months... and  how do I tell my husband that Qimir had unknowingly been my pregnancy craving sksksks