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🪽J's Lullaby (Darlin' I'd Wait for You) - Delaney Bailey

*****

After one too many drinks, both Ren and Elysia had obviously loosened up and were even laughing together while talking about their lives in general, all sorts of "what-ifs", and anything under the sun that they could think of. At that moment, long gone were the Bleisian Councillor and the Jedi Knight, and they were just two young people enjoying each other's company.

There was no Jedi Code, no Bleisan rules, no one to judge them for drinking at such late hour of the night.

"No, there can't possibly be a metal like that," Ren shook his head, his words a bit more slurred than usual. Elysia grinned and waved her retractable metal rod in front of him, obviously now very tipsy.

"It's true! This Bleisian metal can only withstand the heat of a lightsaber, but Chief Vymirr said the cortosis metal can do as far as disable lightsabers."

"I'm sure that's just a rumor. I've never heard anything like that in my entire days as a Jedi."

"He said he'd seen it in its raw form in an outer rim planet. Well, I think it's real." She shrugged as she emptied another glass of alcohol.

"Then why not see it for yourself? I'm sure you could have one. It'll be a huge upgrade to your rod." Ren commented as he studied Elysia's metal rod on the table. It was lightweight and smooth to the touch, and had intricate engravings that were perhaps, Bleisian language. It matched Elysia's aesthetic very well. Sleek, pristine, yet powerful.

He could even vividly remember how shocked he was the first time it clashed against his lightsaber, how Elysia almost bested him on close range combat with it.

"You mean, go to another planet?"

Ren shrugged as a 'yes'. For some reason, his suggestion made her a bit rueful, her gaze falling onto the glass of liquor in front of her.

"I... haven't really thought about it. Plus, I don't think Chief Vymirr would allow me to."

"You're of age. I think you can decide for yourself."

"Ren, I am bound to the Council just as you are bound to the Jedi Order. You do understand that we are in no position to decide for ourselves."

"Yet, we are here having late night rendezvous and even drinking without their knowledge." Ren smirked as he lifted his glass towards her.

"Touché." Elysia chuckled as she clinked glasses with him, then both took a swig from their respective glasses.

"The only life I know is here in Bleise. I never thought about looking for a life somewhere else."

"Then we're not all that different, aren't we?" Ren smiled. "The only life I know is the Jedi Order. I never considered having a life outside it."

"Haven't you, really?" she tilted her head, purposefully challenging his principles.

"The Jedi Code has been embedded deep into my core since childhood. Having been scouted at such a young age, I don't really have a life to go back to outside the Order."

"How about a life to build for yourself? Without the Order? A family of your own?"

Ren was silent for a moment. For the first time, he actually thought about it. A family.

It was one of the questions he had on his mind for a long time but always pushed back down. To be honest, it was quite contradictory to the Jedi teachings. How could a Jedi be expected to be compassionate without forming attachments? Expected to love all living beings without ending up deeply loving someone? Expected to treat everyone in the Order as family but not form a family of their own?

These thoughts had always been at the back of Ren's mind, but Master Vernestra had always been quick to shut off those thoughts of his. She was never fond of his theories, his what-ifs, his questions on the deeper reasoning of the Jedi principles. He was always expected to accept everything as it is and just follow.

"Jedi's are not allowed to have a family..." Ren answered regretfully. "We are prohibited to form attachments, as these usually lead to unhealthy emotions such as jealousy and greed."

"Spoken like a true Jedi," Elysia said sarcastically and rolled her eyes as she downed the rest of her drink.

"But if I ever did find a love as strong as the force..." Ren suddenly added. "I might consider it."

Elysia stared back at him, surprised at his honesty. Right in front of her was a Jedi basically admitting that he's willing to abandon his honor out of love. It wasn't everyday you get to see a Jedi admitting such a human side of him.

"Well, how about you miss councillor?" Ren shot back the question at her as he downed his drink as well.

"If I find someone willing to turn their back to the world for me, I might also consider it." She said softly as she returned Ren's gaze. "Just as my father did. Others might think it's dishonorable, but I think choosing to love someone regardless of what the world thinks is the most honorable thing you can do."

He didn't know it was because of the way she was looking at him, or just because of the alcohol, but Ren felt as if there was a deeper implication to her words. He felt her words reverberate to his core, realizing that she had just perfectly defined his dilemma.

Why did the Jedi define love like a sin?
Wasn't it brave and honorable to love?

A long silence stretched between them as they just gazed at each other, for the first time looking properly as they saw the other in their rawest form. They realized just how similar they were. Behind the image of a rigid Jedi Knight, and behind the image of a stoic Bleisian Councillor, they were just humans both longing for a deeper connection that they failed to get from the people around them.

Ren, despite being surrounded by fellow Jedis and having a master, their relationship had always been kept at arm's reach. Every action, every word was highly influenced by the Jedi Code, ensuring that they never went further than platonic relationships.

Elysia, despite having an adoptive father and always interacting with the Bleisians, never truly felt a love and care equivalent to that of her biological father. She felt as though her mourning had been swept under the rug, leaving her no choice but to deal with it by herself all these years.

And it seemed, they just found the deeper connection they had been looking for in each other. Despite their differences, they understood each other.

As Ren's onyx eyes stared into Elysia's golden ones, they felt as though they were looking in the mirror. It was as if they could feel an invisble string tying its knots between them, forming an intangible yet powerful connection.

Elysia was the first to break eye contact as she grabbed the bottle of liquor, breaking the tension forming in the air.

"Elysia, I think you've had enough." Ren stopped her while she was halfway done filling another glass. She lifted an eyebrow at him.

"We should at least finish the bottle."

He sighed. "You know, I didn't expect you to be so fond of alcohol, miss uptight councillor."

"Correction, I'm not an alcoholic." She slurred and waved a finger at him, fortunately ignoring his snarky nickname for her. "I only drink once a year, so I make the most of it."

"You mean, if I wasn't here, you would've drank this entire bottle by yourself?" He looked at her judgingly as she proceeded to empty the bottle into her glass anyway.

"Mhmm," she casually nodded. "Keeps the nightmares at bay. Commemorating your father's death doesn't exactly give sweet dreams, you know?"

Ren just stared at her in silence as she gulped another mouthful of liquor. Her face twisted in displeasure at the strong taste, and Ren could tell that the effects of alcohol were definitely getting to her.

"See? That wasn't so hard." She lifted the empty bottle of liquor and shook it, as if finishing it was an accomplishment. Ren just stared at her with mixed emotions, not really happy that this was her way of dealing with her pain, but at the same time he understood that she needed it.

"I'll clean up, you can go home to your temple now." She stood up and headed towards the kitchen, but then stumbled over her own feet. Fortunately, Ren was quick enough to catch her in his arms, her face draping over his shoulder.

"You're drunk." He commented.

"No shit." she slurred into his shoulder. Ren had to laugh at the unexpected curse word that slipped out of her mouth. Who knew that the regal, composed young councillor he came to know of was capable of even cursing?

A few long seconds stretched between them as they remained unmoving, and all of a sudden Ren was hyper aware of his hands placed on Elysia's waist, and her arm wrapped around his shoulder. They were so close to each other that he could feel their heartbeats against each other. Having been his first time to be in such an intimate embrace, he didn't exactly know what to do.

"Why did you have to be a Jedi..." she suddenly mumbled, but it was so quiet and slurred that Ren almost didn't catch it.

"What?"

He waited for her to repeat it, but as seconds passed without her response, he slightly pulled back to look at her, only to realize that she had passed out. A soft smile played on his lips as he gently gazed at her peacefully sleeping face, her breathing calm and even.

Even when passed out drunk, she was so beautiful.

"And she said she could handle her liquor..."

Ren sighed as he scooped her in his arms and carried her towards the bed, proceeding to gently lay her down and tuck her underneath the covers. He knelt beside the bed as he took a moment to stare at her sleeping figure.

His attention shifted towards a small dreamcatcher that hung at the headboard right beside her pillow. He reached out to touch the three black feathers hanging from it, another pange of sadness stinging his heart. It looked rather old and worn out, evident that it had accompanied her for several years.

She had been trying hard to keep the nightmares at bay.

"Sweet dreams, Elysia." Ren whispered as he brushed a stray hair away from her face. Sighing, he stood up and silently left.

*****

[A/N]

Ren and Elysia are so cute together I'm sobbing 😭😭😭 The music isn't helping my tears 😭