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Control - Halsey

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We were standing near the shore a bit farther from the cave. Qimir was standing just a few feet away from me, his hands placed on his back as he looked at me seriously.

"What do you know about the light and dark side of the force?"

He asked, and I knew it was a test. My head tilted as I chose my words carefully.

"The light side is good, and the dark side is evil."

"Wrong," he bluntly corrected. "That's how the Jedi made it appear to be. They say that pain, anger, greed, and desire are the path to the dark side, but they are lying to themselves. Every person has a light and dark side. Those emotions are natural and are part of what makes who we are."

Qimir was pacing circles around me as he explained, and I remained unmoving as I focused hard to absorb all of his words.

"The Jedi are afraid of things they can't control, so they defined the dark side as evil. Because they found it easier to suppress it, to hide it, rather than control it."

Qimir stopped pacing circles just as he was in front of me.

"And you, Eli. The Jedi will call you evil." He reached out to softly brush a hair out of my face. "Because what defined you is the pain of living, and the greed and desire to continue surviving no matter what. Tell me, is that so bad?"

"No," I softly answered.

"Your pain... it's where your power comes from, Eli." He said softly as he stepped closer to me. "But you've been suppressing it; keeping it hidden in the dark as if detaching it from yourself."

I bit my lip as I realized he was right. I felt so called out; I felt as if he was exposing my entire being out in the open.

"You might have felt that you were in control, but in fact, you were losing it. That's why it's been plaguing your nightmares the moment they resurfaced back in the light. If you want to control it, you have to make peace with it. Accept it."

The memories of my captivity and torture flooded back in my mind, but it was just too overwhelming and painful that I found my breathing get heavier. I shook my head in an attempt to wash it away.

"You're doing it again," Qimir said blandly, noticing my discomfort.

"But how can I make peace with something like that?" I whispered in disbelief.

Qimir raised his hands towards the sides of my head as if to hold it, but he paused half way as if to give me chance to back away.

"This is the part where you have to trust me." He waited for my response. I pursed my lips as I remembered what he did back at the lagoon, how painful it was, but then again, I had promised to trust him this time.

Hesitantly, I nodded my head and closed my eyes.

Qimir proceeded to grip the sides of my head, and almost instantly, I felt the pressure of something forcefully enter my mind once again. All of a sudden I was back in the orphan farm, chained up by the neck once again. The pain of my whip scars started to burn again as if they were fresh, and I felt myself grip Qimir's wrists tightly but he did not let go of my head.

"Let yourself feel the pain," his deep voice echoed in my head.

My mind was torn between my consciousness and my subconscious, as I could hear and feel everything that was happening from two places at the same time. I could still hear the gentle waves crashing on the shore, yet I could also smell the blood and hear the chains jangling through the hallways of the orphan farm.

All of a sudden, I felt a whip land across my back, causing my body jolt forward at the fresh pain. I screamed, yet Qimir only held onto me tighter, not allowing me to escape.

Then the next, and the next, and next whip came, as if I was being tortured all over again.

"Stop...." I whimpered, feeling tears now dripping down my cheeks. My knees buckled beneath my feet and I fell kneeling on the sand, but Qimir still didn't let go despite my nails digging into his skin.

"You have to feel all of it. Accept it. Make it part of who you are."

"It hurts!" I screamed as another whip slashed across my back.

"Eli, focus!"

His voice boomed, causing me to bite my cheeks to avoid screaming. I lost count of how many more whips I felt against my back, but this time I swallowed my screams, and instead focused on the pain that coursed through my nerves, how it caused my entire body to shake, how my fingers and toes curled at the searing pain.

I felt a force slowly building up inside my body the longer I indulged in my pain. And strangely, this force felt like it only amplified my senses, extending it beyond what I felt in my body, and I started to hear the crashing waves more loudly, the smell of blood and sweat intoxicatingly stronger, and I could even hear Qimir's every breath.

My mind started to hurt from the intense force and heightened senses, and my entire body shook as if I was absorbing too much all at once.

Then all of a sudden, I felt the force in me implode, and I heard myself scream.

Everything was suddenly drowned in darkness, and my body stopped feeling anything.

"Eli...." I heard Qimir's voice, but it seemed so distant.

"Eli, wake up!" He sounded panicked. Slowly my senses returned, and I started to feel gentle taps on my cheek.

My eyes slowly opened, and I realized that I was cradled in Qimir's arms as he tried to pull me back from unconsciousness. He let out a sigh of relief as soon as I woke up, but his face was still laced with worry.

"How long was I out?" I slurred.

"Just a few seconds," he assured. I tried to sit up and he carefully guided me. As I recollected myself, I realized that I was sitting in the middle of an etched circle on the sand.

I studied my surroundings in confusion and realized that the sand had been displaced from where I was seated, as if a strong wind had carried them away.

I looked at Qimir in confusion, and he nodded towards something at my back.

I turned around and saw all the nearby rocks at a roughly twenty feet vicinity have been blasted to pieces. My mouth hung agape at the strange sight. Was that even possible?

"You did that." Qimir softly said. He reached out to wipe something from my lips, and I realized that it was blood. A gentle smile formed on his lips.

"Now you see how powerful you are, Eli."

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