Relationship : SuA x Reader

Categories : Angst, Smut, Fluff

Tags : breakup, ex, eventual smut, angst with a happy ending, high school fic, ex sex, slight possessiveness, oral sex, fingering, switch

Word count : 10 753

Summary : The reader is still suffering from her breakup with SuA, until they meet and have to talk to each other...

A/N : is there anything better than one of my best stories to celebrate this perfect woman's birthday?

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You hated the routine you had to endure more and more. At the beginning of the year, everything was going much better, when every morning you were looking forward to your day at school. But today, all the smiles that were so familiar to you were gone. You walked through the doors of the school with much more anxiety. It was hard to justify yourself, though. Of course, you were suffering from a heartbreak, but the fact that your breakup with SuA had already happened months ago made you feel ridiculous. The separation was still difficult for you, for the simple reason that your feelings for her still hadn't left you. It was too hard to move on, to put all of that behind you, when you kept on seeing every day the one who had given you hope for a long time, widened your smiles and wiped your tears; without being able to reach her like before.

You would pass her in the corridors, hear her singular laugh and her powerful voice. She seemed to be doing very well on her own, to have easily forgotten your relationship. You would have liked to blame her, but it was more like you blamed yourself for continually holding on to empty hopes.

All the months that your relationship had lasted had made you both shine. Your friends were all common, because we had composed a group, and they had always surrounded you both. So, they were now rather tortured between hanging out with SuA or you. It was always embarrassing to see their awkwardly sympathetic smiles when they had to admit to you that they were going to be with her.

Falling in love with SuA had always been positive. Perhaps your volatile promises to always love her cynically led you to still be very attached to her so long after you had been separated. Since then, everything had changed. Your seats in class had changed. The people who kept you company had changed. Your hobbies had changed. Yet your love for her had remained the same. While SuA rarely gave you a glance, you often let your own lock onto her.

And today was one of those days you didn't want to be there. So discreet, aloof, passive, you were a spectator of your own life. And you hated this spectacle. You were surely not even the main character of your own story, and found yourself as the secondary brought to suffer in the background. You had been feeling this way for months. And nothing allowed you to see things any other way.

So you walked into the first room of your day. Probably one of your least favorite classes to attend, and instead of staring at the hands of the clock for a long time, you realized the time was faster when you started watching SuA. She certainly wasn't paying attention to you. She was everything you were not. Yet, when you had been with her, you had felt like you were enough, like this gap was nothing. Today, you felt miserable. So, indeed, a few rows behind her, you sat listlessly watching her live. She had lost none of her beauty, none of who she was. Her dynamism was as present as ever, dressed in her constant good humor. You admired her very much. And having been loved by SuA was surely one of your proudest achievements.

From your seat, you could see the glint in her brown eyes from time to time. Those eyes that had so often been set on you. Those eyes that had looked at you, that had loved you, that had worried about you. You remembered very well when she used to cup your cheeks to force you to look at her. This gesture had pleased you a lot, because you had recognized her seriousness and sincerity in her tender irises. These eyes which, today, did not look at you any more.

Moreover, you could see the curve of her profile. You had always loved the shape of her nose. Then her cheeks, which you often rubbed with yours for comfort. SuA had always found it adorable and it felt so good to you.

Then your eyes fell on her lips. Oh, her lips. This was probably the part of her body that you liked the most, for many reasons. First of all, her smile. Her wide, adorable smile. How beautiful it was. You had often had the privilege of having her all to yourself, of being able to see the joy in her when she was only with you. You also felt special when she kissed you. When she put her beautiful lips on your forehead, nose, cheeks, and mouth. No matter where she kissed, her kisses were always precious. And you missed them a lot.

The journey continued to her uncovered shoulders and partially visible neck. Her brown hair tied up in a ponytail, and her top showing her shoulders gave you a view of parts of her skin. And you were already feeling lucky today. Before, having her completely naked against you was your favorite thing. Now, you couldn't claim the same level. And access to that skin brought back memories. When you were together, you liked to enjoy covering every inch of her supple pale skin with thousands of kisses. You liked to cherish her. You loved loving her. And you liked to give her pleasure too.

Your mind wandered in your memory without you being able to stop it. Unbeknownst to you, images of nights you had shared came back to you. And here you were thinking of SuA naked on top of you or under you, trying to tease you or just moaning. If you let your eyes stay on her neck for too long, you could even see the traces you used to leave there. And without being able to stop your memories, everything came back to you. Absolutely everything. Her fingers slowly tracing imaginary patterns on your skin as she told you she loved you. Her eyes anchored in yours when she unlocked an access to euphoria. Your skin brushed against each other, touched each other, caressed each other. You thought about it again. Again. Months after all this was behind you. But you thought about it again, feeling that these dear moments belonged just to the previous dawn since they were still so clear. How could they still be so dear to you?

You weren’t listening to the class you were attending. Instead, you felt as if you were watching SuA's life. You saw her giggling as she slipped words to her tablemate. You saw her twirling her pen in her hands. You saw her listening almost intently to the lesson being taught. You saw her scratching the back of her neck. You could only see her. How could you have lost yourself so much?

The end of class was announced by a bell. An hour had passed. Was a whole hour really over? And this is why you dreaded each day. You spent each day holding on to the past, hurting yourself. How could SuA have moved on? Hadn't she also promised that she loved you and would love you? If all her smiles were once genuine, how was she now able to not even look at you?

"Hey," a dear classmate approached you, calling you back to Earth. It was JiU, who was worried about you again. Her sad look almost made you believe that she had the ability to read your thoughts, unless they were grossly visible on your expressive face.

"Hi...," you finally replied with the same monotony that had been with you for so many months.

"You torture yourself too much," she noted again. A bitter laugh escaped from between your lips. Of course. Of course your harmful thoughts were taking away a little more hope every day. Of course you were always too focused on the one who had forgotten you. Of course you did.

"Yeah, I know."

"I still think you should talk to her."

"What for?" you questioned, puzzled.

"Just like that. To find out. It can be healthy, I think. Even if you're not dating anymore, you can still communicate. So you could know how she's doing, how she's living."

"To make me feel even more disgusted that I'm the only one completely lost? No, thanks."

"No, I promise!" JiU insisted. "At least think about it. It might help you to move on. Seeing her from afar tortures you, but putting things straight might be a way to really put an end to it."

You didn't give an answer. What would be the point?

Later that day, you were joined by other friends. You were hanging out with JiU again, with the addition of Yoohyeon and Gahyeon. JiU took advantage of this small gathering to announce, "I'm having my birthday party at my house next week! I hope you can all come."

"Who else will be there?" you asked as a precaution.

"Besides you, I'm also planning to invite Dami, Siyeon, Handong and...SuA."

The name you were dreading. On the one hand, you loved having the opportunity to be close to her, but you so hated seeing her so stoic, as if you didn't exist for her anymore. Maybe JiU had wanted to advise you to talk to her in advance to quell any possible tension. You understood her wishes, but going to the party might not be a good idea.

You spent the next few days in high school keeping yourself busy in the same desperate and ridiculous way until Saturday night, when you were invited to JiU's house. If SuA was taken out of the picture, it could only be a good idea, a warm way to connect with your friends. But her presence in the equation made you think that there was no adequate solution. However, your decision was quickly made. Of course, seeing her would hurt you and perhaps cause tension. But you couldn't help being attracted to her. Your well-being was kept muzzled by your own weakness. So, of course, you knew in advance that you would eventually agree.

Once you were welcomed to JiU's house, you were delighted by the good atmosphere. You didn't know what to feel between relief and disappointment when you noticed that SuA hadn't arrived yet. You were one of the last to arrive and everyone seemed to be in a good mood already. It was nice. JiU quickly escorted you to the room where everyone would be sleeping, and once you had dropped off your things, you both returned to the living room. No extraordinary activities had been started, and the girls were only talking. You joined Yoohyeon's conversation to take your mind off the upcoming arrival of SuA.

However, only a few minutes separated you from what you were waiting for as much as you were dreading. She opened the door. You were immediately taken by her smile and her long hair, which this time fell on her shoulders and flowed down her back. Her gaze passed over everyone, including you. Had her glare flickered when she saw you?

Soon, all eight of you were sitting in a circle on the floor playing different games. You were honestly quite discreet, or at least more than usual. It was true that when it came to events like this, you were pretty much like the one you still loved. You were very similar when it came to that, had the same energy, making it easy for everyone else to lose their patience. A faint smile came to your lips almost imperceptibly as you listened to your friends with a distracted ear. These reminiscences were still torturing you. And seeing her sitting in front of you, barely six feet away, without her paying attention to you was painful. Each of the moments you had spent together could not leave your memory and only hurt you more.

"Come on!" Handong insisted. "Spin the bottle, please!"

"She keeps her cards close to her chest, perverse but discreet!"

At Siyeon's remark, everyone started laughing, including you, once again focused on the moment. Handong felt exposed and hid her cheeks in embarrassment.

"Anyway, what do you say about that?" she asked again.

"We'll have to agree on the rules," Dami observed.

"Okay, okay," JiU said, focusing on her to organize the game. "We already did that once. So I suggest: we turn the bottle each in turn, and when it points at someone, you give them a hug. But, if you get the same person a second time, you kiss them, but only on the cheek. And a third time...kiss as you like but I won't be watching."

Everyone laughed at her joke, before Yoohyeon asked, "What if we don't want to?"

"We take off a piece of clothing," SuA said. It was her type, this kind of game with those rules. No one objected, so the game was on. You didn't know how good it was for you to take this risk. You saw JiU start, fall to Yoohyeon out of the corner of your eye, as you imagined what direction it might take. SuA's turn came when Yoohyeon fell to her, and your heartbeat intensified. You were probably feeling reassured when the neck of the bottle stopped on Siyeon and the two of them embraced. Then the bottle pointed to you to hug her, and you accepted without difficulty. So that meant it was your turn.

Before turning the object, you took a quick look at everyone. Did SuA realize what this could mean? Your hand gave an impulse. What if–

"SuA," JiU announced with a worried look in my direction.

Just what you were hoping for. A tension arose. Everyone knew about your former relationship. What if she hated you? After all, you hadn't had a real conversation in months. You dared to look at her. You were ready to take off a piece of clothing already, even if it meant exposing yourself. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe you disgusted her. Nevertheless, you saw her stand up, ready to embrace you. Did she accept it so easily? Her gesture almost bewitched you, and you found yourself standing up in the next second.

The expression on her face was indescribable, but you knew that the one that distorted your features must have made you look desperate. She opened her arms and silently invited you in. And, a little too hastily perhaps, you took refuge there. You breathed out the air you had been holding without realizing it. You held her tightly, maybe a little too tightly than you were allowed to. You breathed in her scent, and enjoyed her strength that surrounded you. You had missed it terribly. You had so much the impression to get back to her that tears had the time to lodge in the corner of your eyes. You found between your arms the shape of her body that you had spent so many long weeks observing from afar, seeing again in your memories.

But you had no right. You didn't share anything with her anymore, you didn't have the right to claim her for yourself. SuA was not even a person you could rely on anymore. You were no longer a person to her, and you had to force yourself to fit in. But it was too hard to accept the fact that this kind of ineffable contact would no longer existed, that you would no more share a hug with her, no more kisses, no more laughs, no more nights with her. No more. You were unable to accept it. You couldn't accept that when her body was so close to yours.

Your thoughts were racing as the embrace lasted only a short time. And her separation from your body felt so wrong. You wished you could have stayed in her arms infinitely longer. You wished that this was not a game, that her decision to embrace you was voluntary and not imposed. You would have liked to be loved.

With your mind heavily fogged, you returned to your seat while SuA did not let on and continued the game. The sensations that ran through your body were strange. You weren’t used to feeling these things anymore, even though you had never stopped being in love with her. This time, you allowed yourself to look at her. She didn't let anything show, and treated you indifferently. It was hurtful, even if predictable. You had to keep in mind that it was inconceivable to allow yourself to hope again. But how could you forget her? How could you forget her if her pretty smile was always visible?

The evening went on, and you were singled out several times, to the point where you had even kissed Yoohyeon, who was very embarrassed that the bottle had stopped on her so much during the game. The tension created, as well as the clothes removed by Gahyeon who only agreed to put her lips on the cheeks of the others had animated the evening. However, the activity did not displease. Each one of them had fun seeing the others "undergoing" all kinds of contacts. You even regularly had the impression, by throwing an eye to SuA, that her glances often lingered on you; if you hadn’t imagined them.

And, once again, the bottle was turned by the small hand of your former lover. Her eyes locked with yours as its movement ended in front of you. That meant she had to place a kiss on your cheek. How far did she want to go? And how far could you go without this game backfiring and you suffering? Seeing her come forward, like the previous time, made the decision for you. You let her shorten the distance between you, and your lips parted, adjusting to the accelerated rate of your breathing caused by the proximity of your faces. Your cheeks almost touched before she tenderly kissed your cheek. Tenderly? Yes. SuA had tenderly kissed your cheek. She had also pulled away from you quite slowly, allowing you to feel her breath on your skin. You felt a shiver. It was as if you were discovering everything about her again. Tingles had time to stir on your skin despite the speed of the gesture.

You didn't realize how much time had passed until she returned to her seat, and you were told that it was your turn.

The game ended after many drinks had been downed and almost everyone had kissed. Fortunately or not, you didn't have the opportunity to run into SuA again, saving you at least from love fluttering through your body. You played other little games after that, but your mind was still in the very first one. It remained where SuA had taken you in her arms, a few hours ago.

In the middle of the night, when some of you had to settle into sheets and others into sleeping bags, you were all tired. With a heavy head, you also participated in the nightly conversations that were started after the lights were turned off. However, you found yourself quite speechless as soon as SuA spoke. You felt unable to respond to her, especially when it was a light, banal discussion. After several minutes, when all the gossip was shared, you all wished each other a good night's sleep and let the silence fall.

This heavy absence of sounds only encouraged your harmful thoughts to jump into your mind. They reminded you that SuA was no longer devoted to you and that she belonged to your past. Although you used to brood every night, this one was much worse than all the others. All your previous interactions had been unprecedented. It had been months since she had laid eyes on you. Maybe you hadn't even earned that hug after all.

It was all coming back to you when you least wanted it to. Your head felt heavy, a testament to your fatigue. The evening had been hard to bear. Of course, spending time with your friends and celebrating JiU's birthday had been a very pleasant event in itself. However, seeing SuA for hours added a weight to your heart, even though your eyes were drawn to her very often. How could you not look at her? In a room full of a thousand people, you would always see her the most. Among a collection of laughter, you wouldn't mistake hers. Oh, and you would recognize her unique way of touching you as well.

Time passed while sleep still didn't want to welcome you. You had probably already turned over many times in the sleeping bag that seemed to suffocate you. Moreover, the fact that SuA was there, close to you, only a few feet away, hurt you. She was probably sleeping without any problem while you were staring at the ceiling since you were unable to think of anything else but her. You felt ridiculous for having such repetitive and confusing thoughts. You were constantly confronting the same issues with no solution on the horizon.

Knowing that you would not fall asleep soon, you decided to get up, to get out of there. You couldn't stand the atmosphere of this room anymore. With as much discretion as possible, you got rid of the sleeping bag and got up. Trying to open your eyes as much as possible to understand where the different people were sleeping, you made your way between all the sleeping bodies. It was with a sigh of relief that you left the room. The house in which you had spent many lively hours earlier looked very different in the dark. Only a faint lamp lit constantly made it possible to identify each piece of furniture in the large living room; unless it was mainly thanks to the moonlight that your visibility was sufficient.

You walked slowly through the living room to find something to occupy you. Finally, you decided to pour yourself a glass of water. Maybe it would refresh you enough to get your mind right, although you doubted that very much. Anyway, it was the best thing you could think of to do, so you did it.

After two long sips of water, you let your steps guide you carefully to the bay window. In spite of some discreet clouds, the full moon seemed richly courageous to shine despite everything. You took in the spectacle for a moment, completely absorbed. Besides, you were at least too absorbed to notice the presence that took place beside you. A sweet voice called you. You were absolutely alert. You hadn't heard that in months. Her voice calling your name. You even felt like you were dreaming because of how improbable it was. Here, in the middle of the night, when you had slipped away and everyone was supposed to be asleep. Yet, it was her, you knew it. SuA had just called your name.

You were so surprised that you did not answer or move. However, she did not dare to call you a second time, and instead opted to stand next to you. By your peripheral vision, you knew it was SuA, you couldn't be more sure. Your gaze remained glued to the moon, however, as you were far too nervous to have her so close to you, with no way out. For a moment she didn't say anything, and you wondered if she even wanted anything from you.

Nevertheless, she finally insisted, ”I couldn’t sleep either…I– I can see how you look at me."

You winced as you felt exposed. Was she talking about your incessant stares during the evening? "If you're talking about tonight," you began, not knowing where that sentence would take you, "I–"

"Every day. You never stopped looking at me."

Silence. You were too shocked to speak again. The mere fact that SuA dared to speak to you was already too much to bear, so this revelation was impossible to handle. Was she even expecting an answer? You didn't know how to handle her offensive, yet relevant remark. Offensive because you felt deeply ridiculous about it.

"Look at me," she asked, turning to you.

You muttered prayers to the moon in your head for help. SuA had more control over this situation than you did. Perhaps the darkness gave her boldness. Should you–?

Seeing your immobility in the face of her request, she took matters into her own hands, and quite literally. Her two hands rested on each of your cheeks, cupping your face gently. That way, she forced you to be turned towards her.

Everything was stirring in your head. It was all too much. You knew this gesture so well. SuA did it so often back when you were together, and she wanted to share some of her sincerity by taking in the glow of your colored irises. The fact that she was doing it at that moment was incredible, and very meaningful. As you felt her hands on you, you couldn't help but let a sigh escape from your half-open lips. It was a kind of relief to feel her against you, even though you had every reason to be afraid of what she might say next. But that didn't matter to you at the moment. You were just trying to enjoy the way she had just revived you. Your pulse had quickened considerably. A heat had migrated strongly to your cheeks. SuA had just triggered things in you that you had forgotten, even though you had never stopped loving her.

You could almost melt under this infinitely and surprisingly tender touch. Perhaps she would be disgusted if she knew that you still thought of her in the same way as before. Disgusted to imagine the fact that you enjoyed playing all your favorite moments over and over in your head.

"I look at you too," she admitted simply.

What? What did that mean? She paused.

"Don't you see me?" SuA resumed. "Don't you get tired of looking at me every day?"

Her confused eyes analyzed every part of your face, every feature of your expression. And it was nothing but relaxed, soothed by her presence.

"Say something," she almost begged you. "At least tell me I'm right."

Your half-open lips refused to let any sound through. You were paralyzed. The way she was looking at you now was nothing like the cold eyes she had been giving you all evening. SuA was looking at you differently. She was looking at you like before.

"Please..."

This time she was whispering. She was pleading with you. You wanted to reach out to her or call her. She was right here but you felt her so far away. The reflection of the moonlight in her brown irises made you think she was about to cry. SuA was a mirage to you. Blurry, too unreachable. An illusory pleasant image. An imaginary, unreal source of relief. Was she even truly present?

Trembling, your hands were stretched in her direction. Then they fell back. You were unable to respond, either physically or verbally.

"SuA...," you finally whispered desperately.

"Yes...," she answered as if to confirm her presence.

"SuA...," you repeated a little louder.

Controlled by an impromptu impulse that you did not control, your force carried you abruptly against the bay window. Her back was suddenly pressed against it. You didn't know what emotion guided your actions, but you hoped it would save you.

"Yes, I look at you," you said, repeating her words.

An uncharacteristic smile played on her lips and your eyes fell on it. The glow of the moon made her almost fairy-like, very indefinable. Her hands slid over your skin to the back of your head. Thus, SuA had reduced the distance between us even more. Her fingers played with strands of your hair as you both kept your eyes on each other. Yet, you didn't act any more. As if you had, thus positioned, reached the limit of what was possible. Advanced until immense barriers were erected between you, like impassable.

As if, there, at this moment, it was impossible for you to kiss her.

Your lack of courage didn't persuade you, but it didn't have to. The breath that passed between your lips was finally cut short by the softness of SuA's own. She had gently, tenderly, carefully laid herself on you. Something inside you made you feel good. As if this kiss was the solution to all your ills, an unthinkable remedy that tasted like cherry. Her lips were mediately healing all the scratches on your heart. What you felt there was strong, powerful, deep. Heavy and warm, but far from painful. It was new yet familiar.

Her lips brushed yours and you let yourself be carried along, wrapping your arms around her waist, still against the window, to bring her closer. SuA had always been, concomitantly, both your poison and antidote. Without her knowing it, she continually haunted your most benevolent and most malevolent thoughts. She was everywhere at once. However, the person SuA really was was only a benefit. It was you who invented evil roles for her. You suffered from her absence, that was all. She was only beneficial.

But what did it mean? Why had she sealed your lips? For what reason had she kissed you? You only wished you could fully enjoy this contact that you thought about every day, and that had finally become real again, but your questions clashed with this pleasure.

She slowly pulled away, breathing hard. Her breath crashing against your lips and your heart beating in your ears were the only signs that time was still flowing normally; for indeed, you had the real impression that everything had stopped. Your fatigue made you much dizzier than that simple kiss did. You weren’t even sure how many seconds passed before you made the decision to seal you again. You reached her lips with surely less gentleness, less caution. You didn't know what emotion encouraged you to continue like that, even to the point of trying to reach her tongue, but you were so desperate to finally feel and taste her again that you didn’t care. You parted your lips further, a silent request that meant you wanted SuA to do the same.

And, finally, you had access to her tongue. There, pressed against the bay window, she half-opened her mouth with a slight moan. You did not want this moment to end. It was so good, so beautiful, so right, so hopeful. But you didn't want to confuse yourself with what would become of this exchange, you couldn't afford to torture yourself like this now. So you let your lucidity slip away, investing all your concentration in that kiss. It felt like a reunion kiss. A reunion kiss even though you weren't really meeting again. You had always been there, behind her. Watching everything she did. You felt like you’d never left her side, somehow. But that wasn't true. And her mouth tasted like the past. You weren’t kissing the SuA you’d spent months watching, but rather the one who'd loved you before that.

Her tongue dancing with your own was like a switch, triggering a slew of memories. Strong moments that appeared to you as still fully anchored in your mind. It was as if that long kiss erased the many weeks you had spent apart.

The intensity of your exchange didn't allow you to breathe properly, so you needed to seek air again. You wished you had ignored this need, and that kissing SuA had become a primary necessity before everything else. You were hungry and thirsty only for her, so that really eating or drinking seemed derisory; especially when you were devoted only to kissing her without stopping.

Yet, it was undeniable that you needed to get some air, and it was SuA who stopped your foolish thinking by pulling away. You rested your head in the crook of her neck a little against the window, letting your burning cheeks find a cooler refuge than your own skin, but the heat emanating from you was only matched by the infinite ardor that warmed hers. Your heavy breath hit her neck and she shivered.

Now that you had regained a hint of lucidity, you were careful to place kisses on her neck so that you wouldn't have to confront any serious discussion about what was going on. You couldn't face it now, you were too afraid to lose everything, and, if that was to happen, you preferred to enjoy it as much as possible before. Therefore, to stop her from talking, you kissed the sensitive skin of her neck. You brought one of your hands up to hold it and stimulated her skin with your mouth. She sighed and moved her hand higher up in your hair to better push you in.

Your hand that wrapped around her waist moved slowly to rub her back, your motions impatient yet restricted and a bit awkward. You put kisses on her neck, like before. All your old reflexes came back to you: you knew where SuA was the most sensitive and you obviously played with it.

It seemed to you at that moment, that by wishing to turn away from the more serious ways, you had engaged in something that became more and more sensual. SuA sighed, pushed you against her, began to squirm. You might not be able to handle the consequences of your actions, but inhaling her scent like this drew you in so much that you didn't consider it otherwise.

You moved your mouth up her jaw to find her lips. This time much faster, her impatient tongue met yours, and you felt you had just triggered the desire in her. Knowing her, it was unlikely that SuA would let go of the ideas in her head before she could fully realize them. Of course, her limits were still those of others, but she was very stubborn and bold when it came to her sexuality. And, honestly, hearing her react to your stimulation probably turned you on as much as it did her.

Not wanting to let go of her mouth, you took advantage of the fact that she was pressed against the window pane to wedge your knee between her legs. Her slight moan of surprise was immediately muffled in your mouth. She was really clinging to you, her fingers only tightening in your hair, as if to encourage you, if not out of fear that you might disappear. She wrapped a leg around yours, definitely trying to keep you all to herself, close to her. SuA only made you more and more eager and ready to give her the whole world if she only asked you once. You could offer her everything if she was ready to receive. Was she ready to receive?

The hand that you had put against her neck came to replace your knee to reach her more precisely. She was wearing only light shorts as pajama bottoms, facilitating a more direct access. Thus you slipped your finger all along her crotch while making slow back and forth. Her answers to your kisses became more imprecise, witnesses of how she was affected by your new movement.

You continued doing so but it was not enough. Neither for you, nor for her. And she stopped you to beg, "Please..."

SuA pushed you and pulled you back, drawing you quite blindly to the couch. She threw herself on it first and pulled you by your shirt to position you on top of her. You quickly returned to tease her neck, intoxicated by her. You could have stayed there for the rest of the night, sufficiently fulfilled by being so exhilarated. Taking a deep breath, you could feel her all around you. You felt safe, her body being both a shell for you as much as it was a blanket in winter. You found comfort and security in SuA so easily, the obvious answer to all your questions. Nothing was more obvious than your love for her. You loved her, loved her so much.

And you wanted to feel her against you even more. Her warm skin was still hidden by a loose shirt that didn't even feel like it really wanted to cover her. You finally got your hands underneath, sliding them flat over her belly. You were finally holding her. Finally, after all this time. She was so warm, nice to touch, and you still wanted more. You pulled up the fabric she was wearing. She understood that you wanted to get rid of it and helped you to remove it.

You could not see much, only the moon was a spectator of this moment. But those night rays were enough to make you remember each of SuA's features and your previous lovemaking. And her beauty under the moonlight struck you like never before. She looked like a work of art like that, a cold sculpture carved in marble, an untouchable work. But you could touch her, and you did. You did touch her curves, her perfect breasts, her arched back. You plunged back onto her skin, letting your lips brush against everything in sight.

You weren’t sparing anywhere, but perhaps you were taking too much time. You were careful with your kisses, careful with your caresses. You wanted everything to be perfect, you almost did not dare to be vulgar. But her impatience increased as you made her skin burn. SuA wrapped her legs around your back and pressed you more against her. She wanted much more. But you wanted to enjoy it, even if it meant making her wait. So you looked up, observing the art work before your eyes, being a tourist in a museum.

Her skin was completely free of any mark, any trace. As if her body had waited for nothing but you during those long and endless weeks. You had the impression to rediscover everything, the impression to return to your first time. The beginning of something new, pure. And you prayed to whatever deity wanted to hear you that this was the beginning of a much better story, without a painful ending, that only seemed right. A love story that could be read in the most poetic novels. You only wanted to be happy with her, because you couldn't find that happiness anywhere else.

That happiness was in her dilated pupils, on her half-open lips, along her disheveled hair, at the heart of her deepest sighs that begged you. You held this happiness in your hands.

You let a hand wander lower to answer her most terrible requests. You wanted to give her this ecstasy, to be the key to her desires.

You rested your mouth between her shivering breasts, your hand sliding under the shorts she was still wearing. Panties separated you from her core, from her flesh that you guessed was already so hot. She sighed when you finally gave her the first friction she was waiting for. SuA was squirming to beg for more and you still understood that body language that hadn't changed.

SuA was the same person as before. Nothing had left her. She always shivered when you only brushed her, always fidgeted when you made her wait too long, always sighed when you finally gave her what she had been begging for. Seeing her like this brought back to life so many sensations you had forgotten. The ones that made your heart beat faster, the ones that twisted your stomach, the ones that emptied your mind so that there was only her.

When you finally decided to slip your fingers under that last piece of clothes, a noise caught your attention. Completely alert, you stopped dead in your tracks. Wide-eyed, you looked at SuA who was as confused and nervous as you were. To protect both of you, you put your free hand over her mouth to stifle her. You rested your body on hers, hoping not to crush her too much. Thus, you felt extremely close to her, her bare chest one layer away from yours, her stiffened nipples squeezed against your own, her heart beating so hard that you could clearly identify it against you. Her breathing gradually subsided as you heard someone walking. You were so close to this third person, just a few meters away where you could imagine the footsteps. They stopped in the kitchen just long enough to take you out of your intimate exchange.

You imagined that the person who had woken up had just poured themselves a glass of water, and that moment seemed so long. You prayed that they wouldn't head for the living room, and were reassured when the footsteps headed back to the bedroom. A sigh of relief escaped your mouth as you removed your hand from SuA's mouth. Now there was silence. Desire no longer controlled your movements. All that remained was her half-naked body and your fingers stuck to her wetness. Your gaze was hooked to hers and neither of you conveyed the same emotions as a little earlier. Lust broken, you were about to have to face the sincerity you wanted to avoid at all costs.

You suddenly felt very vulnerable. What should you say? What could you say? Should you just keep touching her without a word? Or did you have to face her next words?

SuA whispered your name. She called you, sounding desperate. Yes, yes. You wanted to answer her. You wanted to tell her that you loved her. But it was hard to do it at that moment. You were afraid of the consequences.

"SuA...," you muttered in parallel.

You didn't know what to do, and the only solution you could think of was to back away. You couldn't do that.

"I–I'm sorry, SuA...I...I don't know–" You stammered an apology in a ridiculous way, fleeing her gaze.

"Hey!" Her voice appeared almost offended, hurt. "Why are you apologizing? Dare to say you're sorry. You can't tell me you don't love it as much as I do."

"I–" you began, confused.

"Then fucking kiss me and don't ask questions! I don't need you to torture yourself right now, I think you've done that enough."

"SuA...I just...I don't know, I'm scared. I'm afraid I'm wrong about what it means."

It was too late now to deny your intentions. If hers were dissimilar, you would have to say goodbye to her forever. You closed your eyes tightly. You were nervous, still straddling her on the couch. What if she didn't feel anything? What if you loved her in a vacuum?

"I love you, idiot," she replied.

Your doubts crumbled, the weight on your shoulders lifted. You felt so relieved, as if those three magical words erased any fear you had. You wanted to open your eyes again to see hers, but her lips came to crash on yours. She had gotten up to reach you, letting her mouth move in rhythm with your own. You could have cried at that moment. She cupped your cheeks again, as if you were the most precious thing she had ever held. You had always felt that way with her, and that feeling came back to tickle your heart. You felt light.

She let her forehead rest on yours as you tried to formulate a response, "I never stopped loving you, never stopped thinking about you. I feel like I've spent months in a vacuum, wasting my time, like my life has been worthless in the time I've spent without you. I hurt so badly away from you, I am deeply and lastingly in love with you."

SuA hugged you. With all her strength. And you responded with the same firmness. You clung to her as you would cling to the smallest molecule of oxygen if you were about to suffocate. SuA was your hold on this world, and since you had started to love her, everything had changed. Now you couldn't do anything without her. Just living was hard in her absence. Yet, she had returned. Without you really understanding why she left or why she came back, you felt full again. It was as if you had a part of yourself back, as if her arms around you were your identity.

"I love you too," she assured you.

She stroked your back tenderly, sympathizing with your weeks of suffering that she had shared on her own. Even though she had given the impression of being detached from you, she certainly had to hide it better than you did, that was all.

"Now, please, let's make up for all this lost time," SuA asked. "Hold me and never let go. Kiss me and hold me. Hug me and hold me. Touch me and hold me. I'm all yours, please."

Her statement made you want to stay in her arms like that continuously. But the way she had ended her speech suggested that she had not forgotten what you had interrupted.

The kiss you shared was great. It was so genuine, assured by your assumed love, different from the previous ones because honest and desperate. She shared with you all her past fears, finally erased, and you shared with her yours, which were very similar. How could you have lost each other like that? The lost time had to be made up, SuA was right. And if you had to fulfill her desires to do so, then you would.

You didn't waste any time; on the contrary, you made up for it. Your hand quickly found her core and you let your mouth taste her pale skin. SuA always liked your tongue sliding over her nipples, and your fingers running along her wet folds. You wanted to take off the rest of her clothes, but you preferred her to keep her panties soiled rather than stain JiU's couch. So you restrained the motions of your fingers, but you didn't care. You remembered everything about her body. You knew what satisfied her, you knew what you had to do.

You dared, near her breast, to leave a trace of your passage. You hung your mouth on her, intoxicated. SuA would soon bear there a mark which would become purplish in a short time.

Finally, you let, lubricated by her body, two fingers penetrate her. You both moaned at the same time; you for the sensation of her burning and tight core, she for the relief of finally having what she desired.

You curled them immediately inside, knowing where to aim. Then, between two low whimpers of SuA, you took them out to lubricate them again on her, before plunging them back into her walls. Your arm between your two bodies, you rested against her completely, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses around her breasts. Her hands being able to cling only to you, SuA made her fingers wander between your hair, bringing your head closer to her imploring body.

You didn't speed up your movements to save your strength, because you knew she wouldn't let go of you anytime soon. Instead, you made an effort for each one, making sure they were perfectly hitting the right spot. You felt powerful to have, with the strength of your fingers alone, the ability to dominate her entire body and her reactions. SuA was so at the mercy of her desires that she would easily be able to beg you for anything.

Hardly holding back your desires and possessiveness, you left more marks on her skin than you could have imagined. You were far too proud to have her back, and wanted to remind her of all you were capable of doing, so that she would remember every night you had ever shared and only wish to experience many more in the future. That was the message you were trying to convey as you trapped her skin between my lips.

You closed your eyes, rested your cheek against her chest. Her heart seemed to be beating directly inside your ear, as her pulse was so strong. The movement of your fingers was all you could think about, along with all the sighs and moans you wanted to hear. You wanted everything to be perfect: you had to mark the occasion, literally. However, you could feel her holding back sometimes. SuA might catch her lip between her teeth or block some noise from her mouth by putting her hand on it. Of course, your friends were sleeping, not so far away. Luckily JiU's house was big, but you also hoped the walls were thick.

You felt her legs tense up under you, she was letting go completely, her head back. SuA whispered your name sometimes, and you were pleased; it was nice that she remembered herself who gave her so much pleasure and that she admitted it so easily.

Her hand tightened around your arm. Her legs tightened around your other arm. She was desperate. So close. Yes, SuA, you thought, I feel you, I hear you. So close. Her noises became louder, unstoppable. As if she had been waiting for months...

Suddenly you didn't hear her anymore. It lasted only a moment before a loud moan could be heard. You slowed down your pressure to accompany her through the aftershocks. Her whole body was extraordinarily tense. Your gently kissed her shoulder and ended up pulling away your fingers. You were appeased to have been able to lead her to the ecstasy you had missed so much.

You had simply rested your head on top of her chest, and closed your eyes; and could have stayed that way for hours, in that peaceful and protective zone that was SuA's body against your own. However, after several dozen seconds of trying to get her breathing back to normal, she pulled you in for a kiss. It was a much slower, more weary kiss than the previous ones. It was just a loving kiss. Her tongue slid slowly over yours slowly, and you were already feeling tired. Yet the whimper she let out into your mouth rekindled your desire, reminding you that you wanted to enjoy yourself too.

After you put your hands on her cheeks, hers came to rediscover your body, sliding down your back through your top. And you hated this shirt for still being on you because you wanted to feel SuA's skin against you own. So you came to straddle her, getting your knees around her thighs to allow her to get up easily. Thus, you were quickly rid of this top as she let her fingers roam over your sensitive and now naked skin again, which was silently begging to be touched. Her fingertips lit embers on your body with each caress. You whined lightly, simply satisfied to feel her hands on you.

You wrapped your arms around her, wishing only to have her close to you. This gesture gave her access to your neck and shoulders that she covered with tender kisses. The love she gave you only made the desire inside you grow. Of course, SuA knew it. However, like you, she took pleasure to rediscover you that way, to have you again only for her. Her mouth was reactivating all your most sensitive points. You had missed her so much.

Soon, your body was pushed backwards by SuA who made you lie down on the sofa. She took advantage of this new position to kiss your body more. Her lips soon found their way around one of your nipples, and you moaned at the sensation that seemed almost new, yet so warm and familiar. She moved down your body, planting her gaze in yours.

"You're beautiful," she admitted to you.

Her eyes in yours. The desire and love you shared with a look. Your connection. This is what had remained frozen in time and had never left neither of you. This immutable, unalterable link.

While her mouth remained on your chest, her hands had already ventured much lower. They were having fun teasing you by stopping at the edge of your clothing. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw her smile gradually join her fingers. Her fiery gaze still locked on your own, she pulled your pajama bottoms down to your ankles to remove them completely. Being at the height of my waist, SuA took the opportunity to deposit the lightest of kisses on the underwear that still separated her from your core. But it was enough to make your body shiver.

SuA pulled your panties down your thighs and caught her lip between her teeth to keep her smile from growing as she let her eyes fall on your wet folds. She didn't let her mouth disperse for too long, and put it back close to you. A groan of relief escaped you when you finally felt her warm tongue against you.

Even as your head tilted back, her eyes never left your face, certainly pleased to see you taking such pleasure. SuA's tongue slid over your folds. Her slowness made you squirm around her. Although she seemed quite amused by your desperation, her fingers held your thighs in place on the couch, so that your movements didn't restrict the precision of her gestures. You felt a wave of satisfaction come over you as she kissed you fully and ran her tongue over your sensitive clit.

It had been far too long since you had experienced this, and the pleasure you felt was only increased tenfold. Your head was already spinning too much at this point, saturated by your thoughts and fatigue. Your whole body was focused on one goal: climax. You were getting closer and closer to it by every second, and you knew that SuA's tongue wanted it as much as you did.

The heat stored inside you moved on your cheeks. Your hand clutched at her hair, an old reflex activating your muscles. So you plunged her further between your legs. You were unable to hold back the reactions of your body, moving without thinking, only concentrated on the desire which had invaded you. Your mind was filled with images of her. Of her tongue on you. Of her hands holding you. Of her eyes which did not let you go.

The fact that her gaze was so fixed on you reflected the fact that she loved you. SuA wanted to watch you. To see your mouth open again when she fulfilled you. To see your body squirming for her again. To hear again those sighs and moans that she would extract from you with every move she made.

And everything was the same as your old shared moments. You were letting go completely, like before. You were giving her back that same trust. And SuA knew very well how to act when she had it. She knew very well that the tip of her tongue like this on your clit was one of my favorite things, and that her lips sucking on your most sensitive place brought me unequaled comfort and pleasure.

You also loved hearing the sounds your contact made, lust at its peak. Her slurping noises were a sound that was largely familiar to you, and finding it again turned you on more.

A big smile naturally appeared on your lips, while nothing bad seemed to reach you. You were focused on nothing but the raw pleasure that was beginning to make your legs tremble. Your fingers were running awkwardly through her hair, and it only illustrated how desperate you were.

You were getting closer and closer to the climax that you could feel building inside you. SuA knew it. She knew your body, she was used to it. She knew your reactions, your muscles tensing, your moans getting louder.

She felt as well as you did that the height of pleasure was within your reach. Yet, you still found the need to signal it by whispering her name as before.

You weren’t even sure she could hear you, as your voice was only a whisper. But you called her. You begged her. "Almost, almost...," you whispered, your head tilted completely back as your back arched. “Keep fucking me just like that, it’s perfect.”

Then, you let out a final moan before a wave of pleasure washed over your body, and you heard her groan. You could have cried with how much it felt good to have SuA between your legs again, and to feel those shivers you had missed. Your eyes closed tightly before your body fell back onto the couch. You were breathing hard, but more and more slowly, while she let little licks guide your aftershocks.

When you glanced at her, she was still looking at you. She gradually moved back from your core, and...She was smiling. SuA's face was lit up by a wide smile that creased her dark eyes. You reciprocated it when you saw her like that, a light giggle escaping your lips. You had finally found each other. You loved her. She loved you. Finally.

Your hand in her disheveled hair relaxed and stroked it as SuA rose to bring her face to your own. She kissed your forehead. Your nose. Your chin.

You cupped her face with your hands to control her next kiss: your mouth. Your lips collided, and even though you knew what you tasted like on her, you couldn't hold back the moan that was caught in her mouth.

"I love you," you confessed again, breaking the exchange.

"I love you," she replied in parallel.

You were so reassured inside. Soothed by her words. Comforted by their sincerity. Completely relieved and happy.

Driven by a burst of enthusiasm, your mouth crashed down on her neck to leave wet kisses in its wake. You didn't want this night to end. You tilted her body on the sofa so that it was again under yours. Your accustomed hands knew almost by heart every special sensitivity it possessed and you wanted to continue to toy with them tonight. SuA had asked you to make up for the endless time you had let slip away, so it couldn't stop now, and the next few hours would still be filled with many caresses accompanied by their usual sighs.

That night reminded you of all the previous ones you had spent together, memories revived by all the moments you needed to share again. Everything you had discovered about each other during your previous relationship had never been forgotten, and both of you knew how to recapture those feelings.

You didn't know how long it had been since you had left the bedroom, but it was at least safe to say that you hadn't imagined yourself staying out of it for that long. You had stopped counting the number of times SuA's back had arched and her eyes could no longer look at you because her eyelids refused to open. Each of her orgasms had been a delight for you, satisfied to regain possession of her body. It was the first time that you left so many marks on her body in record time, and she did on you too.

You were now both completely exhausted, drained of your energy. Your body rested on hers as you tried to regain normal breathing. Her arm was around your back and your chest was crushing hers. You still found surprisingly enough strength not to stop kissing her, placing light kisses on her neck where you had spent your time marking her.

You could have gone on for hours, so pleasant was the sensation of being with her again. However, you took the initiative to finally get up. What sounded like a whine left her lips, as if by reflex, as your two sweaty bodies were lifted off. The cool air hit you immediately, but you ignored it to follow the plan you had just worked out internally, although walking right was hard. You wandered randomly around the kitchen for a while, trying to decipher and analyze the images your eyes were picking up. The strong darkness of the night that bathed the room was matched only by the fatigue that prevented you from thinking, making your task a real challenge.

Finally, you found what you were looking for: paper towels. Your still-weak legs managed to make their way back to bring your naked body to the sofa where SuA was still lying. So you sat on her lower legs, gently ran your hand over one of her thighs, and felt her shiver. You could feel how your hours together under the moonlight, all the waves of pleasure that had shaken her limbs had soiled her skin. You left a wet kiss there, tasting her through what had spread on her, then tenderly stroked the area with the paper towel to clean her.

You used it wherever it was needed while she ran her hand wearily through your hair. Once she was completely dry and roughly cleaned up, you put your hand behind her back to lift her up, although she had trouble cooperating.

"We're going to have to go back, you know? You don't want us to be found here tomorrow completely naked, do you?"

She grumbled some resistance, but still complied.

"Here," you said, holding out her pajamas that you had picked up. "Get dressed, we're not alone in the house."

"Aren’t we? Your moaning made me think otherwise, but if you say so..."

Her teasing remark that made you blush was accompanied by a mischievous smile that seemed to give her some energy back. You helped her put her clothes back on before putting your own on.

When all was quiet again, all that seemed to remain was the comfort and love that bound you together. You hugged her again, sighing as you rested your heavy head on her shoulder. The skin of her neck had been turned purple by your mouth, but you weren't even paying attention to it at the time, though a hint of pride made you smile a bit.

"I love you," you said again.

The only words you could think of were those.

"Oh, I love you too. I love you so much," she replied, stroking your hair.

You were comfortable in her arms. You felt good. No place felt more right than this. The feeling of her body surrounding you was ineffable. You were happy to be with her.

"Come on," she finally said, cutting off your loving thoughts.

You started walking back quietly, hand in hand. Her thumb slid over your skin and you found your past softness there. By entering the room, you saw it plunge into the black. You slowly made your way to the mattress provided for her to lay down on it together. It was small, surely too small for two, but you did not pay attention to it. When you clung to each other the way you did, the lack of space was not a problem.

You were lying behind SuA, your chest pressed against her back, your arm around her belly. The comfort that this gave you as it rose to the rhythm of her already slowed breathing was ideal. The euphoria of your evening and of this reunion had prevented you from thinking about the fact that you would have to confront, with surely some awkwardness, the reassured or mischievous looks of your friends as soon as you woke up. But you didn't care. You held SuA's body close to your own with these thoughts: as long as you stayed together, everything would be fine. Your feelings had helped you in the past, and now that you knew what mistake you shouldn't make again, you would be all the more united.

Therefore, you relished SuA's belly rising slowly as she was falling asleep. Your face just behind her, you were also able to smell her scent, enjoying how much comfort it brought you. Your legs tangled was a very comfortable position, and every detail of this night allowed you to close your eyes without any worry, cuddling with SuA after months being separated. That way, you were able to enjoy a calm and short night of sleep.