Request: Yeah!!
Mcyt: Sapnap, Karl and Quackity (mentions of Dream)
Type: Fluff with some angst
Age: All irl ages :)
AU: Irl

A/N: I'm professional at dragging on oneshots and making them longer than they need to be but I stg I'm never satisfied if my writing doesn't have a bit of backstory, and an ending where you can tell there's closure. That's why my writing is so long guys. I need that backstory at the beginning and I need full closure at the end LMAOAHSJD

TW: mentions of transphobic / homophobic kids, panic attack

•_•

*sapnap's pov*
Ever since I was a little kid, I always knew I was different in some ways.

My friends would cheerlead and play volleyball - and while I didn't mind volleyball, I despised the school uniforms for girls, hated makeup and don't even mention the fact I hated dresses and nails.

I just wasn't...girly like they were.

So, I put myself in the "tomboy" section of feminine.

It wasn't a massive change - obviously I still had to put up with the outfits and makeup my mom made me wear for events, but other than that I covered myself up with hoodies and sweatpants and substituted the heels with sneakers.

It felt more me.

Then I realized my hair was an issue.

I hated how it framed my face and trailed down my back. Brushing it was hard and I didn't like my mom putting it up or my friends doing braid chains. (You know when your friends sit in front and behind you and you braid the hair of whoever is in front of you and the person behind you braids yours and so on forwards and backwards? Hopefully lol)

Luckily, I came up with the excuse that with the hot summer coming up, I didn't want my hair to make me hotter. My mom and dad weren't suspicious at all and they let me cut.

Cut all of it off. Until I looked like a boy.

By the time freshman year (what grade is that lmao my country doesn't use freshman / sophomore / junior / senior or anything like that) came around, everyone knew me as the tomboy girl who wasn't girly.

I loved it.

My best friend throughout all of this was Dream. Even before I started transitioning and discovering my identity, he was always there. He never left or got mad at me or invalidated me when I couldn't find a name or had rough days of dysphoria. He stuck with me.

He was there when I bought my first pair of clothing from the mens section. He was there when I came out to my parents as trans and bisexual. He was there when I chose my official name and he was there even when people found out I was LGBT.

It got pretty homophobic, and I felt like maybe I was overreacting and I had to be a girl. I wasn't a boy.

Even Dream couldn't get me to snap out of it because of all the transphobia and homophobia. I truly believed that maybe I would never be a real man.

Then there were two new kids at the school. Quackity and Karl.

I don't know how else to describe it other than the three of us clicked in a way I can't describe.

Dream and I clicked - but in a friend way. He's my platonic soulmate. My best friend till the end. Literally.

Karl and Quackity on the other hand? It was different.

So different in fact that the three of us went to prom together as a polyamorous couple for senior year, they came out as gay and we started dating.

That kind of click.

There was one issue. They didn't know I was transgender. They thought I was a male through and through. Sure, they knew I was bisexual but my school had gotten over the trans thing and eventually matured enough to accept it and move on. They stopped bringing it up to the point that people forgot and only knew me as a man.

Which was lovely, might I add.

We graduated four years ago, we live together and are still dating. We all picked up the same hobby of streaming and have the same friend group and it's everything I could've asked for.

Except the fact that I'll have to come out to them eventually.

*third person*
Sapnap had had a rough night the night before.

He decided to do a simple stream on the Dream SMP and fix the wreckage that was the community house. He thought it deserved a second chance.

He also thought doing a face cam stream would be fun. He'd done some in the past, but apparently not enough as everyone was begging him to turn on face cam.

So he did.

It wasn't bad at first - normal comments about how he looked nice, how they liked his shirt or his smile. All the good stuff.

Then it went downhill.

The first comment saying he looked feminine.

His whole past came rushing back. Everything he had worked so hard to forget about and move past all punched him in the face like a shit load of bricks.

The transphobia. Crying in bed with Dream's arms around him, telling he's a man over and over. Panic attacks in the school bathroom when he had long hair and how badly he just wanted to cut it. The use of his deadname - even when they all knew damn well what his name was.

He shut off stream.

He could feel the tears well up in his eyes and he didn't want his fans to question why he was crying.

He felt pathetic. One comment made him break down?

A true man would never cry at that.

Grow up.

Be. A. Man.

At that point, Sapnap couldn't breathe. His hand was pressed against his chest, eyes wide as he stood up in panic, trying with everything in his body to make him inhale.

He decided to sit on the ground and try to take deep breaths.

It wasn't working.

Luckily - or what seemed lucky - in that moment, Karl walked in, questioning why he ended so early.

"Sap? Why did you- Sapnap?! Sap, can you hear me?" Karl said, quickly springing into action and trying to get his boyfriend to calm down, without showing his own panic. He knew that wouldn't help.

Sapnap flailed his arms out, trying desperately to find Karl. Karl could see what he wanted, and linked his hands with the other's.

The brunette started taking deep breaths, pulling the shorter to his chest.

"Hear my heartbeat?"

A nod.

"Follow my breathing. In and out slowly. You can do it."

He tried. He really did. But inhaling wasn't doing anything and exhaling was a new sob that left more tears down his face and coughing when he choked on his spit. He felt like a mess.

No man would act like this.

Karl was patient. He rocked back and forth on the ground with Sapnap on his lap, shushing him lightly and telling him it would be okay.

Eventually, he calmed down.

It wasn't easy and it took a long, long time - so long that Quackity had came up because it took a while for Karl to come back downstairs - but he did.

"There you go, you did so well mi amour." Quackity said gently, having watched a bit of the attack.

The only answer Quackity got back from the other was more choked sobs and heartbreaking apologies. The ravenette shushed him gently.

"No, sh, sh, Sapnap. No apologizing okay? You're okay, Karl's here, I'm here and everything is okay-"

"NO!" Sapnap screamed, "It's not!" He cried, pulling at his hair. Karl couldn't untangle his fingers from the sweaty, brunette locks.

Not knowing what else to say, Quackity desperately looked at Karl. He wasn't the greatest at reassurance, so he hoped Karl could safe whatever was happening more than he could.

Karl cleared his throat, rubbing his hand up and down Sapnap's back. "What's not okay? What caused your panic attack, darling?"

Immediately, Sapnap's head shook back and forth aggressively, letting them know his answer wasn't something he wanted to say. Karl sighed.

"Sap? Please?" He lightly begged, "We want to help and we can't do that if we don't know what's wrong."

"Yknow, Karl's right.." Quackity chimed in, "You know we hate seeing you struggle - and also know you don't like seeing us struggle - so please let us know. Not even the full story, but enough to help."

The simplest of actions looked so horrifyingly sad. Sapnap looked up at the two, with his big, tear filled, dark blue-ish eyes. They both swore their hearts shattered.

He sniffled, "A-a chat message," He said slowly, trying to make his hands not shake. "They..they called me feminine."

Karl and Quackity nodded encouragingly, hoping their lover would keep going.

The two didn't quite understand why a feminine comment would make Sapnap have a panic attack.

"Before we started- or before we even met, I was not- I-" Sapnap cut himself off, having a hard time explaining himself.

Karl ran his hands up and down Sapnap's arms, hoping to provide comfort. Quackity sat there as well, keeping his hand on the panicked man's leg. A simple reminder that he was there as well.

Sapnap sighed and sniffled. "Before we met, I came out- out as trans."

Once he said the word, Sapnap broke down into tears once more. He didn't know why he was crying - he knew they wouldn't kick him out or be transphobic, but he was just crying.

The two others looked at one another, and then the story clicked together. He had a panic attack because someone called him feminine and he's trans.

Karl immediately pulled him close, which seemed impossible considering how close together they already were. He kissed his head and muttered reassurances.

Quackity rubbed his back, telling him that they both still loved him so much, and they would never leave him considering the information.

All Sapnap did was lean onto Karl and let a small smile cross his lips. He grabbed Quackity's hand and pulled him so he fell onto his chest.

Soon enough, Quackity fell asleep, but Karl and Sapnap didn't do anything. They let him sleep.

Sapnap had never felt so accepted like this. He had in the past because of Dream - but this was different. It was from his lovers, his boyfriends. It's just different.

That night, Sapnap went to sleep with a giant weight off his shoulders. Holding that weight of being trans on his shoulders all the time was holding him down more than he thought. Them knowing made him realize that.

And, that night Sapnap also went to sleep feeling loved by people he loved more than anything.

Acceptance is a thing he learned to cherish.

End A/N: I'm so glad I finished this!! Also, you're welcome for the two nearly back to back posts lol. I haven't been very busy with school at all, but I did just get back from a family skiing trip :) Hope you all like this chapter, lemme know if there's any mistakes and have a great rest of your day/afternoon/night!!!

-Starby (Phaser) <3