You messed it up. It could  have gone so much better if you did something different. Eanna, you are such an idiot. Fix your self. You arent good enough; you will never be good enough.

I laid in my bed as i waited for my room mates to get through with their tours. Those dark thoughts kept repeating themselves like a broken record. They weren't as bad as some, but still... they could get there. I needed to distract myself. Leaning up on my bed, i grab my laptop from the side table.

"Drawing ideas... drawing ideas... Come on deviantART, give me some drawing ideas...!" I said scrolling through my feed. I liked the old things. Hamilton and Heathers; Cuphead and Undertale; The Fray and Maroon 5. Things my parents liked. The victorian age was me and my mother's favorite inspiration. Grabbing a note book i started to draw a sketch for a female body.

I was never good at realism. Cartoons took easy to me. Big dough eyes and big heads. I like to draw big. The drawing's frame was done, so i started to sketch her clothes. I drew a long sleeved blouse and tight fighting pants. It started to become more steampunk than Victorian.

Big goggles  to match her soft dough eyes. I started to draw her hair. Two braids cascading down her sides. Should she be holding something? Yes? No, definently no. I began to add more details. Hair lines, clothing crease, imperfections to the skin. 

Drawing always has been the best distraction to me. From my parents fighting to the suicidal thoughts, I've always vented by drawing. That was until I met Spurrier. Unlike the other students at our highschool, he actually talked to me. He helped with the war inside of my head and someone to distract me from my parents going at each other's throat. He's also said i helped him before. His mother abuses him. Tells him he's a mistake. He's attempted to off him  self once, but it failed. He's got more experience for psychiatry than anyone else I know. 

I got out a pen and started to ink my line art. I started to think of a color palette for this steampunk child. I remembered how Spurrier's wings caught the light. Deep, rich purples and a slight hint of midnight blue. Perfect color scheme for a punk child. 

It takes me hours to get a drawing done. To make sure shading and detail were on point. To make the viewer appreciate this craftsman ship. I put the drawing down and went back to my laptop. Music also helps me, so I went to youtube and searched a song from the early 2000s. I clicked an old favorite of mine and started to sing queitly along. 

"Now that she's back in the atmosphere, With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey. She acts like summer and walks like rain; Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey. Since the return of her stay on the moon, She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey."

Soon the song was over and the next from the playlists started. An hour passed, and I had been laying in bed with music still playing when my dorm room's door opened. 

"Come on, Paiden! We were late for the tour, and now we're late meeting our roommat- Oh hey! I hope you haven't been waiting for too long. Paiden and I we're just getting our things," a girl with red curly hair said carry bags of clothes. As soon as she put them down she put out her hand to me. "My name's Esma Rose Dixon! Im here to drop off my sister's things."

I got off my bed and shook her hand. "Eanna Ramune. Im guessing your sister is my room mate?" She nodded putting her hands together with a clap. "She indeed is. ALthough, and i hope you don't take offense to this, writing in this day of age is a waste of time. My dear sister should have choosen the medical program, like our father and our Grandmother. Oh here she comes now." 

Esma moved out of the way so a dolly could come into the room. Behind the box was a girl of small stature, with ferret ears and tail. Her boysenberry eyes glared at her sister. "You can leave now, Rose," she said. Her voice was velvety and seductive, although I'm sure she doesn't mean for it to sound that way. I moved out of the way as she put the dolly down on the other side of the room. "Well, I guess I'll take my leave," Esma said hugging me. "I hope to see you again, Eanna, dear. Farawell!" With that the curly head girl left. 

I turned to get a better look at my room mate. Her hazel nut hair was tied back into a pony tail with tiny braids in it. Her ears were pierce and wore an ear cuff on the left. She wore a wine colored blouse and black jeans and bright red sneakers. She wore a spike collar with a heart pendant. Her skin was as pale as buttermilk and she had dark freckles all over her body. 

"Do you need help with those?" I asked as she unhooked the dolly from the boxes it carried. "You know how to make a bunk bed with a desk underneath it?" She opened to the big box which contained wooden planks in deep red. "I can help with the desk, if you need me to."

She nodded standing up straight. "Im Paiden Lain Dixon. You've met my eccentric sister; I hope she didnt ruin any impression of me." "More so her than you, Paiden. Im Eanna Ramune." She chuckled. "Ramune? Like that Japanese soft drink?" I laughed. "Ya know you're the only one whose noticed." She smiled and went back to unpack the box. "So, what arts are you in?"

"Animation. From what your sister said, im presuming you're studying to be an author?" She sighed. "Yeah... Most people think its a wasted effort. Wouldn't blame you if you thought the same." "Oh no! I'm more surprised I found someone  who likes old fashioned things like i do." She gave a small smile unpacking the box handing me things. "Well we should get this built because i dont want to sleep on the floor tonight." 

We spent about 2 hours on making her desk and bed. I flopped on my bed exhausted. I had forgotten the drawing and sat up almost instantly to make sure it wasnt torn. She cliambed up and layed down on her unsheeted matress. 

"I have a class at 6. We should get some sleep." I nodded getting my blanket back on my bed. Suddenly there was a knock at our door. i went over to it cautiosly. I opened it to see a military person standing there holding there hat.

"I know its late, M'am, but I need to talk to you and your roommate."