"...keep living through such a world."

私は1994年に誕生した場合。

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school was something that you hated the most, it brought back horrendous memories of your high school years, which you're bullied by your classmates and also a group of girls who pointed fingers at you. you endured it, you tried your best to ignore it, you even tried to do your homework or eat your lunch in the toilet so that they won't throw remarks on you during recess time. it was definitely not easy, running away from those people was nearly impossible, you can't really skip class either, and your homeroom teacher had no intention to help you since she didn't really like you in the first place, which you're so confused and depressed at the same time. nobody likes you anyway, whenever they see you, they roll their eyes and go off.

"ah, i can't recall any peaceful memories at that time."

2009, August 15.

it's been six months since you started your second life as a student in aoba johsai, studying the same subjects all over again and doing extra homework was very exhausting. you didn't know why those teachers have been giving everyone so much homework starting from the first day, was it a trend or something? you managed to finish it every night since you're already very familiar with the subject. and also, you found yourself staring at the teacher the moment they stepped inside the classroom, and your mind started to daydream and get lost in thought in order to escape reality. you're trying to focus on them, but your eyelids were starting to get heavier and heavier, and within another minute you fell asleep.

"(y/n)-chan, (y/n)-chan!" you struggled to open your eyes as you turned your head to another side, ignoring those people who're calling you. "oh my god, (y/n)-chan!" you jolted awake when one of your classmates, akane screamed loudly in your ear. you quickly took your backpack and hugged it tightly, you squeezed your eyes shut as you thought they're going to pour water on you or threw your bag outside the classroom. apparently, you can blame evolutionary biology for your painful memories. you wish you can put them in the garbage can where they belong and forget. it feels like they're cutting your skin and leaving scars all over your body. yes, it was a trauma of yours, you forced yourself to move on but it was really hard to do so.

"you scared her, akane-chan!" the other girl, hanami smacked her back and apologized to you. just when you wanted to reassure them that you're fine, akane burst into tears and shook your shoulders violently, you tried to stop her but her grip gets even harder when you're struggling to push her away. your head was spinning, you didn't expect that akane held such monstrous strength within her, as the girl has a petite figure after all. hanami cleared her throat and pulled her away from you as you let out a sigh in relief, but akane was still crying and mumbling incoherently to herself.

"ew, your snot is everywhere dude!"

"tha-that's because i'm afraid that (y/n)-chan will get mad at me!" akane retorted.

"oh my god, akane! you're hopeless..." she rolled her eyes before she turned back to you, "by the way, are you okay? we can eat at the rooftop today if you want! it's less crowded and we can get some fresh air-"

"n-no!! i bet oikawa is at the cafeteria today!" akane whined.

"that pretty boy is not my cup of tea." she deadpanned and stuck out her tongue childishly.

it was pretty weird for you, to say the least, everything comes to you unexpectedly. you're still amazed that there were people out there treating you equally, genuinely, and other than that - their lips curled upwards when you accidentally met eye contact with them. you started to appreciate their small gestures towards you, the feeling that you're having right now was indescribable. this was your very first time that you made friends, hanging out with a group of people to the library to study, and also eating with these two girls at the cafeteria.

you still remembered that day vividly, when spring came, you're staring at the tree; watching those petals falling to the ground; carpeting it in a swathe of pink. you're so mesmerized by the scene and you didn't realize that someone was calling you. you turned around and saw them smiling at you, and pointed to your hair; "there's a petal on your fringe." you quickly brushed it off quickly and let out an awkward chuckle.

and you didn't expect them to extend their hands to you and said, "hey, let's be friends! we're in the same class, right? we can eat lunch together every day!"

it was a breezy april afternoon, you're still waiting for the day when you can show the small beauties of life to someone. at that moment, when akane and hanami showed up, smiling fervently at you; you knew that they're someone who was special to you. you felt relieved, for someone who was bullied throughout the years, this was definitely the best gift that you've ever received in your entire life.

you laughed when you thought about your first encounter with the both of them, they looked at you strangely as you stood up and wiped off the dust on your skirt, taking out your bento from your backpack and smiled at them, "let's go and eat now."

───

"(y/n)-chan, why are you so sleepy every day? i'm worried about you." hanami grabbed your hand and pushed her way through the crowd, walking towards the corner of the table and put her bento beside the long wooden bench. you're now in the cafeteria with your friends, and akane was nowhere to be seen. "ah, it's fine. i was just really tired." you rubbed the back of your neck and let out a chuckle. you took out your chopsticks and put your bento on the table, ready to eat your lunch. you guys chatted for a while until you heard akane calling out the two of you. "(y/n)-chan, hanami chan!!" she sprinted in your direction and sat beside you. she quickly took out her cellphone and placed it on the centre, her eyes beaming with excitement when she pressed the phone button frantically. "i took these two pictures just now! this is oikawa and another one is...matsukawa! never knew that matsukawa can be this hot...though..."

hanami rolled her eyes and looked at akane in disbelief, "okay, i get it when you take photos of matsukawa, but...oikawa is literally the same class as us? you took different angles of him when he was sleeping, studying, talking or laughing...ugh-" akane quickly covered her mouth, attempting to shush her. "y-you spoke too loud! hanami chan!" the petite girl quickly looked around, as she didn't want the other people to hear their conversation. you sighed, as you took a bite of your chicken before you eyed on akane lazily, "don't worry, akane. they probably won't hear about a single thing, it was so noisy after all." hanami pushed her hands away and unwrapped her sandwich, clearly annoyed by the fact that her friend was making a fuss about a minor issue.

"oh- oh shit! oikawa and his childhood friend is coming our way!" akane gripped on your wrist tightly and you winced in pain. "akane, he's iwaizumi hajime. he sits with oikawa all the time, he has a name, okay?" hanami was angrier than usual, and somehow she was avoiding oikawa for some reason. the brunette grinned at us, making a peace sign and immediately sat beside hanami. "hanami-chan, can you lend me your english homework? i didn't pay attention to class today..." he pouted slightly, tugging on her sleeves as oikawa gave her the pathetic puppy eyes.

"ew, go away."

"hanami-chan, you're so rude!" oikawa huffed, then turned his attention to us. "pretty please, can i-" and he was interrupted by his friend, iwaizumi, by smacking his head. "dumbass oikawa, don't be so fucking annoying." he then dragged the brown-haired male out of the cafeteria, and you and your friends watched it in pure amusement.

"wow, that's really something."

"b-but, i want to lend my english homework to oikawa though..."

───

"oi, (y/n)." you looked up and saw iwaizumi standing beside you. you hummed in response as you put all your textbooks and pencil case inside your backpack before facing him. class was dismissed and everyone has already gone back home. you yawned, as he laughed at you. "why are you so sleepy all the time, huh?" he ruffled your hair and you pushed his hands away. "no, no- don't touch my hair please." you didn't blame him though, you just didn't like it when someone touches your hair, it just makes you feel really uncomfortable. when you combed your hair, iwaizumi was just staring at you with a blush on his face, and this made the whole situation even more awkward.

"speak up, iwaizumi."

"ah, practice was cancelled so i think it's time for us to walk back home together." he cleared his throat, rubbing his neck sheepishly. it was really funny to see iwaizumi acting like this, he would cross his arms over his chest and act like he didn't get flustered at all. and now it was your turn to laugh at him. "what are you? a middle schooler? you are so awkward." you laughed until your tears came out as the taller male just glared at you, pinching the bridge of his nose and went out of the classroom.

"i'm leaving you, goodbye."

"o-oi! iwaizumi, i'm just kidding!"

you knew that he wasn't exactly leaving you, and when you ran to the school gates and saw him waiting for you with a little pout on his face, you laughed internally. you knew that iwaizumi wouldn't just leave you like that. you smiled and pointed a finger gun to him, "i'm not waiting for you next time, (y/n). i'm serious."

"you know you won't do that to me! plus i'm not oikawa, heh." you giggled and walked beside him.

iwaizumi was always strong, calm and very reliable. your first impression towards him was just - really normal. you thought kaito-sama was giving you the wrong information, maybe it was just your assumption, but you really think that iwaizumi was just a normal 15-year-old kid; kinda similar to your friends in school. several months had passed and you finally got to know him better, he's matured more than any other people who were having the same age as him, he was determined and very rational; unlike oikawa who has a childish personality. you admired his quiet, solid confidence. he had his achievements but he wouldn't brag about it to his friends, he would rather keep it low profile instead of telling everyone about it. apart from that, he was also very caring and attentive.

"he acts like he's older than me, how fun."

he suddenly stopped in his tracks and glared at you, "did you know you're looking at me for the past 5 minutes? what's your deal?" he looked away, trying to hide his embarrassment. he felt giddy, he didn't experience this feeling before; it was weird and it felt like he was going to combust in any minute. iwaizumi admitted that he was no good at talking with girls, he didn't know how to start a conversation with them, but still, he wouldn't lose his composure like this.

he never blushed in front of a girl.

and now, he took a deep breath, keeping his straight face and looked at you. if you're going to ask him about the blush on his face, he would certainly blame the weather. he thought you're going to tease him - but you put your hands on his shoulders and squeezed it tightly, then your hands traced down his arms as you yelled in excitement. he bit his lip, his heart was beating at a rapid pace, this was definitely not what he was expecting. "did you know that you have good, muscular arms? that's why i keep looking at you!" you're flirting with him, and it was fun to see his reaction; he immediately pushed you away and let out an irritated sigh. "i swear to god, (y/n). i won't hesitate to leave you here. and you're acting like oikawa, it pisses me off."

you're still laughing, you covered your mouth as you slapped your thighs while looking at him, and you laughed even more when you saw him staring at you with pure confusion. you quickly wiped off your tears and apologized to him, as both of you continued to walk until you passed by a bubble tea store. you tilted your head curiously, you have never seen a beverage like this before. when you read the banner, it stated there "signature bubble tea is the best!" you scrunched up your face and turned to iwaizumi, "what's a bubble tea?"

his eyes widened, "wait, so you don't know what's a bubble tea?" you nodded and he chuckled slightly, "are you serious? are you living under a rock?" just when you wanted to protest, he went straight to the counter and bought one bubble tea for you. you're shocked as you took the beverage from him and smiled awkwardly, you didn't expect that he would just buy it without asking you. bubble tea was something new to you, many things have changed and you're still unable to keep up with the trend. you didn't even know what's a cafe in the first place, the hayato family brought you there, and cheesecakes became one of your favourites.

you poked the straw clumsily and drank the beverage, your eyes sparkled in amazement when you chewed on the black pearls, it was beyond your expectations; even those pearls have flavours too. you took a sip of the drink again and hummed in satisfaction. overall, the beverage was creamy and addicting, you liked it very much.

you quickly turned around to iwaizumi, your hands went to your side pocket and took out your purse, "i'm sorry, i-"

"my treat, don't worry."

"then, do you want to try it? i can share it if you want," you asked.

"it's fine, i hate sweet things."

you sighed in relief, you're happy that everything seems to be going your way. at first, you're very reluctant to accept this mission from kaito-sama, but now...it was actually not too bad. you get to experience different kinds of things, and your relationships were better than your previous life which was a good thing.

the heat of the day had been replaced by a cool breeze, the sunshine had lost its brightness and the colours of the verandah were softened. this view makes you feel very...emotional, it was only four years after all - will you be able to see the same scenery, the same buildings and the same person after you reincarnate? will those little things that you cherished will turn meaningless to you after you've become another person? this life...this life was what you wanted, right?

"one beautiful summer evening like this, where we can walk together and pick up flowers on the roadside, maybe drink some bubble tea before we go home - do you think heaven can be a nicer place than this?" you said thoughtfully.

"wait, i don't understand what're you trying to say, are you going to commit suicide?!" he asked, and you quickly waved your hands nervously and said, "i- did, i mean, no?! what's up with you, honestly. i'm just asking..." you sipped on the bubble tea again, trying to avoid eye contact with him. iwaizumi was worried about you, why did you ask him such a thing? why heaven? he was clueless, and he didn't want you to think another way, so he gripped your shoulders tightly and forced you to look at him.

"i'm here, (y/n). you can always talk to me, okay? you are not alone."

and that's when you saw the sparks in his eyes; his existence makes you feel at ease.

A/N: oh my god dfkgndfj I'm so sorry my writing isn't that good wtfff ahhhhh i hope ya all enjoy this chapter !! AND ALSO I HOPE IT'S NOT BORING OOF HHAHAHAHAHAH