as i write this

i still can't believe the words i'm writing.

i almost want to laugh

at the absurdity of it

but i will write it

again and again

and again and again

like a mantra

no matter what it takes

no matter how many times i cry

no matter how bruised my hands get from writing

i will write it through laughter

through tears

through pain

until one day, i can tell myself

until one day, i can believe

that it's true

—it will get better.

--

happy new year guys

i looked back at this book and so much of it is just me venting and feeling bad about myself, so i felt like i needed to write something uplifting. there's no use beating myself about things that have already happened, but if i start writing more positive things (both about my future and about myself!) i'll eventually get out of this habit of feeling so sad that i can only stress write emo stuff (i hope)

even if times are tough, i hope that you'll be able to tell this to yourself, and i'll try my best to stay positive throughout 2019 as well ^^