you know, i'm not very good at a lot of things.

i'm clumsy. i say things that I shouldn't. i'm not a good person even if i try.

all i have to offer you is my heart.

and even so, it's pitiful. it's small, dull and grey, and it's twisted from years of misuse and abandonment from its owner.

yet, it's all i can do. i will give my heart to you; offer myself up on a platter, and apologise for my presence with this devotion. if you choose to stay by my side for some unknown reason, i will present to you every bit of my ugly, horrible self.

you can leave any time. i wouldn't blame you, don't worry; after all, you're sucked into a relationship where it's very possible that no one benefits and everyone gets hurt. no one would want to go through such a hellish time.

i wonder why i'm not chasing you away yet. if i truly cared for you; if i loved you, should i have told you to stay away before either of us wind up getting hurt...?

in the end, i'm really that selfish, huh? i'm sorry.

i'm so sorry.

but please, if you stay by me...accept this tiny, miserable thing i've given you. i don't have much going for me, so this much is all i can give. you deserve so much more, so i'm begging you to be disgusted by such a grotesque thing before it's too late.

even so, i think some part of me wants you to stay.

it's just wishful thinking on my part. i'm a selfish person after all; i want someone to find the rusted key to open such a tightly-guarded thing, tear me apart from the inside and then put me together again. i want someone who can accept with as much willingness as i give.

and therefore, should you choose to be my friend for some strange reason, i will do that.

i'll screw up. i don't have the character to be a good friend or the means and skills to be a useful one.

no, i've only got myself, and i can only give that to you.

but i will give all of it to you.

i hope that you'll be able to make my heart normal, then, just like all the other ones out there. engulf me in your prescence and rebuild every sorrow of mine just by being there.

please, and...

thank you.

thank you for just being there.

no matter what you do, i can only follow the naive child in front of me, and trust you blindly.

thank you.

even if it's just for a little while, please bear with me.

thank you. 

--

i write so much emo shit wiuhrfierfh

yeah yeah i should be more positive and all but i cannot?? physically write positive shit??

i do have an idea for something poTentially slightly positive tho,, will do my best at that

these two latest pieces are (and the next one will be as well) about a few people who are very special to me aha ^^ yall will know who you are but 2/3 of you aren't active and i'm p sure the other 1/3 of you doesn't read this book lOL