Catch the light

"Okay, and here is your vest and nametag."

"Thank you." I whispered, calmly reaching out for the navy-blue vest with the green corner store logo on the breast.

24/24

I personally would have picked a better name for a store. But what do I know? It was the most popular convenience store in the country. There was one at almost every corner. The owner of the biggest franchise in the country must have known what he was doing.

Giving my manager a slight upwards tilt of a smile, I accepted the white badge from his thick pudgy pale fingers as he anxiously looked through his tiktok reels.

The entire tour of the small store had been half his attention on the screen of the small device in his hand, and the other half occasionally staring at my body.

Which wasn't saying much. I was literally in a white slightly oversized boxy shirt and semi fitted ripped blue jeans with a pair of dirty white adidas sambas. There was nothing to stare at.

But I guess, I had enough of a pretty face, that it gave middle-aged men like him with nothing better to do, but stare and imagine what I looked like underneath the clothes.

You know.

Just because they could.

Aquina. I fastened my name tag and stared at him expecting to receive more instructions. This had been the quickest drive-by first day I've ever had. It's true I did have some experience in college with working at a corner store, but still, that had been almost 10 years ago. He literally handed me the inventory list as soon as I stepped through the door, and was about to leave until I'd asked for a quick tour.

I watched as he chuckled, in a not so pleasant way. The type of chuckle that caused you to cringe instead of smile along. He rubbed his index finger underneath his nose and proceeded to unashamedly dig into his left nostril and fling out a crust of snot.

I blinked twice and took a step back, trying to remember if I had shaken that hand earlier.

Instinctively I pressed my palms against my thigh. I had. I truly had.

The soft chime of the door caused me to curiously turn my attention towards the noise. I looked through the small peephole of the back room that enabled us to see the front of the store.

A tall guy with oversized head phones entered. He wore the same navy blue vest as me, had on a large black t-shirt and baggy blue jeans. His white Nike dunks looked just as worn out as my sambas, but still managed to look fashionable. He wore his backpack with just one strap. I smiled inwardly. I hadn't seen that since high school. Nowadays I think most kids two-strapped it. Although I couldn't see his face, because his head was bent, I saw his straight black hair was growing out of a buzz cut.

"That must be Lan." Manager Jeff, scratched his neck and pointed a finger towards the door, without looking up from his phone. He reached down and tucked his wrinkled shirt into his pants, with a bit of a couple leg stretches he adjusted his balls. His eyes finally darted away from his phone to land on my chest before he adjusted himself again.

I looked down at my chest also wondering if I was mistaken and had actually forgotten to wear a shirt.

Lifting my eyes, I caught a flicker of lust in those beady blue eyes, before he pulled up his pants by his belt loop and turned around.

"Alrighty Aquisha---"

"Aquina."

"You need anything, Lan should be your go to guy." he grinned as if he'd done a marvelous and tiresome duty. "Must go to the next store." His heavy sigh could not be related to the amount of work he had accomplished today. Certainly not in showing me around the store.

The back door was pushed open, and Lan took a couple steps towards the shelf before acknowledging my presence. It was subtle, but his eyes flicked back and forth to assist the situation. Once to me, once to Jeff and then back to me again.

It was enough for me.

It was enough for me to see the defined structure of his oval face. It was enough for me to see his thick sharp eyebrows. To admire his dark pink fuller lower lip. To get lost in his captivating eyes. When I say captivating, I mean, I've never seen a person so young with an eye like that before. His right eye was a normal deep dark brown, almost black. His left eye had a long thin scar from underneath the middle of his eyebrow to the top of his cheek, and his pupil and iris seemed to blend into a mixture of a sea blue, overlayed with a grey fog. Reminded me of cataract or glaucoma. Was he blind in that eye?

"Lan, this is your new coworker, Aquisha--"

"Aquina." I corrected.

"Show her around. You know the ropes." Rude manager Jeff continued, without correcting himself, even though this was clearly the 2nd time he'd mispronounced my name. And the second time he'd even addressed me by name.

"It's Aquina." I cleared my throat and gave a pursed smile to our manager.

"What?" He looked up at my face, for the first time in almost 15 minutes.

"My name." I gave him a small smile. "You keep saying Aquisha, it's Aquina....na."

Jeff looked confused for a minute, and then had at least the decency to seem slightly embarrassed. "Oh." He chuckled and nodded. "That's right. Okay, so...have fun." He turned, a second short of running out the back room.

Blinking in confusion, I stared at the swinging backroom door as it waved away the manager's disappearance. Tugging on my vest, I sighed and turned to face Lan with a smile.

He had already turned away and put his headphones and backpack away on the top shelf. He turned back to me and gave me a slight nod, his eyes lowered, not meeting mine.

"I'll run the register...I think they have you checking inventory."

His voice was lower than his features indicated. He wasn't as young as I had originally thought, with the way he dressed. His face was older, more defined. Maybe mid-20's. Definitely out of college.

I nodded and gave him a small smile, which he possibly couldn't have seen, because he wouldn't look in my direction.

"Uhm...let me...let me know if you need help."

I nodded again. "I think I got it."

He didn't stick around to chat. I sighed and looked around.

What was I doing here?

Good question.

Your guess was as good as mine.

I looked at the inventory list Jeff had handed me as soon as I'd stepped into the store.

This job was temporary. Just like everything else life. Temporary.

It was the first hiring sign I saw, when I moved to this sea town.

I wanted to live by the beach. I've always wanted to live by the beach. Ever since before I could remember.

But my mama hated water. Terrified of it.

"Our Ancestors got on water and look what happened to them."

I didn't even know how to swim. I tried teaching myself. I could do a little something to survive, but I couldn't say I really knew.

But that was my goal.

Learn to swim.

Learn to swim at 30.

Never too late.

Now with mama gone. Well, it seems I had a little bit more freedom.

I grunted as I picked up the case of beer and made my way out the backroom. Let's work.

Sorry, that was the first impression you got into my life.

A 30-year old , working at a convenience store in a little beach town. It's who I am. But guess what. It's also who you are.

Know why?

Cause we're all connected.

I am you, and you are me.

What happens to me, happens to you.

You see, I've figured something really weird about this life.

Call it a simulation, call it programming, call it whatever you want. But we have to admit, that everything is not as it seems.

I'm talking to you. You're reading about me. And somewhere else somebody's reading about you. About what you're doing right now. Staring at your screen. Reading a book about a women in a town. We're all part of the same thread, in this vast world.

You see, I've always had questions.

Nobody really had answers.

Even if they said they did...they didn't really.

Are we animals on a spinning ball, in the middle of space with no purpose? Do we have a goal? Free-will? Is it all chance? Orchestrated?

Is life happening to us, or are we making life happen?

What exactly are we? Human, spirit, soul, energy?

I might not know what for sure.

But I know I am.

I am.

Whether I was created, imagined, or just happened to be.

I am.

So are you.

You see, it all started with these dreams 2 years ago. Nothing significant happened 2 years ago. Mama had passed and it had already been 4 years. I was 28 working in a tax office, staring at a screen, hating my job and my boss. Disconnected from my family. Feeling myself drifting from my friends. Not really understanding my life. I had come home one night exhausted and fell into a deep sleep.

In this sleep I dreamt.

The dark night was illuminated by the full moon and the burning flames surrounded me. There were screams of hate, there was shouting and dancing. People moving so fast before me, mixed with the flames. Sticks in hands. Eyes wide covered with paint on their faces and body. They were chanting. I struggled against the thick ropes that wrapped around my body and arms. The rough material tore the top layer of my flesh.

"WITCH! WITCH! WITCH!"

I was trying to help. I had just been trying to help them. I'm not a witch! I'm not a witch!

Those words though pounding in my mind, was stuck like a ball at the base of my throat. My body felt heavy, drenched from the sweat covering me from head to toe. The teasing flames scorched the fine hair on my arm, caressing my body with the promise of unimaginable pain. The more I fought against the wooden stake they tied me to, the more the flames seemed to rejoice in my fear. Roaring to life and catching the edge of my dress.

I woke up that night, my sheets drenched with sweat. Shivering, heart pounding, I had looked around my small bedroom in confusion. It was only after the loud noise of late night traffic, filled my ear drums, that my mind was able to reconnect with the present moment.

The dream had felt too real. I mean I could still feel the scorching heat. Smell the burnt hair. See the fear and hate in their eyes. That dream never came again.

And then 2 months later another one.

I was a Mediterranean pirate, on a ship looking for treasure. I drowned at sea. Waking up, I could taste the sting of the saltwater in my nose and mouth.

The next month, I was a middle aged homeless white man, begging for food during the great depression. I froze to death in an alleyway, hugging myself with the one blanket I had with me.

2 weeks later, I was a Colombian slave girl to a cruel mistress, who tortured me every time her husband forced himself on me. I could feel the pressure of her hands around my throat as I clawed at her arms for the last breath of air.

A month and a half later,I was a wealthy painter in the heart of Paris during the art renaissance. I was elderly, and took my last breath on my bed, with my dog sleeping by my side.

I was loved. I was hated. I murdered. I was killed. I gave birth. I was born. I sang. I danced. I laughed. I cried.

Each memory so vivid in the dream, slowly faded as the dawn came.

But it lingered still.

It made me look at life differently.

I never believed in reincarnation. At least I didn't use to. But why had it felt like I had been all those people? Their thoughts, their emotions, felt like my very own.

If reincarnation was real? What did this mean to me? What did this mean to what I knew about the world?

It means I knew nothing.

But it also meant, I was looking at this life entirely wrong.

Entirely.

And so are you.

Life is a game. Be a player. Not a pawn. And somehow, I was stuck in a loop. An endless loop. Like there was a missing piece...or a missing someone.

**

"Hey Lan." I smiled as I walked through the front door.

Lan lifted his head from staring at his phone. His stoic face broke out into a small smile. His smile as you can expect was gorgeous. When he chose to reveal it that is. Which also took me about a week to actually see. Which is a considerably long time, because I do consider myself a charming person. I've been told, I had an affectious smile. Maybe because it also took him almost that long to make direct eye contact with me.

Lan Lee. Taiwanese Korean.

25 year old.

6'3.

Lives with his grandma.

He'd been working since he was 7. And when I say 7, I mean working as in getting money at that age. He was an ex child-model. He hasn't gone into any of those details yet. I noticed how quickly he changed the subject when he accidentally dropped the information he used to model.

I didn't press it.

Besides, I had already noticed how he hid behind his clothes. Oversized, never revealing what could possibly be hidden underneath. Which I just knew, without a doubt was a wonderfully toned body. No matter how much he tried to hide, you just could tell he took care of his body. And he smelled amazing. Just like a crisp fresh scent with the slightest hint of a scent I couldn't quite place, but I couldn't help but become more and more obsessed with.

Lan was tall, but he hunched his shoulders, as if to diminish himself. His head remained bowed most of the time. He was a guy who didn't like to be seen. But nature played a cruel joke on him, because once you looked at him, you didn't want to look away.

Oh, and his left eye. Drunk father incident when he was 10. Damaged optic nerve. Irreversible.

"Hey."

I dropped a brown bag with a bagel, spinach, mushroom egg sandwich in front of him. "Breakfast. I know you didn't eat." I smiled and made my way backwards to the back room.

I saw his mouth tilt up more into a bigger smile. Our eyes locked. I held my stare for a second longer before turning and walking to the back. I smiled, pleased with myself as I heard his gently thank you behind me.

If you can dream it.

You can achieve it.

Lan intrigued me. After meeting him the first day. I had gone home and imagined we were best friends. I told myself. He is somebody really important to me. I felt it. I had felt it in the shy glances the first day. I felt it in the awkward timid conversations. I felt it in his now lingering glances.

If I could imagine it.

I could have it.

I wanted to know more about him.

In fact, I wanted him to be the protagonist in my story.

In our story.

You're welcome.

Trust me, if he were in your world too, you would want the same. I did us both a favor. He's way too intriguing of a person to be just an NPC in my life. He was something I couldn't place.

I wanted to find what that something was.

Because I'm pretty sure, I've never had it.

Maybe it's "love."

Call me strange but I've never really fallen in " love."

I've enjoyed this thing called " love."

I've played around with it.

I've had guys, and I've told them I I loved them.

But did I really?

I just knew it was the norm.

A guy kisses you and it feels nice? I guess that's love. You like having a conversation with somebody and vice versa. Must be love. They get you wet and can entertain you. Definitely love.

But I never understood the crying over a break-up. The slashing tears because you were so devastated. The intense jealousy of seeing your lover with another. I'm not saying I'm emotionless. I have experienced those range of emotions. But it never lasted long. I experienced it because...that's what I knew I was supposed to experience in these moments. I'm supposed to fall for my crush. I'm supposed to blush when he kisses me and says the right words. I'm supposed to cry when he turns to another. I'm supposed to doubt myself if I don't get what I want the moment I want it. The reactions weren't genuine. I never truly lost sleep over it. The next day, I could live my life without thinking of that person again, until someone from the outside brought me to linger on the specific emotion because that's what I was "supposed" to do.

Program. Simulation. Call it what you want. We've been trained to live and react a certain way. 'A normal way.'

Well, I don't want to anyway.

It's not that it has ever worked for me before. To react how the world expects me to. So, I stopped. I stopped letting things get reactions out of me.

This is my life.

I'll make it exactly into how I want it to be.

One dream at a time. It wasn't overnight. This was the key.

Dream it. Believe it. Walk the steps to execute it.

So right now In my mind, Lan's already mine. He has a thing for me. I can tell.

**

"Hi Aquina."

I put down the box of Oreos in its place and turned to my greeter with a nice polite smile. "Hi Ronald." Beside me was my very sweet 32-year-old computer technician neighbor. Ronald was bright, enthusiastic, and a breath of fresh air. He had a charming face, with big round glasses. His skin was a dark dusty hue. His hair was black with soft waves and a side part. I couldn't really place his ethnicity, but I felt somewhere in there was Indian ancestry. He lived alone, had a nice stable job, and honestly seemed like a wonderful human being.

"Just coming for my daily dose of sweets." He chuckled as he reached for a snickers bar.

I chuckled along with him. He had an infectious nature. But I also knew he found me attractive. But he wasn't the main man in my story. Could he have been? Maybe in a different story. Not this one. This one, he gave me older brother/friend vibe. I'm pretty sure in another life he truly was an older brother figure to me.

I feel he was mistaking familiarity with lust.

I could tell Ronald was a nervous one. Was he finding the courage to ask me out? I was flattered, but just a tiny bit put off. He did nothing wrong. I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. My outlook on life was to be kind and make people feel loved. But not too much to where they misunderstood. And friends let me tell you, that is a fine line.

Treat people how you want to be treated. Number one rule of life. Trust me, karma is a nasty bitch.

I walked down the aisle, but Ronald had fallen in step behind me. I stopped and turned around, and so did he.

A little clumsy. A little adorable. A little, not somebody I'll be dropping to my knees in the middle of a grocery aisle for.

Ronald cleared his throat and looked around awkwardly. "I uhm...I was....it's a lovely day today isn't it."

I nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah."

He shook his head. "Sorry, actually, actually I think it might rain. I think I heard it on the forecast...wait let me check, let me check my phone." He said urgently as he pulled out his phone and quickly clicked the weather app. "Yes, yes this afternoon around 4, there's a 90% chance of rain."

I nodded. "Thanks for letting me know."

"I can....do you, do you have an umbrella?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I should be fine---"

"If you're, if you're still here, I could... I could come pick you up. We.. we live in the same building." He offered.

It was sweet. It was genuine. It meant nothing to me. I knew he wish it did. "I wouldn't want you to trouble yourself---"

"No trouble!" he replied quickly.

"I really don't---"

"No really it's okay! Wait...wait for me." He nodded excitedly as he put his snicker bar up in the air and made his way to the register.

I looked up to meet Lan's amused smile at the register. He took Ronald's candy bar and slowly rang it. "Wanna bag?"

"No thank you." Ronald shook his head and turned back to me. "Wait okay." He held up his snicker proudly as I grimaced at his departure.

I sighed and turned my attention back to Lan. His two toned eyes focused on me for a couple second before he pointed to the basket of umbrellas by the side of the store.

"Ha-ha-ha." I said dryly rolling my eyes.

Lan smiled and leaned forward on the counter as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to start. He cleared his throat and straightened up, before looking at the floor to ceiling glass window of the store. "Ronald's your neighbor?"

I nodded and turned back to the candy aisle. "Yep."

"Rosewood apartments?"

My index finger lingered on the mango HiChew as I slowly turned to him. "Yeah."

Lan nodded, but his head was bent as he stared at his phone. I couldn't tell what he was watching. Must be wrapping up the One Punch Man anime he was watching all of last week.

Sighing softly, I turned back around. People were truly attached to their phones. It sucked up their energy. I would be fine, never having a phone. I mean I barely answered it anyways. It made my family think I hated them. There were just two aunts and a couple cousins who reached out. I didn't hate them. I just don't think it's necessary to be available 24/7 for mindless gossip.

But then I felt it. I turned to the register, and sure enough Lan quickly averted his eyes back to his phone, leaning down even more as he rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip.

I smiled and turned back around. Maybe he wasn't as immersed into his phone as I thought. I bit down on my bottom lip and replenished the pack of sour skittles. "Am I stocking this wrong?"

"Huh? Uh...no...no. They go there."

I confidently turned and walked to the register, now that I had his attention again. "So why are you watching me?" I teased.

I never used to be this bold. But guess what. You either create the life you want, or you let somebody else create it for you.

Lan chuckled and moved his head slightly, but didn't meet my gaze.

I leaned on the counter, our heads almost touching as I stared at his phone screen. Sure enough, he was watching One Punch Man. "This is a good episode."

"You've seen it?"

"Oh yeah, this is where Saitama proves to the S Class heroes that he is the strongest hero, and they still can't figure it out."

There was a pause for about 3 seconds, before I lifted my head, which was dangerously close to his. I was lowkey surprised that he hadn't moved away to put some space between us. His eyes roamed my face, as I focused on his right eye. His left eye was his bad one. He said he mostly could make out shapes and colors only.

"What?" I whispered. "Did I surprise you?"

Lan inhaled sharply and finally moved back putting some distance between our faces. He straightened up a bit and bit down on his bottom lip, before parting his lips slowly as if weighing his response. I watched as his tongue lightly grazed his top teeth and I didn't know what to make of that.

I tilted my head slowly as I watched his mouth. Whatever he was doing, my body liked.

"I---" He stopped as our eyes met. He'd caught me watching him.

I should look away. Would you look away? I just wanted to stare at him for a second more. Let's keep looking.

He actually blushed and straightened up more. His hands gripping the counter as he locked his arms straight and faced me. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

I shrugged and smiled as I lowered my gaze to look at the scene playing on his phone. I knew he was still watching me.

I like this game.

"Do you like the Ronald guy?"

Tickle me Elmo, I was surprised. It took a second for it to register that he was talking to me in such a provocative tone. It was provocative. It was a soft, low caress. It was suggestive, without being explicit.

I felt what he was asking as soon as his words vibrated on my skin. I hadn't expected it from him. Not now. Later on yes...but not now. It was nice to be surprised.

"No." I answered slowly, dragging it out a tad longer, in response to his question. I took my time to lift my eyes to meet his.

"You have a boyfriend?"

I grinned and crossed my arms as I leaned on the counter. "Yes." I held his gaze.

He was trying to work it out. He knew, I knew what he was asking. He was trying to figure out what was the smile, behind my response. Did I really have one? Or was I lying? If i was lying, was he reading the vibe wrong?

"You're thinking too hard." I whispered.

He liked that. The corner of his mouth twitched up into a smile. "Am I?"

"Do I have a boyfriend?" I asked him back slyly.

Lan exhaled loudly and ran his hands through his short buzzed cut.

I couldn't help but laugh, but so did he. He looked away as if shy. His grin wide as he rubbed the back of his head and tried to bit back his smile.

He's adorable. Wow. He looked so tough and unapproachable without the smile, and now he seemed so warm and inviting. Those are apparently the worst kind of guys. Those are the ones that ruined lives aren't they. Seem so approachable and the next minute turn into the cutest kid on the planet, their eyes bright with excitement.

"Hey Aquina!"

I turned to the chime and loud voice by the door. Gabe the kebab worker from across the street waved enthusiastically.

"'Sup man." He nodded at Lan in acknowledgment, before posting up next to me. Leaning on the counter, staring at me with the biggest grin on his face. Gabe had a big personality. Big smile, tanned skin, green eyes, dark hair, cuban link chain.

"Hey gorgeous."

I grinned and turned around grabbing the candy box. "Hey Gabe." I made my way back to the aisle, my flirting with Lan on pause.

Gabe sighed heavily and shook his head. He turned to Lan and hit his chest. Lan coughed and stepped back.

"It's all about the chase lil man." said the 5'11 to the 6'3.

"You don't have to chase." I replied.

Which only caused Gabe to laugh. "Hey by the way, when you getting off? There's going to be a beach party by Jira's bar later tonight. Wanna swing by together?"

"No, thank you."

Gabe laughed again, like I hadn't rejected his offer. "Come on , let me show you around."

"Lan are you going?" I ignored Gabe and addressed the only person, I wanted to do anything with.

He looked surprised. Even Gabe turned to him.

"Oh, I uh...no, I ----"

"Lan doesn't like parties anymore." Gabe answered for him and clapped his hands together. "So let's---"

"You don't like parties? "I asked making my way back to the counter. "Is it too many people, the drinking, the dancing."

"Lan Lee is wasting his youth." Gabe answered and then put his tanned hand in front of my face to get my attention. "Aquina---"

"I'm not going with you Gabe." I replied. I pointed to Lan. "I'll go if Lan goes."

Both guys looked at me in surprise. Gabe looked back and forth from Lan to me, and back again. He sighed and hit the counter sadly as he shook his head.

"Aquina, sweetie, don't let this pretty face fool you." He hit Lan's shoulder. "He taps it once and drops it."

My eyes widened as I met Lan's gaze.

He shook his head at me. "That's not true." He whispered.

Gabe gasped as he put his hand out. "I swear on my life darling. So many girls walk through these doors. Enthralled by the handsome face and fucked up eye, drop the panties and stalk him for the rest of their lives."

Lan adamantly shook his head again. "It's not true."

No? Yes? Maybe a little? It looked like maybe a little as he nudged Gabe's hand away. He seemed uncomfortable. He also looked like he wanted Gabe to stop talking. The annoyed grimace on his face and the locked jaw really made it look like there was some truth to Gabe's statement.

"That's why..." Gabe grinned and pointed at himself while raising his eyebrows at me. "Loyal, trustworthy guys like myself---"

"But I think I want the whore." I responded innocently as I pointed to Lan.

Both guys froze, not expecting that response. I blinked at them and smiled. Gabe chuckled and sighed heavily. "I'll be here to mend that broken heart of yours." he nodded to Lan as he pointed to the vape juice. "Let me get the strawberry lime."

Lan reached back and got the juice for him. Ringing it up, I caught the glare he shot Gabe before taking his card.

Gabe, oblivious to Lan's murderous gaze, tapped the cart and turned to me slightly disappointed ."Think about it. Stop by if you still wanna go."

"I'll see." I responded as he refilled his cart and left, shaking his head in disbelief.

When the door closed I turned to Lan teasingly. "I didn't know you were a women eater."

He sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "It's not...it's not true."

I cocked my head to the side. "I'm not judging."

Lan opened his mouth and then closed it with a heavy sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head.

I laughed to ease the tension. "Seriously it's okay---"

"I was 20." He rubbed the back of his neck. "It wasn't---wasn't my greatest moments." He replied uncomfortably.

I put my hands up and shrugged. "I don't care. I really don't." I gave him a comforting smile and grabbed my candy box as I made my way back to the aisle. I could feel he was still watching me. I wasn't lying. I didn't care. I only left, because I felt he was embarrassed, and might want some space.

The rest of the shift went by fast enough, with people in and out so frequently that the previous conversation had been pushed to the back of my mind. Most were young teenage girls, giggling and getting one or two things in groups just to spend some time to talk and smile at Lan. He barely looked up from the counter as he rung them up. I observed him. His answers were short and curt, body language indicating he didn't want to talk, but that didn't deter the eager one track minded young girls. I even had to smile to myself. Most of us lost the teenage confidence of a 15 year old girl with a crush surrounded by her best friends, once we reached 20. If we could all live our lives with that same amount of gut and support. The world would be a much better place. Most of us lost the teenage group excitement when we grew up. There's no confidence like the confidence of 4 teenage girls who thought they were larger than life.

I looked out at the grey sky and at the soft steady rain hitting the window. The rain came earlier than Ronald had said. Half an hour earlier.

"Waiting for Ronald to pick you up?"

I laughed and sat back next to him behind the counter. "My knight in shiny armor." I resumed eating my lettuce tomato, mushroom sandwich, and wiped the mustard off my lip with my thumb, before licking the spot for good measure. I turned my eyes to Lan who quickly looked away and dug his hand into his bag of sunchips.

"Do I still have some mustard on my face?"

He shook his head without looking.

I bit into my sandwich again, and we continued eating in silence for awhile.

"How old are you?"

"Humm?" I asked not having heard him, that much. I loved the rain. I loved watching the rain. It always put me in a trance like state. Ever since I was a kid.

Lan cleared his throat. "Is that okay to ask? Like how old...old you are."

I chuckled and turned to him. "How old do you think I am?"

He looked me over and slowly put a chip in his mouth. "23?" He guessed hesitantly.

I laughed.

"25?" He tried again with a little more confidence.

I shook my head.

"26?"

I licked my bottom lip and shook my head. "I'm 30."

The surprise on his face was too adorable. He chuckled and shook his head. "Are you serious?"

I laughed. "Good answer."

He chuckled. "No serious, I thought you were ...." He blushed and rubbed his left eye. "I thought you were younger than me."

"Does it hurt?"

He nodded and smiled while blinking his eye as if trying to readjust to the light. "Used to it. I have these eye drops now, so it's only sporadic."

I stood up and made my way over to him curiously. "Let me see." I reached up to touch his face, and he instinctively lowered his head until we were eye level. "Maybe you have an eyelash in there." His face felt warm, as I gently held his head. My eyes focused first on his left eye, intrigued by the cloudiness and the beauty beyond the defect.

He held eye contact with me. I was surprised. He held it the entire time, even when my eyes drifted and I focused on his good eye. He kept my gaze, our faces a mere centimeter apart. How could somebody who barely looked people in the eye, hold eye contact for so long?

My thumb grazed his cheek. His Adams apple moved up and down slowly before his lips parted. Holding him like this, staring at him like this felt so familiar. Like we've done this before. An invisible string seemed to pull us closer.

His eyes drifted down, and I can't deny that my gaze also shifted to his parted lips. They looked extra inviting and plump. His bottom lip looking particularly juicy. It wanted to be bit into gently and tugged between my teeth.

The author of my story has watched way too many romance dramas, because I could feel my eyelids grow heavy. My head tilted as I felt the distance between us grow shorter and shorter. My eyes were almost closed, when I felt his nose gently touch my own. His top lip ever so softly grazed against my mine I parted my lips in anticipation, my heart rising to my chest.

The chime of the door caused us both to jump.

I quickly released him and whirled around. Lips automatically pressed together in disappointment that it wasn't joined with another. I inhaled sharply and exhaled, just as fast to control my heartbeat.

Lan straightened up and licked his bottom lip as he gripped the counter. He swallowed hard and turned around partially as if searching for something.

The two elementary school girls that entered stared up at us briefly before rushing towards the chip aisle, arguing about what was supposedly going to be the hottest chip.

"I uhm...I'll go finish." I turned and smiled as I pointed behind me.I quickly stuffed the rest of my sandwhich in my lunchbox and zipped it up.

Lan passed his thumb over his bottom lip while staring at me apologetically. "I'm sorry." he whispered sheepishly.

I shook my head and shrugged it off as I made my way to the aisle.

What was that?

What was that?

Also why did he apologize?

I shot him a glance, to see him avert his eyes from my direction. He rubbed his neck briefly, before crossing his arms over his chest. After a couple seconds he touched his bottom lip again and bit down on it. A subtle smirk teased the corner of his lips.

I looked away with a smile. My heart had yet to slow down. He liked it. So did I. And that wasn't even a kiss. Could that be considered a kiss?

Butterfly kiss.

What was this author doing to me?

Hey you! And you reading! I know we're all breaking barriers with anything can happen, but that was a little intense for me off the bat you hear. Yes, I said I was intrigued with him and was going to make him my man, but damn talk about manifestation.

"Give me some time to breathe." I whispered.

"Me?" One of the little girls asked in surprise as she held the bag of chips to her chest. "What did I do?"

I smiled at her. "Not you, my audience."

She widened her eyes and looked around. "Ooooookaaaayyy." she whispered and slowly turned around as if unsure if she should continue talking to me. She decided not to as she gave me a weary look and promptly turned around. The little girl with the oversized purple fanny pack and bandaid knee, grabbed her friend, promptly forgetting about me as she excitedly exclaimed she got the last of the hottest chips.

I put away the last of the candy bar, the chime on the door letting me know the two kids had left and it was once more Lan and I. Hailey should be showing up anytime now for her shift switch with us, before Neo joined her again at 5:30 for the afterwork rush.

I could wait for Ronald here until 4:30 and end up giving him the wrong impression, or I could--- I turned towards the register, for some reason, not at all surprised that Lan was already focused on me. "Do you have an umbrella?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I swallowed hard. "Do you want to walk me home?"

He nodded again without a slight hesitation. "Yeah."

We held our gaze for a couple seconds longer and I grinned. "Cool."

His smile widened and he nodded for a third time.

The door chimed as Hailey entered. Taking off the hood of her rain jacket and shaking slightly like a dog after getting wet. "Can you two give me 5 more minutes to dry off?" she pleaded as she put her umbrella next to the pacman machine.

Hailey was 52 with hot pink tips on her grey hair. She was a short plump woman with an array of drama following her. I've only known her two weeks and I've already heard of her lesbian escapades with her on-again-off again fuck buddy, who may or may not be in love with the third person they added to their sex lives. I wasn't mad at her. I wanted her to live her best life possible. She was clearly enjoying every moment of her eclectic life as she called it.

"Sure." Lan and I nodded as she groaned and made her way to the back room.

"You two won't believe what Lexi did right before I came here!" she called out pass the swinging doors.

Lan and I looked at each other and chuckled. We knew she couldn't wait to tell us.

Hailey was married at 19 to her high-school sweetheart who ended up being an abusive narcissist. Divorced at 24. No kids and proud of it. She put herself on birth control at 20 without telling him because she found out he was insane with no indication of seeking help. His family was wealthy. Very wealthy. It had taken her forever to get out of that marriage, because the family didn't want to ruin their son's perfect image. Thankfully she found a good lawyer, received a large nice sum after the quiet divorce. At 35 she realized she preferred the company of women. She packed up all her stuff, dyed her hair, moved herself down to this little beach town and has remained ever since.

She's never been happier.

**

We walked fairly close to each other, surprisingly not really getting wet. The rain had turned into a nice summer mist with no wind to disturb the calm movement of water. I held on to the back of his jacket as I turned my body inwards. His arm against me touched my chest and stomach permanently but we both chose to ignore it. Although I have to admit, after about a minute he opted to put that hand in his pocket. He held on firmly to the umbrella as we walked in silence. It wasn't until we turned the corner that I spoke up. Not that the silence was uncomfortable. It was actually pretty dreamy and warm with the soft sound of the rain. All that was missing was our soundtrack playing in the background.

"Do you feel you got conned into walking me home?"

"No."

"Did you want to walk me home?"

"Yes."

"Are you only going to give me one word answers?"

Lan paused and then shook his head. He turned his head slightly more to take me. I was on his left side, so he couldn't quite see through his peripheral vision. He smiled softly and exhaled before stopping at the crosswalk.

"I never thought you were interested in me walking you home." he replied looking straight ahead.

I gasped. "Seriously?" We crossed the street. "I feel like I've been giving you hints everyday for the past two weeks."

He chuckled.

I nudged him. "So you have noticed." I narrowed my eyes accusingly. "Are you only taking actions now that Ronald made it blatantly obvious, he would try to pursue me?"

"I'm not taking action."

I stopped at the end of the street, he took two steps and realized my force tugging on him so he stopped and turned to look at me, readjusting the umbrella over me, sheltering me from the rest of the soft rain.

"You're not?" I arched an eyebrow. Was this guy playing games?

"When I take action you'll know." He responded.

I smirked and put my free hand on my hip. "Oh like how you almost kissed me today?"

He didn't answer right away. His eyes held my own gaze and it seemed he was stroking a fire within me. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. It seemed like he was waging an internal battle within himself. Surprised by my bluntness, amused enough to take the bait, mischievous enough to make me wait.

"I'm sorry." He finally responded softly. But there didn't seem to be any remorse in his words.

I scoffed and couldn't help but smile. "Are you really?"

He didn't respond and I rolled my eyes. Give him time, I was coming on strong. "Nevermind, it wasn't even a kiss." I took a step forward and he stepped in my way blocking me. I looked up at him curiously. "What?"

"Aquina..." He spoke slowly.

I straightened up. He rarely if ever spoke my name. "What?"

"Is this your dream or mine?" He whispered.

I frowned staring at him in confusion. "What?" Why was my heart racing. Wait, what was he saying? What did he mean? What was he talking about? A million questions flew through my mind as I our eyes locked on each other. If i say mine, would he do what he thinks I want? If I say his, will he do what he wants? Each second passed as the world around us kept spinning. The umbrella still above our heads, the rain echoing in the background. People passed around us, probably wondering why we were stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

"Yours." I tested.

He blinked slowly twice and smiled softly. He dropped the umbrella as he closed the gap between us. "I thought so." He whispered as he cupped my face and confidently pressed his lips against mine.

My eyes immediately closed as I accepted his kiss. My lips parting to finally pull his lips between mine, the pressure at first gentle and timid. Testing the waters, once or lips parted again, both of us satisfied with the small sample, the pressure increased. His thumb and index finger dug into the back of my neck as the rest of his fingers controlled my face. Angling it perfectly as his tongue grazed my own. The rain showered us with it 's approval as I held on almost desperately to his oversized t-shirt. Moaning into his mouth as our kiss grew more desperate.

We've never kissed before, but how did our lips and mind manage to create such a euphoric feeling of nostalgia.

"Y'all go kiss somewhere else."

**

Lan

I opened my eyes with a sharp inhale. I stared up at my familiar white ceiling and closed my eyes. The dream had long faded away. Sighing I ran my hand over my face and through my short buzz cut. My left eye pulsated slightly as it always did when I woke up.

I rubbed my chest and groaned as I sat up reluctantly. Rubbing my abs, i looked down to something else demanding attention. Staring at my dick, i contemplated whether or not to entertain it.

I'd taken a break from masturbating, and realized it actually made my dreams more vivid. I also had a lot more energy throughout the day and stamina for my workouts. As if my body wanted to prove itself, an image of those soft lips and her whispered moans playing back in my imagination. My dick pulsing at the memory.

I gritted my teeth. It's been a week. Closing my eyes, I slid my left hand inside my boxers with a sigh of contentment. My fingers wrapped firmly around the warm hard flesh.

"Lan are you up yet? Are you hungry?"

I immediately pulled my hand out of boxers and sighed as i opened my eyes.

"Morning Gigi!" I called out as I got out of bed and grabbed my sweatpants. "I hear pots, don't touch anything. I'm coming down."

"I want to make you some porridge." I could still hear her rattling around in the kitchen.

I shook my head and as I pulled up my sweats over my receding erection. "I'll make the porridge. Stay off of the leg." I ordered as I rushed out my room. Gigi wasn't one to listen.