((Wowie this kinda gets sad to tw cuz suicidal methods-for those who don't know the Heathers))

Brendon felt better, concealed by JD's trenchcoat. He was constantly moving as he belted out the song.

Ryan had considerably less lines with the song change. He seemed content with the decision, however, speaking his few lines to get Brendon into the song and watching him preform, quietly. They had a prop door that Ryan stayed half behind, so that he could be seen, before ducking to hide for the last half of the song. In the hidden side of the door, the hangman's noose hung loose enough that it wouldn't hurt Ryan when they reached the reveal. Though it was fake, Brendon didn't like it; it made him nervous.

It made him nervous how much he thought about... Not feeling anymore. It was a reoccurring thought over the course of the past few years, but they had steadily increased. Many nights, he had to take medication in order to sleep. Some nights, he stared at the amount he had poured in his hand. He considered popping them all in his mouth, but always slid them slowly back into the bottle. He didn't have a reason that he could really think of to slide them back into the bottle, he just did.

His friends were all so happy. They spoke of their 'legendary' parties and experiences without a bigger care in the world. They were so oblivious of the world outside of themselves. They were absorbed in the projects they had undertaken to the point that they hardly spoke of anything else.

Ryan was quiet during lunches. Unlike Brendon, he engaged in the other's conversations. He nodded and listened, but rarely spoke. Hayley had pressed relentlessly about what happened to his eye, but he would only shift the subject. Everyone took their turn at asking, but Ryan was stubborn. The more the bruising faded, the less the questions were asked.

Brendon sat against the tree as another lunch period passed. He tried to shrink into the bark as Dallon and Kenny stepped out of the cafeteria.

Dallon had run back to Kenny quickly. They sat closer during drama practices. They walked in a better sync. Dallon didn't attempt to strike up any new conversations with Brendon.

"I can't believe the coach let you wear a skirt to practice." Josh laughed loudly, bringing Brendon out of his head. Brendon turned to his friends, who sat around the tree.

Tyler grinned, "He was gone and being team captain has its perks."

"How are you doing basketball and drama without dying?" Pete asked as he plucked a French fry off of Patrick's lunch tray. Patrick attempted to grab it back, but Pete quickly tossed it in his mouth and snapped it shut.

"I've just got sick skills." Tyler laughed, quickly bringing his hand up to cover his mouth.

Josh, who was laying on the ground beside where Tyler was sitting, rolled onto his back in order to look up at him with a huge grin. "So sick."

"Shut up!" Tyler giggled, swatting Josh away.

"I'm stoked for our skits." Patrick said as he pulled his tray away from Pete's fry stealing fingers, "Thanks for being a stand in, Josh."

Josh shrugged. He was now holding onto Tyler's hand and playing absently with the other boy's fingers. "Tyler made a very compelling argument as to why I should... Plus, you guys are kinda cool." He tilted his head back to look at the rest of the group with a grin.

Pete pouted. "Are you ever going to tell me what you're doing?"

"Oh, if I could tell you." Patrick winked.

Pete rolled his eyes. "You could, you just choose not to." He snagged a fry that Patrick was bringing up to bite. "Tell me if you ever want to see this fry again."

Patrick narrowed his eyes. "You don't have the guts."

"But I do!" Hayley eexclaimed. She popped to her feet, ran over between Pete and Patrick, and ripped the fry from Pete's grip.

"Hayley, no!" Patrick rose to his feet as Pete doubled over with laughter, "Don't harm him!"

"Did you just assume that fry's gender?" Ryan asked with the cock of his eyebrow. He had been looking down, writing in a purple notebook, but looked up to join the escalating conversation.

Patrick ignored him, rushing to chase after Hayley. She laughed, racing around the tree and over towards the cafeteria.

"Hay, please! I wasn't built to run!" Patrick pleaded as he remained in pursuit.

Everyone left by the tree started laughing. Everyone, that is, except for Brendon. Brendon shifted his gaze to the blades of grass around him. He wished he felt like laughing. Funny how he wished for feeling between wishing to not feel at all. What did he really want?

"Brendon?"

Brendon looked up to find Ryan just centimeters away. Their knees were almost touching.

"Hi."

Ryan smiled, but there was something off about it. It almost felt too sad to be a real smile. "You didn't eat lunch today." Ryan stated, pointing to the untouched lunch tray at Brendon's side.

"Oh... Yea, not hungry." Brendon muttered, choosing to keep his gaze there, rather than at Ryan.

"Feeling alright?" Ryan planted himself on the spot in front of Brendon. He didn't wait for Brendon to answer, however. "Just kidding, I already know that look."

Brendon raised an eyebrow, but didn't move his gaze. "What look?"

"That look you get when you're contemplating things." Ryan spoke as he looked down to continue writing in his notebook, "That look when you start hurting in a way that is hard to describe." He brought his hand up to his chest without looking up from his notebook, "Here."

Brendon finally turned to look at Ryan. He was writing slowly, as if contemplating every word. "What do you care? I thought you were mad at me."

"I am." Ryan shrugged, continuing to write. "You just look lost and no one deserves to feel forgotten at the base of a tree."

It grew quiet between them. The others were still laughing and joking behind Ryan, but they were becoming muted in Brendon's ears.

"What about you?" Brendon asked, "You've been acting different."

"Acting is the key word." Ryan replied, "I'm trying to understand my character. Go method, maybe."

"You've never done that before."

"There's always time to try."

The bell rang, bringing the sounds of their friends back to Brendon's ears. Ryan snapped his notebook up before rising to his feet. He didn't look at Brendon. "See you during class."

"See you..." Brendon turned away as Ryan moved briskly across the grass to get to his next class.