'There's nothing to keep you from falling in love'

"Yes," I replied after trying to find the words.
As a vampire, you don't lose your breath, something about this boy made me lose mine. I wasn't sure why I replied in that way, I was far from it. Multiple things were running through my head.
I was mated to a boy. A boy was my mate. I didn't really care, but I wasn't expecting it. Iwas expecting a lucious locks and long lashes, I was expecting a totally different body and style. 
I didn't know it was possible for me to not feel someone's emotions. I felt everybodies, but I couldn't feel his. 
How am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know if they were a threat? How was I supposed to know if he actually loved me?
I clenched my jaw and looked forward. The teacher was talking but I couldn't hear him. all I could hear was the heartbeats around me. I was panicking.
How was I supposed to understand anything without my gift? He was looking at me, I could feel it. I could feel him looking at me, each time he did, it felt like a physical touch everytime. I didn't know what to do, it felt wonderful, it felt like something I hadn't felt in years, I loved it, I wanted more, I needed more.
I needed to leave, I needed to--
"Sir," I stuck up my hand, tapping my feet anxiously against the floor, "May I be excused?"

I persuaded the teacher to let me go, he wasn't going to let me. He nodded, I grabbed my binder and pen and walked out, feeling his gaze on me. And it all felt wrong. As soon as I left, I wanted to go back and sit next to him, I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear his voice again.
I had never felt this way before. Why was I so freaked out? Why did I feel so anxious? Was Alice's anxiety getting to me? Why did my chest feel so tight and why couldn't I feel?
"Hey, are you good Blondie?" A voice called out.

I froze. No. It can't be him.
"Are you good man? You look kind of freaked out. I told Mr. No-brain that we were tight so I could get out of class and check on you,"

"I'm fine," I huffed, tuning my back on him.
Why did he care? He didn't know me, all I did was look at him.

"You don't look it," He shrugged, still walking over.
When I saw him in the corner of my eye, I went to turn again, only he skipped and grabbed my arm that was reaching up to hide my face. I went to pull away but his touch was electrifying, it almost felt as if my heart had actually beaten.
I clenched my jaw, this was so confusing, why did I care so much?
"Are you having an anxiety attack?"

"No," I shook my head, pulling my arm free and turning to walk to the cafeteria. 
I could hear his footsteps behind me but I continued walking, a demon inside me liking that he cared enough to follow. The most part of me, the much more humane side didn't bother look or slow down. 
Maybe I was having an anxiety attack. I had felt humans experience this all the time and it was what they labeled it about. I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling human, I wasn't one and I was never going to be one. 
So why was this boy making me feel like one?

"Blondie will you slow down?" He called out, starting to jog just to walk at my shoulder.
I ignored him.
"Fine be a bitch then," He stopped walking, I didn't, "Wait no-- I feel bad you're having an anxiety attack,"

I actually stopped in my tracks. Who was this human and why was he following me? Why was he so abnormal and why was he so strange? When he met up with me, he walked in front and had a small, casual smile on his face. My features softened.
"Sit down, I'll help you, people tell me I'm very distracting,"

But I didn't want to sit down. I wanted to run away. I didn't know what this was, I didn't know how to act, I didn't know how to think with this boy in front of me. How could I do anything when his lean build was standing right in front of me?
I didn't know what to do. Sit? Don't sit? Talk? Don't talk? Love? Don't love?
I froze and stared at him like a complete idiot. 
What would Alice do? What would Alice tell me to do?
I pulled out a chair and sat down, clenching my jaw, looking at my feet. I figured it was because I wasn't looking at him, but for whatever reason, he kneeled down and looked at me with that same smile from earlier. If I were a fish then I would've been hooked already.
He held out a hand. I looked at it, then back to him. What did he want me to do with that? I swallowed then lifted mine too. He grabbed it.
It was like breathing in fresh air for the first time, it felt so soothing, so right. I wanted both hands in his, I wanted to hug him, I wanted to feel his body up against mine because it felt so soothing. It felt so right, even when it was just his hand.
God, I didn't know what to do but stare at him like some lovesick schoolkid.
"I used to have anxiety all the time, it's totally cool that you feel like this," He told, pressing down on my fingers, I frowned, "What's your name?"

"Jasper," I replied instantly, watching his fingers press over mine, "What are you doing?"
I was certain I had never met a human with a nature like his. 

"Focus on the pressure," He ignored my question, "I'm Ethan. Sometimes Nathan. I don't really care what you call me. You can call me anything,"

"Why?" I wondered, doing as he said without questions.
The 'why' was pointed to ask of his rambles, but I didn't specify.
I focused as he pressed on my thumb, then my little finger, then to the middle and so forth.

"First day of my old school and my best friend misheard my name and thought I said Nathan. Ethan and Nathan kinda sound the same so it stuck for a while," Ethan shrugged, frowning at the memory, then a fond smile fell on his face.
I didn't understand. How was that smile so beautiful to me?

"My brother calls me Jazzy," I told. 
It was a complete lie, the only thing close to that would've been Jazz, but for some reason it slipped out. It only felt fair that he had a nickname to call me now that I could create one for him. Although it was a lie, I knew Emmett would play into it and not tell my secret to the boy in front of me.

"Which one?" He asked, though his eyes went wide for a moment, "I got told all the gossip and your family came up, is that weird? Sorry if that's weird but I kinda know you have two sisters and two brothers,"

"It's not weird," I chuckled, though admittedly it was.
Unfortunately, I was used to it, we all were. Having superhuman hearing allows you to know all the drama, lies and assumptions spread about you. But it wasn't weird for Ethan to do it. I wasn't sure what made him different, but it couldn't ever be weird if Ethan did it.
"And um, Emmett,"

"He seems nice," Ethan turned his head, looking at me now instead of my hand.
He seemed very concentrated when he was doing that, but having his eyes on me felt so much better, internally and externally.

"He is," I nodded, "All my family are,"
Ethan smiled sweetly at me, my mind blanked.
I squinted my eyes slightly, trying to find any emotion, anything at all, but still, there was nothing. I just wanted to feel, I just wanted to understand what he was feeling. I wanted to know if he was having the same reation to me.

"Who are you closest to?" He asked, gazing at me softly.
Those green eyes made me want to color match everything in my room to them.

"Alice more, she's been my best friend forever, though I'm quite close with Rosalie too, only people don't see that much," I explained, enjoying that I was being listened to.
How long had it been since I felt valued. Even with such a small conversation, the way he was looking at me made me feel like someone actually cared. I didn't even know the man and he was looking at me as if he never wanted to look away.
I'm glad that feeling was shared, I never wanted to look away from those understanding eyes and that body that made mine feel electric.

"I wish I had siblings," He shook his head fondly, "I just make friends and concider them my family," 
He let out a small laugh but I could tell by the quietness of it that it really affected him that he didn't have the relationship he desired. I hoped that if we ever became romantically involved, my siblings would treat him as one.
"Do you feel better?"

I paused, looking at him for a moment, trying to find out what he meant. Did I feel better? About what? Oh. The anxiety. 
"Yes..." I nodded, unsure if that meant we wouldn't talk again.

"Great, it worked," He stood from in front of me and my emotions sunk. 
Did it mean that? Would he not want to speak to me after? Was that it? What did he mean it worked?

"What worked Ethan?" 
I paused when I said his name. It just slipped out so easily I wanted to say it again and again and never stop. It was such a beautiful name, I wanted to say something else, I wanted to call out for him, I wanted him to call me by mine, I wanted to yell it, I wanted to scream it, I wanted to cry it.
Ethan.

"I stopped your anxiety attack," Ethan stated proudly, giving my hand back.
Oh. I hadn't noticed. I was too wound up with this boy to notice my feelings, the negative ones anyway. I was too shocked to answer, I just stared at him. A boy, a man who didn't even know me took time out of his day to help me? If only he knew what a souless creature I really was. I'd like to see him help me then.
I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe how lucky I had been to be gifted this wonder. 
He stared at me too.
"You don't have to thank me," He cleared his throat, I could hear his heartbeat speed up, it was then I became aware of his blood.

It didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, but it was there and it made my throat prickle with fire. I didn't know a feeling like this existed. If I had done, I would've been more excited to meet Ethan, I would've asked Alice about him all the time. I would've wanted to meet him sooner.
He was so magical, he was like nobody I had ever met before. He was someone I wanted. I wanted Ethan.
"Thank you," I broke our eye contact, not liking how lost I could get without even meaning to, "I think you should get back to class,"

"You not coming Jasper?" He wondered, as if he wanted me to be there.
I swallowed, the way he said it -- the way he said my name.
I wanted that boy.

"No," I shook my head, "I have to go meet my sister,"
It was another lie, but I had hoped Alice saw my intention of wanting to meet with her, so then it wouldn't be another untruthful statement.

"Ok," He shrugged, "I'll tell the Mr. Teach you felt sick so you went home. See you tomorrow Jazzy,"
I watched him walk, a blank look on my face. How could I process all of these emotions in one sitting? How could I process all of the things Ethan made me feel without totally giving into what was destined for us?
The answer: I just had to. 
There wasn't a way I'd be able to ignore this for long.
I hope he wanted this just as bad as me.

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How was your day? Did you enjoy the follow-up chapter?

No because the way Jasper has anxiety and the way Ethan helped him with it

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