It started with hope. It started with a want to be accepted. To be wanted and needed and appreciated. Someone to listen to your voice, someone willing to consider your opinion, someone willing to let you be you no matter what, without being judged.

It continued with hope. Hope that things will continue like this, that things would be okay as long as they were by your side, as long as you both keep trying. As long as we both continued.

“Move forward” they say. And for a while. That’s all you do it. You do it gladly. You take several steps forward.

But soon you’re going back. Retracing those steps, unsure of what had gone wrong. Where had you made the wrong turn? You try to find it. When did you make the wrong step? How can you fix it? You go past the starting line.

You’re only taking steps back. You’ve gone past the starting line. You’re further away from the finish. You’ve lost your way. Which way is right and which is wrong? How do you tell the difference? You can’t. You’re blind in this maze. It’s all a maze and you’re left with those toxic thoughts.

You’re trapped there, in that dark maze, with no way of knowing which step is forward and which is back. So you stay there. You stand there, waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting for… You don’t know. Waiting for some light, perhaps. It doesn’t come and eventually, ever so slowly, you realise it; you can’t stay there forever. You have to move forward. You don’t know which way is forward.

So you take a blind step and hope it’s the right way. You stumble for a while, never really knowing if you’re going the right way. You just hope it is. It’s all uncertain, never really fully confident, all a guess and an attempt.

Then eventually, you reach a door. You’re not sure if you’re ready for it. After all, it’s not a step. It’s much bigger than that, with bigger chances and… It’s scarier. It’s harder. But you push through anyway because you know you need to, because you want to.

You open the door and get ready to meet yourself for everything you never knew you were, for everything that drives you and builds you, for everything that you are.