Jay Walker shivered under the white and brown fluffy blanket he and Kai were sharing, the red ninja radiated anger and heat next to him while the rest of the team fussed over them. The glare the fire ninja was giving the games console unsettled Jay, was that his fault? He did ruin his free night out on the town, he wouldn't blame him.

Jay avoided the team's piercing gazes in favour of just thinking about what the hell just happened. He didn't know how to internalize the fact that he saw Thornton, of all people. The repressed memories were just barely held back by the dam he had created so much time ago, though some of it seemed out in flashes. Being held down in the changing rooms and having his head shoved into the overflowing sink, being beat down with a metal bat and a tennis racket, among others. He remembered the cruel grin that settled upon his bully's face whenever he saw him in any form of pain, sending shivers down his spine.

Fucking sadist.

Without warning, a hot hand curled around his shoulders, making him flinch instinctively. Fuck, seeing his old tormentor brought back instincts he had abandoned long after childhood. Old habits die hard. He tried to come back to his head but he was disassociating so hard that he couldn't, no matter how much he tried, his body didn't move on his command. The vessel didn't feel like it was his, pushed away by some unseen spirit.

The warm fingers tightened lightly on him and pulled him towards Kai, the falling sensation sent him rocketing back into his armour, almost making him gasp aloud at the sensation of resurfacing. He looked at the hothead who seemingly decided to protectively curl his arms around him, tugging him into his chest to surround him with warmth. The sensation grounded him in reality and kept him from being pushed into the memories. The red ninja set his chin on the top of Jay's head making him intense and relax.

He was aware of the scrutinizing and curious gazes of his teammates but he found that he really didn't care. He eventually found his voice under all the anxiety building up in his chest. "Thanks." Jay muttered. The hum that shook the blue ninja was all the response he needed.

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At around eight most of the team had retreated back to their quarters, Sensei Wu and Misako had been the first ones to go, Nya following close after. The five were still all settled between the cushions, the elephant in the room growing ever so bigger. Lloyd, who sat beside him turned to him with a hesitant expression.

"Jay, do you mind if I ask you something?" The green ninja asked, wiggling around to get comfortable on the couch. Jay hummed a yes in reply, his eyes gingerly closed as Kai still protectively held onto him, Cole and Zane had joined the protection squad, sitting in front of the sofa. They were both leaning against the foot of the furniture which had caused Kai and Jay to pull up their legs so they could be comfortable, the earth and ice ninja sharing a blanket between them.

"Who was that?" Lloyd asked, joining the original four in their cuddle fest, leaving Jay practically sandwiched in the middle. "Somebody I knew a long time ago." He described vaguely, clearly not wanting to discuss this Thornton they had unpleasantly met. Lloyd seemed to take the hint and only just comforted him through body warmth, slipping under the blanket with Kai and Jay who helped him under the duvet.

They didn't say anything after that,only just enjoyed each other's presence that they had neglected and missed for so long. If they shared a few bro hugs and let a few tears slip between them they didn't mention it.

____________________________

It was around two in the morning after the eventful evening the day before. Jay sat at the deck of the Bounty, gently nursing a cup of tea between rough fingers. He took a light sip, feeling the warmth slide down his throat and settle nicely in his chest, soothing the raging storm in his head slightly. He sighed, a puff of opaqueness came out of his lips, reminding the lightning ninja of the bitter cold that nipped at his body.

He shivered at the temperature and curled into himself, he should probably go over to the deck and grab a blanket but all of his motivation was zapped out him the moment he attempted. 'I don't deserve warmth anyway,' he dismissed it, letting the breeze gently ruffle his hair. He takes a long sip of his tea which had noticeably cooled, now it sat at lukewarm which wasn't as satisfying to the broken soul.

Jay settles his gaze upward, looking at the endless sky above that felt so mindbogglingly close. As if he just reached forward that he would be able to grasp one of the stars between his fingers and hold its close to his chest, as if it would soothe the icy, numb organ that was his heart. His gaze shifts down, choosing to observe the teacup he held oh so gingerly. It was almost empty, a thin layer of the once scalding green liquid was all that was left.

He raises the drink to his lips, letting the remnants of the -now freezing- tea slide down his throat. He shivers, it did nothing to decrease his chances of hypothermia and now the blanket he had dismissed seemed so tempting to retrieve from his quarters. However, instead of retreating into the living room -which was bound to be a least a bit warmer- he stood from his seat at the deck and trudged towards the bow of the flying boat.

He let his weight press against the hard wood of the railings, looking down at the city of Ninjago. He had done so much for this city, they had done so much for the city. Although it was satisfying to be able to see how the city thrived under their care he couldn't help but wonder if he had decided to live a simpler life, nestled cozily between the giant mounts of garbage at his family's dump.

After being recruited into this ninja force, this was all he had. A team of ragtag teenagers who were tasked to watch over an entire land, nothing else mattered, it was always the people the mission. Zane had died for the cause, Cole turned into a ghost for the cause, hell, Lloyd lost the rest of his childhood over the cause.

He feels the porcelain chalice slide between his fingers as he loosely held on to it. He holds it up to his face, seeing a light reflection of himself. He never really liked himself, there was always something to despise, something that he scorned with all of his might. Sometimes it was his freckles, sometimes it was his hair, sometimes it was his eyebrows, etc. Though sometimes it was everything, and not just appearance wise. Like how he had no contribution for the team except for cheesy, lighthearted jokes in the face of danger that everyone could be annoyed at.

His jokes were annoying, him being there was annoying, him and his existence in general was irritating. His cobalt eyes narrow, glaring at his reflection. He hated it, he hated everything about himself and no matter how much he tried he knew he would never be enough for anyone. Nya already proved that to him, he had given it his all, taking her out on dates, giving her the best presents he could and fucking humiliating himself countless times to make her happy.

Zeidon Thornton also came up as a thought, making him tighten his grip on the handle of the glass. The man had practically tortured him in his youth, the drowning, the dropping, the beatings were all things that took him years to recover from. In a sick, twisted sense, the bully had made him so accustomed to the pain that he missed it for years after the events took place. He knows its wrong now, hell, he knew it was wrong before but it had become one of the only things that were really routine in his life at that time of his life.

He's ashamed that he let it get so out of hand, becoming dependent on something so toxic. Even if he didn't know any better back then, he should have had common sense. A self loathing bubbled in his chest like magma, heating up the cold, icy remnants of his soul which quickly fizzled out and returned to its regular state, numb.

A temptation to just throw the teacup off the ship with him following behind was very great, however, he knows that Sensei Wu doesn't deserve losing such a fine piece of china over his incompetence. He lowers the porcelain chalice from his field of vision, a chuckle slipping from his lips as if it was second nature. He backed up, letting himself hit the large mast as to not collapse into a pile of tears.

Jay tilts his head back, lightly banging the back of his cranium which sent a wave of pain ricocheting through his skull. "What's stopping me from just jumping?" He questioned, sliding down the wooden post down onto the floor. He could just barely hear Cole and his mighty snore reverberating under his waist, sending a ghost of a smile on Jay's expression for just a second.

The only thing he could really control in his life, if he would just become another bug that splat against the ground in a tangle of gravity and self loathing. The fine line between life and death isn't something new to Jay, he had danced on he tightrope for practically all of his life, its just nobody bothered to look up. Only those who wished to mock him and make him fall, it's like throwing a rock at a hummingbird.

Then why didn't he make the executive decision to just fly without wings? Letting the screams of horrified bystanders be the last music that he hears before he is taken to hell in the arms of the Grim Reaper would just be so much easier. He didn't fear the consequences, at least, not anymore.

Jay takes a deep breath, the tiredness, hunger and biting cold settling deep into his bones as if absorbed by a sponge. With much effort, he stands to look out into the inky darkness of the night, with a final glance at the edge, -for some reason- he turns and walks away to live another day.