It was the morning after the bombing, nobody could sleep that night. Jay slipped into his seat at breakfast, everyone was already there but it wasn't booming with laughter and full of lighthearted conversation like it usually was. Today, it was dead quiet, the mood somber and heavy as they rethought of what had happened the day before. Before Jay knew it a steaming cup of coffee was placed in front of him as he stared at the wood of the table with a far away look.

"Just a little pick me up." Nya clarified with a gentle voice, almost as if she was afraid of breaking the already glass thin aura of the room. She made her way to her usual spot at the table and sat down, nursing her own cup of joe in her small, nimble hands -just like Samantha's. Jay shook his head, trying to ward away the memories that were just too fresh in his mind, he pulled the mug towards him, cupping it in his hands and taking a sip of the warm beverage.

Nobody spoke, everyone had their own preferred drink in hand, most of them being the same as Jay's, except for the occasional tea which was usually the preference of the Garmadon family and the nindroid. There were no forks or spoons scraping against the ceramic of a bowl or plate since nobody had put in the effort to make breakfast, besides even if somebody did, nobody had an appetite after yesterday's events.

An hour passed of them silently mourning the innocent civilian -or Samantha, in Jay's case. The cups were all dumped into the sink, everybody choosing to ignore their responsibility of washing them in favour of going to the main deck where they would debrief.

"First we need to look for the-the victim's name in the database." Nya clarified with a stutter. "Samantha Grayson." Jay stated bluntly, his head held low, his hair -which was left unkept and messy due to not having the motivation of styling it- covering his eyes from his teammates. "Excuse me?" Nya asked again, not knowing what he meant.

"Her name was Samantha Grayson." He informed, looking up to avoid eye contact. He had done his research since he didn't want to mope around a lot last night even thought he did end up doing it anyway. He had checked her BookFace account -which was surprisingly public. "19, bordering on 20, she has never-had never had her first kiss, her mother was Rachel Scarlet Rodriguez and her father was Steven Drake Grayson, respectfully divorced. She had been born in Spain but raised in Britain and had decided to move to Ninjago for college when she was 15 since she skipped multiple grades because of her intellect. She was interning at Borg Industries and was even considering working full time there to specialise in network security. She had also been on the way to marriage with Daniela Lakewood, her fiancé."

The others looked at him in surprise while Kai and Lloyd looked at him with pitying gazes, they knew he was drowning in guilt right now for not being able to save her. Jay ignored their glances and stalked over to the large screen, typing in the victim's name without thinking it over twice. A few tabs popped up, BookFace -the one he had already analysed, GramInsta which he only glossed over and her college application along with her resume. He sighs, she had such a good life going for her, so much potential and she died because he couldn't save her.

'It's all your fault' His mind taunted, he ignored the remark along with the stab of guilt that ripped through his chest that accompanied it. He couldn't look at the screen any longer, he turns around and faces his team who look like they're trying to compose themselves. Jay licked his lips and kept his tears at bay. "Her parents still live in Britain but her fiance, Daniela Lakewood lived together with her in a small apartment on Sacramento Lane in the city."

"Do they know?" Kai asks, his eyebrows furrowing in thought. The idea of having to worry about your best friend because you haven't seen her in twenty four hours is scarring to him. He didn't want to even know what Lakewood was going through.

"Not that I know of, I dug up the police reports of the incident, they're still going through the debris but they haven't found her body nor do they know she was caught in the explosion. Only we do." The lightning master informs, leaning his palms on the console, tipping his head back and shutting his eyes. "That being said, I want to tell Daniela personally about Samantha's passing."

"I'm not trying to offend you Jay or go against your decision but the chance that they blame you for their partner's passing is about 50%. This could be a bad idea." Zane lightly protests on the idea, sipping on a second mug of tea that he had prepared for himself before the debriefing.

"I know." Jay simply replies. "Then why do it?" Nya asks, the noobie of the entire situation. "Because he feels like he has to." Lloyd clarifies, crossing his arms and laying them on the wooden table. Jay said nothing more, turning to leave the room. He makes it to the door, stopping at the sound of the green ninja calling out to him.

"You know, you don't have to do this alone. I'll come with you." The blonde comforts, he glances over his shoulder. "I'll go too." Kai offers. "I'd rather go for assistance as well." Zane insists. "I'm going with you too." Cole adds. Sensei Wu and Misako shared a glance and silently came to a conclusion. Jay smiles lightly.

"I'd like that."

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They stood in front of the apartment with anxious frowns, shifting their weight between their legs in anticipation. The way there wasn't hard in any way -they had a flying ship and elemental dragons for pete's sake- but it had been emotionally exhausting, they had opted to go for a few motorcycles that Nya had made a few months prior. Jay had been uncharacteristically quiet through the entire ride which left a heavy atmosphere drifting amongst the team.

"So, who's going to knock?" Kai asked, being huddled together at the steps of the building wasn't his ideal way to pass the time -though he would do anything for his brothers, even if all this sappy stuff wasn't his preferred way of bonding. Jay doesn't answer, he presses the buzzer next to the door.

A voice was heard yelling. "Coming!" They braced themselves for the sad exchange they were about to initiate. The door opened and it revealed a tanned man with short black and red hair and green eyes who wore a loose shirt and sweatpants. "Hi, how may I help you?" He asks, leaning on the doorframe with an an eyebrow raised.

"Sorry to bother you but we're looking for a Daniela Lakewood, is she here?" Lloyd piped up from beside Jay who silently looked at the wall. "Oh, sorry. I'm technically Daniela Lakewood but I go by he/him pronouns. I've been meaning to legally change my name to Dmitri. So, what brings the infamous ninja to good ol' Sacramento Lane?" He asks with a chipper grin.

"We bring news regarding Samantha Grayson." Zane spoke up from behind Jay, tucking his hands behind his back as a sign of respect. Dmitri's eyes widen at the statement. "Is she okay? Where is she? Where do I need to go, I haven't seen her in two days. I just thought she had to work overtime and that she was staying at Borg Industries for the night."

Jay locks eyes with Lakewood, his eyes bloodshot. "I think you want to sit down before we tell you."

"Okay, just give me a minute to clean up."

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         Dmitri led them in after about two minutes of what the ninja assumed was throwing piles of rubbish into other rooms for him to clean later and making the living room presentable. The team's hearts beat loudly in their chest while they waited. They stayed uncharacteristically quiet as Dmitri escorted them all in, each one thanking the man for his hospitality as they came in.

         "Make yourselves comfortable." Lakewood insisted, Jay observed the room with a keen eye. The rug was a pale grey and the walls were painted a bright white all except for one which was coated with a rainbow pattern. The black couch sat at the corner of the room in an L shape with two matching seats scattered around the room, all of them facing the large flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall with an unlit fireplace underneath it.

          Jay settled into the middle of the couch, Kai sat to his left with Cole standing next to him, leaning against the couch with his arms crossed while Lloyd seated himself to his right, where the furniture bends and he gets a side view perspective of his face. Zane decides to make his way beside Lloyd, a little further away, mostly covered by the green ninja's figure.

       Dmitri pulls a chair in front of the group, the sound of the wood scraping against the floor sending shivers down the lightning ninja's spine. Jay's anxiety doubles when he meets eyes with Samantha's fiace, green against blue. He forces himself to seem calm while swallowing heavily, his palms get clammy and he starts to lightly sweat. "Do you guys want anything?" Dmitri offers like a good host would.

         "No thank you." Jay declines politely with a sad smile, interlacing his fingers nervously while the others murmur their declines as well. "It's time to stop dancing around the subject." His teammates look at him with worry and their eyes convey worry and uncertainty. Was he about to expose himself this much to a civilian?

Yes, yes he was.

           "I was at the amusement park with the team you see before you, we split up in two groups one of them held the main group while the other one consisted of both myself and the green ninja." He pauses, Lloyd waves with a sad smile. "We went to another densely populated part of the park to enjoy ourselves, the food court. While we were leaving there was an earthquake, creating a large crack on the ground."

            Jay took a shuddering breath and Lloyd decided to pick up where he left off. "The blue ninja here had talked to your partner, Samantha Grayson, telling her to back away from the area and to leave. She froze and an explosion rocked the premises, the blue ninja here had come forward and grabbed onto her to keep her from falling into the massive hole. I tried myself to pull them out but I didn't have enough strength."

            The redhead cut in again. "Her dress had caught onto the sides and it was stuck really bad. My friend here left to try and get the black ninja." Cole nodded to Dmitri with a hard eyes. "I had tried to calm your friend down in the meantime but she had already resigned herself to her death. I could hear them coming back and I alerted her but it was too late."

           "Another device we were not aware of had started to activate and my team pulled me up, thinking we were both still hand in hand, I had tried to hold onto her but our grips faltered and she slipped." He swallows heavily, regret coating his next words. "I am regretful to inform you, Dmitri Lakewood that, Samantha Grayson didn't survive."

          A heavy silence fell through the home and a shattered expression fell before their eyes. A heavy blanket of grief and regret coated all of their expressions like a large blanket. The once lively man didn't hold any happiness as he did a few seconds ago. "I'm sorry." He finished, locking eyes with the victim's fiance who didn't hold even a candle of anger.

         He broke the eye contact in favour of looking down at the ground with tears in his eyes, letting his hair fall over his expression, hiding his face in shame. "What-what were her last words?" Dmitri choked out, Jay shook at the question and covered his face with his rough palms, sore from all the weight lifting he did last night due to the guilt.

         "She." He paused, trying hard not to remember her scared expression, contorted in horror at her fate. "She asked if she was going to die." He admitted silently, above a whisper. The weight of the room befell on him and it was crushing, on his shoulders, on his soul.

          "Well, she always is-was too curious for her own good. I guess that was her downfall." Dmitri tried to joke with a watery chuckle but nobody laughed, Jay looked up and searched the man's face before mirroring his expression.

             "I guess." He whispered, wanting to keep his voice quiet. "I can't help but wonder, why did you guys decide to handle this one personally?" Dmitri questioned, wiping the tears that were already beginning to fall.

              "Because we felt like we had to." Lloyd said solemnly, he stood up. "We'll leave you to yourself Mr. Lakewood, we're sorry for your loss."

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             After they had come back none of them wanted to speak about what happened, what happened at the Lakewood-Grayson household stayed at the Lakewood-Grayson household. Jay didn't feel great about the events occurred but to be fair, nobody did. They had been slacking off at training before the incident but now they were training harder than they ever had.

              While that was admirable in its own sense, Sensei Wu feared that it was reaching unhealthy levels of exercise. He knew about them overexerting themselves to the point of exhaustion, it now was worryingly common to see Cole carrying a passed out ninja still in their own sweaty gi through the halls and the earth-ninja had his own fair share of falling asleep on his feet and having most of the team to also help him to his room.

               The only one who didn't fall into this habit was Nya but she also had her own fair share of this occurring when her training had first started so it wasn't uncommon for her either. All of the ninjas had gained a big amount of muscle mass even though at their own builds. Cole already had the impressive pecs but now it was even bigger than ever before. Kai had gone after Cole's build and went for a more weightlifter appearance while the last three had chased a lean physique.

               The most common to topple down on the training ground was Jay himself, you either saw the man working on his inventions fervently in his makeshift laboratory, in the training room, pushing himself well past his limits and further beyond or in the arms of another almost equally exhausted teammate on the way to his bedroom.

              Sensei Wu feared he can't stop his pupils, even if he tried.

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              Jay kicked and punched at the training figure, the mechanism shivered at the relentless attack in which the blue ninja ignored until he placed a well thought out punch at its head and ripped it clean off. He sighed, 'another one gone'. He stepped back from the scene and glanced at his surroundings, his eyes widening. Around thirty wooden heads surrounded his well built form all which had been sliced off their respective mannequin in a different form.

               A few were completely charred from the crown of the head down to the chin, others were crumpled into pieces, almost unrecognizable and the last category were clean and precise, aimed to decapitate. "You should take a break." Someone called out from behind him, he takes a look over his shoulder to see Cole at the door of the living room. "Nah, I'm good."

              "Zane's made banquet fit for kings." The man tried to coax, coming closer towards his friend. "I'm not really hungry." He deflected, scooping up a bunch of the wooden heads and making his way over to where they usually dumped the broken training supplies, the black ninja followed hot on his heels. 

             "Come on Jay, please. We're about you. I'm worried about you." Cole begged, watching him throw away the wooden heads and turn around to keep cleaning. Before he could get any further he stepped in his way with his arms crossed. "I know what happened to Samantha has affected you but as your friend I have to tell you that you can't keep doing this."

             "Whatcha gonna do Cole? Stop me?" Jay taunted weakly, skirting past and making his way to the pile again and plucking up as many as he could. "I know I can't stop you Jay, you're too stubborn but please listen." The blue ninja paused, turning his gaze to the earth ninja. "You can't change what happened and I know you're trying to improve so it doesn't happen again, while that is admirable and productive you need to rest." He advises, placing his hands on Jay's shoulders which out of instinct caused him to drop the wooden heads.

            "Your body is going to shut down on itself, hell, it already has. I can't sit by and let it happen so please, lets clean this up tomorrow and go eat with us and let yourself enjoy it." Jay glanced down at the floor and he seemed to contemplate the offer before sharply looking up with a glare. "I don't deserve it and you know it." He snaps at him.

            "Jay you deserve a break and more, don't let this beat down your self worth." Cole begs, he hated seeing Jay like this, so cold hearted to himself. It never failed to break his heart. He knew that the blue ninja had always struggled with self worth, hell, it had been bad when they had first met but he thought he improved. Instead of replying to his plea Jay wretches himself from the black ninja's grasp and turned on his heel, marching back towards the inside of the Bounty's hold without another word.

           "You won't be able to keep this up forever!" Cole called out from behind and he swears he almost hears Jay reply but any evidence of the sound is swept away by the wind of the open air making his little stone heart ache a bit more.

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        It had been a long couple of weeks and Jay had almost forgotten how it felt to lay down on his soft bed, he lay limp on the mattress as the song of laughter echoed through the creaking halls of the Bounty. His chest hurt with the feeling of loneliness that crept up on his small figure, maybe he should join the others like Cole asked him to. With much effort he was able to painfully sit up, his sore body almost shutting down right then and there.

          He falls onto his feet, his knees barely just holding back from giving out. He tread towards the door, trying to take a deep breath to muster the strength to leave his chambers and put up a facade he didn't have the energy to perform. When he was about to go on his way he heard Nya's laugh ring through the boat making his heart constrict in a way he had forgotten it could do.

         Nya, it was always her who he couldn't stand anymore. Although he had considered Cole a best friend back then he couldn't just ignore what he did. While he knew the blame didn't fall on him -he hated that he blamed Pixal but in one way it was kind of her input that made Nya pull back after years of work - but he couldn't help but feel at least a small amount of resentment towards the earth ninja.

          Jay sighed, his feelings are going to be the death of him. He knew how he could shut up his thoughts and numb his emotions, he glances at the bedside drawer with a sharp and calculating eye before shutting them and shrugging. 'Cutting wouldn't hurt.' He thinks, mentally debating wether or not to use his trusty dagger or brand new razor blade. As a matter of fact he hadn't sharpened his knife in a while and it was taking too much effort to slice his own wrist.

Don't confuse that for self preservation, he knew a dull blade would hurt more and leave with a high for longer but Jay wasn't stupid, he wasn't going to threaten his one chance at a suicide attempt on it. There was too much risk. "I'll use the razor for now, don't want to cause an unwanted commotion." He commented to himself, treading over to his draw and pulling it open, analysing the contents with a keen eye.

           Jay plucked out the sharp shaving utensil quickly, practically throwing the draw shut and dropping to his knees, he sticks his hand under his bed and starts to rummage around for the dented metal box he had thrown under there. 'I should find a better hiding place for this.' He notes, keeping that in mind for a future session. He finally comes into contact with the freezing container, pulling it to his chest and hunching over it like an animal.

He swiftly undoes the laches, snatching the leather notebook and throwing the container onto his bed where he knew it would be safe from any more damage. He opens the familiar textbook and gently grabs a fountain pen that was laid on his bedside table and starts to scribble down words in a messy handwriting.

To which whom it may concern, which is nobody to be fair today had been okay. I had decided to input all of my energy into reverently training as I have been for the past couple of weeks. Cole decided to confront me about it and I practically ignored the subject altogether.

It's been hard, the guilt of what happened has been crushing me swiftly and painfully. I spoke to Dmitri and he expressed that he held no anger to what happened and that he knew I did all I could. I, however did not understand how he could be so forgiving of the person who basically murdered his fiancé.

Samantha Grayson deserve to be the one walking around and going on with her life, even though she would have needed serious therapy after the events that would have occurred. Samantha deserved life, not me. Some useless, worthless no good ninja who all he's good for is comic relief. She would have changed the future. I, on the other hand will not.

I don't deserve to be in her place amongst the living and breathing, she should have taken her place and society. But she didn't, because of me.

I'm sorry Samantha

He gently closed the book and picked up the box again, placing the journal into the depths of the container and closing it slowly. He exhales and slides the box, letting it sail across the wooden floor and bump into the wall of the ship. He sighs and turns his attention to mutilating his arms as punishment. He carefully held the razor between his fingers and began to slice at his skin.

He felt the pressure on his arm only to then pop as blood beaded around the thin blade, he haphazardly carved out the word burden on his forearm, it would be hard to miss. It didn't resemble his handwriting and was kind of blocky in comparison to his usual cursive but it would do. Beads of blood started to trickle down his fingers.

'Samantha deserved to be alive.'

'You're fucking useless'

'Kill yourself already'

'Fag'

'Bitch'

'Idiot'

'Stupid'

      Jay shakes his head, trying to clear his everlasting thoughts as he mindlessly stares at the blood dripping down onto the hardwood floor. The boat creaked as it swayed under the strong winds of the night, the gentle rhythm slowly brought him back to reality. His crestfallen gaze lands onto the floor, not wanting to move and just let himself collapse and rot under the weight of the world.

       Jay sighed, feeling the pressure in his chest release for a second only to come scrambling back, infecting his heart once more. With great effort he made his way towards the bathroom, not bothering to have to gather his supplies to properly clean himself he collected some toilet paper and came back to the small puddle of red, he rips it, keeping a third of it for his self inflicted wounds. Dropping the paper to the floor he crouches down, numbly scrubbing at the thick substance, pulling back he saw that he had cleaned most of the mess, only leaving a small few glittering drops of red that were stuck between the creases of the wood,

           Figuring he could ignore it for now he goes back to the bathroom and throws the dirty tissue in the bin, running his forearm under ice cold water, holding back a flinch from the sting. He pulls back and turns the sink off, turning to his towel he cleans around the wounds, careful not to stain the white fluff. Mustering his last few minutes of strength he treads over to his bed, collapsing onto the sheets.

         Jay traps the paper between his gi and his cuts, the fibres would probably get stuck in his arms but he didn't really care. The ninja pulls the blankets up to his chest, hugging himself as an awful mimic of comfort. His greying eyes stared at the wood of the walls which had been lightly coated with a thin layer of blue, acting more as a stain than solid paint.

         He didn't like to be alone with his thoughts. He had liked company when he was a child, asking his mother to stay with him until he was able to drift off into the arms of sleep or crawling into both of his parents' bed and nudging himself between them as they rested. Now, however it was different.

        He does still like company but no matter how many people surround him he always feels lonely, whenever it was date night he and Lloyd are the only two who don't have a partner. Jay can't help but wonder if he ever feels this way as well.

         He spent hours in his head, thinking over the things that plagued his mind, from bad to terrible to worse. The stream of heartless questions and statements were exhausting to deal with. He just wanted to sleep. He turned over to look out the window to look at the night sky, the full moon was bright yet dark all of the same. Rain had started to patter against the glass, the tapping was soothing to the soul, the sky was sharing his sorrow.

         It was melancholy.

         Jay started to hear light thuds that resembled light footsteps, peering to the crack under the door the light that streamed through was blocked by a figure. He flipped around and relaxed his body to the best of his ability, evening out his breathing to feign sleep. He heard the door groan as it was opened and he curled into himself.

        He heard the figure come closer and sigh in relief. "Come on Jay." He heard Nya whisper, the water ninja came closer, pulling the blankets he had kicked to the foot of the bed up to his shoulders, tucking him in. Jay felt the bed dip and the edge, nimble fingers -like Samantha's- were placed in his ginger hair, playing with it gently. After a bit she flattened the hair to reveal his forehead and gingerly pecked his forehead.

          Unmistakably, she pulled away and headed for the door, Jay shifted to be able to see her leave. Nya pulled the door open and glanced back. "G'night Jay." She whispered into the silent room before stepping out and closing the door behind her.

          Jay turned again to the window and looked out to see the stars once more, mistakenly catching his own reflection in the process. He examined the freckles that dotted his face, the eye bags and greasy ginger hair. He glanced at the door where all of his friends lie after. A small tear left his right eye, the droplet glistened under the beautiful moonlight.

           It was melancholy.

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Concealed
/kənˈsēld/

adjective
kept secret; hidden.

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Melancholy
/ˈmelənˌkälē/

adjective
having a feeling of melancholy; sad and pensive