Jay had always known he was different. From a gifted kid with straight As to not being able to concentrate or sit still in classes during high school he was doomed from the get-go. His eyes trail over the wooden ceiling of the bounty, his leg twitching every once in a while.

He doesn't remember when it started, couldn't even pin-point the moment the feeling of being cast out began. He can't recall when the open hole inside his chest made his world grow murkier and devoid of light. He doesn't remember when it got exhausting to maintain relationships and respond to messages from the little friends he had. His brain overworks itself, remembering how he's failed time and time again.

"It was never going to work out, Jay!" Nay cried out. The rain came down heavy on the both of them, drenching them to their bones. Cold seeped into Jay's skin but he couldn't even muster the heart to shiver.

"What did I do wrong then? What did I do to hurt you?" Jay yelled back, familiar self doubt and hurt resurfacing like a tidal wave and swallowing him whole. He felt electricity churning in the air, ready at his fingertips to lash out but he only clenched his fists and let the lightning bubble underneath his skin.

"It wasn't you Jay, it was me. I don't love you... I don't think I can." She admits, her usually neatened hair drooped at the sides of her face and her mascara and lipstick started to stain her face from the downpour. Water circles her, ready to attack like a barracuda awaiting orders. She doesn't let it strike. "I was scared, I was so terrified of hurting you but in the end by keeping it from you I only ended up making it worse in the long run."

"But why? I gave you everything I had, I tried, I tried so hard-" The tears burned on his skin and mixed oh so painfully with the cold water.

"Jay you're a good person, you're such a good person! You deserve somebody for you, someone special but you're just not the one for me. I'm sorry."

The memory replayed in Jay's mind yet again, his mind running marathons around the what if's. Rain poured heavily outside just like that night, lightning striking and shaking his very bones with the power that flowed through him. The Bounty was empty and cold, only a thin blanket shielding him from the howling winds that crept through the ship.

Emptiness, a gaping hole exists within him, clawing out everything that he had worked for and reducing him to a hollow shell. It was something that was oh so intimately familiar. It's burrowed in his chest, making everything icy cold with its touch. He hasn't been warm for a long time.

His bottom bunk was messy, the blankets wrapped around his legs and waist. His arms were left open to the biting air, stinging and full of crimson that flowed down into his duvet. He could care less about the stains they left as long as he cleaned it up before everyone else got back.

He was alone on the Bounty, haunted floorboards of pirating past and the shadows dancing in the corners of his eyes being his only company. Everyone had agreed to a family dinner out to spend time together but he couldn't bear gathering the energy to put up his act. They had offered to stay but he didn't want any pity. Now it was just him and his thoughts.

A leather spiral notebook is laid out beside him, detailing his worst mistakes and most intimate of insecurities. How worthless he truly was. It was a gift from his parents for his last birthday, it was a shame what he's using it for. The injuries on his wrists stung but he made no move to pacify the pain, only laying on his bed lifelessly with his leg twitching every once in a while.

He smelled the iron in the air as his thoughts wandered to everything and nothing, all of his worries and insecurities spiralling and spilling over and yet he felt calm, he found that he didn't really mind the apathy.

A ding echoes through his room, his pant pocket lighting up slightly. He exhales tiredly, not wanting to answer. Two quick sounds fire off quickly from his phone and he manages to slip it out. The brightness blinds Jay momentarily before seeing the messages from someone. 'Water-girl has sent you a message'

The ginger opens the notification to come face to face with a picture. It was clear Nya had been the one to take it -from the fact that she nor Cole are in frame. Kai was sitting in one corner of the booth while Skylar sat right across. Right next to the spiked fire ninja was Pixal and Zane next to each other, Lloyd sat with more space empty, a straw locked and loaded and aimed straight at Kai's hair. Misako and Sensei Wu were also barely in frame but could be made out next to Lloyd and Zane respectively.

Jay didn't have the energy to even smile at the picture. 'Water-girl: hey, just checking up on you, hope your headache is better! We're bringing some chicken noodle soup for you when we get back.'

The second picture is much more blurry with Kai looking a lot more red and spitballed while Lloyd looks to be laughing his ass off with the rest of the table. His stomach clenches at the thought of the others doing something without him but he chose this, he chose to stay behind he can only blame himself.

His brain starts up the question of if they really even need him if they're just fine on their own before squashing that thought. He's too exhausted to delve into suicidal ideation. He takes a deep breath and slowly types out his response. 'GamerDude: yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for the food!' He feels like a liar.

He lays down his phone on his bloodstained duvet, it's already dried up.

He wonders how he's lost track of time so easily. He almost doesn't do anything, but resolves to get up and clean the sheets.

He heaves his way out of the bed with his limbs feeling like lead, he drags the fabric over to the laundry room and pours some fabric softener and cleaner into their respective compartments before clicking the machine on. He doesn't bother going into his bathroom to clean up, instead he shoves down his sleeves, checks if there's any spots of crimson -luckily there aren't- and trudges back into the bunks. He collapses into bed once again and shoves his leather book into his locked box.

(All of them had their respective locked boxes after an incident with the bedside table and the fact that their belongings look similar, he was amused when Zane found Lloyd's only baby picture but he wasn't so amused when Kai accidentally found Jay's childhood teddy bear.)

His phone dings once again and he's pretty sure they're coming back home. He doesn't check the message, instead he looks up at the top bunk above him and stares at the mattress and uneven wood-frame.

He can't take a conversation, already drained from just the energy it takes to go to the bathroom. He wishes he could have a conversation without thinking about how wrong it could and already has gone wrong. He wishes he didn't have to pretend and just let himself implode from the pressure.

If anyone asks, he's just tired.

And so very cold.