DOWNTOWN.
chapter forty-six | an ode to remember.

I took a sip of coffee, wincing. Father rubbed his temples in full displeasure, or rather, confusion. "So you're saying, all the times you went out, and the reason that Donghyuck decided to get me a new truck, was because you've been out racing with your friends?"

I had to tell him eventually. I didn't think it would be over breakfast, though, where him accidentally seeing my racing suit hung up on my mirror would lead him to the drastic yet true conclusion. I took another sip, wordless, nodding. "Holy shit."

"Woah, I've never heard you curse, Dad!"

"That's not the point, Liu Jiayi!" Shit. He brought out my full name. He was really fired up. "How long has it been? Since the day we arrived in Seoul? With our neighbor that had driven you somewhere that night?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"And you're telling me just now?!" Dad slammed his hands on the counter, startling me. He inhaled sharply at my surprise, shaking his head. "I can't believe this. Although I'm glad you have friends and you're having the time of your life, Jiayi, how could you not tell me? What if one day, you don't come home? How will I ever redeem myself as your father? Can't you think of me for once?"

"I always think of you, Dad, so please, don't be like this," I frowned. "I didn't want to tell you sooner because I knew you'd stop me. This is what I really want to do for now, okay? And I'm safe doing it!"

"Tell me," He beckoned to his ear, swallowing. "You met Donghyuck through this street racing thing, right?"

Damn it. "Yes."

"Why I should–!" He raised his hand, but he would never dare hit me. Instead, it lowered back to the counter, a groan escaping his lips. "Jiayi, please, are you trying to kill me?!"

"Dad," I begged, putting my cup down. "You have to hear me out. I thought you wanted me to find a community, find a place I belonged?"

Father's eyes softened. "I do, but–"

"But," I continued, trying to smile. "I'm alive and safe. I'm happy doing what I do. Although I want it to be something permanent, Dad, it's only temporary. I'm going to live. I'm treasured there, Dad–by all my friends and by Donghyuck. I promise to come home unscathed every night."

"I never trust you," Dad mumbled. "That's probably why you came early from Busan, too."

"Correct," No point in lying. "There's only one more race, Dad, and then it should be over. For good."

He was silent for a moment, thinking. I knew he was crossed, wearing an expression that screamed insecurity. I don't blame him, though. I had been secretive about it for months, lying straight to his face when all he wanted was for me to fit in. He was glad that I found people like that, although it meant risk and danger. That's where I crossed the line.

"Jiayi."

"Yes, Dad?"

"Are you happy?" He stared at me, and I nodded eagerly. "Are you going to practice this street racing thing safely?"

"I will, I promise," I nodded again.

"Will Donghyuck protect you through thick and thin?" I would hope so. I nodded. "Lastly, will you make sure not to come home hurting? I can't see you hurting, Jiayi. It hurts me more than you could imagine."

"Dad, I'll make sure to be safe. Donghyuck will be there for me," I smiled. "I mean, isn't buying me my own car enough proof?"

"You both should just get married," Dad joked, trying to ease the tension as we laughed in unison, but we returned to momentary silence soon after. "Fine. I give you my blessing. Continue until the end."

I squealed, rounding around the counter and jumping into his arms. He caressed my head, chuckling, looking at me. "Thanks, Dad!" I exclaimed, slightly shaking his shoulders. "I'll make sure to show you exactly what your daughter is capable of. You know, I've made the top three before?"

"Have you now?" He raised his eyebrows, ruffling my hair again. "Well, that's good–"

My phone buzzed loudly, attracting our attention. I leaned over the counter to grab it, seeing a text–from Wooyoung. I've been worrying about him all night. It's good to see that he's still texting me.

wooyoung

hey, jiayi?

yeah, wooyoung?

can we meet up briefly?

i have something to give you

yeah, sure, send me the address

and i'll be there.

"Who's that?" I saw him peering over my shoulder, nosy. "One of your racing friends?"

"Yes," I narrowed my eyes at him, pushing him away with my shoulder. "Now that I've told you about my affairs, Dad, you've gotten so nosy."

"Well, got to make sure that you're not going to go for some other racer when your boyfriend would buy you a Mustang and buy her father a new truck."

"Dad!"

I drove to the address Wooyoung texted me, a small little antique store off the underpass that Donghyuck forced me to drive under. I smiled as I walked in, seeing an owner polishing a small clock. "Hello!" He greeted me, causing me to bow my head. "Are you, um, Liu Jiayi?"

Huh. How does he know me? We've never met before. I nodded slowly, inching toward the desk. "Perfect!" With my words going unsaid, he shrunk into his desk, crouching before it. I widened my eyes, confused, but then, he pulled something out with an envelope. "Here. My friend left this for you. He said he couldn't be here and rather told me to tell you to read this in private."

"Oh," Was the first thing I said to the owner. "Well, thank you. I'll go read this in my car, then. Thank you again for giving this to me."

"Of course, oh, and, Miss Jiayi?" Before I could walk away, I turned back around, the man smiling. "He also told me to tell you not to worry, and that things will be okay."

With no context? Shit. I might get really worried now.

I walked out to my car and got into my Mustang, holding the box. Opening it slowly, I got nervous, wondering what could be inside. But, I didn't expect there to be a tiny ship, similar to the Titanic, in a water globe. I inspected it, the white ship, the light blue water, the silver bottom–turning it upside down, I saw a small crank, indicating that it played music. So, quickly, I spun it a few times, over and over again, putting it down on the passenger seat next to me.

I recognized the song at first listen: an instrumental version of 'My Heart Will Go On.' I smiled at it for a moment, staring, remembering that the Titanic played a vital role in our bond. But, that smile faded at a familiar thought.

"What will you do when it's all over, Wooyoung? Are you just going to forget?"

"I don't know," Wooyoung replied. "All I know is that for just this moment, just this race... I'll give it my all, Jiayi. With whatever left I have to prove and defend, I will race like my life... ends tomorrow."

No.

I quickly sliced through the paper slit on the envelope, pulling out a white letter. It was rather long, long enough to be a page and back, but instead, it lingered longer than any paper I've seen. My name was addressed at the top, and at the bottom was his name. My heart started to pace, implying that this was no normal letter. Then, I began to read.

Dear Jiayi,

By the time you have read this, I'll be dead.

I know what you'll say. I really do. I know that if my attempt goes south and I end up in a hospital bed, alive, you're going to cry, call me stupid, call me a bastard, and call me a bunch of other names that I really deserve to hear. I've dwelled on this, trust me, and I've made sure that I thought through this over ten times to make sure that I'm as willing as I am now. You're the only one I'm telling, the only one who knows what happened to me–and I hope you forgive me for all the sins I've drowned myself in.

Jeno dying hadn't put me in as much trauma since Jisung died. Being cautious of two deaths has sent me deeper into oblivion, into the consideration that screamed, "Wooyoung, shouldn't you repay your debts?" And today, I decided that, yes, I'm doing exactly that. You know that Soobin knew. Maybe what you don't know is that Minho knew all along, too, and I'm telling you this now so that if he does something stupid, you can at least stop him. You can at least stop all of them.

My whole life, Jiayi, there was no place I fit in. Being a lackey and practically a hitman gave me nightmares that someone would come back for me, that someone would kill me with no remorse, so, I let my boss die in my arms that night so that I could escape. I regret it every day because at least that was a life I led for years. But I became a racer by Chaeyoung's wishes, and temporarily, I belonged. That was until Jeno died, and that was until I realized how much blood was on my hands.

Then, Jiayi, I realized that nothing could be done. I could search all of eternity for a home, and the only person who could grant that was Chaeyoung. She was my soul sister. She offered me comfort, a life, something new; yet, the more I stayed, the more I tainted her. Chaeyoung has been through a lot on her own. I couldn't give her my burden to hold, too. You might've heard I was distant, and that's why now I'm telling you that I did that on purpose, to prepare her for this.

You were my sister too, Jiayi. You were, too, even if we barely knew each other–our meeting was ill-fated, Jiayi, and I hope you know, I begged desperately for at least one of us to get our revenge–before one of us suffered silently and gave up. I'm glad it was you. I'm glad that if there is going to be one of us left to roam this earth, to find a home, it is you–because Jiayi, you have succeeded in finding a permanent home.

I don't want to put this on you as you know I've finally given in. If this hurts you, please remember this as an ode to our friendship–an ode to remember. Also, I gift you this globe of the ship we watched sink together, and I hope the melody finds you well. Alone, I've watched the Titanic over a hundred times, with subtitles and without. I've witnessed the boat tip and split and watched as one had to give the other their only way of survival. Well, Jiayi, in the cold sea, I will give you my support, the gateway to survival–for both of us, live on and prove everyone wrong.

Oh, one more thing. Please reassure them there was no ill intent in this death, that my death was rather to apologize and repay for all the shit I've caused. Let this be a prayer, to a god who I believed existed, to end this once and for all. End this before anything else happens, please, Jiayi.

I love you. Odd to say to anyone, but I believe that for this split second, I am capable of loving.

I love you, Jiayi, and I love everyone. I love everyone who deserves to be loved, and even those unloved. I love myself, although hatred has festered deep within me, and I love what left I have.

Goodbye, for real this time. Instead of seeing you on the streets, I'll see you some other day.

Love,

Wooyoung.

Shit. Shit! Shit, Wooyoung, please don't do this.

Through my tears, I reversed out of the parking lot, speeding down the underpass and toward the Luminaries' mansion within minutes. I pulled up into the parking lot, turned off my engine in a daze, and walked right up to the door. Knocking in a rush, Minho opened the door, eyes filled with confusion. "Jiayi? What–"

"Move!" I pushed past him, going up the stairs. I searched for a locked door, a sign, anything. Minho and somehow Yeosang followed me in quick pursuit, asking me what was going on. Finally, I saw the last door down the hall locked while the rest were open, grabbing the knob. It was locked. I tugged and tugged, crying. "WOOYOUNG! WOOYOUNG, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

"W-Wait, Jiayi, what's going on!?" I kicked against the door, crying profusely. I screamed his name, over and over, like an incantation, wanting it to open. Finally, I broke the hinge, the door kicked wide open. There he was, lying against the frame of the bed, pills laid out like an art piece on a dark carpet. Yeosang widened his eyes, diving in.

"W-Wooyoung?" Yeosang whispered, slapping his face. "Wooyoung! WOOYOUNG!"

"CALL THE AMBULANCE!"

I knelt like a sinner. I knelt in front of Wooyoung as Yeosang's cries and screams drowned it all out, drowning me in suffering. In my head, the only thing I hear is 'My heart will go on,' repeating over and over again.

An ode to remember. An ode to stay alive.

An ode to put this all to rest.

I will do it for you, Wooyoung.

I will do it for Jeno.

For Renjun.

For Jisung.

But especially,

for you.