DOWNTOWN.
chapter forty-three | blood red and trust.

"Don't look at me like that, Jiayi," I sniffled, overcome with emotions at the fact Shotaro had scratches all along him and a broken arm. Clearing my throat, I wiped away any tears that might've slipped.

"Like what, Shotaro?"

"Like you're the one hurting," He laughed slowly, hissing when he laughed a little too hard. "I'll be fine. Whoever was chasing you guys didn't go after us, anyway, it was just that I didn't see a single turn."

"Hyung," Seunghan whined, shaking his free hand. "How could you protect me like that? Look at yourself in this state. Don't you have to race?"

"I will be fine before the next race we have–won't I?" Shotaro looked for confirmation from Donghyuck, but even his judgment was hazy. Donghyuck didn't know if Shotaro would even be capable of lifting a finger because this condition wasn't as promising, but for the sake of Shotaro's pleading eyes, Dongyuck nodded. "See? Seunghan, everything will be okay."

And then he turned to me, adding, "I will be okay, Jiayi."

"You're stupid," I poked him, causing him to hiss. I didn't feel much remorse. How many more people will get hurt? "Don't you know how dangerous it is to drive in such a place? I thought you were skilled at driving!"

"I am!" Shotaro defended himself, pointing at me with his unwrapped fingers. "You know what, ugh, you're annoying me. Can't you be a little kinder to a patient!?"

"You put yourself in this hospital bed, stupid!"

"Why, I should–" Donghyuck put his arm in front of me as Shotaro began to lift himself up, implying to him that there was no fighting me. I stuck out my tongue as Shotaro grimaced, lying back. "You all should leave soon. I'll be fine for the night, it's just a broken arm, anyway."

"I'll stay," I took a seat, causing Shotaro to stare at me, bewildered. "I mean it."

"Are you sure, Jiayi?" Seunghan asked. "I can stay, too."

"The hospital only permits one visitor," Taeyong mentioned, hands in his pockets. Staring at Shotaro, I could see something flash in his eyes, something like a memory. Being at a hospital after the last traumatic attack we went through wasn't going to help Taeyong mentally. At all. We should speed things up. "It's best that if anyone wants to stay, it should be her. Jiayi's good company."

Donghyuck spared Taeyong an ugly glance, looking back at me and patting my shoulder. "I'll pick you up in the morning," He muttered, smiling. "Shotaro, if anything happens to her, you know who I'll blame first."

"Yes, sir," Shotaro saluted, stiff. The group finally agreed to leave us, Shotaro resting his eyes for a moment. I sat in the chair, staring at, and soon admiring his face. He had a slightly defined face with sharpness at his jawline. His lips wore a small smile no matter the feeling, and his hair lay right over his closed eyes. When his eyes opened, his eyelashes were a little longer and his ears had raised, eyebrows following that motion. "What? Is something on my face?"

"No," I shook my head, averting my gaze. "I was just staring."

Shotaro chuckled, shaking his head. "Now that you've pretty much retired from racing, you've got nothing better to do than stare at your teammate? Liu Jiayi, you must live like a princess around here, hm? At first, I thought you ran this whole circuit, then at second thought, I thought you were powerful–now, I think you're just the goddess."

"Stop it," I huffed. "I don't like hearing that–but you wouldn't know that. I've been through all that lucky goddess shit early on, even before I dated Donghyuck."

"But you know it's true. Right?" He questioned, and at least with Shotaro, who seemed to be someone I could trust, I nodded. "Yeah. Jiayi, it's becoming apparent what role you play in this–but you don't quite get it yet."

"Hm?"

"You're supposed to race, Jiayi–for victory and for yourself," Shotaro nodded. "Nobody's hurting you because they want you to win. Not even the Luminaries, if I'm not mistaken. Jiayi, giving up and giving in like this because of one event was never supposed to be the deciding factor–from the very beginning, it should've been if you were willing to bleed, break, and drive for them. You became the goddess because you, from the very beginning, said that you were willing."

And he added, "Do you think just any stranger who randomly went downtown and got intertwined with a racing team would be as dedicated as you?"

No. They wouldn't.

"But it feels like there's so much pressure," I answered. "I mean, I lost my touch. Yeah, I could race and take it, but after the last competition, I lost everything."

"You didn't lose anything," Shotaro cleared his throat. "No. You felt like you lost everything."

I was silent for a moment, fiddling with my fingers. Being confronted like this was pressure in and of itself. Maybe I should've had Seunghan stay, but I was going to face this eventually. "Jiayi, we both know I'm not going to be able to race," Shotaro cleared his throat. "If I could, I would. But, sometimes, things happen, and we can't control that."

Shotaro placed his free hand on my shoulder, squeezing it softly. "That's why we shouldn't dwell on things out of our control. We shouldn't wait around for things to magically heal us–we have to bleed no matter what. You, Jiayi, still have to take a step forward."

Bleed. Take a step. Move forward.

"I know too much," I cleared my throat. "If you knew as much as I did, Shotaro, you'd break and shatter, too."

"I would," Shotaro nodded. "But you're getting better at overcoming things, Jiayi. Haven't you avenged your past?"

"How do you know about that?" I frowned. "How much do you know about me, Shotaro?"

"Haechan hyung told me. If there's anyone else you could trust besides him, Jiayi, it would be me, and of course, he'd tell me if that was the case," Ugh. I thought I'd be mad, but for once, I didn't really care. "Anyway, you've gotten your revenge. You think you've broken, but actually, you're holding up. Because I haven't gotten my revenge, I dwell sometimes, and of course, I'd shatter knowing how many burdens I have to hold."

"But it still hurts!"

"Of course it does, but everything hurts, Jiayi," He beckoned to his arm. "Life is supposed to hurt like shit. That's how we learn, and that's how we live."

"I hope you never show up in front of me! I hope you just... die!"

"You wouldn't dare kill me, Jiayi. You have too much to lose."

When he told me I wouldn't kill him and I said that I had nothing to lose, I was mistaken–sitting in front of Shotaro, with a boyfriend like Donghyuck and people like the Neos who surround me in adoration, not to mention the kindness of the Luminaries... I was completely wrong.

Them. I would've lost them.

And I don't want to make that mistake.

"Something about that unusual glint in your eyes tells me I might've gotten you back into racing, Puppy Jiayi," That damned nickname. "If you want to race, Jiayi, nothing is stopping you. Haechan hyung got you your own car, you have all the power in this team to do as you please. But, I don't think I need to be the one telling you that."

I swallowed. "What if I don't do as well as I used to, Shotaro?"

"Then, Jiayi," Shotaro smiled. "You've got one more after this. If you can't prove yourself once, there's always a reason to do it twice."

"Minho!" I yelled out from the yard, seeing him turn around. Here I was, back again, at the Luminaries' hell of a house. Minho seemed to smile, but he held it back for a moment. Walking up to me, a hand reached out to grab my shoulder, but oddly, it dropped.

"Why are you here?" Minho asked, overly concerned. "We're in a battleground, Jiayi. You can't just come all of a sudden! What if I wasn't here to welcome you?"

"Who'd want to hurt me anyway? Felix?" I cleared my throat after the joke didn't seem to pass his taste. His expression twisted into a soft sigh, leaning on the car behind him. "So you did know that he'd swing by and try to scare us. Why didn't you stop him?"

"I can't stop someone who's as filled with rage as Felix is," Minho muttered. "I tried, I did–but he started crying about how he lost the one person who cared about him for years. I couldn't stop him then."

I looked to my feet for a moment, pitying this situation–this damned stupid situation. "Is Felix blaming us?"

"A little," Minho answered. "Not you guys specifically, just... he's mad that no one chose to do anything–no one came to help," He pressed his lips together, eyes sullen. "But he came home yesterday and told us that after doing whatever he did to you guys, he felt a little less mad. That doesn't mean he's unwilling to shoot, though–now that he's broken the peace treaty, I assume that both of our teams will be going all out."

"Yeah," I exhaled. "I didn't think it would come to this, Minho."

"It shouldn't have," Minho shook his head. "But it did. The more you uncover, Jiayi, the more you see how fucked up we are. I think we're bastards."

"Oh come on," I laughed his words off, but he really meant it. "How could you be a bastard, Minho? Yeah, there are some rough patches, and we've made a few people mad. So what?"

But then, he didn't answer. It was silent between us. After a pause, Minho reopened his mouth. "Jiayi," He expressed. "How much do you know about Wooyoung?"

My face fell, giving him the only answer he needed. "We're bastards, Jiayi," He repeated, swallowing. "Murderers, racers, fighters... that's all we are and ever will be. If you're aware of what Wooyoung can do... then you can expect any of us to do the same."

"But you wouldn't," I clarified, hoping that he'd feel the same.

"But we would," He would, pushing himself off the car. He sauntered toward me with an expression full of horror and insecurity. I knew he was aiming to scare me, and somehow, it was working. I hit the bumper of my Mustang, Minho trapping me in place with his body. He didn't lay his hands on me, nor did his face get any closer–but rather, just briefly, he combed my hair behind my ear, holding a strand before it escaped his grasp as he dropped his hand. "I would."

"I know you wouldn't dare lay a hand on me."

"Not on you, Jiayi," Minho shook his head. "You and I have too strong of a bond for me to try and break that. I wouldn't lose that."

Then, he added, "But hurting everyone else is always an easy feat. Nothing's impossible."

I swallowed, peering into his eyes. "You're scaring me, Minho."

His gaze softened, words driving me to take a step back. Minho sighed, looking at his feet before lifting his head back up. "You should head back home, Jiayi. It's not safe as far as tension right now, and although I know the Luminaries treasure you enough to not hurt you, I just don't want to take the risk."

I groaned. "Minho–"

"Jiayi," He interrupted with a cautionary tone. "We're going to be racing soon, and with what's happening now, I don't think either team will have time to practice. You've got to realize that time's ticking–and the more we both wait, the more shit that'll build. Please, head home."

"You're just being avoidant."

"I'm doing it because I think that's what's best, Jiayi," The more he said my name, the more bold I got. How could he suddenly push this all away? Because he was scared that something might happen? "And if you don't believe that, then best believe that I'm doing this because of you. I told you early on to not fall too deep–this isn't your feud to fight."

"But they're my friends."

"And so are we," Minho swiftly replied. "So, then, met with that ultimatum, are you still going to fight? Are you still going to try and prove us wrong?"

I met him with silence, eyes averting to the house. Minho inhaled sharply, exhaling with his words. "Go. Home."

"I choose the Neos."

"What?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"I choose the Neos," I repeated, lifting myself off the bumper of my car. "See you on the streets, Minho. For real this time."

I saw him bite his cheek, scoffing at my words. He took that opportunity to walk away from me, back into the mansion, implying his feelings of betrayal. I knew he was mad, but I had told him from the beginning: He could make me bleed all he wanted. I would still choose them.

As I got back into my strawberry-red Mustang and drove down the road, I grimaced.

It's time to race.