DOWNTOWN.
chapter twenty-eight | take my hand.

I sat on the top of the apartment building, dangling my feet off the edge. I sipped the coffee Taeyong prepared for me the morning of our departure, watching as him, Mark, and Jaemin pour the luggage into the back of Mark's car for our trip. Or, really, the race.

The impending doom bit me in the ass the moment I met Wooyoung, but I can't deny how much I realized I would regret going back to Busan. Being in Seoul granted me a new life, new people, and new opportunities. I didn't want to leave that. If I met Hyerin again, in the grave or in my nightmares, I'd ruin every chance I had of moving on. Even the thought of silver hair with a shaped face, with dark eyes and light colored lips, with nails colored and outfits colorful–the thought of seeing someone even a tiny bit resembling her... tore me to shreds.

I used to hope every day, from the day I lost Hyerin up until my father decided to leave Busan, that something would kill me without my body lifting a finger. If I did, I wondered if I'd be reborn, be put in the same space as her, or live in darkness. Hell, that would be better than living in a world where red and blue was the only thing you saw.

But at some point, the dots in my head connected that dying would be succumbing to their wishes. I'd be a failure, and as a sore loser, I'd hate it.

Meeting the Neos took away the thought of death, of Hyerin, of my bruises, of the bullies. I was happy to be in control, hands on the steering wheel, with eyes on me for once in my life.

And, oddly, I found someone who cared enough to listen to every word that ever left my mouth. Someone kind enough... to give me their hand.

"Beginning to regret your decision, Ji?" Donghyuck spoke, joining me on the ledge. I continued to watch Mark and Taeyong murmur, laughing momentarily, before I looked over at him. Instantly, he shoved a sandwich in front of my face, beckoning to him. I leaned back, giving him an odd look, but he placed it in my hands. "Don't think you're special. I bought one for everyone."

I looked through the muffin–eggs, bacon, small potatoes–and the eggs were scrambled. It's exactly how I have people cook my sandwiches. The moment I glance over at him, he's already staring, clearing his throat and averting his gaze. For his pride, I ignored it. "Mark and Taeyong don't have any, though."

"They're busy," He hastily replied, furthering the fact he was lying. As much as I wanted to tease him to death, I was distracted by the thoughts that remained at the back of my head. I sighed, taking a bite. "You know, you can back out now if you need to."

"I don't want to," I hummed, shaking my head. "I want to race."

"I know you do," Donghyuck replied softly. "But you shouldn't put your mental health on the line for ten minutes of action, Ji. I don't want to take you home on Monday and you'll be traumatized."

"I've been doing just fine all my life. One visit to Busan won't kill me," For a second, I believed it could. "After all, I have you guys. You stated you'll protect me, right? You even told my dad!"

"Yeah, yeah, I did," He rolled his eyes. "But that's just physically. Sometimes, Ji, I can't tell what goes on in your head."

"Be glad," I scoffed. "I don't want my own head sometimes."

He scoffed. "Come on, Ji."

"I'm serious!" I exclaimed, raising my arms slightly. "There's so much going on in there that there are times I can't even hear myself speak. It's all a big jumble of words, almost suffocating!"

"Then, let me relieve some of that stress, Ji," Donghyuck leaned toward me, eyes raising attentively. "What have you been thinking of recently?"

I could've told him anything. Maybe I could've ranted about how I'd win that race, maybe about my doubts about even placing second. However, I decided to tell him the one thing I shouldn't have. "I met Wooyoung. Jung Wooyoung."

"Chaeyoung's passenger princess?" Donghyuck joked. "What business did you have with him of all people?"

"He's the only person besides you that knows about my past," Donghyuck's face contorted into confusion, causing me to continue hesitantly. "I didn't tell him anything. He knew about it before I even thought about telling anyone else."

"Did he say something bad to you? Did he try to threaten you?" His persistent questions made me shake my head quickly, hands up in defense. "God, I swear, if Jung Wooyoung dared to say shit to you, Ji, I'll–"

"Donghyuck," I warned, pointing my finger. "Relax. Seriously, it's not that big of a deal. Nothing worth death."

That's a lie.

"Then what was it?"

"He has connections to the people of my past. Nothing crazy, like they're friends or anything–he reported me on their whereabouts and how things have been. I just found it pretty insane that our pasts were somewhat intertwined."

"I advise you not to get anywhere closer to him than you already are, Ji," Donghyuck shook his head as I took another ignorant bite from my sandwich. "Wooyoung's a bit of an odd case. Even Chaeyoung, someone who's been friends with him before her time in the Luminaries, can't read him sometimes. He barely ever drives, too. I think the only time we've ever seen him race was before Jeno died, on the streets of Seoul–and he beat Chaeyoung."

So, even a murderer can have the racing skills of a deity. "Hell, I'm sure he can beat me," Donghyuck bit his cheek. "I'd hate for that to happen. But, back to what I was saying. I don't entirely trust him, and the last thing I'd want is for him to do something impulsive and I'd be forced to lay a hand on him."

I took the last bite of my sandwich, tossing the wrapper behind me. With a full mouth, I allowed my body to take control, using my right hand and reaching it up to Donghyuck's face. I grabbed his chin with my hands, eventually getting a better grip to squish both of his cheeks. Startled, he could only stare, face turning hot at the touch. "Uh, Ji?"

"Stop acting all high and mighty. Don't hurt anybody," I frowned, threatening him to take caution. Eventually, it hit me what kind of move I was making, and cleared my throat as I placed my hand back to my side. "I don't want you to get hurt, either."

"I always get hurt," Donghyuck chuckled. "Getting hurt for you won't change anything."

"I don't need to be the center of another fight. I already am for this," I beckon to the boys downstairs, who have been joined by a groggy Yuta. "Now, it seems like we'll be going soon. We can talk about this in the car."

"Gosh, Ji," He followed after me as I cascaded down the stairs, joining the group. Chaewon eventually came out with Jaemin, who were both bickering about how much sleep they needed. "Alright, so, are we good to go?" Taeyong mentioned, looking at the time. Everyone seemed to agree, so we set off.

I sat in the passenger seat as Donghyuck joined me, both of us setting off. I plugged my phone into the aux, humming as I played a popular pop song. "You like this kind of stuff?" Donghyuck raised an eyebrow, making me glare. "I'm not saying it's bad."

"Whenever you speak to me in that tone, I always assume you're being mean."

"I'm always respectful to you, Ji," He replied, but I huffed. "Tell me a time I wasn't."

"Hm, when I first met you, and when I first wanted to join the team," I said hastily. "Oh, and when we had so~ many arguments over who was right, who should race, etcetera, etcetera."

"Well, that was before I–" He stopped himself, turning the wheel left. "I..."

"You, what?"

"Never mind that," He grumbled, shrugging me off. "Aren't you tired? Don't you want to get some rest? It'll take four hours."

"No, I'm too antsy," I shivered, watching as he turned on the heat. I looked out the window, seeing the empty streets. "I keep thinking of what will happen in Busan, although so much time has passed. I know where they are, how they're doing, how everything is... but I fear that everything will go south."

Suddenly, I felt a hand lay over mine, causing me to perk up. "Nothing bad will happen," Donghyuck cleared his throat. "I'll protect you in whatever case. All you have to do is not escape my sight."

"Someone's protective," I commented, causing him to glare at me. I could feel it. I laughed as I lowered my head. "I believe you, though. Who can I trust more with myself than you?"

"Yourself," We faced each other, eyes meeting. "I believe that you have the power, Ji, to be whoever and do whatever you please. All you have to do is believe."

What a pep talk. I knew he was always trying to encourage me, and I was always nonchalant about it–but I did believe. Just this once, for him.

"I need soju more than I need fucking ramen," He placed the ramen under the water dispenser, pouring it in. Yuta and Jaemin were too busy fighting (as usual) over what to get the rest of them, so Mark and I were left alone in the corner of the store. The one thing I hated about being alone with him is that he'd always spew utter bullshit, and I'd have to pretend I'm interested. I chuckled at his comment, though, and ate my triangle kimbap. "Anyway, excited for another race? Hopefully, they'll pity you enough and give us a win."

I scoffed. "As if," I leaned against the refrigerator, swallowing my food. "Hey, but say... how did Minho know about my bet? Not even that, how did you know, too?"

"Oh, right, I was supposed to tell you, but I got cut off that night," Mark twirled his chopsticks in the ramen. "Well, Lee Know overheard you both talking. He told me that he was coming to talk to you about something, but wouldn't tell me exactly what. Then, he asked me for a way to keep you in the top 3 and all I said was for him to remove any competition that would block her. Fortunate enough, the dots connected, and I knew that he'd do anything in his power to keep you with us–even if he'd prefer you'd join the Luminaries."

I stand silent, taking in Mark's words. "I don't think he likes you that way, though."

"Can you shut up about that romantic shit?" I instantly brought up, making him cackle. "It's always you and talking about my romantic tendencies. How about you get a girlfriend yourself?"

"Will you introduce me to someone, then? Or, would you like to volunteer?" He shamelessly replied, striking me surprised. "No, both Taeyong hyung and Haechan would murder me in cold blood. If there's someone who loves you, it's them."

"They don't love me!" I replied sternly.

"Oh, but they do, you're just continuing to deny it because making the choice is harder than falling for either of them. Although, everyone knows who you've chosen–even the second lead himself," Mark slurped his noodles, swallowing pretty quickly. "But, back to Lee Know. I don't know what he feels for you. He's unusual. He's someone hard to understand, but even then, his advances toward you don't scream romance. I hope you know what I'm getting at."

"No, I don't."

"You don't think you resemble a certain person personality-wise? Because I sure do," Ah. Nevermind. It clicked. "To think it's been so long since he died, ah, at least Renjun's keeping him company. Jeno would be proud to hear you've been playing dirty. Lee Know might be playing a redemption card, pitying you for the sake of regret, but maybe you're also the hidden ace, Jiayi–maybe you can be the one that becomes our perfect, unbroken bridge."

"You know what I think, Mark Lee?" He hummed, causing my face to fall. I twirled his ramen in his hands, watching the red spice spill all over his denim jacket. He hissed, glaring. "That you're spewing bullshit as per usual. Maybe you need to be admitted into a mental hospital."

I turned back around, walking away. "Don't be so scared, Jiayi," I stopped, listening to him for a moment. "The more you fear and the more you hesitate, the more it'll hurt. I advise to just follow your heart."

This isn't some youth movie. This is life or death. I can't listen to Mark's yapping.

I exited the gas station convenience store, seeing Donghyuck resting against the car. His eyes are closed, almost as if he's sleeping, but once I took a few steps forward, he opened his eyes. "You were chatting with Mark hyung for quite some time," He rolled his eyes, pulling out some milk and another triangle kimbap from his pockets. I hummed contently and grabbed the items, holding them close. "What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing of relevance. Just him talking."

"As usual, hm? I guess that's the good thing about Mark hyung. He's a talker, and that's why he's got so many connections," Donghyuck swirled back and opened the passenger door, beckoning for me to get in. "Got two more hours to go. Should we turn back?"

"Nope," I shook my head, squishing his cheek with a pinch. He winced, somewhat smiling. "Let's get it going, Mr. Lee. We don't have much time to relax."

"Of course, Ms. Liu. Let's go, then."