DOWNTOWN.
chapter eighteen | the busan girl.

"Jiayi?" I opened my eyes, seeing Taeyong at the door. He tilted his head, looking between Renjun and me. "What are you doing here? They don't usually let visitors come this early."

"I stayed the night," Rubbing my eyes, Taeyong gasped. "What's so surprising? I'm not going to leave his side without anyone to watch over him."

"You should've let me know, Ji," Ji? He noticed my confusion, slapping his mouth. "Shoot, I was not supposed to say that. Forget it."

"No, no, you said it, you gotta explain it!" We laughed, Taeyong holding his head. "Tell me! What was that nickname for?"

"It's the nickname... Donghyuck calls you," He has a nickname for me? "Well, he didn't want us to tell you about it because he said he wouldn't know how you'd react, and he didn't want you to hate the nickname while he liked it. Don't worry, though, it's used in a good context."

"I would hope," I stood up, beckoning to my chair. "Anyway, I–" Someone came in, yawning in the process. Taeyong and I faced the man and startled, we both took a step back. "Wow. Great timing."

"What?" Donghyuck narrowed his eyes, holding his car keys. "Did I come at the wrong time? Why are you guys so shocked?"

"No reason," Taeyong's mouth was still down, so I pushed up on his chin to close it. Donghyuck was innocent-looking, sharing stares between us before shaking his head. "Anyway, what are you doing here? Didn't you say you were going to be busy today?"

"Yeah, but I didn't get to finish because all of you decided to leave for your reasons. Didn't you say you were going to work?" Donghyuck mocked him, and I stifled a laugh. Taeyong scoffed, crossing his arms. "Anyway, I'm here because I'd like to get my free meal."

"What?" I straightened. "Already? It's been two days!"

"Doesn't matter. We're both free right now, aren't we? Taeyong, you'll cover for Jiayi, right?"

"Uh. I guess–"

"Sounds great. Jiayi, let's go," He beckoned, pulling out his car keys. "Bye, Taeyong hyung. Bye, Renjun. Come on, Jiayi. You can choose the restaurant, I'll drive there."

"You have no choice," Taeyong whispered, nudging me. "Get going. Be nice to him, alright? I don't want to pick you up when you get stranded on the road."

"Shut up."

We got into his car after Taeyong's comments, and I picked one close by in case I'd have to go monitor Renjun again. We got out of his car, got seated in a booth, and, after picking up our orders, the interrogation commenced.

"Full name?"

"Lee Donghyuck."

"Hobbies?"

"Racing, listening to music, cleaning."

"Family?"

"Uh, none...?"

"Hesitation!"

"I'm being honest!" He defended, and I tried to have the most fun I could by asking him about himself. We got into his personal life, asking about what he used to do as a child and what he loved about racing. Sometimes, we'd drift back to other stories, losing focus, but then coming back.

"Hm..." I thought as I picked at my pasta. "What made you want to race?"

His face fell. His expression became slightly stoic, slightly nervous, and I knew I must've hit a nerve. "My... ex-girlfriend," Oh yeah, definitely hit a nerve. "She used to tell me how good of a driver I was, and that we should talk to Taeyong hyung about making a circuit and doing races. I agreed, and then, we got a team together."

I listened, nodding slowly. "I see. Is it okay if I can ask anything else about her?"

He looked up from his food, and his expression was uncomfortable. "Sorry."

"No, you're fine," He shook his head. "Go ahead."

"No, I have something else I want to ask you," I leaned forward, a confused stare meeting mine. "What is your standpoint on... Jeno's death?"

"I don't know anymore," It took him a moment to think about it, more or less say it–but even then, he shook his head as if the thought of it haunted him. "Actually, the story of it has distorted over time, so it's hard to tell. I know that we're still in this stupid rivalry because of him, but I feel like we have to stop holding on, you know? He's dead, and there's nothing we can do. I just wish we all felt the same way."

I nodded, thinking to myself for a moment. Hearing it reassured me that things would be alright, even if Renjun were to die. Sure, we'd be a mess, but having Donghyuck be the most rational one meant that we wouldn't be acting out of anger (most of us, of course, because who knows what I'll do...)

But, thinking about death has always hurt me, maybe because that's what I had to experience. Mother's death, Renjun's coma, and... her... death.

"You're thinking too hard about something. Your wrinkles are showing," Donghyuck commented, making me slap a hand over my forehead. He laughed, shaking his head. "There you go. I've got your attention."

"It was just a momentary thought!" I defended, frowning. For a moment, I began thinking about it again and realized it might be time. "Donghyuck... is it okay if I can speak?"

"Sure, save me the interrogation," I kept a straight face, and he caught on fairly quickly. "Go ahead."

"The reason I was so mad at you that day at the Luminaries' mansion is that Minho reminded me of a time when I was extremely vulnerable," I swallowed, trying to pace myself so I wouldn't cry in front of him. "Before I came here, I was exploited by what I called friends."

"Jiayi, do you mind getting me some milk?"

"Me too!"

"Me three!"

"Yes, sure," I nodded, running to do the errands as they asked. When I came back with their drinks, I overheard them.

"She's so gullible, it actually hurts. The fact that she's willing to do anything for us is crazy," One of them said, laughing. "Jiayi is so obedient, maybe because she's just like her father. I bet both of them are servants. After not having a mother, she has to pick up on his cues."

I felt as if the world was swallowing me whole. One of them turned, seeing me. "Oh, look who's here!" I thought they'd be scared, maybe apologetic, but no–they didn't even feel sorry. One of them grabbed me, tugging me forward. "It's our star! Say, how does it feel to be our servant?"

They laughed in unison, letting it ring in my head. I didn't say anything, and soon, one of them pushed me to the floor. "God, are you not saying anything because you know we're right?"

I couldn't reply, so another scoffed. "God, you aren't of any use after all. I thought that you'd have some kind of specialty, but even talking, you can't do it. How about you just die?"

"Yeah, you're practically wasting space!"

"It went on for a year or two, nonstop," I cleared my throat, staring down at the food. I didn't want to see his face–who knew what kind of expression he'd have? "It got worse over time. They called me a pushover when I spoke too much, or said that my opinions were useless. If I didn't arrive on time, they'd tell me I'm no help, and that they already cut me off."

"You're holding onto someone who's cut you off already. Let them go," He pushed me from his grasp, hands stuffed in his pockets. "Let us go."

"You guys are all I have!" I screamed, tears cascading down my cheeks. "That's why... I can't go. You guys have ruined my life to the point I have no one else to turn to–"

A hard force caused my face to swing right, my hand holding the area. He huffed unrhythmically, his hand going back to his side after the hit. "Is that my problem?"

I slowly looked back up at him. "No."

"Exactly," He straightened his posture, cracking his neck. "Let us go."

"And so, I did," I nodded slowly, taking a sip of water to continue my story. "I met a girl my senior year of high school. Her name was Choi Hyerin. She was silver-haired, defiant of her parents' wishes to keep it slightly brown-blonde," I chuckled, pausing as I thought about her. "She was gentle, really nice. I think I grew up better because of her. We hung out every day, and I thought life got better ever since then. They claimed that we were done, yet... began to torture her."

"Hyerin!" I called out, running after her as I saw her standing and waiting for me. However, I halted, seeing the two men and three girls coming out from behind the wall. At the sight of them, I quickly hid behind the corner, my heart escalating beat by beat. Why were they talking to Hyerin? What did they want from her?

"Hyerin, did you get us the goods?" One of them nudged her, the other girl pushing her a bit harder. Hyerin quivered, wincing at her wrist. They stopped talking, all of them looking at each other, and scoffed. "Are you suffering because of us or something? Don't tell me..."

No...

"Hyerin, we'll stop bothering you if you just pay back your debt. After all, you'd do us that favor, right?" Hyerin gulped, nodding. One of the girls suddenly grabbed her wrist, making her yelp. "Then you should do it quickly, and stop doing these kinds of things, hm? Don't get us in trouble."

"O-Okay. I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

"Good. Get us our things by tomorrow, alright?"

"Yes, I will. Sorry again."

"Don't apologize. Bye, Hyerin~" They waved, leaving the area. I lingered for a moment, worrying about her–then, she caved, kneeling the group and covering herself completely. I could hear her sobbing, her fists hitting the pavement as I saw her suffer. I wanted to hold her close and tell her that I'd experienced it, but I was too scared.

What if they come for me again too?

"I was too scared to confront them, so after that, I let us live like we were normal people. She began to distance herself, saying she was busy, but I knew she was doing them favors. So, time went by where I pretended everything was okay, and so did she–but then, we finally came to our end. She knew about my past, and during the last minutes of her life, apologized to me that she couldn't save both of us from it–and she killed herself."

"I'm sorry, Jiayi," She cried, holding her face, and I hugged her. "I'm sorry I couldn't hold out any longer."

"No, Hyerin, please don't be sorry," I removed her from my shoulder, pulling off her hands. I wiped her tears, and as her sleeves slid down, I could see the old markings. I felt a knot clog my throat seeing her that way. I rubbed my thumbs under her eyes, hoping the tears would stop, but they didn't. "Hyerin, we'll get help, okay? We can get the police involved, and–"

"No, it's going to be a waste of our time. They're only going to make this worse for me, and they might come back for you," Hyerin shook her head furiously. "Please, don't get involved. I want you to be happy. I'm willing to sacrifice everything I have left so that you can live a better life."

I shook my head. "No. No, Hyerin."

"I'm sorry," She slowly backed up, and I tried to inch forward, but she would take another step back each one I stepped forward. "I'm sorry I can't hold both of our burdens any longer. Be happy, okay? Hurry and find a way to be happy."

"Hyerin, please–" And all she had to do was fall back into the rapid waters. I screamed as she dropped into the water, and although I looked everywhere, hoping her body was still there when in reality, it had floated down the river with the rest of our sins.

I didn't know what else to add, my shortened breath caused me to inhale with a sharp sound. It was as if the wind was knocked out of me. "I blame myself for her death to this day. I watched her die right in front of me, and still, I was too scared to help her."

I took a bite of pasta: cold. That's how I knew I said too much. "Sorry," I laughed aimlessly. "It was supposed to be about you, but I got ahead of myself."

He didn't reply. Did I scare him? Fuck. Did I just ruin what we just built? "You're the only one who knows, okay? Please don't tell anyone else," I added, hoping that Donghyuck would oblige. "I think I can trust you enough."

But, he still didn't say anything. I got worried but hid it behind a straight face continuing to eat my pasta. As I paid the bill and we walked outside, he hovered behind me, soft steps causing me to regret what I said. We paused in front of his car, and I wondered how long of a walk it would be from here to the hospital. I felt embarrassed. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"Jiayi," Donghyuck finally spoke, startling me. I hummed in agreement, unable to look at him in case he wore a stoic expression. "Can I... give you a hug?"

"Huh?" I perked up, facing him. He wore a sad expression, eyebrows knitted together as he stared at me. I sighed in disbelief, shaking my head. "You don't have to pity me, Donghyuck."

"I'm not," He shook his head too. "I think you could use a hug, that's all."

His offer startled me because it was out of the blue. I get that my story's a sob-story, but I was strong enough to hold it in.

Right, I forgot–he knew the reason I reacted so rashly that day. I guess I wasn't that strong.

"...Sure," I hesitantly said, and soon, Donghyuck opened his arms. Slowly, I crept over, tucking my arms under his and connecting my hands behind his back. His embrace was warm as he held me close, patting my back every other second. It was rhythmic, and I liked it. I don't know why I felt like he needed reassurance, but I said it anyway. "I'll be fine, Donghyuck."

"I know you will," He spoke. "But, I want to console you anyway. Thank you for telling me about it."

Was he attempting to make me cry? It wasn't going to work. "You deserved to know," I replied. "After we fought, I think it's right for me to tell you the truth."

But he didn't say anything, and instead, just held me tighter.

I'll always remember you, Hyerin, even if I've moved on as a Seoul girl.

In my eyes, you and I... are still Busan girls.