CHAPTER FOURTEEN;
WHEN THE PANIC SETS IN.

it'd been a whole three months since the ruthless shelly had broadcasted all of el's deepest secrets to the school, and while things had died down and her peers stopped staring at her every time she walked the halls, the pain was still very apparent.

what made it worse was seeing him.

correction: seeing them.

it didn't take long for brooke to reclaim her title as mike's girlfriend. despite the immense hurt the sight of their rekindled love brought her, el wasn't surprised. it was actually a well-needed reality check. she'd been delusional to forget that all he wanted out of their arrangement was brooke, and, at el's expense, that's what he got.

she knew he tried to talk to her. at first, he would stop by her house. thankfully, joyce covered for her, telling him convenient lies that she was at the library or in the shower. then she caught him lingering by her locker, causing her to duck away before he caught a glimpse of her. eventually, it seemed he got the message and ceased all of his efforts.

mike also began sitting with brooke and her friends at lunch. el was pretty relieved about that as it meant she could keep sitting with her friends. of course, her friends were still his friends, but things were definitely different. there had been a dramatic shift in the atmosphere after that day. when they were with el, they didn't dare to bring him up -- and vice versa, she assumed. she hoped so, at least.

she didn't want him to know how broken that day left her. clearly what she felt for the curly-haired fool was not to be compared to her relationship with troy, nor was the pain he left her with.

then again, if he even had the audacity to ask their friends about her, she wasn't sure if they even knew. she'd worked hard to hide her frowns and wipe her tears. not to mention that her friends had their own, far more exciting lives to live than to worry about her. to summarize it all: max and lucas were kind-of working out their issues, dustin was dating a new exchange student from vietnam named mai, and will seemed to be fighting his own battle.

as for will, well, he stopped hanging out with shelly after telling everyone about the case of chlamydia she caught over thanksgiving break. he apologized to el just about every chance he got, knowing the only way shelly got her hands on the journal was from being invited over by him. el accepted the apologies, but they were nowhere near being the attached-at-the-hip siblings they once were.

her parents, god bless them, didn't ask questions. she was thankful for how respecting they were of her privacy. the whole situation was hard enough and she was grateful for their lack of acknowledgment. the last thing she wanted to do was explain the mess to her parents -- specifically her father.

she sighed, shaking away her reflecting thoughts and refocusing on the book in front of her. she was back to riding with will to school which, in turn, meant she was back to spending most of her free periods stuck in the library. she didn't mind, though. while she loved when mike would ditch his last class for them to go eat fries at the diner, she missed the serenity hawkins high library brought.

as she flipped the page, an abrupt ringing stole her from her daze. she looked up, confused as she knew that wasn't the sound of any school bell.

"everyone, please, exit the library. this isn't a drill!" her eyes widened at the petite librarian's words as she shouted over the loud fire alarm.

el frantically shoved her book into her back, not bothering to mark her page before rising to her feet to exit the library. she hurried out the door, ushered by a nearly dozen students who were also spending their final hour of school with the books.

the students swarming the halls intimidated her. you would think those monthly drills the fire department commissioned would pay off in some aspect, but it appeared not as students pushed and shoved their way to the exit.

before she even got the chance to enter the herd, she was shoved into the crowd. she huffed when some oversized wrestler knocked her to the ground without even the slightest bit of remorse.

el rolled her eyes and swept the hairs out of her face before attempting to stand back up. in theory, the task was easy, but with the bustlings teens constantly pushing against her, it became just about impossible.

"excuse you!" she shakily yelled trying to gain some sort of balance, but once again, she was knocked back to the ground.

el had a history of panicking in chaotic atmospheres, and her acute case of claustrophobia was making for a toxic combination. soon her heartbeat elevated as panic suddenly sunk in, and the fire alarm's shriek wasn't helping. she couldn't even hear herself think long enough to try and calm down. the brunette tried to stand but was paralyzed by her quivering muscles.

it seemed as though trying was pointless. no student was willing to slow down long enough to help another if it meant they would escape a second later. she felt her eyes begin to well up with tears and her legs grew numb and her breaths grew jagged.

people continued to shove against her, nudging her in all directions. "stop," she weakly begged, trying to deepen her shallow breaths. her chest tightened, and she felt her arms holding her up grow limp.

before she could sink to the ground completely, she felt two hands hook beneath her arms, pulling her up. she let out a shaky sigh of relief.

"hey, i got you," a familiar voice rasped in her ear softly yet somehow loud enough to be heard over the commotion transpiring around them.

her feet eventually found the ground and she was able to steady herself enough to walk with the stranger's support.

she had an idea of who it was helping her, but she didn't want to confirm her suspicions until she was out of there, scared of how she'd react to the identity. she only inhaled deep breaths, keeping her slightly blurred gaze ahead on the sunlight coming from the main exit.

tortuously slow seconds passed before they had made it out of the hectic building and she gasped for the fresh air to invade her trembling lungs. "el? are you okay?" his voice tenderly beckoned and she finally lifted her gaze from the ground.

as she suspected, mike wheeler lingered just behind her, his freckled face coated with concern. before she could even form a response, she heard max shout, "there you are, el!" the brunette ripped her gaze from the boy she used to know to her best friend. "shit, you don't look so good. what's the matter?" she quipped as her blue eyes flitted to mike.

el, still fairly disoriented, nodded. "yeah, i just, kind-of fell, and panicked, but yeah, i'm," her eyes glimpsed back to mike, "i'm fine." she didn't even notice his hand that rested on her back until her retracted himself. "we should go find the guys," el told max, shuffling towards the ginger.

"wait, el-" he began, his tone holding his uncertainty. "i didn't -- i mean," he stumbled, earning a humorless kink of her brow from el. he shook his head, seeming to say 'nevermind.' "i'm glad you're okay."

oh, but she wasn't. she was so far from okay. it's like if okay was mars, she was in another galaxy, trillions of lightyears away.

"thanks," she replied, her voice void of any emotion. she wasn't cold to him, nor was she warm to him. she was nothing to him, and she was accepting that. she turned back to maxine, "let's go."

the two girls walked in silence. max wanted to ask what the hell happened, but she wasn't sure el wanted to answer so she held her tongue.

"max! there you are!" lucas yelled, catching her by the arm as they passed by.

max narrowed her gaze, "nice to know you care if i burn alive." he rolled his eyes, not feeling the need to justify her comment with a response. this was the standard for them these days. they wanted to get back together, but max had yet to let her guard back down.

el only shook her head, acknowledging dustin and mai with a smile which they returned. she faintly heard max and lucas begin to bicker, but she was too busy scanning the crowded parking lot for her brother.

at last, her honey orbs landed on his distressed face across the lot. he looked worried and slightly winded. her thin brows drew together when an unfamiliar tall, blonde boy hurried to hug him.

just by the utter relief that covered his features, el got it.

finally, she understood.

"hey, have you guys seen will?" dustin quipped, beginning to look for himself.

el answered, "uh, yeah! i saw him when i first got out. he's," she glanced to him still clinging to the boy, "he's all good." shrugging, dustin accepted the explanation.

soon after, teachers took it upon themselves to try to control the hectic students and calm everyone down.

/ / /

eleanor took a deep breath before raising her hand to knock on the closed, white door. after three chaste knocks, she heard a muffled 'come in.' she stepped inside will's room, sure to close the door behind her.

he was perched at his desk with a hefty bit of homework in front of him. unfortunately for the students of hawkins high, the school hadn't burned to the ground. apparently, someone carelessly lit a joint behind the cafeteria and it caught a bush on fire.

"oh, hey," he greeted, glancing up from his notes. "what's up?"

she sighed to herself before seating herself at the end of his bed, closest to his desk. "i just, i wanted to talk to you about something."

"mhm?" he hums, not paying her his full attention.

she fiddled with her fingers, "actually, it's kind of important."

his interest piqued, he put his pencil down and faced his sister. "uh, okay? is everything alright?"

inhaling deeply, she shook her head. "no, actually nothing is alright. everything is a huge fucking mess, will, and i'm so sorry i've been such an awful sister to you," she huffed, allowing her tears to run down her cheeks. "everything has gone to shit, and i've treated you so terribly. i'm just- i'm so sorry," she cried.

he shook his head with wide eyes. "hey, no, no no no no, don't cry," he begged with soft eyes. "i promise you, i've deserved it all. don't apologize, el. the whole thing was my fault, i should've never talked to shelly after what she did to you. it was all on me, and i-"

"no, i'm not talking about all of that! i'm talking about you, will. i'm your sister, and i'm supposed to be there for you, and i haven't been. i'm supposed to be there for it all, but i've been so caught up in feeling sorry for myself because the boy i love doesn't love me back that i've abandoned you. and i'm just really, really sorry, will, " she explained with her lower lip trembling.

he took the spot on his bed beside her, "el, i don't understand. be there for what?"

"be there for your first love, will," she replied with a sad smile. she watched as the furrow lines faded from his skin as he made the realization.

he lowered his hazel gaze, swallowing. "you know?" he asked.

she nodded. "yeah, i know." he nodded in reply, staying quiet. she reached for his hand. "hey, i love you exactly how you are. you're my older brother, and i wouldn't change anything about you."

a small smile tugged at his lips, "i'm only older by three months, you know?"

she rolled her eyes. "shut up, ugly."

"i love you, too, el."

she nudged him, "so are you going to tell me about this dude, or am i going to have to track him down for myself?"

he chuckled, wiping a tear that had rolled down his own cheek. "well, his name is chistopher ..."

...

a/n: holy shit, it truly has been a whole ass minute. i'm sorry, like genuinely sooo sorry. i've been trying to write but it just hasn't been working out. i know this isn't a very mileven chapter, but i've been planning gay!will since i began this book and now you know !! i really hope you guys liked this chapter because it made me very soft. also, it was not proofread so take it easy on me. i think i might have to make some changes to the og plot i planned because i added the 3 month time skip (it didn't seem right to not update for months and pick off right where i left off). thanks for your patience, tho !! xx

word count: 2193