"How soon do we forget how we felt?

Dealing with emotions that never left"

Dinah 10:20 AM

you literally suck.

I sighed heavily before entering class. Recently I've been missing Quincy, we haven't been talking and it seems like all of a sudden we just stopped talking. It was kinda after how I mentioned we should meet up, so maybe he thinks I'm weird or something.

Quincy - 10:21 AM
Hey, sorry I've been in Europe, I'm visiting family. How've you been?

I smiled once I saw his name pop up across my screen.

Dinah - 10:21 AM
I have ALOT to tell you.

Quincy - 10:22 AM
like what?

Dinah - 10:22 AM
So, she broke up with her boyfriends...

Quincy - 10:23 AM
YOU GUYS ARE DATING NOW?

Dinah - 10:23 AM
I'm waaaayyy off her radar. But someone is already on her radar, and it's not me unfortunately. But last night I met this guy, his name is Kyle, he's really nice.

Quincy - 10:24 AM
What about Tandy? You're in a weird situation. In love with someone else, but talking to someone.

Dinah - 10:25 AM
Listen, I'm trying to get over Normani. There's no point in trying to get with her or even putting myself in that position when I'm going to hurt the both of us. So, I'm keeping my options open. She just walked into class, I gotta go.

"Hey," I greeted Normani with a smile as she walked by me.

She turned looked up quickly from her phone, and smiled at me once she saw me. "Hey." She responded back. The seat next to me had been open so she took it. "Guess what."

"You were determined not to be late to class today?" I jokingly assumed, since this is the earliest time she's ever got here.

"No," she answered quickly. "Sean."

There we go.

"What about him?" I asked, getting myself comfortable since I know she's going to be talking about him for a while.

"He wants to go to dinner tonight," she smiled excitedly.

"Like a date?"

She nodded her head quickly. "It was so cute too," she chuckled lightly. "He was very shy about it, maybe because it was over the phone. His voice was all low and soft, so I really had to listen to him. He's extremely shy, it's cute."

"That is cute, you leave him speechless I guess." I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that's exactly how I feel whenever I see her. Speechless. She'll never know though.

"I don't know what I should wear though," she frowned. "I kinda want to by a new outfit."

"You won't have time." I laughed. When Normani goes shopping, it takes her about a good two hours to find a decent outfit.

"That's the thing, I won't have time to by a new outfit, so I'll just have to make do of what I have." She pouted.

"The clothes you have aren't ugly." I stated. "Plus he hasn't really seen you in some of them."

"Help me pick out an outfit tonight?" She gave me a questioning look, with a small smile on her face.

"What time is your date?" I asked.

"Eight."

I smacked my lips together and frowned. "I have practice from seven to nine again."

She seemed a bit sad about it, I felt bad, but I also felt good since I won't be watching her get ready for her date for someone who isn't me.

"Dang Dinah," She frowned. She bit the inside of her check, thinking of other possible ways for me to help her pick out her outfit. "This is your only class today?" I nodded my head slowly. "What are you doing before practice?" She asked.

"Nothing," I answered.

"Well, wanna help me then?"

"Sure," I gave a small smile.

I for sure did not want to do this. There was no way I could get out of it, I can't just lie to her. Honestly, I don't think I would ever be able to lie to Normani.

-

"You put yourself in situations like this," Lauren said to me, tossing her dirty clothes in the hamper. "You should've just said you were busy."

"I can't lie to her, that's the thing." I stated. "Lying to her, I'll just feel so bad, ya know?"

"It seems like you put her first before yourself." Lauren raised her brows.

She wasn't lying. I've always put Normani first, she may not know it, but she's the only person I put before myself. It's all out of the love I have for her, and I feel like, I show her so much love, I feel like if I stop putting her first, she'll know somethings up. It's just been something that's so normal. She knows I'll never tell her no, depending on if the situation is something that could get me in trouble, but other than that, I tell her yes to everything.

"I know I do, but it's because I like her." I expressed.

"Do you still?" Lauren linked her brow, pausing what she was doing to turn and look at me.

I made an unpleasant sighing noise, and thought about the question myself. Am I still in love? Was I ever in love in the first place? "Man, I don't know." I groaned, unpleasantly. "I'm trying my hardest to get over her and I know I am, but whenever I see her or hear her, my heart still flutters."

I'm at that point where my feelings are slowly leaving, but the smallest things that she'll do, still gets my heart to flutter. Like when she'll tell me something sweet, or does something cute, it's like my broken heart is still in love with her, and the small broken pieces are piecing back together. Almost as if they think there's hope, when in reality, there isn't.

"You have it so bad," Lauren pouted, chuckling lightly. She sat next to me on her bed and placed her arm around me. "What you're going through is completely normal," she paused and looked away from me "crazy, but mostly normal. One day, you'll meet someone you will actually love and they'll love you just as much as you love them. As for right now, things are just crazy. I'm not going to tell you that'll it'll happen and I'm not going to tell you that it's not gonna happen, because who knows?" She shrugged her shoulders and I chuckled lightly. "But what I am going to tell you is that along the way, you'll discover if these feelings are really real, or just temporary silly feelings. You're probably in platonic love. That's what it is, maybe. Just don't let her, break you and make you hopeless okay?" She tilted her head downward, looking me in my eyes, with her bright green ones.

I smiled at her words and she pulled me in tight for a hug. "Crushes are crazy I know, especially when it's with someone you don't know if they have feelings for you or not, but this is all normal. At the end of the day, she's still your friend."

"Thanks Lauren," I gave her a small smile when we released from our hug. "I needed that. I don't know how you do it, but it really changed my outlook on this I guess." I laughed shyly.

Lauren shrugged once she stood up. "I don't know how I do it either, but I did it." She laughed. "How is it changing your outlook?"

"Well, I don't know really, it could be temporary feelings and I could be just fine with that, it just has to be my job to get rid of them." I answered.

"Well do you want to get rid of them?" She questioned.

"Yeah, I don't see the problem. The benefit is for me."

"But what if she ends up actually having feelings for you and yours are gone?"

"A part of me will always be in love with Normani." I answered without any hesitation.

"If you're with somebody else?"

"If I'm with someone who I'm actually supposed to be with, me and Normani weren't meant to be. If I'm with someone who I'm not supposed to be with, then maybe we were meant to be."

"So you would just leave whoever you're with for her?"

"Depending on the situation. If everything is stable between me and whoever, like I said, it wasn't meant to be between me and Normani. Everyone can sense a real love and if I sense that, that means I'm truly supposed to be with that person." I explained.

"Do you sense that now with her?" She asked.

I paused for a second. If I am "in love" shouldn't I sense a real love connection with her?

"I want to say yes because I like her, but realistically, I don't. I do see a potential of having a real love with her, but don't we do that with all our crushes?"

"Ooh, you have a point." She said shaking her finger.

"Well, I guess we'll have to see when the time comes. As for now, I'm going to try to get over her." I frowned a bit, shrugging my shoulders as well.

Hopefully, I can get over her and these are just silly little feelings. If not, I'll just have to figure something out.

"Well, you do have options." Lauren joked, but also having a bit of a serious tone. "The new guy, Kyle and Tandy."

"I've played Tandy too badly. I can't just go up to him and say, 'I want to be with you'," I waved my hand dismissively knowing that me and him won't happen.

Lauren frowned, "Kyle seems into you."

I shrugged. "I need some time. To actually get into him myself." I stated.

My phone buzzed and I picked it up to see a text message from Quincy.

Quincy - 5:31 PM
guess who has a fine date tonightttt ;)

Dinah - 5:31 PM
normani.

Quincy - 5:31 PM
i wasn't expecting that dullness, but no.

Dinah - 5:32 PM
sorry, you have a date tonight?

Quincy - 5:34 PM
yeah :) im excited as hell, he's really nice.

Dinah - 5:34 PM
I'm happy for you <3

Quincy - 5:34 PM
ur mad. about normani huh?

Dinah - 5:35 PM
nah not really

Quincy - 5:37 PM
do you like her still?

Dinah - 5:39 PM
no, I've moved on.

"I told Quincy I moved on." I looked up from my phone and up at Lauren.

"Why?" She looked at me confusedly.

"I didn't want to seem like a lovesick, hopeless romantic, attached ass bitch." I answered truthfully.

Lauren chuckled a bit. "Why would he think that of you?"

"Because Lauren, I've been crazy about this girl since high school and for us to be in college and actually friends, and I'm still in love with her, even though she doesn't feel the same, that's kind of sad I guess." I shrugged.

"You're so hard on yourself sometimes, I hate it." Lauren announced. "It isn't sad, it's normal Dinah. Stop being sensitive." She said bluntly.

"I'm going to go grab some food, maybe that'll get my mind off things I guess. Or at least out of my feels." I said jokingly.

I drove down to the supermarket not to far to pick up a few things before I grabbed some food. Having my mind on something else actually helped. Thinking about what we needed around the apartment, helped my get my mind off of Normani. I was in the market for about thirty minutes and I didn't think about her once, that's a step up.

"Hey Lauren," I called her before making my final purchases.

"What's up?"

"Do you want anything at the store?"

"Uh, can you grab me some juice?"

"What kind?"

"Pomegranate."

"Alright, I gotchu,"

I squinted my eyes as I peeped down the aisle, seeing someone who looked familiar. The guy turned around and looked at me and turned out to be Kyle.

"Oh shit!"

I rushed down the next aisle, hoping that he wouldn't come down it since he did notice me.

"What happened?"

"I just saw Kyle."

"And that's a problem because?"

"I look a mess. I'm not dressed and he's never seen me outside of my 'party' attire."

I whispered in the phone and I noticed he stopped in front of the aisle but he wasn't facing me. I think he was talking to the guy he was with.

"Shit, he's turning around, I'll call you back."

I hung up the phone with Lauren, and left out the aisle and went to the next one.

I looked down at whatever was in front of me and was hoping that he would not pop up behind me.

"What size?" One of the workers asked me.

"Uh," I looked up and saw Kyle smiling behind me, with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Condoms..." He pointed at the box that had been in my hand.

I looked down and threw them back on the rack. "It's not what you were thinking."

"I wasn't thinking you were about to have sex." He laughed.

"No! No I'm not, oh my god. No. I wasn't even planning on buying them."

"Dinah? Are you okay?" He chuckled, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"You said you weren't thinking that I was about to have sex?"

"Yeah, because I know you didn't mean to come down this aisle." He laughed. "I know you're trying to avoid me." He pointed out, raising his brows.

"How'd you know?" I asked. "Not like I was trying purposefully, even though I was, but it's not because I don't like you, I do like you, but I came down here because of other reasons." I rambled.

Good one Dinah.

"I know what you mean," he laughed at my shyness. "I like your glasses by the way." He pointed out.

I pushed them up on the bridge of my nose slightly. "I lost my contacts before coming here." I mumbled.

He smiled, flashing his bright white teeth. "Is this your local store?" He asked.

I nodded slightly. "Is it yours?"

He shook his head, throwing his hood over his head. "No, it's my cousins, I'm just over at his place for the weekend." He informed me.

"Is there a party I don't know about?" I asked.

He shook his head. "If you call guys getting together drinking beer, eating pizza and playing 2K all night a party, then I guess so." He laughed. "But, I have to get going, the boys are becoming impatient." He seemed a bit annoyed that he had to leave. "But I'll text you, okay?" He stated as he walked away backwards.

I nodded my head and he smiled, before turning around and jogging off to his group.

Damn he was fine.

I felt so rude for running away from him. I wasn't trying to avoid him, but I just looked like shit. A sweater, sweats, and my glasses, and my hair wasn't even done. I was a mess. He's never saw me like this, and I was hoping he never would see me like this, but look who was wrong.

After I finished my food, I went back home and dropped off the groceries I bought. Lauren had been taking a short nap on the couch and I set her alarm for her to get ready for practice in a the next couple of minutes.

I got a text message from Normani and I took my phone out instantly.

Normani - 6:04 PM
come outside.

Dinah - 6:04 PM
omw.

I went outside and she had been getting bags out of her friends car. My eyes widened when I saw bags galore come out of the truck of the car.

She waved me over to help her grab some stuff. I rushed over to her and she started handing me bags. "All of this for one date?" I groaned as my arms started getting heavier.

"No," she huffed. "One of these bags are for the date, the rest of this is for me." She smiled.

She waved her friend off once she grabbed all the bags. We took the bags up to the apartment and I placed them down as soon as I stepped in the door.

"Damn Mani," I sighed relievedly.

"I'm going to to get dressed." She took the bags with her outfit in them and rushed to the bathroom.

Lauren popped her head up from the couch and saw all the bags clothes on the ground. "Is this all for the date?"

"No, it's her new wardrobe." I commented.

Lauren's eyes widened at how many bags she saw and laughed. "Just a little bit more than you." She teased, holding her index finger and thumb barely next to each other.

"Just a little bit more than you." I mimicked her in a high pitched voice. I shoved her when I walked pasted her and she threw the couch pillow at me and laughed.

I turned around and faked throwing the pillow at her and she flinched, hiding behind the other one. I rolled my eyes and turned on my heels, heading towards the bathroom where Normani was.

"Just sit them down." She pointed to where her other bags were outside the bathroom and did as instructed.

I stood and watched her get ready, waiting to see if she needed me to do anything else for her. It was quiet between us and she did seem upset about something, but I'm just assuming.

The front door shut and I knew it was Lauren leaving for practice. So now, it's me, Normani, and awkwardness.

"You don't have to just stand there." She spoke, breaking the silence.

"Well, I was seeing if you wanted me to do anything else." I responded.

"No, you don't need to do anything." She said bluntly, rummaging through her makeup bag.

I pursued my lips together and turned and headed towards the couch. She was acting weird, I don't know why, maybe she's nervous for her date, but for her to seem upset was a bit strange.

For about twenty minutes, she didn't speak to me. She'd often come in and out to the kitchen to grab some napkins, but she'd never say anything. There was clearly a pink elephant in the room and the tension between us was very strong and high.

I waited a couple more minutes before grabbing my stuff and going to practice. She came out of the bathroom, all dressed and ready and headed towards the door.

"I thought you wanted me to help you with you outfit?" I asked.

She turned around and looked down at her outfit. "Turns out I didn't really need help." She stated, her tone was normal, not as if she had an attitude or something.

"Well you look nice." I complimented her.

"Thanks." She said awkwardly, with a small smile.

She walked out the door and I nodded my head to myself. Normani was perfectly fine earlier and all of a sudden, she just kind of switched up in a matter of moments.

"So she didn't speak to you at all?" Ally asked me and we were stretching.

I shook my head. "Not one conversation at all. Max of words that were probably said was probably like five to ten."

"For what, thirty minutes?" Camila commented.

"Pretty much."

"You think she's mad about Kyle?" Lauren questioned.

"Kyle?" Ally and Camila said in sync.

"This guy Dinah met at a party." Lauren told them.

"Why would she be mad about Kyle if she doesn't feel the same way?" I pointed out.

"Well you never know, she could be jealous that you're talking to him or what not." Lauren shrugged. "Did you tell her about him?"

"No, she doesn't even know about him so why would she be mad about that?" I answered.

"Maybe she knows you like her, and now you're getting over her, and she probably is noticing that and not liking it." Camila shrugged her shoulders gently.

I looked at her and blinked, knowing that's probably not the case at all.

"Camila does have a point," Lauren pointed out, Camila nodded her head and pointed at Lauren. "Some girls are like that, even if they don't feel the same. It's like all the attention is taken off of them, and they don't like that."

"But she doesn't know that I like her." I stated. "Is it obviously though?" I double checked with the girls.

"No, it just looks like an attached best friend." Ally stated.

"Maybe she was just having an off day Dinah, don't take it too personal. If there was an issue she'd let you know." Camila placed her hand on my shoulder before taking off to do the daily lap around the gym.

"I just wish I knew what was up." I said to myself, rolling my eyes before taking off to do my jog as well.

"Good news and bad news for you ladies," Coach stated once we huddled up. "What do you want to hear first?" She clasped her hands together and looked at all of us.

There was a bunch of good's and bad's coming from my teammates mouths. So it was a tie vote.

"Good news, first away game is in Miami," she stated, everyone cheered and Camila shrugged. "Bad news is, we leave tomorrow night and looks like a storm is going to happen as well."

"Wait, we leave tomorrow night as in Saturday night?" I questioned.

Coach nodded her head. "I tried seeing if we could leave Sunday morning, but we won't get there in time for warmups and we might possibly be late to the game." She grimaced. "You don't look too enthusiastic as I thought you would." She added on.

I shook my head. "No, no, I am. What time are we leaving?" I asked, knowing Kyle wants to hang out at around eight.

"I believe our flight leaves at twelve in the morning," Coach patted her pockets checking for her phone. Once she found it, she unlocked it and checked the flight times. "Yup, so make sure you're at the airport between ten and no later than eleven."

All the girls nodded. "Just get this signed off by your professors." Coach picked up grade sheets and handed them to us. "I know I usually don't give these out, but this time, these actually matter."

"Don't you have a date tomorrow?" Lauren whispered to me.

I turned and looked at her and nodded. "Yeah, but it's at around eight, I should have time. I don't think he'll mind."

"Sorry ladies this was such late notice, I just got told today too. The original game was rescheduled. There will be two back to back games. One tomorrow and the other one the next day. If we lose one, we get one more game, and whoever wins that one goes on to the next round and same with the other games. So be ready for tomorrow. We had a hard practice today, so make sure you guys get some rest tonight and tomorrow."

We all nodded and did our little chant before going off into the locker room.

"Are you going to be good Dinah?" Lauren asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah, why?" I questioned, confused why she was asking me that.

"Because, your mind needs to be cleared, all throughout these next three weeks. You really have to be focused on the game." Lauren informed me.

"I will be, there's no need to worry about that."

She gave me the look she always does. "Dinah I'm serious."

"I know you are and I am too. We're going to win this." I placed my hand on her shoulder and smiled at her. She didn't return the smile, she just watched me walk by her, hoping she'd catch my attention again.

I know how to put my love life and emotions to wait when it comes to the championship. For these next couple of weeks, that the only thing that's going to be on my mind.

Back at home, I tried waiting up for Normani because I know she's going to want to talk about how her date went. It got later and later, and the more I waited, the more tired and sleepy I would get.

I promised myself I would stay awake to talk to her for a little bit when she got home and then go to bed right after. Turns out, that wasn't working.

I ended up falling asleep, and I woke up to the sound of the door opening and closing. I opened my eyes a little bit to see what time it was, and it was midnight. Normani had tiptoed into the apartment, trying her best not to wake me up.

"No need to move around quietly, I'm awake." I stated. "How was your date?" I asked her.

"Good. I'll talk about it later, I'm tired right now." She said bluntly. It still seemed like she had an attitude. Maybe she was mad at Sean, but why would she be? I heard her giggling and laughing before she came in, clearly he walked her to the door. The only thing that she's upset about is me, and I don't even know what I did wrong.