“Roger?”

Brian was wandering in the house, pushing doors on his way. Where was his sweet lover with his long blonde hair and his eyes of blue? Where were his lips he longed to kiss everytime he was away? Usually, when he got home, Roger was always sitting in the living room with a plate full of still hot cookies or a cake with two cups of tea. As soon as Brian walked the door, Roger would stand up and run up to him, throwing himself in his arms before covering his whole face with tender kisses. Every time his soft lips touched his skin, Brian's heart was dancing in his chest. But this day, Roger did not welcome Brian. Yet, he had called him in the afternoon and Roger said he was staying at home and waiting for him. Brian felt his throat getting tighter and he could barely breathe. What if Roger had been kidnapped? What if something terrible had happened to him? His eyes full of tears, he ran through the long corridors of their house, pushing every door and searching for his beautiful blond lover boy. Unfortunately, he was nowhere. His cheeks were drowning under the tears and he was almost out of breath. He desperately and weakly called his name.

“Roger... Roger... Roger where are you? My love... Where are you?”

He was now facing the last room of the entire house, the only one he did not look in. The guest room. He caught a deep breath and slowly pushed the door. His hazel eyes wandered in the room but he saw nothing until they went to the bed. Under the thick white sheets, he could see a small figure. He sighed in relief and rushed in before running to the bedside.

“Roger, oh my Roger, I thought that... I thought that something happened to you, I couldn't find you and... And... I thought something happened to you!”

Roger did not move. Brian grabbed the sheets and pulled them. Roger was curled up and his blond hairwas hiding his face. He could only see his shoulders shiver.

“My love, my sweet love, are you okay?”

His lover showed his face; his eyes were red from crying and his cheeks were completely wet. Brian's eyes widened and an even more worried expression appeared on his face. He wiped the tears with his thumbs whilst Roger sat up.

“I don't know who I am, Bri” he hiccuped.

“You are Roger Meddows Taylor, love.”

“I know that, but I mean... That's only a name, that's not who I am. I don't know what I'm worth, I don't know what I'm capable of, I don't know if I deserve all that!”

“What?”

“Everything! I don't know if I deserve this life! I don't know if I deserve living in this house, if I deserve being in the band, if I deserve being here and... If I deserve you...”

Brian's eyes widened. He smiled a bit before cupping Roger's face with his hands, trying to dry his eyes and cheeks with his thumbs.

“But Roger, dear... It's me who should wonder whether I deserve you or not!”

“Really?”

“Of course! You're the most wonderful person in this world! You're a very talented drummer” he whispered with a grin whilst removing a lock of hair that fell on Roger's forehead, “and for me you're the most talented one. You're sweet, kind, caring, smart, loyal... You are perfect, Roger.”

Roger tried to smile but broke down in tears instead. He put his arms around Brian's neck and loudly sobbed on his shoulder. Brian gently stroked Roger's back and softly hummed in his ear. Seeing Roger feeling down was terrible for him. He also wanted to cry, but he had to comfort his lover first. Since the day they met, Roger had been his priority for everything: if both were sick, Brian would manage to go to Roger's house to bake him cakes and prepare him the most delicious tea he could ever taste. If he had very important things to do and something was planned with Roger, he would directly head up for him. As soon as their eyes met for the first time, Brian knew he fell in love. Actually, it surprised him to discover he was attracted by a man, but he did not really care. He was not just any man. He was Roger Taylor.

After a while, Roger managed to stop weeping. He sat up and rubbed his eyes before heaving a long sigh. He blinked and stared at Brian.

“I'm sorry, Bri... I didn't want to worry you...”

“My love, you don't have to apologise. Feeling down can happen and it's nobody's fault. It just breaks my heart to see you in that state.”

“I'm sorry...”

Brian laughed silently without looking away from the big blue eyes he loved so much. Roger was like a sad little kitten. He could totally picture him with two big eyes on the top of his head. Just thinking about it made Brian chuckle.

“Why are you laughing?” Roger frowned.

“Oh, it's nothing, dear. Would you like a cup of tea? A cup of coffee? A piece of cake? Anything?”

Roger blinked a few times and blushed before nodding shyly. Brian smiled and kissed him on the forehead before placing his lips on Roger's warm and soft ones. Their lips were tenderly stroking one another whilst each other's hands were running in their hair. Brian broke the kiss and caressed Roger's face that looked more peaceful than before. They stood up and intertwined their fingers whilst walking slowly through the corridors. They went down the stairs and Brian sat Roger on the couch before kissing his blond hair. With a grin, he ran up to the kitchen and opened a drawer; he took out a box of green tea and prepared a big cup for his lover. Once it was done, he brought it to him on a plate with butter scones. Roger smiled at him and thanked him.

“I'm going to bake a cake, maybe it will be long.”

“I don't want cake, honey...”

“Oh? Okay. D'you want me to cook something else?”

Roger shrugged. Brian suddenly smiled and ran back to the kitchen, locking the door behind him. Roger sighed and stared at the tea rotating in his cup. Never had he felt that bad. The most surprising thing is that nothing special triggered this feeling. He only woke up full of doubts. His blue eyes wandered across the room. What a huge house he lived in! But did he really deserve all that? He emptied his cup and put it down on the plate, grabbing two scones before standing up and walking through the living room. It was easy to say that one side “belonged” to Brian and the other to Roger. On Brian's side, there was a chest of drawers, containing his mail, his bottlenecks, string sets and books, on which had been placed two frames. The first one was an old picture of Brian and his parents, and the other one was one of the first pictures of the band all together. There were three sculptures that represented exotic animals. It was Roger who brought them from a trip to Morocco with his family, in the early days. On the wall, five mini guitars were nailed; during their last holidays, Brian spent his time building them with things he could find everywhere. He had built his Red Special in a small version, and it was in the middle, next to another peculiar guitar that he called “Roger Special”. It was a beautiful curvy guitar, with a long wavy white neck. The body of the guitar was as blue as the Carribbean sea. Roger immediately loved it.

On Roger's side, things were as simple. He also had his own chest of drawers, but it was a bit older than Brian's. All his drumsticks were in one of the drawers, and God knew how many he had. Otherwise, he just put his mail and his magazines in it. He decorated the chest of drawers with a small collection of old cars, going from the 1920s to the 1960s, and was absolutely fond of it. Every two days, he cleaned them, fearing that the dust would damage them. In the middle of the collection, there was a framed picture of Brian and him. On this day, both were wearing very elegant clothes; Brian was sitting on a wooden chair, wearing a black velvet suit, and Roger was sitting across his lap, wearing a thin blazer that followed the graceful line of his waist. Roger's arms were wrapped around Brian's shoulders, and Roger's mouth was covered by his arm; he remembered that Brian had just told him a joke and it was so hilarious that during the photoshoot, he could not refrain from chuckling, whereas Brian managed to remain serious in front of the camera. It was their favourite picture of them – of course, there were many others in the house, mainly in their bedroom. Roger stroked the frame and had a joyless smile. He wished he could smile and laugh like he did this day. Unfortunately, at this moment, he felt more like crying in a corner. He sighed and looked through one of the windows. He could see the huge garden that was spread behind the house. Brian and him had planted cherry trees all along the path that went across the grass. At this period of the year, the cherry flowers were pink and sometimes, petals would fly in the wind.

A sudden noise brought Roger back to reality. It was coming from the kitchen. He ran up to the door that Brian locked.

“Bri, dear, are you alright?”

No answer. Fearing that he might got hurt, Roger started to bang on the door. With all the noise he made, he almost did not hear Brian talking to him.

“I'm okay, sweetheart, I'm okay. I just tripped over something and I fell with a tray.”

“Did you hurt yourself?”

“No, no it's okay. My left knee hit the tiles, that's all.”

“Do you need help?”

“No, I want you to rest a bit. I'm taking care of everything. Do you need anything? Do you want more tea or more scones?”

“No, love, thanks.”

Roger sighed and spun round before wandering in the living room once again. He took a look at some music magazines that were on the big wooden table. He was reading the lines, but he did not understand a word. He could not focus on anything, and it started to frighten him. Instinctively, he walked back to the framed picture of him and Brian. He carefully took it and stroked the glass with the tip of his fingers. The state he was in was scary. Was he depressed? Or was it only a bad time? He hoped that the second option was the right one. His eyes were focused on Brian. “Oh, love, your face looks so peaceful, and you look so gorgeous.” he whispered with a grin, whilst the tears were filling his eyes. He sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Nothing was worse than feeling extremely bad without knowing why. Everything was fine in his relationship with Brian, everything was fine with the band, everything was fine with his friends and family, everything was fine. But he felt like something broke inside of him, and even if he spent time to try to find the source of this mood, everything was blurred in his mind. He spent the whole day trying to find out the reason of this sudden change, curled up under the sheets of the guest room. He tried to calm down before Brian got home, but he failed. And now, his lover was worried. The look upon his face when he saw him crying was the worst thing he had ever seen. His thoughts were a mess, and nothing was clear.

Brian unlocked the kitchen door and got out of it. He looked for Roger in the living room and saw him looking at their framed photograph. With a grin, he silently sneaked behind him and wrapped his arms around Roger's graceful waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. He tenderly kissed his lover's soft and perfumed neck. Roger had goosebumps as soon as Brian's breath warmed his skin.

“Look at how gorgeous you look” Brian whispered, his eyes focused on the photograph. “Giggling and trying to hide it. You shouldn't, y'know. Your laughter is the most beautiful on this Earth.”

“I'd like to smile and laugh like that again. I feel like I never will.”

“Roger, I know something's wrong. Why don't you tell me?”

“I'd like to know it myself” the drummer said with a joyless smile. “We look happy here, don't we?”

Brian suddenly broke off their embrace and stepped backwards. Roger turned his head and sighed.

“You're unhappy with me, aren't you, Rog?”

“I didn't mean that. I am happy. I just talked about how we look on the photograph, nothing more.”

“Roger, please, tell me the truth. Are you happy with me?”

“Of course I am, Brian! I love you. I deeply love you and I could never love someone else that much.”

“Love, did I do something wrong? I feel like it's all my fault. Is it because of me that you feel sad?”

Roger grinned and put the frame back at its place. He walked up to Brian and took his hands that he gently stroked with his fingertips. Before answering Brian's question, he stood on tip-toe and pressed his lips against Brian's.

“No, nothing's your fault, love. I swear I don't know the reason of this change. But maybe it's only a bad day, after all. Maybe tomorrow I'll be jumping all around.”

“I hope you will. I love seeing you joking like a child. Remember the last winter? The first day it snowed you woke me up by jumping on my stomach. Remember?”

“I do” Roger chuckled.

“'Bri! Bri! Brimi! It's snowy! It's snowy!' I swear, I was with a kid. Sometimes you're not my lover, you're my child, aren't you?”

He playfully rubbed the tip of Roger's nose with his. Roger giggled and tilted his head backwards, getting rid of his hair that disturbed him. His baby blue eyes stared into his hazel ones, a wonderful big smile lighting up his face.

“See? You can still smile.” Brian whispered before kissing Roger's nose.

“Thanks to you. Who would I be without you?”

“Still the most beautiful person in the universe.”

“No way.”

Brian rolled his eyes with a smirk and tenderly hugged the smaller man. He rested his chin on the top of his lover's head and hummed a song.

“What's that your humming?”

“I have no idea, I've had this melody in my head all day long.”

“It's beautiful.”

Brian stroked Roger's hair and kissed his forehead. They sat on the couch and snuggled against each other. They stared into space, just enjoying the fact that their bodies were touching and warming each other. After a while, Roger sat on Brian's lap, facing him and taking him into his arms, kissing the curly hair that tickled his chin.

“What time is it, Roger dear?”

Roger turned his head and looked at the clock.

“It's 8:36.”

“Oh shit, I have to prepare the rest of the dinner!”

“Let me help you, Bri.”

“No way. You stay here and I bring the dinner here. D'you want to eat on the small table for once or d'you prefer the big one?”

“I don't care. Do what you want.”

“We're two here. We have to take the decisions together, but as you feel bad today, I decided to treat you like a king.”

“You always treat me like a king, dear” Roger giggled.

“Well, EVEN MORE.”

They both chuckled. Finally, Roger pointed at the big table. Brian nodded and kissed him on the forehead before locking himself in the kitchen once again. Roger let himself fall on the couch, heaving a long sigh. Now Brian was in the kitchen again, his blues was back. This time, he did not wander in the room. Instead, he curled up, wrapping his arms around his shin bones, burying his face between his knees. He felt that his eyes were filled with tears... again. “Won't this fucking feeling leave me alone?!” he grumbled whilst drying his cheek bones. His eyes stared at the table right before him. His clenched fists shivered, longing to throw it across the room. But if he did that, it would damage many things in the house and Brian would be extremely worried. Who knew, maybe he could hurt him without wanting it. Suddenly, he grabbed a cushion next to him and pressed it against his face. He started to bite the fabric, trying not to cry. But finally, he shouted in it, so Brian would not hear. Anyway, Brian was listening to the radio. Everytime he was cooking, he was listening to the radio. And sometimes, Roger made fun of him because of that, as Brian was listening to every single word that escaped from it. “This radio will make you go gaga!” Roger often said.

The kitchen door suddenly opened, making Roger jump. Brian appeared, a huge smile on his face, holding a silver tray with a plate full of pancakes. Next to it, there were two glasses with white wine and a bottle of soda.

“Here comes dinner, sweetheart!” he sang. “Homemade pancakes with melted chocolate! And I didn't know if you prefered wine or soda, so I took both.”

Roger could not refrain from smiling at the sight of this happy Brian, proud of his food. Now that his tall lover with dark curls was in his field of vision, all his sorrow had disappeared. It was like magic. Brian was this magic. He carefully placed the tray on the big table and brought two other plates with forks and knives. Roger stood up from the couch and threw the cushion on it before joining Brian. The latter pulled him a chair and waited for his beautiful blonde to sit on it. Roger thanked him with a shy smile and looked at the food, excited to taste it.

“I hope I didn't fail!” Brian chuckled.

“You never fail, Bri! You're a very good cooker, you know that!”

Brian blushed and bent over the table, pressing his lips against Roger's. After that, they both took pancakes and started to eat them, as though they had not eaten for ages. Brian placed his hand on Roger's.

“Do you want to listen to some music?”

“I'd love to.”

“What do you want?”

“The Who, please. I don't want to listen to sad songs, otherwise it will make me even more bad.” he chuckled.

Brian nodded with a grin and stood up, walked up to the turntable next to which was a pile of records, and took three of the Who.

“Which one?”

“I don't care.”

Brian shrugged and chose The Who Sings My Generation. It was his favourite album by the band, as it made he think about Roger. The first time they had a date, The Kids Are Alright was playing in the background in the bar they were in. Brian put the record on the turntable and played it before sitting back on his chair. Roger was eating the pancakes with gluttony. Brian poured them white wine in the glasses and his lover thanked him with a cute little smile. Once all the pancakes had been eaten, the A-side of the record was already over, but they were too lazy to stand up and change the side. However, Brian walked up to the turntable and played the second track, I Don't Mind. Then, he walked back to Roger and stretched his hand gracefully. Roger, a bit surprised, smiled and took it, standing up and following Brian in the middle of the living room. The tall man tenderly placed his hand on the blond one's waist. Roger wrapped his arms around Brian's neck, running a hand in his dark curls. Then, they slowly started to dance. They were staring into each other's eyes, feeling the love that the other was giving through his look. Brian leant on Roger and their lips met, giving deep affection to one another. Roger could feel his heart beating faster, and so did Brian. The song ended and The Good's Gone played in the room. But the two lovebirds did not even notice. Their kiss became more and more passionate, and Roger clenched his hands over the fabric of Brian's shirt. The latter was holding him so tightly that he almost broke his spine. Roger stroked his lover's legs with his and Brian carried him around the house, with the blonde's legs around his waist, whilst kissing. They went up the stairs and Brian kicked the door to open it, not wanting to let go of Roger. He carefully placed him on the bed before lying over him, kissing his soft skin, whilst his hands were wandering on his lover's body. His long fingers made their way through Roger's golden locks of hair, caressing them and giving their owner goosebumps. Their lips met again and again, before their tongue danced together with passion and love.

“I love you, Roger Taylor.”

“I love you too, Brian May. I love you so much.”

With a shining smile, Brian unbuttoned Roger's shirt and removed it, admiring the soft skin of Roger's chest. His jaw dropping a bit, he let the palms of his hands wander on this part of his lovebird's body he loved so much. Roger removed Brian's shirt and kissed his skin softly and tenderly. After minutes and minutes of kissing and undressing, they both were in their most natural outfit, hidden under the sheets. Brian started to spread Roger's legs and simply placed his body between them, kissing his neck and going downwards. The more Brian was getting lower, the more Roger felt uncomfortable. His curls were tickling his stomach, and Roger started to sweat, but not because of pleasure. It was the opposite. When Brian kissed his thigh, Roger jumped and abruptly curled up, resting his chin on his knees. Brian got rid of the sheets and looked at him worriedly.

“Roger, did I do something bad? Please, tell me if I did.”

“No, it's just that... I can't. I don't feel like it.”

“It's okay my dear. It can happen sometimes. I'm really sorry I went too far.”

“Oh no, Bri, it's not your fault. It's just me. I...”

Roger sighed and a tear rolled down his cheek. This time, even though Brian was here, the blues was back. Brian knelt down before him and wiped it away, cupping his face with his hands before kissing his forehead. Roger knelt down and snuggled against Brian, gently weeping against his chest. Meanwhile, Brian was stroking his hair whilst whispering that everything was alright, that he would not let him down and that he loved him. After a while, Brian carefully laid down on his back and Roger snuggled against him again, resting his head on Brian's chest. Brian took the sheets and gently covered Roger's thin body, seeing he was a bit cold. As Brian was massaging his head, Roger fell asleep.