Half past ten in the evening, Jiwon was still awake.

For most parts of the day, she had succeeded busying herself responding to business emails and reviewing worksheet files of accounts that required her attention. Jiwon expected that if she buried herself in a pile of work, she'd be tired enough to the point that her eyes would give up on her.

It didn't happen.

Light filled her room, a muted television in the background. Her laptop screen had slept from being idle for a long while.

Could Seokjin still be awake at this hour?

Jiwon stared at her brother's contact info on her phone. She read his name, glanced away, and read his name again. Before she could change her mind, Jiwon pressed on the call button.

Two rings after, she dropped the call and placed her phone back on the nightstand.

A long, exasperated sigh left her mouth. Jiwon fell back on her bed and closed her eyes, letting her warmth replace the cold surface of her silk sheets. She couldn't understand how her eyes were tired, yet they didn't want to rest.

Jiwon heard her phone vibrate. She sat up and picked up the device.

Kim Seokjin: You called?

Jiwon thumbed in a reply.

Kim Jiwon: Just by mistake

Kim Seokjin: Are you sure?

Before she could reply, her phone vibrated again.

Kim Seokjin: Hey
Kim Seokjin: Are you okay?

Kim Jiwon: I'm alright.

Jiwon almost dropped her phone when the screen changed to an incoming call from her brother. The tiny voice at the back of her mind willed her to answer, but the sudden buzz on her nerves left her too anxious to do so.

What was she going to tell him, anyway?

That's your brother! Jiwon chided herself. Kim Seokjin should be the last person she would shut her doors on. He was basically her whole family at this point.

When Seokjin did not respond to her message, Jiwon waited for him to call again. Minutes passed in a deafening silence, but her phone screen remained black. She unlocked her phone and composed herself. Yet before she could call her brother back, there came a knock on the door.

Jiwon dragged herself out of the bed as if she were carrying her heavy body rather than being in control of her own legs. She pressed on the intercom.

"Who is it?" Jiwon asked, even though she knew no one else would be knocking on her door at this hour other than her brother.

"Wanna eat? Let's go out."

He didn't even answer her question. How typical of her brother. Jiwon unlocked the door.

Outside her room stood Kim Seokjin with a knowing smile on his lips. Though if he were trying to conceal the worry on his face, he barely succeeded.

Jiwon stared at her brother inquisitively. "You mean... now?"

"Yeah." He casually nodded. "Don't think I don't know you've locked yourself in here the whole time," he said. "Just go grab a coat or something."

"Like, we're going out in pajamas?" Jiwon had expected that her brother would want to talk with her, but not particularly in a pajama themed rendezvous.

"What's wrong with that?"

"You do know that if someone recognizes you—"

"We'll be back before sunrise," he interjected in a tone that told her he was not going to leave without her. "Besides, what's it to them anyway? Don't businessmen sleep in pajamas? It's not like they wear a suit and tie even in their sleep."

"You think father sleeps in a suit and tie?" Jiwon giggled.

"It's possible," noted Seokjin and ruffled her hair whilst smiling. "Can we go now?"

Jiwon raised her hand in defeat. "Alright, I'll just grab a sweater."

"I'll wait for you outside." Seokjin flashed her a satisfied smile.

Five minutes later, Jiwon met Seokjin by the driveway outside their house. She recalled the first time she had stood in front of the Kim's mansion, when such iron gates and imposing walls felt more of a prison fence than something that was supposed to protect her from the world.

And perhaps... some things never really changed.

Jiwon had no idea where they were heading to. She let herself sink in the passenger seat under the embrace of her oversized pink sweater and her cozy pajamas while the soft hum of the car filled the background.

Seokjin stopped at a drive-through for food before they got off the main road, and if Jiwon had been in her usual self, she'd most definitely question her brother if he was about to show her where the Kims stashed the lifeless bodies of those who dared cross paths with them. Not that there were any. Just for the humor, of course.

But even as she didn't say anything, Seokjin seemed to have read her mind.

"There are no hidden bodies, Jiwon."

Jiwon laughed more than she should have.

Once they reached their destination, Seokjin made Jiwon wait inside the car as he stepped out. He carefully placed their take-out food on the hood of his car and went towards Jiwon's door.

Seokjin gazed at the sky as he held the door open for his sister. He breathed out. "It's a shame that there aren't many starts visible tonight."

Too quiet.

Jiwon's surroundings were too quiet despite the occasional chirping and cricket noises. She could almost hear the lull of the gentle breeze against her ears. Their footsteps crunched softly against the grass as they meandered.

Vast field around her, oversized sweater hugging her, loose pajamas cold and slithery against her skin. Suddenly, Jiwon was a small child again, protected yet free.

Jiwon's tiny sobs erupted into an endless stream of uncontrollable tears.

Seokjin patted her head, and Jiwon turned around, allowing her brother to enclose her in a tight embrace.

"You're going to be okay."

Jiwon cried harder.

↠

After the river of Jiwon's tears had dried up and she could cry no more, Seokjin led them back to his car. No words were spoken as he assisted Jiwon up on the hood of his car and as he sat beside her. They ate their barely warm burgers in silence.

Jiwon knew that her brother was not going to speak until she was ready to engage in a conversation. For that, she was grateful.

"Hey, oppa, have you ever hated me?" Jiwon asked out of nowhere, finally allowing words to leave her mouth again.

Seokjin raised a brow at her.

"When we were young, I don't think neither of us exactly understood. But when you figured out what I am, did you ever hate me?"

"You make it sound like you're a different life form." Seokjin made a face and Jiwon chuckled.

"Hey, you still have to answer me." Jiwon playfully nudged him on the arm.

"How do I put it into words?" Seokjin gave it a thought. "I think I was more mad at my father, but I never really got mad at you. The mistakes my father did had nothing to do with you."

"But it seems like I have to carry it wherever I go," Jiwon remarked, remorse evident on her tone. "Wherever I go, it feels like I'm in a competition where I have to prove myself. Sometimes I just literally want to punch them in the face to shut them up."

"They shouldn't have covered it up that way," Seokjin thoughtfully told her.

"Though I understand it's the only way that time," replied Jiwon.

"At least you got a handsome brother, eh?"

Jiwon snorted and Seokjin smiled. For a another moment, they were quiet, letting the chill of the air wrap them in tranquility.

"So..." began Seokjin. "What's the real deal?"

"Hmm?"

"Aah, let me change the question then. How are you coping?"

"The sky looks really peaceful," mused Jiwon and stretched her arms wide. She released a vexed sigh and dropped her hands, before leaning her head on Seokjin.

Seokjin rested his head on top of hers. "Don't think I don't know you haven't been sleeping lately."

"I wish I could," she mumbled, closing her eyes.

"Is it because the public knows about your engagement already?"

"When I heard about it, I slowly died inside," Jiwon joked. "It's as if... a bomb is about to explode anytime soon, ready to disintegrate my hopes for the future."

"So this is about the engagement?"

There was a short pause. Then, Jiwon spoke up, "Somehow."

"Is it Yoongi?" Seokjin pried.

Jiwon deliberately sat up straight and took in a deep breath. "I don't know," she confessed. "It's just... It's really strange, you know? I'm most comfortable when I'm with him, and I'm just afraid that..." Another sigh escaped her mouth. "If I give up now, I feel like I'm going to regret it in the future."

"So do you...?" Seokjin cautiously gave her a meaningful look, and Jiwon could read what exactly her brother meant. She nodded, and a rueful smile landed on her lips.

"I've been trying to deny it, but it's just... always there." She laughed. "But I can't just let my feelings overwrite what I've been trying to prove all this time."

Jiwon brought her knees to her chest, hugging them close. "It's not that I underestimate these feelings," she continued. "It's just really conflicting."

Kim Seokjin nodded in understanding. He pressed a palm and patted on the crown of Jiwon's head.

"We don't always have to understand everything, Jiwon. But more than anything, I want you to know that you always have me no matter what."

"I know," she whispered, audible enough for her brother to hear. "And you always have me, too."

— ❀ —
❝hello, hello! here's the update as promised. just a heads up that it would take me a while to update Double Trouble again (but it won't take me a year this time, really!) hopefully by mid-October I could stick to a regular update schedule already. I'll post on my message board to update y'all about it.

also, according to the outline I made, there's still about 5-6 chapters left, depending on how I end up actually writing the scenes + a prologue. and yes, this story has been plotted out up to the last chapter even before I began posting the first few chapters, so this book is going to get completed no matter what. the writing and editing just really takes up time and a lot of thought process, too.

I'll be back real soon! I hope you all are doing well. Take care always!❞