jisung stood frozen in front of his members, his eyes glued on the spot chenle had been standing at a few seconds before, just before he has stormed to his bedroom.

the criminal's heart was aching at that point, chenle's actions having made jisung understand that he wasn't needed here.

"h-hyung..." jisung whispered, turning towards taeyong and looking at him with tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

he wasn't expecting chenle to jump into his arms and wrap him in a hug as soon as he came into view. absolutely not.

maybe, he imagined chenle would stay frozen, staring at jisung, maybe pinching himself a few times to make sure he wasn't dreaming, maybe stuttering and at loss for words...

but he definitely wasn't expecting such a negative reaction.

chenle hadn't even let jisung speak. as soon as jisung had come into view, chenle had run away, slamming his door shut behind himself and making the other understand that he didn't want him.

"i told you things wouldn't be easy, jisung. but they will work out with time..." taeyong spoke reassuringly, placing a hand on the younger's shoulder.

"c-chenle doesn't want me..." jisung stuttered, trying his best to keep his tears in, and not appear as vulnerable in front of his members. but who was he kidding? he was human after all; he had times when he was happy, and others when he was sad, depressed, angry, and very vulnerable... and seeing all of his members after so long – seeing his family after so long – jisung couldn't help being emotional. and this was mostly due to the fact that they were all supportive of him, and that they had missed him and were happy to see him despite everything that he had done in the past.

"jisung, chenle does want you." kun stated smiling at the youngest boy.

"yes, and he does need you too." taeil specified.

"b-but... h-he..."

"chenle has been crying day and night for over a year because he missed you." sicheng told. "he has been wanting you to come back ever since you left us... and seeing you standing in the middle of the living room, after a whole year without news may have overwhelmed him."

"yeah, chenle is someone fragile." johnny nodded. "he has always been, but it became worse after you left."

jisung swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat as he listened his members talking.

only then did he realise how much he had hurt chenle by doing the simple action of leaving.

one yeard ago, he had decided to leave, because he knew being around chenle and the other members would have them being in trouble, and he was sure that they would end up hurt – either morally or physically – for any reason.

but now, with hindsight, jisung was realising that perhaps, staying by nct's side would have hurt chenle less than he hurt him by disappearing from his life.

"what the others are trying to say, jisung, is that chenle still feels the same, and that he needs you."taeyong said wisely. "it will surely take him a bit of time to accept that you are back, but you have to understand that he's still the same chenle, and you're still the same jisung, which means that, one way or another, you'll end up together again."

jisung blinked his tears away, nodding slowly at his leader's words.

"s-so..."

"so, you should go and talk to him, privately, and explain yourselves. you both need it."

"o-okay..." jisung nodded, taking a deep breath before heading towards the corridor where the rooms supposedly were. "h-huh...?"

"third door on the left." sicheng stated, making jisung nod again before walking straight to the corridor.

he took slow steps into the dark room, counting the doors a few times to make sure he was in front of the right one.

after hesitating for over a minute, jisung finally got a grip of himself and decided to knock softly on the door.

there was no answer. jisung didn't even hear any noise inside the room when he placed his ear against the wooden surface.

so, the boy knocked again, harder this time, and he finally heard something.

however, it sounded nothing like an invitation to enter. it was more of a loud and broken sob, that had tried being contained but failed miserably.

sighing one last time, jisung pushed the handle and invited himself in the room before closing the door behind him. and that's when he saw him.

chenle was sitting on his undone bed, his back resting against a wall – that was covered with posters of jisung – while his head was buried between his knees as he sobbed into his hands, forcing himself to be silent.

jisung's heart broke even more at that sight.

after a whole year far from each other, this was how chenle was: ravaged, torn, devastated, miserable, crushed, and yet still so perfect in jisung's eyes.

after this long year of separation, his feelings were still there, and they were more powerful than ever. at that point, they were what allowed jisung to stand here, inside the nct dorm. if not for those feelings he had developed for chenle, jisung would have never followed taeyong to the dorm. but he had done it for chenle.

"c-chenle..." jisung spoke slowly, approaching the boy on the bed.

chenle's cries didn't stop, even though the chinese male slowly lifted his head from his hands to look at the former mafia member that was standing at the foot of his bed.

jisung looked as handsome as ever.

his hair was a beautiful natural raven colour, and longer than chenle had ever seen on him. the black locks on his head were messy and slightly hiding his eyes as well as the back of his neck. his eyes were so deep and mysterious, just like they had always been, and his lips were still as plumped as they were when chenle recalls kissing them.

he looked more mature, and hotter.

"chenle..." jisung whispered, approaching chenle even more.

the boy's sobs as ceased by now, as if seeing jisung from up-close after all this time had healed his endless melancholy. he wasn't sobbing anymore, but pearly drops were still cascading down his cheeks.

hesitantly, jisung sat down on the bed, right in front of chenle who hadn't move a bit since jisung had entered the room.

the younger male didn't really know what to say at that point, and the piercing gaze chenle had on him didn't help him find rational words to say. of course not, it made him stress even more than he already was.

"chenle... i'm so sorry about- "

jisung was cut in his apology by a slap.

not a light one, or a small tap that would have barely hurt. he had been greeted by a harsh slap, chenle's palm resonating as it collided with jisung's cheek, surely leaving a red mark.

the slap hurt a lot, and it took jisung all of his willpower not to lift his hand and place it on his cheek. he deserved that slap. he had hurt chenle more that he could imagine. at that point, jisung didn't only deserve a slap. he deserved to be beaten, tortured or even killed.

"chenle, i- "

"y-you left me..." chenle cut jisung's words again as more tears rolled down his face.

his voice was shaky and raspy, as if he had used it too much for the past year to cry his heart out – which had surely been the case. but despite its inconstancy, chenle's voice was so melodious, and it created notes that jisung would love having on replay for the rest of his life.

"y-you abandoned me..." chenle continued, his trembling orbs looking right through jisung's. "f-for a whole y-year..."

"chenle, i did that for- "

"you had said i was precious... y-you had said i didn't deserve to be treated that way..." chenle voiced out as new tears cascaded down his cheeks. he couldn't even see clear anymore.

"i-i..."

"you lied to me."

jisung gulped, his eyes widening as chenle sobbed loudly again, breaking down in front of jisung.

he was nothing but a liar.

he had assured chenle that he wouldn't hurt him. but he didn't. in fact, he did more than hurting him. he broke him.

"c-chenle... please listen to me..." jisung managed to speak out despite his shattered heart.

"y-you're going to h-hurt me more..." chenle shook his head.

"chenle, i promise i won't."

the younger boy had a pained expression on his face when he tried inching closer to chenle, only for the older boy to flinch and try backing off.

"i-i hate you..." chenle muttered, his teary eyes digging holes through jisung's soul, the harsh words hitting him square in the chest, where it hurt the most.

he couldn't be mad at chenle for that.

of course, chenle would hate him.

he had made promises that he had broken right away.

he had said he would keep chenle safe, but chenle was kidnapped.

he had said he wouldn't hurt chenle, but he had broken him to the core.

he had said he would always be there for chenle, but he had abandoned him.

he had said he would make sure chenle was always happy, but he had made him cry so much.

and chenle had had to endure all of this on his own...

jisung was the worst asshole this earth had known.

"i fucking hate y-you..." chenle repeated, his eyes never leaving jisung's face, even though the taller boy was slowly lowering his head in shame and guilt. "i-i hate the promises that you broke, one after the other... i hate the lies that you had no shame telling me... i hate that you said you loved me before handcuffing me to your bed and leaving me... i hate how you never gave me news about you... i hate the way you're barging back into my life after a whole year of silence and misery... i hate the pained expression on your face when you look at me after fucking abandoning me... i-i... i just hate you, park jisung..."

jisung fought hard against his mind and his body not to let the tears roll down his cheeks.

those words chenle was pronouncing were harsher than the violent slap he had recievied a few minutes ago. heck, the pain he had felt after that slap was nothing compared to what he was feeling right now. it was as his heart had broken down into tiny pieces, and each of those pieces was shattering in tinier pieces.

how could he imagine that things would be okay?

how could he trust taeyong when he had said that him and chenle would go back to whatever they had?

how could he believe he would be accepted after everything he had done?

but most importantly, how could he have the guts to walk in front of chenle as if nothing happened, thinking that the boy would just jump back into his arms?

god, jisung was a stupid asshole.

a brainless dick.

a foolish bastard.

a dense bitch.

an insensitive jerk.

he deserved to die for what he had done; whether it is stealing people or killing others, but mainly hurting chenle.

"i-i hate you... b-but i mostly h-hate myself at that point..." chenle choked on another sob, his eyes still glued to the younger boy in front of him. "i-i hate how despite everything you did to me, i cannot stop loving you..."

jisung's head shot up, his teary eyes meeting chenle's.

had he heard it right?

had chenle just said that he still loved jisung?

"w-what...?" jisung stuttered out, trying to decipher the unreadable expression on chenle's face.

"j-jisung, please... i-i beg you... don't leave me again... don't hurt me again..." chenle cried. "i love you... i still do... even after what you did... so, please... promise me you won't break me further, b-because i- "

chenle couldn't finish his sentence. he was cut midway by jisung's lips that had landed on his right after the taller boy had cupped chenle's cheeks and pulled him closer.

none of the boys hesitated to kiss back, pouring all their love into this very first physical contact.

tears mixed with their saliva as they inched closer, chenle landing on top of jisung with his arms firmly wrapped around the taller's neck while his lips were being devoured by the other.

it had been more than a year since such an intimate contact had happened between the two boys, and the emotions that this kiss had created in the pit of their stomachs was too overwhelming for them. this kiss, after all this time, meant so much.

it was an undeniable sign of love, a silent confession that claimed that yes, chenle still loved jisung and yes, jisung still loved chenle, even after everything that had happened. it was a silent and yet passionate promise that the boys were making, assuring each other that from now on, they wouldn't be separated again, and they wouldn't hurt the other.

it may have been just a simple kiss – lips against lips, tongues getting timidly involved and tears making the mix taste saltier than it should – but it meant the world for both of them. this kiss was a synonym for the beginning of something new and reviving that none of them would ever get tired of.

"chenle..." jisung whispered as he pulled away, keeping his hands on chenle's cheeks and his lips cetimetres away from chenle's.

"i love you..." chenle said first, his tears falling onto jisung's cheeks as a smile appeared on his hollow face. damn, could he get even prettier?

"i love you, chenle." jisung confessed as well. "and i deserve death for what i made you endure. this year far away from you was the worst i ever lived. i couldn't spend a whole minute without thinking about you, and how badly i had broken you. you have all the rights to hate me after how much of an asshole i have been. but i want you to know that i love you, and that you were the one person to convince me to stop everything i was doing and come back to you, because i was scared that if i waited more, i'd lose you forever. so, zhong chenle, hear me out; i fucking love you. and i know i am far from being the ideal man, but i am willing to change and become better for you. but that is if you allow me in your life again and let me become your boyfriend..."

chenle giggled though his tears, leaning forward another time to peck jisung's lips.

"stop saying nonsense... you're already perfect..." chenle stated, his eyes shining with tears and happiness. "and i love you, so, of course i'll be your boyfriend."

and this promise was sealed with another long and loving kiss.

so, i found this edit of jisung and i kinda find him hot  with long hair like that. also this is how i imagine him to look like after disappearing for a year  

and yeah... the end is very very close...