jisung sighed loudly, staring at his closed bedroom door and trying his best not to run back there and open it.

he could hear chenle crying on the other side of it. the chinese male was surely sitting against it, waiting for the door to magically open, and for jisung to take him in his arms.

but this wouldn't happen.

it had been one whole week since jisung had cut ties with the older.

one long and painful week, during which jisung had cried too often for his own good.

it was bad; he was finally realising how weak chenle made him. his godfather was right, there was more than friendship between them. and this fuzzy feeling in his chest, that one feeling jisung couldn't name... it was love, it had been since the beginning.

in fact, jisung had a crush on chenle. a big fat one.

that was what drove him to protect the boy so much.

that was what made him so angry whenever chenle would spend time with someone else.

that was what had him so happy when chenle was paying attention to him.

that was what caused his heart to beat so fast for him.

park jisung, leader of the biggest mafia in korea, had a crush on zhong chenle, second youngest member of nct.

processing this new information made him so mad at himself.

he wasn't professional enough.

whenever his father ruled the mafia or went on missions, there was no time to think about the woman he loved, or their son. it was him and him only.

but jisung wasn't able to do that; at least not yet. chenle was always on his mind, and even when he was in the middle of killing someone, he found himself thinking about him, and wondering if chenle would approve all those bad things he did.

but this was bad. he couldn't do that. not when his own life was at stake.

the youngest member picked his phone up from his bed as soon as he felt it buzzing.

he had received a message from his godfather.

'how about a walk in the park?'

jisung didn't need a lot of time that this was meant for him to understand he needed to come to their base, the park.

without even thinking about it, jisung picked his gun, wore his mask and his hood, and got out of the dorm by the window of his room.

he walked to the park at a rapid pace, barely paying attention to his surroundings as chenle was once again on his mind.

the mafia leader hated himself for making chenle endure that. he knew that the chinese male was so pure and perfect. he didn't deserve to be disrespected like that.

but jisung had no choice, and he was protecting him in some way.

"young park."

jisung lifted his head, nodding at the man that was guarding the door of their base.

"hello." he mumbled as the man opened the door, letting the leader inside.

jisung walked across the corridors, ignoring the pained screams he was hearing for some of the rooms. he was too used to it; his members torturing people, their medics removing a bullet from one of the members, or simply members training.

he got in the main meeting room in a few seconds, entering without knocking.

his godfather and the heads of each of the departments were there too.

"you wanted to see me?" jisung asked, sitting down in the swivel chair at the very end of the table.

"you asked us to do some research about 'hu ilsung', the presumed leader of dark danger." jihu spoke first.

"yes, how are they going?" jisung raised a brow.

"may i?" myungki, the one responsible for extortion, asked, pointing to the white board at the end of the table.

"please." jisung nodded.

the mafia member stood up, switching on the video projector and facing his other members around the table.

"so, we found a few 'hu ilsung' in south korea." he explained, showing around a hundred pictures of people, presumably all the 'hu ilsung' they had found. "we narrowed it down with their age, their profession and obviously their criminal background. and i think we found him."

jisung frowned at the picture displayed on the screen.

"hu ilsung, arrested a few times for drug trafficking, stealing, and gambling. put into jail a few times too, but got out of it pretty quick thanks to money." myungki explained.

"send me the picture, i'll ask chenle about it before we find him and kill him." jisung spoke.

"well, that's where there's a little problem..." myungki continued.

jisung raised a brow. "keep going."

"he was killed three years ago."

the room was silent for a while.

"how was he killed?" jihu asked.

"it's not stated. he just died." myungki read over the file he had in his hand – surely one he had gotten from the police, by pressuring them enough.

"are we even sure he's dead?" heesun questioned. "like, did we find the body."

"none of this is stated. we just know that his identity has never been used again from the date he was presumably dead. and his bank account hasn't even been emptied. he still has money here." myungki explained.

"yeah, as a mafia leader, he would have withdrawn the money. this has a high significance." jaehui, the member in charge of gambling nodded. "how much does he have there?"

"around 50 million wons. this makes less than 50,000 dollars." myungki answered immediately.

"he could have left it on purpose, not to get suspicious." namseon, their drug trafficker declared. "if he's a mafia leader, he's got to have other accounts."

"okay, we need more information about him." jisung declared, standing up. "i want his relatives, where he lived, where he spent time at, and mostly, details on his death. and i need that before the end of the week." he continued. "if no one has anything to add, then meeting dismissed."

the men all nodded, soon leaving the room to go back to their jobs.

however, jisung spoke before all of them could disappear from his sight.

"heesun." he called. "please, come here."

his godfather turned around, sitting in the chair in front of him.

"yes?"

"you were right about what you told me a week ago. he's making me weak, and it's endangering all of us." jisung sighed. "i'm sorry about it."

"jisung, i said that to knock some sense into you, and for you to realise the problem." heesun spoke."but this doesn't necessarily mean that chenle will make you weak forever. you don't look so good right now... you haven't for the past week."

"i cut ties with him, that's why." jisung explained. "and it's better that way."

"i'm not so sure..."

"heesun, you told me to- "

"i told you to stay away from him as long as he made you weak. but now that you realised your mistake, i hope you'll be able to learn from it and stop mixing him with your criminal activities." heesun cut his godson. "you're hurting yourself too much right now, and it's making you even weaker."

jisung groaned, frustration growing into him.

"what does that even mean?! i though i needed to push him away! that's what you told me to do! and now i'm doing the wrong thing again?!"

"jisung, can't you see the effect he has on you?" heesun remained calm.

"he became the fucking centre of my life. i'm doing everything for him and to protect him. i fucking fell for him! and this was not supposed to happen! which is why i pushed him away."

"my advice was supposed to help you, not to fuck up your mind even more." heesun sighed.

"what does that even mean?!" jisung rolled his eyes.

"that you would have once again been dead if i wasn't on your side."

jisung looked down, seeing his godfather's gun pointing at him.

heesun had been in that position for a while, and jisung was so worked up he hadn't noticed it happening.

heesun sighed, putting his gun away and standing up.

"you should fix whatever is going on inside your head before it's too late." he told before walking out of the room, leaving jisung in a similar state he had been when the same exact scene had happened, a week ago.

⇄

it was 2:30am when jisung sneaked back inside the nct dream dorm after his late-night mafia activities.

him and his godfather had finished talking around two hours ago, and jisung had spent the last two hours just thinking about his life and what was wrong with him.

once again, chenle had been on his mind, and this had made him even sicker than he already was.

the youngest member sighed, hiding his gun back behind his desk and then picking up his pyjama shorts before heading right to the bathroom silently.

everyone was sleeping inside the dorm; jisung could hear sungchan's snoring in the background, and all the lights in the dorm were off.

he locked himself in the bathroom, undressing and getting in the shower to try taking his mind off all of his problems, whether it was dark danger, his feelings for chenle, the argument with his godfather or the tight schedule they had because of the 'glitch mode' rehearsals.

the water was fuming hot, burning jisung's body as the boy stood under the showerhead, staring blankly at the tiled wall. the translucid liquid washed over his body, removing traces of dirt, blood and make up, and somehow taking away his worries.

jisung tried not thinking about the chinese male that had been running on his mind way too much for the past weeks, but it was hard.

chenle had become all jisung could think about, and now that he had learnt dark danger had the upper hand on his family, he felt even more the urge to protect him.

dark danger was bad, if not the worst. jisung couldn't let chenle's family getting overinfluenced by them, let alone believing that his own mafia, death park, was after them.

but how could he even do that without telling chenle that he was at the head of the biggest mafia in korea? how could he protect his crush if he kept lying to him?

but the worst part of this was that telling the truth to him wouldn't make things better. it would put chenle in much more danger, as well as tainting his pure mind. and this was the last thing jisung wanted.

when the shower ran cold, sign that there was no more hot water, jisung stayed under it, his mind still blank. his skin that had previously been burnt was now freezing cold, causing red splotches to appear there; but he couldn't care less.

after another five minutes, he finally stopped the water and stepped out of the shower, using his towel to dry his body, not caring about how hard he was rubbing the rough material against his already abused skin.

he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, letting his towel fall to the ground as he stared at his reflection.

he hated the sight in front of him. in fact, he hated himself.

he couldn't stand staring at his tall and built body, on which the symbol of death park had been tattooed for life, right between his pectorals.

this symbol was always there, reminding him of the double-life he lived, and how wrong it all was. he wasn't the guy everybody thought he was.

his reflection was making him sick and mad.

it recalled him how he had always been lying to everyone; his managers, his fans, his friends, his crush... everyone thought of him as a perfect little boy, the maknae of the worldwide known band nct... but he was a criminal, one that deserved to be imprisoned for all the bad things he had done in his life.

what would they think of him if they came to know?

would they still act normal around him?

what would chenle do?

"fucking shit!" jisung groaned, kicking the cabinet under the sink making a loud noise in the middle of the night. he didn't even care at that point.

the young boy wore his pyjama shorts, his back facing the mirror because he couldn't look at his reflexion anymore.

it was as if the mirror only showed him parts of himself that he wanted to get rid of.

it was as if the mirror made him realise how bad what he did was.

it was as if the mirror set the spotlight on him and his horrendous life.

it was as if the mirror teased jisung, telling him that chenle would never accept any of this.

and jisung couldn't bear any of it.

with a loud sigh, jisung unlocked the bathroom door and pulled it open, determined to head to his bedroom and lie down on his bed, and most likely cry himself to sleep once again.

however, once the door opened, jisung stayed frozen on his spot when he realised another boy was standing in front of him, and he had somehow forgotten he was staying over.

"c-chenle..." jisung breathed out, looking at the male that had been the main cause of his distress these past days.

chenle looked awful.

his eyes were puffy red, sign that he had been crying, and they looked very tired too, as if the boy had had trouble finding sleep tonight.

not only that, but the younger male was wearing pyjama trousers and a long-sleeved pyjama shirt, and jisung could see the boy shivering.

"e-everything alright?" chenle stuttered, both because of the cold and nervousness. "i-i heard a l-loud noise..."

"yeah, it's nothing." jisung shook his head, fighting the urge to engulf chenle in a tight hug.

it was crazy to see the state staying apart for one week had put him in.

it was as if jisung longed for chenle's touch, as if he couldn't live without it anymore.

the younger boy yearned to hold his hand out and ruffle the boy's hair, or caress his cheek, or even hold his hand...

he really did have a crush on the chinese male, and if he wasn't 100% sure before, he was now.

even in his misery, chenle looked perfect in jisung's eyes.

jisung wanted to cup his cheeks to kiss his tears away, and then holding him close and whisper soothing words in his ear, to tell him that everything would be alright.

he was so close to giving in. chenle had so much power over him, it was impressive.

"w-what's that...?"

jisung looked down at where chenle was pointing, his heart missing a beat when he realised the chinese boy was staring at his bare chest, and more particularly at the skull that had been tattooed there.

"h-huh... it's just a tattoo..." he whispered, his eyes focused on chenle's hand that was getting closer and closer from his body.

"i-i didn't know y-you had one..." chenle murmured.

just as jisung was about to answer, his words got swallowed back in his throat as chenle's fingers entered in contact with his flesh, making a shiver run down jisung's spine.

chenle's pointer finger traced the black lines of the drawing slowly, his caress on jisung's skin being as light as a feather.

his hands were freezing cold, and yet, jisung leant forwards slightly, yearning for more. chenle's light touch became more intense when his whole hand caressed the mafia symbol on jisung's chest.

"it's beautiful..." he told, looking up into jisung's eyes and keeping his hand on the taller's chest.

jisung's heart missed another beat.

he couldn't believe that these words had come out of chenle's mouth.

this tattoo was everything but beautiful. it meant so many bad things... it had such an awful connotation...

jisung hated it. he hated his parents for asking mortal hand to draw on his body permanently when he was young. it had caged him in a world he didn't want to belong.

and now, his crush, the boy he had fallen for, had just said it was beautiful.

the simple feeling of chenle's hand on his mark was enough to make his heartbeat accelerate.

chenle's pure mind was finding beauty somewhere jisung only saw horrors and hatred.

the chinese boy was so delicate, and so loving about something that meant everything but that.

and this made jisung go completely crazy.

"it doesn't mean anything beautiful..." jisung replied, staring back into chenle's eyes.

he didn't know if it was a good idea. each second that he spent with his eyes locked into chenle's made it harder for him to look away. it was as if he was drawn towards the other. and he wouldn't be able to hold back; he didn't even want to anymore.

"i-i love it on y-you anyway..." chenle shrugged, letting his hand slide down jisung's torso until it fell by his side.

this was the final straw for jisung, as this very last sentence made him loose his mind fully.

the younger boy cupped chenle's cheeks with his large hands, then leaning forwards and doing what his heart was begging him to do.

jisung laid his lips on chenle's, closing his eyes as his heart pumped fast inside his ribcage.

chenle's eyes widened for a second as a kiss was the very last thing he was expecting from jisung considering they hadn't talked for a whole week, but after this wave of shock passed, he melted into jisung's touch.

his whole body that was previously freezing warmed up when one of jisung's hands left his cheek to wrap around his waist and pull him closer.

the kiss stayed chaste, both boys having their eyes closed and enjoying the simple feeling of each other's lips pressed together, without feeling the urge to transform the sweetness of the moment in a make-out session.

jisung pulled away after long seconds, keeping his face close from chenle's as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"i'm sorry..." he whispered, looking down.

"w-why...?" chenle couldn't help but gulp. was jisung sorry for the kiss? he shouldn't be. chenle had been wanting for a kiss from him for months now. he had loved the kiss, he wanted more...

"i'm sorry for hurting you." jisung explained. "i'm sorry for pushing you away this past week. i couldn't deal with my feelings properly, and i tried running away from them. but i should never have done that. you don't deserve any of that. you're so precious, chenle. you deserve to be taken care of properly, and i'm so fucking sorry i couldn't do that..."

"jisung."

the mafia leader lifted his head slightly, looking back into chenle's shiny orbs.

god, he had fallen so deep... and so hard...

"you're the one taking care of me the best." chenle smiled before he wrapped his arms around jisung's neck and connected their lips once again, in a long and sweet peck that had both of their hearts beating in sync.