CHAPTER FOUR
Seven bells

THE CUP, PREVIOUSLY FILLED WITH WATER, was empty within three seconds. Eden sat sideways in a booth at the Crow Club, ice packs on her forehead and upper thighs. Upon seeing her, a passerby might think that she had just run across the entire length of Kerch, but that was not the case. All she had done was a brief, ten minute endurance exercise with Kaz at their training session a couple of hours ago. To make matters even worse, he had challenged her to not use her abilities to heal herself, so she was in an extraordinary amount of discomfort.

     Jesper slid into the booth across from her, laughing at her disheveled state. "You look terrible."

     "Gosh, thank you so much," she bit back, a venomous smile on her face that was quickly wiped off by a stab of pain in her thigh. She winced. "I can't do this anymore. I change my mind. I don't want Kaz to train me anymore. My poor muscles are going to give out."

     "It's too late to back out now," said Jesper. "You know how he is. He'll never let you back out."

     All she said in response was groan.

     "You could've avoided all this by choosing me to train you instead. It would've been much more fun and would have included many, many guns. Not including my arms."

     "You're insufferable."

     "And yet, you're still here."

     "Unfortunately."

     "Hey, don't take your grumpy mood out on me. I haven't done anything."

     "Yet. There's still time."

     Eden's eyes were directed to the back of the Crow Club, where she watched Kaz emerge from his office. He had his normal cane back, the fancy one with the Crow head he treated like his child. He wielded it tightly, his muscles popping as he did, and she actually took a deep breath. He made eye contact with her and began to walk over.

     As he approached, Jesper grinned mischievously. "...and I said to him, 'Kaz, you absolute philanthropist! I cannot possibly accept this raise!' but he insisted upon it, and now I'm being paid thrice my previous salary!"

     Kaz stopped at the head of the table and stared at Jesper blankly. "Have you hit your head, Jes? I'm fearful that you are beginning to imagine things that simply did not happen. If you needed some time off, I wouldn't miss you."

     "Are you sure?" Jesper tilted his head to the side. "I remember it very vividly. Eden, you were there too, right? You heard him say that."

     Eden nodded. "Oh, yes. Word for word. Brekker, do we need to take you to the doctor? I believe you must have been the one to hit their head."

     "Hilarious," he deadpanned. "Stand-up comedians, you are. Maybe I should fire the both of you and allow you to explore that as a career."

     "You would miss our bickering too much to do that," Eden scoffed. "We're the only source of entertainment you get."

     "I'm sure I could find someone to humor me."

     Eden was about to roll her eyes, when she noticed him weight-shifting with a (well-hidden) wince. She made eye contact with him, enough for him to realize she was trying to speak to him, and she directed his gaze to the sofa across from her next to Jesper. His eyes returned to hers, narrowed, but he took the seat regardless.

     Jesper jolted up abruptly. "I have to pee. I'll be right back."

     As he speed-walked away, Eden called after him, "Have fun!" to which Kaz gave a deep sigh.

     It was just the two of them at the table now. She hadn't seen him in a couple of hours since training. It occurred to her then that she never realized the physical toll the training could take on Kaz, too. He was standing for too long with no breaks, teaching and demonstrating to her how to do certain things, and then rushing back to the Crow Club. All of the different levels of terrain — the inclines, the grass, the concrete, the steps — must add to that already growing pain.

     She tilted her head, watching his face. He wore no expression, per usual, but there was a slight indication of discomfort: his eyebrows were furrowed. Her heart swelled for him. How he was able to withstand such pain and conquer it each day was beyond her.

     "Kaz," she started. His eyes narrowed. "Please let me help you."

     "Help me with what?"

     "Don't pretend like nothing's wrong. I know you're in pain. Let me take it away."

     "I'm not in pain."

     She raised her eyebrows in challenge. "Is that right?"

     "It is right." He began to stand up. "I am not in pain. I am perfectly healthy, and do not require your help at this moment. You, however, are in pain, so you should be resting."

     She pressed her palm to her forehead. "Saints. Are you really not going to let me heal you because I'm sore?"

     "That is exactly right."

     "Sit down. Right now." He stared at her for a moment before acquiescing. "Good. Now listen to me: I am going to help you, and you are going to let me. Do you want to know why?"

     "Not particularly."

     "Too bad. You have put yourself through so much for me, and I haven't even realized that until now. I've been so selfish. You saved my life countless times, opened up hours of your day to help me, put your own life at risk. The least I can do is take some of your pain away. One day, after enough training, I can save your life, but for now, I can do this. Please let me."

     He sighed, very deeply, his eyes boring into hers. It felt like the top of her head was taken off and he could see right into her brain, reading her mind, testing her truthfulness.

     After a few long stretches of silence, he said, "I hope you know that all of those times I saved your life, all of the moments we spend together, I do not do with the intention of it being reciprocated. I do it because I-" he hesitated, "because I want to.  You do not owe me anything — with the exception being, of course, replacing some of my shirts you've stolen, because my closet is now nearly empty."

     She smiled and shrugged, not sorry. They were comfortable shirts.

     His lips turned up too, but only for a second. "I'm serious, though, Caddel. You don't have to do this because you think you owe it to me. I've lived this way for long enough to know how to endure it on my own. Do you understand?"

     "Yeah, I understand, but I don't agree. Just because you know how to endure it on your own, doesn't mean you should have to all the time. Just accept my help. It doesn't make you weaker or any less strong. In fact, I'd say it makes you stronger."

     Kaz looked at something behind Eden's head, and then directed his attention back to her. "Jesper's coming back. We can have this discussion later."

     "You can either accept my help willingly, or I'll break into your house tonight and heal you while you sleep."

     A pause. "Fine. Seven and a half bells. You get one chance, and if you're late, it's gone."

     "Perfect," she grinned. "I'll be early, then."

     Jesper slid back into his seat, a satisfied smile on his face. "Hey, guys. What did I miss?"

EDEN LEFT HER APARTMENT AT SEVEN BELLS. It was only a ten minute walk to the Slat, traffic permitting, so she was able to get there with twenty minutes to spare. She had told herself earlier that there was nothing more important than this. Not only did she want to help him, but she had also been desperately curious for months about what Kaz's living quarters looked like. He was organized, but would his room be messy? Would it be the one place he was allowed to be Kaz Rietveld, the teenager, or was he the Bastard of the Barrel in his own home?

She stepped inside the Slat, greeted to the bustling activity of the Dregs. They were pushing and shoving each other, laughing boisterously, and she smiled at the scene. It was rare to see people having real, genuine fun in Ketterdam, and whenever she saw it, she tried to hold on to it.

She waved hello to Inej, who was on her way out, as she climbed the stairs to the attic where Kaz's room was. The door was wooden with scratches all over it, as if it was picked up off the street and attached to the hinges. She looked up to the ceiling, trying to ask any spirit or higher being for good luck.

With a deep breath, she knocked on the door. After a couple of seconds, it opened, revealing Kaz on the other side. Deep down, she had hoped he would be wearing gray sweatpants and and some kind of comfy top, but to her dismay, he was wearing his usual attire of a black suit. So boring.

He looked down to his watch. "You're early."

"I am! Aren't you proud of me?"

"Extremely."

They stood there awkwardly. Eden fought back a smile. She was always too aware of awkward silence, and didn't know what to do with herself during it. "So, can I come in, or are we doing this in the hallway?"

He stepped to the side, letting her pass. The entire attic was his, practically one big studio apartment. Design wise, it was exactly as she had been expecting: minimalist, sleek furniture, dark wood oak, the picture of cleanliness. She hadn't been expecting the small little touches of him, though — the many different canes, the few plants, the books scattered across his coffee table, the fucking sketchbook on the kitchen table.

"Since when do you draw?" She asked, picking up the sketchbook.

He ripped it from her hands, face set like stone. "I don't. These are nothing."

She didn't want to push her luck. She knew this was already past his comfort zone to begin with, so she dropped it — for now — and moved on. In the living space, she plopped down on the soft black couch, exhaling deeply when the plush cushions supported her perfectly.

"I could fall asleep right here, right now."

"Please don't, your snores will disturb the entire street. I don't want to get letters from the Merchant Council saying that there have been noise complaints."

     "I do not snore."

     "How would you know? You're asleep."

     She stared at him blankly. "I'm going to snore on purpose now so that you do get that noise complaint."

     He shrugged and sat on the couch beside her. He rested his cane against the coffee table, the crow head pointing to the cactus centerpiece. For his attic decor, he had chosen plants that would not need to be watered often, such as cacti, aloe plants, and succulents. Kaz had been gifted a beautiful bouquet of flowers by Jesper for his birthday a while back, but he killed them within a week because he forgot to water them. He did not like failing, so he swore to only get plants he would be able to keep alive, therefore becoming a successful plant dad.

     Eden sat up, rolling her shoulders back, listening to them pop. "Alright, Brekkie. You ready to do this?"

     He had almost forgotten the reason she was here. With a hesitant nod, he said, "What do you need me to do?"

     "Just relax." She scooted closer to him so their legs were almost touching. She hovered her hands over the knee that hurt most, when she realized that she'd have to touch him. She had no problem with this — this was purely clinical — but he would. "Shit, Kaz, I have to touch you. Are you comfortable with that?"

     His jaw clenched. "Did you know this before you came over here?"

     "I forgot, I'm so sorry. I should've warned you."

     "Yes, you should have."

     "What do you want me to do?"

     He looked at her. Her hands were still paused above his knee, but her eyes were solely on him. While Eden struggled to understand him, he completely understood her. She felt with her expressions, and her expression in that moment read hope. Hope that he'd let her help him, hope that she could fix something. When she looked at him like that, with hope in her eyes, it was hard to say no. It was the look in her eyes when she proposed the training sessions. It was the look in her eyes when he told her to meet Jesper the first time they ran into each other.

     But there were some things even she couldn't fix. No amount of hope would rid him of this curse, the terror that played over and over again in his head. He was, in that moment, scared, and it was unsettling. The Bastard of the Barrel was never scared. He was scared that when she touched him, he'd go back to the moment that haunted him. He never wanted to go there again, nor did he want to drag her back there alongside him.

     "I'll be fine. You can just go," he finally said. The pain he'd feel for the next few days was his punishment for extinguishing her hope.

     "Kaz-"

     "Eden." His face was serious, scary, and pure Dirtyhands. He never used that face with her. "It's not going to happen. Please go."

     She pursed her lips, but stood nonetheless and headed for the door. She was about to turn the knob, but spun back around before she could change her mind. "You know what? No. I'm staying. I won't try and heal you, but I will try and help you. I am your best friend, and I'm not going to leave you right now. Lay down, prop your leg up. I'll get you some medicine and a heating pad, and then we can solve the crossword together. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

     Kaz let out a deep sigh through his nose, briefly squeezing his eyes shut with the tiniest whisper of a smile on his lips. "Fine. Only if you also do my laundry."

     "Please. I don't even do my own laundry, Inej helped me hire someone to do it. I really don't know what any of us would do without her. Get one of your henchmen to do yours. No, we're having fun, end of story."

     He struggled to maintain a sense of control over the conversation after that. They failed to do the crossword (fourteen across was too difficult), and instead opted to get drunk and giggle until the sun went down. Eden had never seen Kaz so unrestrained, and he had never felt more comfortable.

NOTE
SHADOW AND BONE HAS BEEN CANCELLED. SIX OF CROWS SPIN OFF HAS BEEN SCRAPPED.

I have nothing to live for now I fear. I'm just supposed to WAIT until that supposed third six of crows book that has no release date because it like probably doesn't even exist yet???????? No. I need my people back NOW. I am devastated for myself but also for the cast and crew 💔 they were so devoted to it and literally WERE the characters, and I especially feel so bad for calahan who never got to have any scenes w the rest of the crows. My heart hurts actually

Anyway. Sorry for rushing this a lot I just wanna make them kiss already. Also I know it's kinda. A plot hole bc really eden should just be healing herself but I don't plan anything out so I had to go back and edit this chapter to make it so that kaz challenged her to not. Idk

Also I have chronic pain sooooooo a lot of this is based on my own experience😋😋

Renew shadow and bone go sign that change.org petition I don't have the link but you can look it up and find it