Alex, trying to convince TJ to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!
Portia: And loud!
Quincy: And grumpy!
Reginald: And oblivious to reality!
TJ:

Alex: What does 'take out' mean?
Portia: Food.
Quincy: Dating
Reginald: Murder
TJ: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Alex: So uhhh... my question is: my friend keeps on going into the pantry and grabbing handfuls of fettuccine... uncooked...
Reginald: I would hope they're not grabbing handfuls of cooked fettuccine!
TJ: In your pantry!
Alex: Yeah... and eating them raw, and they keep calling them 'chips'. ... How do I make them stop?
Reginald: Is your friend here?
Alex, motioning to Portia: Yeah.
Reginald, to Portia: You're a monster! Words MEAN things! >:(
Quincy: Does anybody remember- I haven't been to Olive Garden in many moons- but they DO have a like- fettuccine bottle that you can just- grab em out of and chew-
Quincy: HOLD ON. WAS THIS A PRANK YOU GUYS PULLED ON ME WHEN WE WENT TO OLIVE GARDEN AS KIDS?!
Quincy: NO, STOP. EVERYBODY SHUT UP. DO THEY GIVE YOU RAW FETTUCCINE TO CHEW ON IN THE LOBBY OF THE OLIVE GARDEN
Everyone else: No.
Quincy, to Reginald and TJ: YOU FUCKIN BASTARDS
Reginald: YAAAAAAAAY!
TJ: THE PRESTIGE!

Alex: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?
Portia: Have everyone stand.
Quincy: Bring three more chairs!
Reginald: The most important ones can sit down.
TJ: Kill three.

Alex: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life
Portia: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!
Quincy: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!
Reginald: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!
TJ: My moral code, is that you?
Alex:
Alex: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Alex: What’s something you guys are better than Portia at?
Quincy: Mario Kart.
Reginald: Yeah, video games.
TJ: Emotional vulnerability.

Alex: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!
Portia: Tubular AF!
Quincy: Mood to the max!
Reginald, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.
TJ, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

Alex: Favorite horror movie?
Portia: It
Quincy: Saw
Reginald: Annabelle
TJ: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics