She is water

Soft enough
to offer life
Tough enough
to drown it away

~ Rupi Kaur

***

Song of the chapter : Believer by Imagine Dragons.

***

I tie my shoelaces and look at Hriday. He's asleep. It's still 5.30 am and dark outside. I can come back before he wakes up.

So ke bhi faayda nahi. Neend mujhe ab aati hi nahi. Aaj se ye office jaayenge shayad. Achha hi hai. Jitna dur rahe utna sahi.

I leave the house discreetly making sure that I have my pepper spray in the pocket. And then I start running.

Mujhe jab bhi kuch sochna ho ya mai kisi baat se stressed hoti hu tab mai yahi karti hu. I feel exhilarated. Running is the only physical exercise I can do.

The neighborhood is good here so I feel safe. Jyada dur jaana bhi sahi nahi. Kho gayi toh.. phone bhi nahi hai mere paas. Jo dabba sa phone tha vo toh toot gaya accident me.

I run faster when the flashes of that accident appear in my mind. Ekansh mere dhoklu, tum gaye bhi toh aise? Letter likh ke? Letters. Sahi time pe mil jaayenge? Kab hoga sahi time? Kya usne sirf mere liye likhe hai? Ya Hriday ke liye bhi? Kuch samajh me nahi aa raha.

Ye letter Hriday ke haath nahi lagna chahiye bass. Kisi ke bhi for that matter. Chhupaa ke toh rakh di hu sahi se. I figured out ke ye letter usne daada daadi ke help se likha isliye he wanted to meet them first. Mai unse saamne se baat nahi karungi unless vo mujhe kuch saamne se puchhe.

I start running faster. Physical pain jitna jyada hoga utna emotional pain kam lagega. The exertion will make me forget about things for a while.

The sun finally starts rising and the sky illuminates a blend of reds and purples. Ab wapas jaana hoga.

"Oh shit!" I mutter under my breath when I look at the door. Ye toh vo number wala lock hai. Shit shit shit!

I ring the doorbell and cringe when I look down at myself.

Swagat kijiye aapke paseene me lathpath bahu ka jo kurti ke neeche sports shoes pehen ke subah ki taaza hawa kha ke aayi hai.

The door opens and I hold my breath. It's Aashish kaka that opens the door and I sigh in relief.

"Sorry agar maine aapki neend bigaadi. Vo mujhe lock ka passcode nahi pata tha" I say getting inside.

"Nahi nahi. Mai toh subah chhe baje hi uth jaata hu" he says.

"Aur baaki sab?" I ask and then internally slap myself. Ye bhi koi sawaal hai? "Maaf kijiye kaka-"

"Daada daadi uth gaye hai. Vo dono roz jaldi hi uthte hai. Baaki sab 7-8 baje tak uth jaate hai" he smiles. "Aapke liye chai banaau?"

"Nahi aap kyu banaayenge mere liye chai?"

"Mai yaha ka naukar hu. Mujhe ussi ke paise milte hai".

Oh.

This feels weird. Not the good weird. Slumdog millionaire jaise lag raha hai. Subah subah khud ko slumdog bol rahi hu. Ugh! I seriously need chai. But more than that I need a shower.

"Mai baad me pee lungi" I tell him and go upstairs. I open the door slowly and let out a breath when I see that Hriday is still asleep.

I take my clothes and go to the shower.

This shit is so complicated. Nall chalu karne gayi toh shower chalu ho gaya. I keep my soap and shampoo beside Hriday's.

Bathroom ke andar bathroom hai vo bhi aar paar dikhne wali glass wala. Sirf shower hai jisme. Ameer logo ke bhi ajeeb shauk hote hai.

I spend more time than necessary in the bathroom and then even wash my clothes. When I go out, Hriday is still asleep. Balcony me kapde sukhaa deti hu.

I'm tying my hair up when Hriday shuffles in his bed. He opens his eyes lazily as I look at him through the mirror.

Once his eyes fall on me, he stiffens and his eyes widen a little.

"What the fuck are you doing in my ro- oh" suddenly it clicks to him.

Without saying anything, I leave the room and go downstairs. Chanchal is sitting in her school uniform with Devika on the dining table.

"Good morning bhabhi" she says looking up at me. "Good morning" I say as I feel a weird sensation in my chest, hearing her call me bhabhi.

Chacha chachi come and take their places. Both of them are in their office wear. Chalo achha hai, toh mai bhi ja sakti hu kaam pe.

I go to the kitchen and see a woman there in her late 40s. She's the cook probably.

"Aapko kuch help chahiye" I ask and see that she's making poha.

She is startled when she hears my voice. When her eyes fall on me, a look of understanding forms on her face.

"Aap Hriday sahib ki ho na?" she asks.

Mai Hriday sahib ki hu? Kya hu? Bass hu?

"Ji?"

"Achha hai achha hai" she says thinking that my question was an answer. "Waise mai yaha khana banati hai. Mera naam hai Lalita. Mujhe sab yaha tai bulaate hai. Toh kitchen me aapka koi naam nahi. Kuch bhi chahiye ho toh mere ko batane ka. Kitchen me kuch bhi idhar udhar ho toh mere ko pasand nahi" she says and continues with her work in hand.

"Thik hai" I say and leave the kitchen. Achha hua ke mujhe jyada wakt kitchen me nahi guzaarna padega.

When I go out everyone is already seated on the dining table. Daada daadi look at me and then look at each other, sharing a secretive look.

Definitely them.

"Avni aao beta yaha mere paas baitho" she says patting the chair beside her. Which, by the way, is also the chair beside Hriday.

They know all the letters and what's written in them. Ekansh toh likh nahi paata so it's obvious that they were the ones that wrote it. They know that I've mentally undressed their grandson once.

Can the ground swallow me up already?

I go and sit beside daadi as tai brings us food. I look at Hriday from the corner of my eye as he reads the newspaper. He is wearing a white crisp formal shirt and trousers. His hair still damp from the shower.

"Hriday thanda ho raha hai naashta. Vo paper rakh do side me" his mom scolds him and he purses his lips and keeps the paper away.

Chachal and daada daadi are the ones mostly talking and all the others are just silently eating.

Hriday is the first one to leave the table and soon I'm done too. "Bahot achhe bane the pohe, tai. Thank you" I say and leave.

When I go up Hriday is getting ready. I too take my purse and check whether everything I need is in there.

"Kaha ja rahi ho?" he asks

"Cafe" I answer.

"Abhi toh naashta kiya" he says entering his walk in closet. I gasp when I get the view inside. Rows and rows of clothes. A section of shoes. A section for some really classy watches and ties and what not.

"Shravni mai tumse baat kar raha hu" he says and picks up a navy blue tie.

"Mujhe Shravni mat bulaaiye" I say frowning.

"That's your name" he states.

"I don't like it"

"I don't care".

I roll my eyes and make a face. "Jo bhi chahiye Lalita tai ko bataao vo banaa ke degi" he says coming out, still struggling with his tie.

"Mai cafe me kaam karti hu. Kaam pe ja rahi hu!" I exclaim.

He stops knotting his tie and turns to face me completely. "Kaam karti thi you mean. I'm the best advocate in India and you think I'd allow you to clean tables in some stupid cafe?"

"Kaam kaam hota hai. Chaahe vo tables saaf karne ka ho ya judges ke saamne argue karne ka" I say putting my hand on my waist.

"Do you even know who I am. I have a reputation to maintain" he says coming and standing in front of me. Why does he have to be so incredibly tall?! I hate that I have to tilt my head so up to meet his eyes.

"Kal aap the na jab meri maa se baat hui. Vo mujhe isliye yaha aane di kyu ki mai unhe paise provide karungi monthly. Kaha se laau paise? Aur nahi, mai aapse nahi le sakti" I say.

"You're, unfortunately, my wife and I'm capable of looking after your expenses. Kitne chahiye mahine ke bataao?" He asks looking at his watch and then at me with an irritated face like I'm just wasting his time. I take a deep breath.

"I can't sit here the whole day twiddling my thumbs. I need to go to work" I say calmly like I'm explaining something to a child.

"No".

"No?"

"No".

"Kya matlab hai aapka no se. Mai kaam pe ja rahi hu. Aapse puch nahi rahi. Bata rahi hu. Aap mujhe kya karna chahiye aur kya nahi ye bata nahi sakte" I say walking away but he quickly comes and stands in front of the door.

"Maine kaha ke tum nahi jaaogi matlab nahi jaaogi. Aur agar itna hi shauk hai toh do something else, I don't want you waitressing in some stupid cafe".

"It's not a stupid cafe. I like baking aur mai yahi karungi. Mai vohi jaaungi. Ussi cafe me" my voice rises.

He pretends like he didn't hear me and removes his phone. "So baking.." he mutters. "I'll get you a job in the best hotel in Mumbai. Waha ja sakti ho tum" he says, typing something on his phone.

"Mujhe aapki bheek nahi chahiye" I whisper and he stops typing to look at me. I lower my gaze.

"I will not allow you to work in some chindi cafe" he says in a rough voice.

Okay. Enough.

"Aapko meri baat samajh nahi aa rahi kya? Hatiye mujhe late ho raha hai" I shout.

I want to push him away but I don't want to touch him. Agar pati nahi hote toh I would have surely kicked him by now.

"Dekho subah subah mera dimaag mat kharab karo" he growls looking down at me angrily.

"Aap subah subah mera dimaag kharab kar rahe ho" I say.

"You can't talk to me like that" he says like he can't believe that I back answered him.

"You just said the same thing to me aur jab maine vohi baat aapko boli toh mai galat? Wah re wah" I roll my eyes.

"Stop rolling your eyes at me!"

"Stop ordering me!"

We both glare at each other for I don't know how long, nobody ready to back down.

Suddenly his phone starts ringing and he's the one to look away. I smirk which makes him curse under his breath looking at the caller ID.

"What?" He answers the phone angrily. "I don't care that he's a fucking politician Ishaan. Dates adjourn ho gayi hai aur next date milne tak unhe rukna hi hoga. Stop calling me for these dumb things" he says and cuts the phone.

"Shravni dekho-"

"AVNI!" I correct him loudly.

"MAI TUMHE SHRAVNI HI BULAAUNGA".

I groan loudly looking heavenward like some universal power is supposed to help me out of this.

"Aap haar nahi maanoge na?" I rub my forehead.

"I'm a lawyer. The best in this country. Mai arguments jeetta hu isliye ye ghar chalta hai. Haar kaise maanu?"

So cocky!

"Fine. Lekin aapko bhi meri ek baat maanni hogi. You won't just spoon feed me the job. Mai resume submit karungi, interview dungi aur fir khud se select hui toh hi change karungi job. Okay?" I ask.

He sighs. "Okay".

"Tumhara email do, mai tumhe application forms bhej dunga dopeher tak".

"Email toh nahi hai" I say.

"Tumhara email nahi hai?" He looks at me in disbelief.

"Hai email par bahot saal pehle banaya tha aur mai password bhul gayi" I tell him.

"Konsi sadi ki ho tum" he mutters shaking his head. "Number do tumhara".

"Vo mera phone toot gaya toh mere paas-"

"Are you for real? You don't even have a phone?"

"Ha toh?" I frown. "Itna kyu overreact kar rahe ho jaise maine aapse ye keh diya ke mai chaar din me ek baar nahati hu" I roll my eyes.

He doesn't reply and I look at him to see him looking at me with his nose crunched up a little. The question is evident on his face - sach me nahi nahati?

"Nahati hu roz! Vo bhi din me do baar!" I exclaim.

I write the address of the cafe on my notebook and tear the page and give it to him. "Yaha bhej dijiye form vorm. Ab mujhe jaane dijiye I'm getting really late. Meri train miss ho jaayegi"  I plead.

"Mai driver ko bolta hu tumhe chhod dega" he says and takes a look at the paper.

Again his face twists in disgust as he moves away from the door. "Your handwriting is so messed up" he mutters under his breath as I leave the room.

"Just like your tie" I murmer.

Kitni gandi tie baandhi hai. Tie ko chhod ke sab lag raha hai vo.

"Hey kya kaha tumne?!" He calls out from behind and my eyes widen as I run downstairs.

Inse aadha ghanta baat kar ke hi pure din ki energy drown ho gayi. I feel like I've survived a tornado.

I see daadi downstairs and inform her that I'm going to work. When I step out, the car is already waiting and I make it on time to the cafe. Do hafte ho gaye almost ja ke.

As soon as I see Neelima aunty, tears fill my eyes. She takes me to the storeroom where I weep on her lap and she says soothing words to me. She's been nothing but kind to me in all these years I've worked here. Treated me like her own child, helped me not only monetarily but also emotionally at times. How can I just leave the job here. Leave her.

Unse kahungi toh vo bina bura maane mujhe job chhodne bhi denge. But mujhe bura lagega. I don't have anyone left now. Nobody that I trust in this world. She's one of the few people who actually knows me. I don't want to leave this place. This place somehow makes me feel connected to Ekansh. Humari kitni yaadein hai yaha.

Ekansh in his letter told me to be like the way I have always been. Agar Ekansh aaj hota toh kya mai ye job aise hi chhod deti? Nahi. Toh ab bhi mai vohi karungi.

It's decided then. I'm not leaving.

"Avni, koi ye box de ke gaya tumhare liye" Neelima aunty hands me a box. I look at the clock and see that it's past 1.

Application forms. Ugh! Ab inka kya karu? Faad ke fek deti hu. I'm about to tear them when suddenly an idea strikes me.

Purani Avni toh kuch aur karti. Agar mai chahti hu ke Hriday mujhpe baar baar orders na jhaade toh unhe sabak sikhana bhi jaruri hai.

I smile devilishly and remove a pen to start filling the form. Mere pyaare se cafe ko aapne stupid or chindi bol ke galti kar di pati dev.

Tch tch tch.

***

Early update!!! Happy?
So we're out from the depressing phase. For now. I have so much in store for you guys!
Are you liking the story so far. Don't forget to vote, comment and share. Ily :)