Irene felt disgusted with herself for laying in bed for so long. Though she had spent the last couple weeks in bed or cleaning an apartment that didn't need to be cleaned. That was all she could do, or more like all she wanted to do. It took everything in her to wake up each day, and she didn't know how long she could keep trying.

She could hear the front door opening, and Irene immediately knew that it had to be Jimmy. This was around the time everyone at the Daily Planet went on lunch, and almost everyday Jimmy came to visit her.

"Really Irene?" Jimmy exclaimed as he entered the bedroom, and Irene couldn't help but groan as her headache worsened. "It's noon."

"I'm sick." She replied immediately which wasn't a lie. She had been feeling sick all week, the symptoms just felt so much worse today.

"That's no excuse to rot in bed." He stated as he began to pull at her feet urging her to get up. But the sudden movement made it feel like the world was spinning. "Come on. Get up. You better not be contagious."

"I shouldn't have given you a copy of the key." Irene muttered as she sat up, pulling her feet away from his grasp. Though she hadn't really given him a copy, he had taken her key and made a copy for himself.

"Hurry, I brought my famous lasagna. Olsen family recipe." Jimmy said as he began to leave the room. "I'm reheating it in the oven right now."

With a sigh Irene slowly got up from the bed and walked inside the bathroom to take a quick shower. It took a lot of energy for her to do the simplest tasks and the quick shower left her exhausted.

"Thank you Jimmy, but you really don't have to keep checking on me everyday." Irene said as she stepped into the kitchen taking a seat on the counter across from her best friend.

Of course Irene was grateful that Jimmy came over to check on her everyday, but she didn't want to feel like a burden to him. Just because her life was broken beyond repair didn't mean that his had to be too.

"Everyone at work misses you. Perry's wondering when you'll be coming back." He said instead as he opened the oven pulling out his lasagna. Irene had tried his lasagna in the past, and he had every right to be proud of it.

Irene shook her head as she pulled on a loose string from her sweater. "I don't think I can."

"It's almost been three months Irene."

"Everything reminds me of him. He was involved in every part of my life. If I go back I'll just spend all day staring at his empty desk." Irene admitted knowing that she wouldn't be able to even make it half the day. "I'm just not ready yet."

Even stepping outside was difficult for her. Everywhere she went she saw his symbol, the symbol of House El. It was on t-shirts, posters, stickers and just about every inch of the city. And it pained her every single time.

He was everywhere in the apartment too, every memory and moment permanently engraved into every corner. And it was difficult to be in the apartment they shared too, but at least if she broke down into tears she would be alone at home.

If she broke down on the street or at work she wouldn't know how to recover from it. That was why she chose to remain at home.

"Here. You better lick that plate clean." He told her as he set the plate of lasagna in front of her. The smell seemed to go straight to her stomach creating a wave of nausea in her.

But she fought through it as she picked up the fork and cut a bite. Irene wished that she could want to eat, she normally loved food. But now the idea of food was repulsive.

"It's good. Thank you." She said after she forced herself to swallow the bite of food.

"That's not what your face is saying." Jimmy said as he pointed an accusing finger right at her face.

Irene truly wanted to like the food, she didn't want to seem ungrateful for what he had made her so she took another bite. But that bite didn't go down as easily as the first.

She knew it immediately that it didn't sit well with her stomach and Irene im quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. It was a miracle the she fell on her knees in front of the toilet just in time as a violent wave of nausea washed over her.

Jimmy came up behind her and held her hair back as she vomited into the toilet. She didn't even know how it was possible when she practically had an empty stomach.

"I'm sorry." Irene groaned before another wave of nausea hit her.

"That's disgusting." Jimmy said as he began to gag letting go of her hair in the process. For a moment Irene thought that he was also going to vomit all over the bathroom floor, but he quickly pulled himself together. "For someone who hasn't been eating that's a lot of vomit."

"Can you get me a towel?" Irene asked as she flushed the toilet before letting herself lean back on the bathroom wall. She felt so exhausted that she felt that getting up was too much to ask. "What did you put in that lasagna?"

"The lasagna was perfect. Don't you dare blame the lasagna." He declared as he opened cabinet, Irene watched as Jimmy went rigged before turning to her with a concerned expression. "Irene? This is going to see seem like a very personal question."

"What?"

"When was the last time that you..." Jimmy didn't finish what he was saying, only pulled a new box of Tampax from the cabinet.

It took a moment for Irene to understand what he was insinuating, but then she finally understood she felt as if all the air had left her lungs. "No that's impossible."

"Did you and Clark like not have sex? I find that highly unlikely."

"No... it just that..." Irene began still struggling to process it all. Of course her and Clark had sex. And they were admittedly careless, but that was only cause they never believed for it to be possible for her to get pregnant. Especially after a year of unprotected sex. "We didn't think that it was possible. He's Kryptonian and I'm human."

"Well looks like it might be possible." Jimmy although he wanted to remain the rational one he was clearly becoming anxious too. "Just wait it here. Drink a lot of water while I'm gone."

He instructed before he ran out of the room. Irene knew that he had left to go get tests, so that they could know for sure.

Irene sat on the bathroom floor for what felt like an eternity, she kept trying to rationalize different ways that it was impossible for her to be pregnant.

But she didn't need to take the tests to know. Irene just knew, and maybe some part of her had suspected. The thought might have come to her, but instead she chose to dismiss her symptoms and convince herself that it was grief.

Irene stood as she looked at herself in the mirror, she did look different but not in the way that was normally expected. Her face looked thinner and the shadows under her eyes revealed how little she had been sleeping that last couple of weeks.

She looked awful. It saddened her to see herself like this, she used to take so much care of herself and how she looked.

Lifting her shirt past her stomach Irene sighed feeling so stupid. It was a small change that no one else would probably notice, but Irene knew her body and she saw it clearly. There was a slight swell in her stomach, and she wondered how she could have gone so long ignoring this. How she hadn't realized.

It wasn't long before Jimmy rushed back into the bathroom and Irene her best to not make it obvious just how much she was scared and anxious.

"Okay I didn't know which ones are the good ones so I got like a bunch." Jimmy declared as he dumped a bag of pregnancy test into the sink. There were at least a dozen of them and Irene could help but look at Jimmy in disbelief.

"Get out." She told him as she quickly began opening half of the tests that he had bought.

She knew that one was all she needed to confirm. But for her own sanity she used seven tests lining them all against the edge of the sink.

"Jimmy!" Irene yelled as she turned around facing the wall. Even though she knew exactly what the results were she wasn't ready for that confirmation. "You have to look I can't do it."

Jimmy stepped inside and Irene could just here him sigh. "This would be a lot easier if I knew what you wanted."

"They're positive aren't they?"

"Every single one." He confirmed and Irene finally turned around to face him. "What are you thinking? What are you going to do?"

What was she going to do? She was twenty six, and had she been asked this even a year ago she would have said that she didn't want this. Having children hadn't ever really been in her life plan, not before Clark. And that might have changed in the last couple of years after meeting him but it still felt like it was too soon.

She wasn't ready. She knew that much.

But she also knew that the baby that was growing inside of her was half of Clark. That it was all she had left of him now and that she didn't want to give that up. Irene knew that she was going to decide the keep the baby but that didn't make her any less afraid.

"This baby is all that's left of him." Irene finally replied fighting back tears. "I just.... I don't know if I could do this alone."

For so long she had believed that having children with Clark was impossible. Yet her she was. She was very much pregnant but Clark wasn't here. What should be a happy moment simply wasn't, because Clark wasn't here to share it with her. If he was here she knew that out of the two of them he would have been the most excited.

And she was desperately trying to find some joy in this moment but she just couldn't.

"You won't be alone. You'll have me. You'll have Angel and Cat to help you." Jimmy reminded her, even though that wasn't what she had meant. Of course she knew that she wouldn't be alone in this. She had meant that she didn't think that she could do it without Clark. "And I have to say I'm kind of excited to be Uncle Jimmy."

A small laugh left Irene's lips knowing that Jimmy would call himself the baby's uncle. And she couldn't be more grateful to him for that. Because she would need him.

She would need him like she had been the last three months.

"What if I can't pull myself together to be a good mother?" Irene asked knowing that it was her greatest concern. Because if she chose to keep the baby knowing that she couldn't handle it then that just made her a terrible and selfish person. "What if this ends up being a mistake?"

He took her hand and she wished that she could find some comfort in that gesture. "I think that if anyone can do this it's you."

"Jimmy this pain it's eating me alive. Everyday I feel a piece of me die and the emptiness just grows. And I'm scared. I'm scared because I don't think I'll ever be able to get those pieces of myself back. That everyday I'll become more empty and then there's going to be nothing left."

"Maybe this baby is exactly the push you need to try to find yourself again."

Maybe Jimmy was right. Maybe she could take this as some kind of sign that she needed to finally try to move forward.

Or maybe it wasn't enough.

A/N: Here we go starting Book 4. The first couple of chapters are just going to be set up for the rest of the story. I have 19 chapters outlined for the rest of the story so we still have a long way to go. But I'm very excited to start writing all the Justice League characters that we all know and love.