Izzy

Warning: This chapter is the final chapter and will contain thoughts of suicide along with an attempt. Please do not read if this will trigger you in any way.

My drug haze was getting more and more cloudy. I was no longer caring how much I took, no longer reading what if was. I just wanted the high, the numbness, to lose the pain. I wanted nothing more than to find something that could take it all away. I wanted to be free from the hardships, free from the struggles of simply getting out of bed and doing life. I wanted to be free from the demons inside my head and to be free from the nagging feeling I felt in my chest that I didn't belong here. I felt it when my parents and I sat down to eat, with my mom's rounded belly touching the table. They would be so much happier without me. It felt it when I was with Saffy as I spoke to her about how I was feeling, I knew she was getting tired of me, and didn't want to deal with the burden on being my friend anymore. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my bed and let life pass me by.

~*~

"You owe me the fucking money Valderrama." My drug dealer, Mark snarled at me through the phone.

"I know, but my parents have been getting suspicious so I just needed to lay low for a while, okay? I'll get you the money tonight." I reassured him, but it was all lies. I couldn't give him the money because I needed it for the alcohol I was paying the homeless guy to buy for me. Since I was under twenty one, and so high-profile, it wasn't easy for me to just get a fake iD. This was the next best option.

"You better. Don't think because of your status that I'll keep letting this slide. One way or another, you'll pay." With that, he hung up the phone.

I sat on my bed and buried my head into my hands. I couldn't just ask my parents for the money, that would be crazy. They'd ask what it was for, and then I'd have to come up with a lie and it could all crumble down and blow up in my face if my story wasn't perfect. I stood up and walked quietly to the window, seeing both of my parent's cars gone. Perfect. I practically ran into my parents room and into my mom's closet. She usually kept a few hundred dollars in here that wouldn't be missed. I opened up the jewelry box and lifted the wood panel at the bottom. Sitting there, was a wad of hundred dollar bills. I quickly grabbed five, then stowed the box safely away to where it was before, then ran back to my room. I pulled on a hoodie, then walked out the door.

The alleyway was dark, as usual, but tonight it seemed especially creepy. The usual drunks that spread out were now huddled together and talking quietly. The meth heads weren't grinning madly like usual, but staring straight ahead with glassy eyes. I tried not to look at anyone for too long as I made my way to Mark. He was conversing with another guy, older than me, and handed him a bottle of pills, then took a wad of bills from him.

"Isabella." He cooed, as he saw me walking up. "I trust you've upheld our agreement?" I nodded and handed him the money, watching him count it out slowly, "Very good. Now, I trust from your last pickup, you're doing better?"

I nodded, "Your speciality is certainly working wonders." The anti-depressants that Mark had given me were so strong, I felt like I was on a cloud when I took even one of them.

"I have more, if you want to take them off of my hands. Two hundred. It's a stronger dose, but I think your tolerance is okay."

I closed my eyes, knowing I didn't have much of a choice, "Okay." I handed him more money and took the baggie, examining them. "Are you sure these are the same thing? They look completely different."

Mark's lip curled, "Yes."

I cowered a bit in fear, then said goodbye and nearly ran away. Mark was a nice guy, but if you even looked at him the wrong way, it could all go bad. As I walked home, I didn't dare take out the small baggie Mark had given me. Cops around here were always looking for the next drugs bust.

I got to my house safely and saw both of my parents were home. I didn't want them to see me, see the numbness on my face along with the guilt that I was lying to them every time I told them, 'I'm okay'. I pushed open the front door and tip-toed up the stairs to my room. I sat on my bed and stared at my hands, letting the numbness finally take over it's hold on me. There was no use fighting it, I knew that I had nothing left in me to fight. I had given up. I got up and walked over to my desk, using the key that hung around my neck to unlock a drawer filled with notes I had written. One to Saffy, one to my dad, one to my mom, dallas, maddie, the list went on. Dozens of goodbye letters half done and crumpled up into balls. As I read through them I only felt myself slipping further into my depression. I pulled out a pen and started a new one, this time entitled;

To Everyone,

I'm sorry, I know you tried to fix me, I know you tried to help me, but you can't. I know that you love me, and I love you too, but I can't do this any longer. It'll be easier once I gone, you won't have to worry about me. I won't burden you anymore. You guys can be free. You guys can be happy. It's better this way. I never wanted to hurt any of you, I just can't live like this anymore.

-Izzy

I sat back in the chair, wiping tears as they fell from my eyes. I get these moments when I want nothing more than to die. Moments where everything in the world seems hopeless and there is nothing I can do about it. I pulled the baggie of pills out of my pocket and stared down at them. It seemed logical to take one, but a part of me wanted to take them all. Take everything I had. To end it all. I texted Saffy, the one person who never let me down, then turned my phone off. It was almost trance like as I emptied the pills into a pile on my hand and got a bottle of water from my bedside table. This could be it, I could be free.

I closed my eyes and tipped my hand so the pills tumbled into my mouth, washing them down with swings of water. Almost instantly, I could feel my body slowing down. I stumbled and fell to the floor with a thud, not feeling the pain of the floor hitting my body. I smiled, no pain. This is it.

I'm free.

~*~

Demi

Wilmer and I had gotten home a while ago, and now sat on the couch, his hands rested on my big belly as he kissed my neck and shoulders while we watched the ID channel. It felt so relaxing to be able to just calm down and breathe with my husband, that I quickly snuggled into his chest and was able to fall asleep.

I woke up to someone knocking on the door frantically. Wilmer blearily opened his eyes and we both stood up, walking over to the front door. Through the window, I saw Saffy standing there with a panicked expression that sent ice through my veins. I pulled open the door and could feel my heart beating faster.

"Saffy, what's wrong?"

Her hand was trembling as she handed me her phone.

From: Izzzzzzzy!

I'm sorry. I love you, but this is Goodbye.

I threw the phone at Wilmer and took the stairs as fast as I could, my vision spotting slightly as I got to the top. A sharp pain went through my stomach but I ignored it and waddled to Izzy's room, trying the door handle. It was locked.

"WILMER!" I shrieked, pounding on the door.

He appeared beside me and hit the door with his fist, "IZZY? OPEN THE DOOR!"

I began to sob as he told me to step back and threw his shoulder at the door. Nothing happened, but on the third hit it crumbled and I shoved Wilmer aside to walk in.

"NO!" I screamed, catching sight of her body laying on the ground with a bottle of pills in her hand. "NO IZZY!" I dropped to my knees as another pain passed through me. "PLEASE BABYGIRL. NO." I screamed again.

Wilmer walked past me and fell to his knees beside her, tears falling from his own eyes as he checked her pulse. When he looked up with a horror-struck expression I could feel something inside of me snap as I let out an ear-splitting scream of agony. I barely registered Saffy wrapping her arms around me or Wilmer calling the ambulance. He put down the phone and picked Izzy up into his arms, her head rolling around senselessly as he ran past me and downstairs. I stumbled after them, but gasped as another pain went through my stomach, along with a wetness that spread from my thighs.

"Oh my God." I whispered, and Saffy looked at me worriedly, "My water just broke."

Saffy's eyes widened and she grabbed my hand, leading me down the stairs as quickly as possible. We saw Wilmer getting into the ambulance and they drove off.

"I can't drive. Saffy you need to get me to that hospital." I sobbed out. I was torn, between the babies that were in my stomach and my baby that was dying in an ambulance if she wasn't already gone.

To her credit, Saffy got us there in under five minutes, a usual ten minute drive. She helped me out of the car and held me up as we got into the hospital.

"Ma'am you must be Demi Lovato your husband is waiting-"

"I need a doctor." I hissed, "I'm in labor."

His eyes widened and he nodded, getting a wheelchair for me right away. I grabbed Saffy's arm and linked my fingers with her, "You have to be in there with me. I can't do that alone. I don't know where Wilmer is and I can't do this alone."

She nodded, "I'm not going anywhere."

We got put in a room and they check between my legs as I got strapped to multiple monitors. "She's dilated! Nine centimeters... TEN CENTIMETERS!"

I let out a moan as someone injected the epidural into my bloodstream and it kicked in immediately.

"Okay Demi it's time to push." Saffy appeared above me as they put my feet in stirrups.

"She can't die." I whispered, looking up at her, "She hasn't even seen them born yet. I can't do this."

"Demi... you have to do this. I've looked up to you my entire life. You are strong, you are a warrior, and you can do this. You need to do this. You need to shut everything out and focus on the two beautiful babies that want to come out into this world."

I shook my head, "A world of pain and suffering. I couldn't even protect Izzy from it."

Saffy shook her head, "Don't think like that. You're gonna have these babies. Now, PUSH!"

The pain, was excruciating, but it was over shadowed by the pain I felt that my daughter was fighting for her life. I didn't even know if she was alive, but I had to believe she was. I had to tell myself that she was alive, and would be awake by the time this was over.

Alexander Eduardo Valderrama was born at 9:46 on August 14th weighing 7 pounds 2 oz

Mia Alicia Valderrama was born at 9:58 PM on August 14th weighing 6 pound 2 oz

They were perfect, but as I held them in my arms, I couldn't be fully happy. I didn't know if my other child was alive or not. I felt nothing but dread in my heart. It was two hours after I got my babies that Saffy came in the room and told me Wilmer was outside. I tried to read her face but she shook her head.

"I don't know anything, i just saw him walking here."

I gently put the babies in their cribs, and leaned back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as she squeezed my hand and walked out. I heard footsteps, but refused to look at the source of them. I wanted to pretend she was okay for another minute, to convince myself that she would make it through this. I wouldn't be able to survive if she doesn't. Finally, I felt Wilmer take my hand and I looked down at him.

"I'm so sorry Demi, she's gone."

THE END

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:)

Please don't kill me.

AAAAAAANYWAAAAYS

I had a lot of fun writing this book and I love that you guys kept following me in whatever emotional, heart-clenching journeys I took you through.

I sincerely appreciate every single read, vote, share, and comment that I get on all of my stories.

I love you all.

Stay Strong.

-Rachel

P.S: Lovatic_Chica <-- Feel free to yell at me on twitter.