CHAPTER 70- Crazy

Demi's POV 

        The second I hung up the phone with Jake I ran out of the bedroom and downstairs where Wilmer was in his office and jumped onto his lap, holding him tightly. 

"Demi?! What's wrong?! What happened?" He asked, obviously alarmed by my entrance. 

"She's okay. Izzy she's safe." 

Wilmer blinked, "What?! How do you know?" 

I smiled, "Jake called me, she's staying with him and she's safe. She needs time, but Jake is gonna try and convince her to to come home soon." 

Wilmer stood up, "What are we waiting for?! Let's go get her. Send the police there!" 

I shook my head, "She needs to come home on her own Wilmer. If not she'll just resent us even more." 

He rolled his eyes, "She'll get over it. I'm calling the police." 

"No!" I grabbed his arm, "Give it a few days, let her make her own decisions Will. We can't force her to do anything." 

Wilmer eyes me as if I was going crazy, "You're the one who was going insane without her and having nightmares and now all of a sudden it's like you don't even want her back?!" 

I gaped at him, "Of course I want her back you fucking idiot! I want her back in my arms more than anything else in the world but I want her to want me back too. I don't want to force her to come back because that means it's only a matter of time before she leaves again and I don't know if I'd be able to handle that." 

He shook his head and pulled his arm away, "I'm sorry Demi, but she's my daughter too and forgive me if I can't wait for our seventeen year old daughter to come to her rational senses and come home." 

I could feel tears coming to my eyes, "No! Wilmer please don't do this! She'll never forgive me because she'll think it was me who called the cops and you know that's true!" 

Wilmer sighed "I'm sorry." 

I shook my head and stepped away, "No you're not. You're not sorry because you're being completely selfish. I cannot believe you would do this."

He shrugged and took out his phone, dialing a number and putting it to his ear, staring at me with a sad look. "Detective Hughes? This is Wilmer Valderamma. I have new information about my daughter's case." 

I couldn't listen anymore. I walked out of the room and into the bedroom, curling up under the comforter and beginning to sob. She'd hate me, she'd leave again the second she got the chance. I immediately regretted saying anything to Wilmer, why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut? They'd find her and drag her kicking and screaming back here where Wilmer would ground her and lock her in her room. She'd think it was me, who called the police. She'd blame it all on me no matter how many times I told her the truth it wouldn't matter. After a few minutes, Wilmer walked in and stood in the doorway with his arms crossed. 

"They're sending a team over there to do a search in the city and alerting the precincts over there." His voice was flat, emotionless. 

"Are you fucking happy now? She's going to hate me even more." 

He shrugged, "At least she'll be safe." 

"She is safe!" 

Wilmer glared at me, "She's not staying with her ex-boyfriend!" 

I gasped, "Is that your reasoning behind this?! You don't want her staying with him?!" 

"No!" Wilmer defended, but I could see it wasn't the whole truth, "I'm doing this for us, because I want our daughter back and one day you'll thank me." 

I shook my head, "I'll never forgive you for this. It's like I don't even have a say in the matter." 

He shrugged, making me want to punch him in the face, "I'm sorry you feel that way. But it doesn't matter to me that just now you decide to be a mom while I've been a dad my whole life." The second the words left his mouth, he clapped a hand over it, his eyes going wide with horror. "Demi I didn't-" 

"Wow." I interrupted, "That's just great well you know what? Fuck you. I'm done. We're done. Just get out I don't even want to fucking look at you right now." I was crying now, but I didn't care. He didn't know how much he hurt me, he didn't even care. 

"Fine." Wilmer said, putting his hands into the air and backing out of the door, "Come get me when you're done being crazy." 

My breath caught as he slammed the door, crazy. He'd called me crazy. He knew how much I'd sobbed over that insult in the tabloids or on twitter. He knew the amount of times I'd held the razor to my wrist with my old demons screaming that in my mind. 

Who said anything about being old? 

Haven't you realized that we're never going anywhere? 

Don't tell me you're that stupid. 

I slid down to the floor and clutched my head in my hands, "No. Shut up." 

Come on Demi, no one would ever know. Remember the clarity you used to get? Remember the feeling of relief, the numbness. I bet you'd kill for that right now." 

I was on my feet and walking to the bathroom in a sort of trance and I sat on the toilet and took my razor, systematically dissembling it so I held a single blade in my fingers, watching it glint in the light as I allowed the other pieces to clang to the floor. Everything was in slow motion, my senses heightened dramatically as I watched in wonder, my fingers caressing the sharp steel blade. Time slowed as I watched the blade make it's way to my wrist, resting delicately on my thin skin where I could feel the blood pulsing underneath. 

Just one won't hurt. 

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-Rachel