Cohen

Why did I kiss her? Why did I tell her that I like her?

   We were supposed to just be friends, and temporary friends at that, but now I've messed it all up because I was too damn curious to find out what she tastes like. Well, I am glad I have that answer. She takes good. Really good. She let me be in charge of that kiss, but I could tell she was as into it as I was. God, it was good and I want more.

   But we sat together for a while afterwards, not talking at all. I felt regret, but not about the kiss. It was about the fact that I still haven't told her that I dated her step-sister for almost all of senior year.

   I walked her half way home and gave her a hug and then let her go, only knowing I'll see her again on Friday, at the hut. Two days. I have to figure out how to tell her about Lola, but it feels like I've waited too long, now. I don't want her to find out some other way and be mad at me, so I have tell her. I feel like maybe things will be okay.

   Why the hell did I kiss her?

   I have a dream about her that night. We are in my bedroom, though and she's just sitting next to me, looking at me the way she does. She's not saying anything. And then suddenly she's telling me to kiss her. So I do.

   I wake up with a massive erection and an empty bed. It's 5am and I'm surprised I slept at all. It was after 1am before I even tried to sleep. Now I'm wide awake, So I make some coffee and listen to music to try to pass some time. I have to work most of the day but until 9A.M. I'm free to do anything I want. I want to see Teegan, but I know I need to chill out on that until I can tell her my secret. I decide I'll call her today and tell her. If she hates me for keeping it a secret, so be it. I'm crossing my fingers she doesn't hate me.

   I make some toast and watch a game show before showering and then I slip into my sandals and head out to start my walk to work. It only takes ten minutes to walk down there and I'm surprised to see Luke there, when I go in.

   "You don't work today," I say, flipping open the book we use to sign in.

   He grins his goofy smile at me. "Wow, good observation Ryder."

   "What are you doing here?" I ask.

   "My cousin's in town visiting tomorrow, so I'm signing out a paddle board for the day, before they are all booked."

   "Ah."

   "Have a good one," Luke goes on, then slips past me. "Oh, uh, party tomorrow?"

   "No, thanks," I say quickly. "Parties and me don't seem to go well together."

   Luke chuckles and smacks my back with his hand, turning back towards me. "Pretty sure Rexy is coming."

   I roll my eyes. "Of course he is."

   "You need to loosen his leash a bit," Luke says, but laughs.

   "I don't have him on a leash," I retort, shaking my head.

   "Okay. If you say so."

   I watch Luke go and can't help but wonder if that's what everyone around here thinks. Rex isn't my kid. He can do whatever he wants. But he chooses to lay low with me. Doesn't he?

   I literally think about this for my entire shift. At 7P.M, I'm surprised to see my boss, Reese, Teegan's mom, at the counter. I'm just finishing up the paperwork from the day and tallying totals for the spreadsheet. This is the part I don't like because I worry about messing it up, but so far so good.

   Reese is tall and her dark hair is around her shoulders as she leans in and smiles at me.

   "Hi," she says, seemingly happy, for now.

   "Oh, hey." I look up from the tablet and give her a smile. "I'm just finishing up."

   "No rush. I just came to check in, and I have some extra end of the month stuff to do here."

   It's already halfway through July, which is crazy. I don't know if she means end of June or July but it doesn't matter.

   "Okay. I'll be done here in ten minutes," I say and go back to what I was doing.

   She disappears and then is inside the building a minute later, staying back in the other area for a few minutes. When I'm done, I slip on my shoes and tell her I have two boats to take back to the cage. She nods and lets me go, but when I'm back, she's talking again.

   "Can I ask you something?"

   I look up, curious. "Of course."

   "Your mom is Jasmine Ryder, right?"

   I nod, even though I'm surprised by this. She knows my mom?

   "I'm sorry about your dad. I didn't really know her or you when it happened..."

   "Yeah. Thanks."

   "So... she moved you away just after the funeral?"

   Why is she asking me this?

   "Yeah. My mom's family is in SD."

   "Ah, okay. Well, I only heard a bit through my husband but... Lola was pretty upset about it all."

   There it is. She does know about me. She knows I dated Lola and that I left without a trace or a goodbye.

   I swallow hard. "Yeah. Well, I did leave without telling her. But I thought it would be easier." I shrug and just hope she understands.

   "Cohen... you came back and I heard you needed a job so I told Kelly to set it up. I didn't realize it was you at the time but ... it's all good."

   "Okay," I say, wondering what else she's about to say.

   "It's just... my daughter. She's sweet and she's still getting the hang of being here, in this small town where people talk. She doesn't need any drama, alright?"

   "I know." I nod.

   "But you're friends with her, and you dated Lola. Teegan hasn't mentioned this to me so I'm assuming she doesn't know-"

   "I don't know how to tell her."

   Reese nods. "I understand. I just don't want Teegan to get hurt:"

   "I don't either. I'm going to tell her today. If she never talks to me again, I guess I'll have to deal with that," I explain, and I mean it.

   She smiles at me and says, "You seem like a good guy and you've been dealt some bad stuff. Teegan's leaving, though, and getting attached isn't a good idea. I already know that for myself."

   "Okay," I say because I don't know what else to say.

   When I leave the hut half an hour later, Reese is still there. I pull out my phone and text Teegan right away, as I walk slowly away. The sand is hot and dry under my feet.

   Hey. You want to hang out tonight?

   If she says no, I'll call and tell her over the phone. I have to tell her be fore she finds out some other way. I'd rather tell her in person. I'd rather be able to see her reaction and gage whether or not we might still be able to be... anything.

   I'm just heading home from a walk. I'll text you in a bit? she sends back.

   Okay. This is good. I have a bit of time to figure out what to say. I'll tell her that I didn't want to lose her as a friend. I'll tell her that Lola means nothing to me now. I'll tell her that I never meant to hide this from her.

   I'm home and sitting outside, drinking a beer when my phone rings. I see it's Teegan and my stomach flip flops. I just kissed her last night and I can't wait to kiss her again. I hope I get to kiss her again.

   "Hey-" I answer, but I'm cut off.

   "What the hell, Cohen?" she yells into my year.

   "What-"

   "Your ex girlfriend is Lola? My step sister?"

   My stomach drops. She knows. She found out somehow. Why didn't I just tell her when I had the chance?

   "Teegan, I-"

   "I can't believe you. I trusted you and I thought we were actually friends. I let you kiss me, and you..." She sounds so disappointed in me.

   "Teegan, I'm sorry."

   "Sorry? Really?" Now she's yelling.

   Fuck.

   "I was going to tell you-"

   "Right. Well you should have told me a long time ago. Because I feel really fucking dumb. And I know you ghosted her, too. I should have known you were... not what you said."

   "Teegan, I am." My heart's beating too fast. This should not be happening.

   "Don't get in touch with me, okay? I'll be switching my Friday shift, too," she goes on, anyway.

   This is not happening. No. It can't be.

   "I... please..."

   "Bye, Cohen."

   I should have known. I did know, actually, that this would happen eventually. I should have told here when I took her down to Pirate's Cove. Or even last night, before I kissed her. I was selfish, and I didn't want to risk losing her. But now that has happened anyway.

   I drop my phone into my lap, stunned. I finish my beer and then scoop up my phone again. It's only a bit after 8P.M., and I know Rex is still at the scrimmage game, but I call him anyway. His voice mail clicks on so I leave a message.

   "I need you, Rex. Come over when you're done. I really fucked up."