Cohen

Teegan is in my bed, wearing one of my band shirts, her shorts open. I'm ninety-nine percent naked, literally only going out of bed to retrieve a condom so we can have sex. My heart is still pounding because while I've thought about having sex with her numerous times over the last few weeks, I didn't think it would be so soon.

  She slept over last night and having her in my arms was the best. I slept like a baby. She woke me up by giving me a hand job and it escalated quickly. It feels like a dream.

  But her dad is calling. And she's about to answer it.

    "Hey, Dad." She pauses, to listen. "Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean, I guess that's fine. If that's all there was available." She pauses again. "I know that. Yes." Her voice is quiet but it's cracking and I can tell she's sad, immediately. "Yeah. Okay, thanks, you too."

  When her phone drops to my bed, she looks away. She doesn't look at me or meet my eyes, she intentionally looks the other direction. I scamper back into my bed and pull her into my arms, knowing. She's already in tears before I can get her close. Shit.

    "Teegan, what's wrong?" I ask her, because I can't stand that she's upset.

  She tucks her head down so it's laying on my chest and takes a deep breath. "I'm fine. Sorry. My dad was just..."

  I want her to tell me, but I also don't. It probably has to do with her leaving Avila Beach and I don't want to hear those words. Not today. I don't care about sex or anything like that right now, I just want her to be happy.

  I just hold her close to me for the next hour. We don't really move or talk or anything, and when he gets up and goes to the bathroom, I get up and get dressed.

  She doesn't have to pick up the kids until 3P.M. and it still early, but when she comes back to my bedroom and looks at me, I just know our day is not going to go how I pictured it.

  "I shouldn't have answered that call," she says, sitting back down on my bed.

  "Oh, Teegan, it's fine," I say quickly.

  "No. We were... ugh, I feel stupid."

  I'm at her side as fast as possible and pull her into my arms. "Don't say that. We have time for that. I can wait."

  She ends up laughing slightly and looking up at me. "You sure?"

  "It's been... four months. I can wait." I kiss her head and squeeze her against my body.

  "You want to come back to my house for a bit?" she asks, and it surprises me.

  Firstly, she called it her house. She's always only called it her mom's house. Second, she's inviting me there? This is big. She must see my surprise, because she goes on.

  "If you don't want to, that's fine."

  "No, I do. Yeah. I just need a coffee first," I tell her.

  "That sounds amazing," she finishes.

  Downstairs, I start the coffee maker while she sits at the tiny table against the wall. Her hair is down and around her shoulders and I keep my eyes on her as we sit and drink our coffees for the next few minutes. I know we're only eighteen. We're practically still kids. But it doesn't feel like that. I've been on my own for almost a month and I think I'm doing alright. She's living with her mom for now but she'll be off on her own soon, having to take care of herself. Shit. When the thoughts of her leaving Avila enter my mind, it makes me want to punch a hole in the wall. Sitting here in the quiet kitchen of my favourite place with her feels so right, so special. I know it's all going to fall apart soon enough. But I need this for now.

  My phone dings before we leave and it's Rex, texting:

  Dude, come play frisbee with Luke and I down by the pier

I clear my throat and feel torn for a moment. I so rarely say no to Rex. I generally jump at his offer to hang out, and I'm pretty cool with Luke, too. But I'm with Teegan and knowing it's temporary makes my heart hurt.

Maybe later. I'm just hanging out with Teegan, I send back to him.

He texts again as we are walking hand in hand down the gravel road, back to Teegan's house. I slip my phone out and check it.

Fine, let me know if youre coming.

I hate that I can't tell if he's mad or not. I mean, Rex likes Teegan. He knows I like her a lot and that I'm finally actually with her. He can't be mad at me for that, right?

I kick some rocks and we keep walking up to Teegan's house. We are still holding hands as she pushes the front door open and we step inside. The house is pretty quiet and memories of being there a couple of times with Lola rush back to me. My phone says it's 11A.M. so I like knowing we have a few hours to hang out before she has to pick up her siblings from daycare. I slip off my shoes and follow her through to the living room but stop dead in my tracks when I hear a voice.

"Teegan? That you?"

It's Francis, Lola's dad. For whatever reason, I assumed Teegan wouldn't bring me here if he or her mom were home. I'm like a frozen statue, unable to move or breathe.

"Yeah, it's me," Teegan answers, and she doesn't seem concerned about this.

I stay quiet as she leads me through the hallway and towards the stairs. I have no idea if Francis knows I'm with her. I don't know if he knows about me and her at all. It feels weird because I've done this before with Lola. I'm holding my breath as I step into Teegan's bedroom behind her and she shuts the door.

"You look kind of freaked out," she tells me, and then walks across her room.

"Oh? Um, no. I'm fine," I say, lying through my teeth. "I guess I haven't been to a girl's house in awhile."

She thinks about this and then looks over at me. "Is it weird because this is Lola's dad's house? I mean, did you ever come here with her? Oh, God. I didn't think of that."

"No, I mean, yeah... but..." I put my foot in my mouth. "Sorry. Teegan... I'm-"

"Hey, it's fine. My bad for not realizing it would be weird. I mean, this is where I live at the moment. I didn't know Francis would be here, but I never really know when he's going to be here." She comes back over to where I am but she's looking at me carefully. "Do you want to leave?"

"No. I'm good," I say quickly, hoping she believes me.

    "Okay."

She goes over to her laptop and clicks a few things and then some music starts playing. She sits on the edge of her bed and looks at me, smiling.

    "So, we actually almost..." Her voice trails off but I know but what she means because I've been thinking about it almost constantly since this morning.

    "Yeah," I manage to say, sliding my body closer to hers.

She smiles again and puts her hand on my leg. "We can't... you know... do that, but we can..."

And then she's kissing me, her hands at my waist and her lips against mine, hard and rough. I am still thinking about her step dad, downstairs, so I don't kiss her back right away. I stay still, but don't pull away. She comes closer and pushes open my mouth with her tongue, and just like that I forget everything and start kissing her back. My hands go to her face and I pull her to me.

A moment later we are laying down on her bed, her legs around mine, her body crushing me so perfectly. Of course things are moving fast now between us - we know how it feels and that we like it. We're like magnets drawn together, unable to resist. She is perfect, flawless, beautiful, as she looks down at me and then attaches her mouth to mine again. I want more - so much more - and I know she does too. I've turned off my brain and all I care about is how I can make her feel good. What can I do to make her go crazy? She's grinding against me and I groan, pulling her tighter, sliding up so I can kiss her neck. I'm practically biting at her because of how much I want her and she's moaning softly at every touch.

I'm clearly not thinking because I let her reach down and pull off my shirt. I'm really not caring about anything as I tug at her - my - shirt and get it over her head. God, it all feels so good. I don't know if I've ever felt like this, wanted someone so bad. Giving in and letting myself feel this feels freeing and I really, really like it.

And then there's a quick knock and Teegan's door is opening. I can't react fast enough and Teegan rolls off of me just as Francis - her step dad - appears in the doorway.

"Teegan-" He doesn't finish the word because he sees us and he turns away.

I look away too and hope he doesn't recognize me, and Teegan reaches for her shirt. It's all a blur and the door closes again but not all the way. Teegan is standing next to the bed and I'm just laying there, confused, shirtless.

"Sorry!" Francis calls out, then adds a laugh. "Teegan, I just wanted to tell you that I can get the kids from daycare. I didn't meant to... interrupt."

Teegan rolls her eyes and lets out a breath. "Okay. Thanks."

The mood we had going just a minute ago is gone, once again. She shrugs and sits down, pulling on her shirt. My shirt. I like it on her. But now I just feel off. I should have listened to my brain. I shouldn't have let us get to that point and I shouldn't overreact now, I know that, but I do.

"I should go," I spit out, grabbing my shirt. "Sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"What?" She's confused, looking at me like I have two heads.

"I shouldn't be in your bed, Teegan, Not when your stepdad is here. It's not right." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them.

"But it's fine at your house? Cause it's empty?" she asks, and I close my eyes for a second, then two.

"I don't know. I don't know what's okay and what's not," I tell her.

All I know is that I'm embarrassed that her stepdad saw us topless and making out and I feel like that is something that I should have been more careful about. I let my dick do the thinking and it was a bad idea. My mom would be so disappointed in me.

    "Go, then. If you want to go." She's looking at me carefully and she shrugs like she doesn't care.

I know I don't want to go. I want to be with her but now my reaction to all of this has messed that up, too. I nod and stand and then walk towards the door.