Cohen

Well, now I know her name is Teegan, so she doesn't have to be mystery girl anymore. She works at the damn rental hut. And if nothing else, I'll get to see her for ten minutes on Fridays. I have no clue why that makes me feel happy, but it does. And I'll take what I can get when it comes to my happiness.

   I don't know what it is that makes me feels a little goofy when I see her. I forget how to form sentences. At first she just irritated me. Then I found out that she's Lola's step sister - I guess - which annoyed me even more. But I have so many questions. Why is she here? For how long? When did her mom marry Lola's dad? The problem is, she doesn't know that I know who she is. So I can't exactly ask her any of these questions.

    Before I leave work on Friday, I want to tell her about the party. I want to say Hey, there's this party. I might go. But I don't say a word about it. I might not go anyway.

   Rex is gone to Santa Barbara for the day with his mom and his little brother, so I walk home and make a sandwich and sit in the backyard, alone. I listen to the bird chirping and think about how my dad used to sit in the same spot and point out different birds to me. I stare at the old swing set in the corner of the yard that was there when we moved in. Margo used it a lot, then. Sitting out there by myself makes me think too much. And it makes me sad.

   I left my phone inside the house and an hour later when I go in - because my skin is feeling like it's burning - I have a handful of texts. Great.

   Got your number from Rex. How was your first solo shift?  from Luke.

   Hey Co. You've been gone almost 3 weeks and you haven't called. Miss u, from my sister, Margo.

   And then there's two picture messages from Rex. One is his aunt's dog, a massive German Shepard and one is a horse race track. The added message says I'm betting on Starlight.

   I type back a few quick texts but I really just want to ignore it all. I tell Luke it was good, and I don't mention Teegan. He answers again, telling me to drop by the hint tomorrow before noon cause my first pay cheque will be there. Sweet. Good news, finally.

   To my sister, I text back sorry, I've been busy. Which isn't true at all. I feel bad for leaving her there with our sad, grieving mom. She knows why I left though. She knows that I needed a change.

    To Rex, I send back a mind blown emoji and type Your mom took you to a race track to gamble?

   Truth is, I'm sad too. I have been almost constantly since March. I deal with it by running and listening to loud music and, now, drinking beer in my back yard with Rex. He doesn't drink but my neighbour is a forty year old single man who buys me a case of beer when I ask him to.
Before March, I was your regular seventeen year old. I had a girlfriend. I had a best friend. And I had my dad, who was supportive and awesome - God, I miss him.

   The rest of the night, I spend drinking two beers and watching a movie. I remember my mom's words about eating so I make sure I cook up some burgers, too. When it's dark out, I decide to go to bed early. I haven't gotten enough sleep lately and I'm thinking that I can catch up a bit.

   My phone rings when I'm changing into sweat pants and a t-shirt to sleep in and plop down onto my bed.

   "Hey," I answer, knowing it's Rex.

   "Hey dude." It's good to hear his voice. "How was your day?"

  Do normal eighteen year old guys call each other and ask about their day? I don't know, but I'm glad for Rex. "Boring. I worked til 2P.M. and have just been chillin'. You home now?"

   "Yeah we got back, like an hour ago."

   "Nice. So you were betting on the races?" I ask him with a laugh.

   "My aunt loves horse racing, I guess. It was pretty fun," he tells me. "As of now I can go to the party! That's actually why I called."

   My stomach tightens. I don't want to disappoint Rex right now, but I have no desire to go to that Fourth of July party with a bunch of kids who obviously don't like me that much.

   "Your dad's not going to change his mind?" I ask instead.

   "He might. But my mom's on my side tonight." Rex laughs. "Just be ready to go, kay?"

   And of course, even though I want to do the opposite, I agree.

  Two hours later, I am still laying wide awake. I'm staring at the ceiling and thinking. I wasted time looking at social media. I even looked at college websites. I hate when I can't sleep, it's the worst feeling. Finally, a bit after midnight, I decide to go out for a walk. The fresh air will help and walking might make my body tired. At this point I'll try anything.

   I slip into my sandals and go out the front door to the main road. It's pitch black and warm - I'm sweating before I even get to the corner. When I turn, I can see the beach. Even though I'm not well liked anymore - not that I ever really was - I love it here. My dad loved it here. When I get my feet into the sand, I take off my shoes and start walking. I don't have a destination but I know there's only so far to go before I'll have to turn back. By then, maybe I'll be able to fall asleep.

   I've been walking for about ten minutes when I see a shadowy figure coming towards me. I'm surprised since it's so late but I move over a bit so we can pass each other. It's not until the figure is close that I notice who it is.

   Teegan - the girl who I've been thinking about, with her long dark hair and dark eyes - is out walking on the beach after midnight? Why? She doesn't look up as she passes so I know I have to say something if I want to get her attention. She has no idea it's me until I clear my throat and say her name.

   Her head shoots up and she looks shocked until our eyes meet in the dark. And then she looks... relieved?

   "Oh, god, hi... you freaked me out," she says, but I'm just glad she's stopped.

   "Sorry. I just noticed it was you," I tell her. "Um, why are you out here so late?"

   She shrugs and I can tell she doesn't want to tell me the reason. After a minute, she says, "I like the dark, quiet beach."

   "How was work tonight?" I ask, because it seems like a normal question.

   "It was good, I guess." She shrugs again. She's not really giving off any vibes that say she wants to stay and chat.

   I'm feeling confident for some reason, though, so I don't think twice before I say, "So... you know Luke?"

   "I do. I mean he trained me at the hut."

   "Same." do I tell her that I went to high school with him too ? "So he told me that there's this Fourth of July party tomorrow."

   "Tonight?"

   "What?"

   "Well it's after midnight. So it's tonight," she corrects me.

   She has a serious look on her face but I smile anyway. "Right. So-"

   "I know about the party. Lola told me. I assume you know Lola?"

   Now I can't tell if she's being serious or not. It seems like she doesn't know that Lola and I dated. I don't know what she knows about me but I feel like I know more about her. I want to come off as if I'm carefree about this summer, so I nod. She waits for me to say something but I don't.

    "You're going to the party, then?" she asks. Does she want me to go? I wish she'd give me a bit more to go off of.

   "My buddy wants me to go. But I don't know yet. You?" I tell her.

   Now, finally, her expression changed. "Nope."

   "Oh, I thought -"

   "Not interested in hanging around with a bunch of fake teenagers who act nice but really they have crazy girlfriends who throw beer at you." This all comes out fast and I can tell she's talking from experience.

   Her long hair is down and falls into her eyes. But she doesn't push it away. I want to reach forward and tuck it behind her ear. I just want some reason to touch her. It's crazy how she's the first girl I've felt anything like this about since my dad died. I mistakenly thought Lola would be waiting for me - and that I wanted that -  but now Lola is like a distant memory.

   A moment later, I piece everything together. "Luke's girlfriend threw beer at you?"

   She  nods but looks annoyed. "I am not going to that party."

  "I don't blame you," I say, plainly.

  "I should get back to the house. I don't want my mom to realize that I keep leaving in the middle of the night to walk the beach." Teegan looks out at the water before meeting my eyes again.

   I have about a million more questions for her but for now I have to let her go.

    "See you out here again, maybe?" I ask and I don't miss the faintest smile on her lips as she turns to go.

   "Maybe."