Katrina Johnson

Sometimes, the best thing to do when we lose control of our life is to fall back from everything and take some time off. Our soul often needs to withdraw from negativity and bad choices. Taking time to heal ourselves is the only way to nourish our souls with light and hope again.

I was exactly in that state. It was safe to say that since that night with Mason, I had completely and utterly lost control of the reins of my life. I needed time for myself and for my soul to heal. I needed time for my broken heart to mend. It was a nightmare.

I didn't see my friends as much, including Pablo, I tried hooking up with a guy I never met before just to take Mason out of my mind but it didn't work. And, to top it all, I didn't always go to work anymore, and I knew I would be fired soon, but to be honest, my mental health was more important than any job could be.

Now that I think of it, I don't understand why I was so scared of losing my job. I'm good at it, and would certainly find another in no time. I just closed myself to other opportunities and other options, it was depressing. I was the best in my year and if it wasn't for Aiden's infidelity I would probably be a great lawyer just like Pablo.

Regret was an awful sickness eating at my soul bit by bit while I sat in a corner doing nothing about it. I've never regretted my choices before, even when they were made out of fear. Fear of failure. But tonight, as I was comfily snuggled into the comfort of my bed watching 'The white queen' on Netflix, I was indeed regretting a lot of things. One of them being my current professional situation.

"Katrina!"

I was startled by my mother's voice coming from the corridor and adjusted myself in my bed looking at the door.

"Katrina!" She opened the door out of breath, "There was an accident just by Sandy's house, she just called..."

"Who was it? Was it bad?" I asked looking at her with worry. It certainly wasn't Dad or Noah since she was kind of composed and not acting crazy. And it couldn't have been Scar since she was in Princeton. But it certainly was someone we knew since she bothered to come over and tell me the news.

"Oh, it was bad. His helmet rolled off his head and he hit his head pretty hard..." She paused looking at me.

"Who was it? Who's the lunatic that was driving a bike in the middle of a snow storm coming?"

"The lunatic that was coming to see you!"

"Me? Mom!" I jumped to my feet "who the hell had an accident! You're killing me!"

"It's that Walton boy... the one who had dinner with us a few months back."

"Mas..." I quickly took my fuzzy pants off and reached for my jeans pulling them up "Mason? Was it Mason?" I took off my pajama top and put on a woolen sweater before reaching for my boots.

"Yes, Mason. He was unconscious when they took him. Sandy said she didn't know what state he was in apart from the fact that he was unconscious."

"Where did they take him?" I opened my closet pulling out a coat and scarf.

"Forest Hill hospital. They'll transfer him when he wakes up I think."

"I'm taking your car!" I ran out of my room going straight to the bowl near the door where her keys were, ignoring her pleas.

"You'll go tomorrow! The snow is getting heavy, please Katrina!"

"I'll drive slowly." I rushed outside before she could stop me and drove straight to the hospital. Why Mason? Why? I groaned pushing back the tears when I saw what was probably his bike at the side of the road. Why would he drive a Ducati in this weather? This was crazy!

I ran inside pushing through the crowd of people until I reached the information desk.

"Hi! I'm looking for Mason Walton, he was just brought in."

The lady typed away on her computer and nodded "Yes, he was brought here a couple of hours ago. Are you family?"

"No,"

"I'm sorry I can't let you in or give you any information hun."

"I... I'm his girlfriend!" I lied out of panic. She looked at me for a second not believing me but let out a sigh.

"Room 221 A, it's in the VIP area in the east wing."

"Thank you, thank you so much!" I ran toward the east wing and climbed the stairs two at a time. I reached the door, 221 A, and paused, afraid of what I might see. I took a deep breath and knocked twice going in when I heard a faint 'come in'.

"Oh, Mason!" I covered my mouth when I saw his bruised face. He was asleep, his arm in a cast. I looked to his side and found his parents. "Mr. and Mrs. Walton, hi, I'm sorry." I gulped taking a step closer to him.

"Hi, Katrina." Mr. Walton Stood up, "I'm getting coffee, do you want some?"

I shook my head sniffing and trying to stop the tears from coming. He nodded and left after squeezing my shoulder. I looked up at Mrs. Walton and she was in tears as well. I went to her intending to comfort her with a hug, but we ended up both crying.

"Is he okay? I mean, of course not, but is he going to be okay?" I asked as I sat next to him on his hospital bed.

"He's still unconscious. They are running tests, but, we're hoping he's not in a coma."

"A coma?"

"He hit his head pretty hard Katrina. And he hasn't woken up since. But it's too early to decide, the doctors will know for sure in a few hours. But let's hope not."

"Oh my God, this is all my fault!" I covered my face shaking my head.

"Why would it be your fault Katrina? He was the one riding his bike when it was snowing. He never did that before."

"He had the accident in my neighborhood. I think he was coming to see me." My voice was laced with sadness, pain, and guilt.

Mrs. Walton raised both eyebrows, "I thought you two weren't talking anymore? He told me you ghosted him. Why would he go see you? He has a girlfriend... He..."

"A girlfriend?" I felt what was left of my heart shatter into even tinier pieces. So this whole love thing was just from my side? He was fast in moving on.

"Yes, he's been seeing Eloise for the past couple of weeks."

I said nothing. What could I say to that? He had clearly said she wasn't his type and now he was dating her? I shouldn't even be thinking about that now. All I wanted was for him to wake up and get well. Everything else didn't matter.

"Look Katrina, I don't know the details of your relationship with my son. But the smile I saw on his face when he brought you to dinner meant the world to me. And you were behind that smile. I know he has feelings for you, and I was surprised to learn about him and Eloise, to be honest. But I hope you're not here to break his heart again. He's been through enough."

I wiped my tears away and met her gaze "I love him. I have my insecurities to deal with, but I love him with all my heart. I never meant to hurt him." I looked at him and took his hand in mine. "I lied at the front desk, that I was his girlfriend. They wouldn't let me in and I had to see him."

She chuckled "It's okay. His real girlfriend won't be coming tonight. Her phone is off and we couldn't reach her."

"Can... I" I took a deep breath "Can I stay with him?"

She looked unsure but shrugged "I guess I can send his dad home and We'll sleep each on a couch."

"Thank you!"

There was a knock on the door and his sister came in crying. Her mom hugged Helena soothing her as Adam came into view with Zachary Walton. They were his family, and I was an intruder, but I couldn't leave him. My heart wouldn't let me leave him.

I sat in a corner after getting a few glares from Helena. She was angry with me, and she had every right to.

"Eloise is on her way, she just texted."

Mrs. Walton glanced at me and nodded "let her tell them she's his cousin."

"Why?"

"Because Katrina told them she was his girlfriend."

"You!" Helena crossed the room and towered over me while I sat on the window sill. "Why would you lie about it huh? Haven't you done enough damage? Don't you think you hurt him enough?"

"Lena!" Adam came over and grabbed her by the shoulders pulling her away from me. "This is not the time nor the place!"

"I'm sorry... I'll leave."

"Yes, you do that! You always run anyway!"

I bit back a sob and left the room in a hurry. I kept running not seeing where I was going but I didn't care. I needed to breathe, I needed to calm down. I couldn't be seen so broken by anyone. I never allowed it before and wouldn't start now.

I found myself outside of the hospital and sat on the nearest bench not caring for the snow or the freezing wind that was slowly picking up. I pulled up my legs to my chest, rested my forehead on my knees, and let it all out.

As bitchy as Helena was, she was right. I always ran from him, and maybe this wouldn't have happened if I didn't run after that special night we shared. My mind was filled with maybes and what-ifs, as I lifted my head and saw Eloise rushing in followed by Jason and his wife.

They were his friends, they were the people that were always present in his life, always there for him. But who was I? I was no one. I was just an outsider, just a heartbreaker, just a coward sitting in the snow and drowning in self pettiness.

With shaking hands, I pulled out my phone from my pocket and informed Noah. I dropped back my head, hugging myself from the cold. I had ruined everything, and I deserved to be shunned away and hated.

"Katrina?"

I slowly looked up at Mr. Walton as he extended his hand to me. "They all left. Come on, let's go upstairs."

I shook my head "No, Helena is right, I've done enough. I'll wait here until I know he's fine and then I'll leave."

"Come with me, Katrina. Your dad would kill me if he knew I let you stay out here in this cold." He smiled and so did I at the mention of my dad. It was weird they were friends in high school. I took his hand and got on my feet. "God, you're freezing! Let's get you inside sweetie."

He led back the way to Mason's room.

"Oh, you're back! Come on Zachary, let's go see the doctor, he has the results."

"Alright love."

They both gave me a warming smile before they left me alone with Mason. I took his hand in mine and put it to my trembling lips, kissing it gently.

"Come back to me Mason," I leaned in and kissed his forehead.

"Don't leave me."