i didn't go woth my dad and now i feel even worse. i started feeling sick in the stomach, i get a really painful stomachache when i'm too stressed, so i didn't go because i felt it would worsen.

i've been crying the whole day, my stomach is still aching, i feel so so so guilty, i have scratches all over my arms and marks where i dug my nails into, everyone is angry at me, my mother is barely talking to me. you know, everything is perfect.

i even scared myself when i caught a glimpse of me in the mirror, my eyes are swollen and red, i look completely dead. i saw no emotions in my own eyes, even when my head is an aching mess right now, and that scared me. have i reallly mastered hiding my emotions so well?

i don't even know where i'm going with this, but i feel horrible. and i deserve every second of it. i'm a fucking jerk, i can't understand why i haven't killed myself yet