i don't want to go with my dad. i feel like a bad child, but i really really don't wanna go.

i've finally been establishing a routine, i've been exercising, i have started projects with my mum, i've been rearranging my room and i'm really happy with the results, i've been really centered and focused, which is something nearly impossible for me to accomplish.

and now he's ripping it away from me. i have to travel tomorrow to the main city of the country to meet him there, some days later i'm gonna meet my grandmother (which i despise) and then i'm gonna be forced to attend a meal with some people i have met once in my entire life. and tHEN i'm going to travel 10+ hours in a car with my sister, father, and step-mother. i'm spending new year there, probably forced to stay until past twelve in a huge meal with plenty of people. and then i'm coming back until january 7th, one day before i go back to school.

i'm sorry, but i have no energy for that. maybe y'all are good with people, everyone may love you and shit, but i'm not like you. i get a knot in my throat whenever i try to speak, i feel nausea at every single stare and sound, my chest tightens so much breathing becomes an impossible task, i get the urge to scream and hide in the farthest and darkest corner i can find, my stomach starts up a war with itself, i get massive headaches nothing dan calm, i feel lightheaded, my vision gets blurry and dark spots dance cumbia in front of my eyes. i physically can't take the stress the minimum socialization causes me. please, i beg you.

you may hate the fact i never get out of my house, but please understand i'm better like this. i love my house, i love spending my days in it, i love the lack of human interaction this brings. i don't like going out at all. i don't like travelling for too long, i miss my house. please, don't take me from here.

please, please, please, please. try to understand just this one time. please