No one seems to understand I'm not okay. No one can see my efforts to reach out for help. Me and my issues are invisible to everyone.

I shouldn't even be surprised. I've spent my whole life like this -the invisible child, the mascot-. I've never had a voice for something else than comforting, reassuring my family and friends everything will be alright, advising everyone the best I can, even though I have no experience whatsoever against most issues. For fuck's sake, I'm fourteen! I should be fooling around with my friends, not carrying the entire weight of my family and friends on my shoulders.

I know all of this, but I can't even do something about it. I've tried countless times to ask for help. I've tried to tell adults I'm not okay. I've shot doctors pleading looks when I walk past them, hoping they'll somehow notice I need help. I've tried mustering up the courage to call a line. I've tried telling my friends about it.

No one has been able to help me. My best friend tries, she allows me to rant to her about anything and everything, she calms me down when I'm on the brink of a panic attack, she gifts me lovable words. But, after all, she's just a child like me. She doesn't even live in the same city anymore.

My mum and all the other adults in my life are too caught up in their own problems to notice mine, even when they want to be there for me. I just tried talking to my mum about Sulli, but I was too anxious she'd be annoyed, so I just told her "I can't understand how people are so cruel", hoping I could slowly direct the conversation into the specific topic. I ended up listening to her cry over my sister for the millionth time (I'm not saying it's not important, but I really needed to talk it out). I guess I'm never going to be able to be a little selfish.