jesus fuck, grief will hit like a truck out of nowhere.

i was just minding my business, trying to do my pending assignments. i go to take a shower and start sobbing?? i managed to calm down but i haven't been able to stop thinking about my cousin now. i can't accept that she's gone forever.

sometimes grief will hit and i'll even manage to share a story, smile through the hurt—as wobbly as it may be—and go on with my day. but today is definitely not one of those days.

i can't even concentrate on my homework, despite knowing that this specific assignment is very long and worth a huge percentage of my grade. misery has made a home in my bones and it's weighing down my limbs.

am i even allowed to grieve? i wasn't ever close to her, and we had just started to share a few moments. but we've seen each other grow up. she was always the kindest of my sister's friends. i know so much yet so little of her. why does it feel like this?