i told my dad last week i need to go back to my house already and he was like "just stay for a bit more, just until i arrive" and i accepted, cause my grandmother just died and my uncle and sister need help, you know? my sister's depression is getting bad again and she's probably going to start medication soon, so,, she needs the support, i get it.

but i think he forgot my sister is not the only mentally ill kid he has. i feel paralysed, or as though i'm moving at 0.5 speed. i'm pretty sure it's a depressive episode, and i'm trying to follow some tips i've read to help, but i can't do them because i'm in a space where i have no control. for example:
-do your hobbies: my main hobbies are dancing, volleyball, reading, drawing, and listening to music,, i can't dance or play volleyball here, i read all the time (and it does help but not much), i don't have my materials to draw as i'd like to, and my cat just broke my earphones
-eat *insert specific foods that help increase dopamine levels*: i have no control over what i eat cause my sister and uncle do the groceries
-watch your favourite show: i was gonna do it yesterday because it does help but it was late and i went to sleep a bit of the day off, and today i can't cause my earphones are broken
-go outside and take in the sun: tHERE IS NO SUN HERE, THIS IS THE CLOUDIEST MF PLACE IN THE PLANET ISTG I SEE THE SUN LIKE ONCE A WEEK FOR 5 MINUTES
-cry: bby i've been wanting to ugly sob since like july 25th but i haven't been in my house for almost two months, i have no safe space here and crying where people can know make my anxiety skyrocket so :[

the others are the typical tips that don't help cause no depressed person ever has the energy to do those things, so,, i'm screwed i guess

on the bright side,, uhhh my literature teacher congratulated me on the exam we took on cronica de una muerte anunciada (the book she told us to read during break), she told me my description of the scene of santiago nasar's death is one of the best in all of the groups she teaches! i got a 9.5 in the exam and a 9 in the diagnostic test we take every year with her. so those are two things that have been helping me