yes it's me again

today's upsetting thing started out by my mum asking me if i was hungry, and i replied that i didn't know, because i truly struggle to tell when i'm hungry and have to take a while to examine myself and determine whether i need/want to eat or not, and then she called me down to eat,, you know, she ignored the fact that i told her i didn't know and just served the food. i figured it was better to go down and try to eat, i tend to be able to do so even if i'm not hungry, so I did just that

the distress started because today for some reason it's very quiet, and my mum wasn't talking as she tends to do every moment i'm with her, so i started getting upset because of the chewing sounds, and i tried to calm and distract myself by rocking back and forth. i continued eating, trying to ignore both mine and my mum's sounds, but my mum suddenly goes "can you stop moving??" and i started feeling really anxious so i stood up and tried to pace, when i remembered i was not finished taking my clothes down from the rack, and went to do that because i'd otherwise forget again and then become confused as to where my clothes are. my mum starts asking me what i'm doing and where i am, and i tell her i remembered my clothes and was taking them to my room, and she scolds me yet again but now cause I'm not finished eating, and i tell her i'm not hungry,, you know, the truth, aND SHE STARTS GETTING MAD

i put my clothes in my room, and just went down to clear my place at the table,, i tried to be nice and tell her to eat well but she's very obviously mad and didn't even reply to me,,, like sorry but i'm really not hungry at all and can't bring myself to eat when i'm so distressed